I do accept all this. Then I had to give myself space to really investigate like: ‘Okay! Like what am I feeling?’ Like so really kind of connecting my thoughts, to my emotions, which sounds really basic and I don’t know. It just wasn’t there. I think most people aren’t.
Tom Bilyeu: That process of… this is so useful right. And I don’t know if you have a sense that this is so unique to, you’d never be beneficial. But like I get this question over and over and over like no how to become aware what they are going through.
Tucker Max: Yeah. Listen I’ll talk about it. So I mean all I can do is tell you what I did, right. Like I’m not going to stare in well… ‘Here’s the eight ways to do it!’ And I don’t know. I can only know my path.
So for me like that’s why I picked psychoanalysis because it’s intense. You were going four days a week an hour a day. So for four years I did this. And what you’re doing when you go is – it’s not like it’s not a good analyst and I had a pretty good analyst – it’s kind of like the classic image of like you know laying on the sofa and the analyst is kind of behind you. It’s like that.
It’s mainly you’re talking and then about what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, and then they essentially do their best to present basically a mirror to you, right. So they ask questions or they point things out. And they never say what you’re doing is wrong. Almost never give advice. They never tell you what’s right or wrong. They’re definitely not judgmental. It’s very accepting. It’s very like they care. It’s very caring, but it’s also very reflective/
Ed Mylett – Stack Gratitude
Ed Mylett: I had a really good friend of mine that I went to lunch with and he said ‘I don’t know who this guy is here in front of me. And he goes. Let me ask you a question: Honestly right now what are you grateful for?’ And at the lunch I said, ‘Jack! Nothing brother! There’s nothing good in my life, right now!’
And I’m not exaggerating this to you when I tell you this. And this is a factual story. As I’m mouthing these words two people walked in with an older man both of them clearly were fighting cancer somehow. Both had lost their hair. One of the ladies had a bonnet on and they were barely moving in. Both walked by our table and gave me the most warm greeting, the warmest smile as a stranger. And he goes, ‘That’s pretty freaking pathetic! You can’t find anything in your life to be grateful for you right now?’
And on the drive home – I’m not kidding you – I started to stack gratitude. I started to take inventory. Because if you can find things to be grateful for in that space, man, your life is going to be rich when there really are external things to be grateful for…
So my first mechanism out of that space was honestly to stack the things I was grateful for. And I started reinforcing it over and over and over again. And what happens is there’s this reticular activating system (RAS) in our brains, right! And all of a sudden because that’s the messaging I was giving myself. All of a sudden, all these things start to come into my awareness that I’m grateful for!
I started to magnetize myself to some people that I needed to find into my life and that was the next layer. I started to see things to be grateful for:
- my health
- my fitness
- people who loved me
And what it did was, it changed my state. When I stacked gratitude I changed what I did in the morning and I changed what I did in the evening. And so somehow by grabbing control of my morning and by grabbing control of my evening, I got some measure of control over the middle of my day.
I was an out of control person, back in those days, meaning this – I woke up worried, stressed, fearful, and I immediately start thinking about a bill I had to pay. Something that was wrong and I’m in a state of reaction to begin every – I am talking within six minutes of waking up, six seconds. Most people listening to this, that’s what they do.
I said I got to grab control of my morning. And I set up routines in my morning. Maybe they served me, maybe they didn’t. But they were things I could deliver on doing for myself.
And so not only did that give me control over the day but I started to stack my self-confidence