Full transcript of Tony Verheij’s TEDx Talk: How to find the right partner at TEDxTwenteU conference.
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Tony Verheij – Author, Love Guide
So how many of you believe in love at first sight? Thank you. I let you know that when it comes to love, we think exactly — we still think exactly the same as the Neanderthal. We just have a slightly different mating ritual.
My name is Tony Verheij and today I will tell you the secrets: how to find the right partner right now.
And I’m having a dream marriage, and I’m waking up next to my dream every morning. And I’m living with my dream for almost 10 years. And we’re still madly in love. And that got me wondering: why are there so few people truly happy after 10 years?
So I started to investigate. I read books, I visited seminars. And how many of you have read the book of John Gray: Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus?
This is my second presentation ever, so have a little bit patience and I see the clock ticking. But John Gray — he has a real great explanation about how love and attraction works from the past and the present but he has no real solution for the future. So today I will talk to you about the future of love, about your future.
And bear with me, I only have four minutes. So I want you to open your ears and open your eyes and open your mind and open your heart, because this four minutes will blow your mind. The formula of true love in just four minutes.
So how many of you have had parents that were still kissing while growing up, or grandparents that were still kissing while growing up? OK, thank you. Well, I didn’t. And sometimes people start off with a wrong partner. But they don’t want to fail, so they keep motivating themselves, they keep on struggling. And if people would only know how to find the right partner and how to keep the right partner, there would not be so much struggle, there would not be so many divorces.
So what would this world look like if a child grows up and it does not suffer from the pain of his mom and dad fighting, or it does not have to suffer from the pain of a divorce? So what would this world look like if a child grows up and sees his mom and dad holding hands and love each other till death?
And just be conscious about how love works, because love does not work in mysterious ways. There are three main components to love: it’s biological, it’s chemical and it’s mental.
And biological: from the end of fall till now, men and women they fit well together and, yes, they fit well. And that our instincts tell us to look for a woman with broad hips, and it tells the woman to look for a man with a big potential. We all want certainty.
Chemical. So I have an eye-opener for you. There is only love at first sight because love blinds us. When you fall in love with the wrong partner, we are blind to it. So some find out they have the wrong partner when they are even 60, 70 or even older. And when our biology, our body, our hormones, this chemical factory in our head, it makes us behave as people we are not. So we start off wearing a mask. And when we never clean the house, then when our date comes, then we clean the room and we start to walk different and we start to talk different. And the women, they act different.
And based on that, we create false expectations. So our partners fall in love with someone, we are not. So when our biology — when our chemistry is wearing out and when our biology is getting less attractive — less attractive is previous one — but the when the biology is less attractive, we still have the same partner. So besides our physical — besides the physical part, there is still the mental part. So you still want to wake up 30 years from now and still be in love with the same person. And you don’t need — you don’t need not to build possibilities, you just need one, you just need the right one.
And I have this presentation, it should take for you minutes less. So if we can skip a few of that — if we can skip a few of the slides, all I have for you one is one more question.
Here this one. When a man wants to touch a woman, he needs to touch your heart. And when a woman wants to touch a man’s heart, she needs to touch him. And all I have for you is one more question: how many of you are single? OK, so keep your hands up and look around, because that’s not for me to check, it’s not for me to check. But you just heard the formula for true love and so the date.
So if you show your real face to them they will show you their real face. And if you open up your heart, they will open up their hearts.
My name is Tony Verheij. Thank you for sending me your future wedding cards.