Here is the full transcript of Dr. Joan Neehall’s talk titled “The Happiness Control Panel: Your Key To A Joyful Life” at TEDxTrinityBellwoods conference.
In this talk, clinical psychologist Dr. Joan Neehall introduces the concept of a happiness control panel, a metaphorical tool allowing individuals to access happiness on demand. She emphasizes that happiness is not determined by DNA alone, advocating for the active choice and cultivation of joy through various methods. Neehall discusses the importance of flow, a state where one is fully immersed in an activity, and the concept of time affluence, which prioritizes meaningful activities over work.
She shares personal experiences, including her transformative journey while hiking in Tanzania, illustrating the power of determination and the infectious nature of happiness. The talk also highlights the impact of habits, gratitude, and social interactions on mental well-being. Neehall concludes by citing William James, stressing the significance of choosing one’s thoughts and habits to alleviate stress and lead a purposeful life.
Overall, her talk is a compelling blend of personal anecdotes and psychological principles, offering practical advice on achieving sustained happiness.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Understanding DNA and Well-being
What if I told you that DNA does not in any way determine your well-being? And what if I also said to you that you can be happy every day of your life? Imagine, if you will, that we have a happiness control panel and that we can access our happiness on demand. And that is the motherboard on your computer, if you will.
It resides in the prefrontal cortex in the brain. And when you use any of those options, it releases dopamine. And as you were saying to me, oxytocin, the love hormone, now I got your attention. Optimism is like a muscle; we’ve got to train it.
And what better way to do it than using the happiness control panel? Now this panel is built on solid research. It’s based on positive psychology. It finds supports from the works of people like Marty Seligman, Norton, Lubomirsky, Achor, Gilbert, and a lot more.
The Foundation of Positive Psychology
It’s also based on my research when I wrote my book on happiness. I collected data from over 14,000 clients over a span of 400,000 hours. So in positive psychology, we try to make you be a better version of yourself, and we don’t settle for mediocrity. We want you to be the best. How do we do it? We harness your strengths. We are no longer pathologizers. We say, “Oh, there comes my neurotic, let’s run away.” No, we’re saying, “You’re great as you are.”
Let’s make you even a better version of who you are right now, right? So how do we do it? Through the happiness control panel, 15 minutes, that’s one-five, every day. That’s all I’m asking for daily.
The Role of Our Psychological Immune System
Just as we have a physical immune system that protects us against infection, so too we have a psychological immune system. “There he is. Dan Gilbert said it. I didn’t, so you can believe it.”
And the psychological immune system is like this: It protects us. It’s like a buffer against stressors. And just like we can solve and strengthen our physical immune system through nutrition, exercise, and rest, so too we can strengthen our psychological immune system by using the happiness control panel.
And there’s something else that happens. There’s neuroplasticity that occurs, by the way, when we create new habits. “Cells that wire together will fire together,” and all of a sudden, it’s easier for us to create a new habit. If you don’t believe me, think.
How did you learn a new musical instrument? It became really fast, didn’t it? It was easy. Same thing with my habits. You start using those habits, and it becomes very easy to remember them.
The Power of Neuroplasticity and Habituation
Think. You remember the name all of a sudden of someone that you met just yesterday. That’s neuroplasticity. And I’ve got some good news to give you. Guess what? Neuroplasticity occurs well into old age, so there’s hope for people like us.
We can all learn, and we can all create new habits. That’s exciting. And what else? Habituation. When you practice these habits, Phillippa Lally points out that it takes approximately 66 days for it to habituate, for it to all of a sudden be like brushing your teeth. And I hope that’s automatic, or dressing yourself. You don’t think which shoe to put on first. That’s automaticity that occurs in as little as 18 days, that’s what the research says, or as long as 66. That’s the mean, okay?
It all depends on personality, life circumstances, and the behavior as such. So those are the three things going for my model.
The Role of Exercise in Happiness
So let’s talk about exercising. You see, I said it’s like a computer, because you’re going to put this on your screensaver, so it’s a visual cue for you. Which one did I pick? Exercise. I like exercise, because that’s probably the hardest one to get people motivated to do. Isn’t that true?
You know what happens? It’s like, “I want to do it, press the alarm, hit the snooze button, go back to sleep,” right? Okay. How do we get ourselves motivated to exercise? Well, I want to tell you that the research has shown that it does really elevate our mood.
But I don’t know if you know that recent research indicates that muscles releasing hormones causes us to feel happy during exercise. Yeah. Huberman found that when we exert energy, effort, it normalizes our dopamine system, and guess what happens?
We want to exercise. Do you hear me? We want to. So I decided I was going to use this exercise bit as part of my therapeutic arsenal. So in comes John, a 55-year-old male who is depressed.
He had seen several psychologists before. So he looked at me, and I looked at him, and I could see that he felt, “Well, what are you going to do for me?” And all I wanted to do was to give him an experiential tool, because this was a last-ditch effort.
I might never see him again, and I really wanted him to change. So I said to him, “What I want you to do is to go for a power walk for 15 minutes, 1-5, and smile at people.” I didn’t tell him that the mirror neurons in the brain would trigger other people to smile at him.
And to add insult to injury, I said to him, “When you get home, I want you to do depression and write down your depressive thoughts.” And then I said, “You probably don’t want to come back again, so it’s your choice. Think about it carefully before. Could be a waste of time.”
The Impact of Forgiveness and Gratitude
Well, the following week, he comes in, and he tells me his mood is elevated, and he’s no longer introverted. So what about the next one, forgiveness? When we forgive, we take back our personal power, and we relieve ourselves of that burden, that weight of holding on to a grudge.
Christian Weir pointed out in her research that when we do that, we have a boost in our physical and mental health. Did you know that? That’s what happens. So I like saying that when we use this option, we can also practice self-forgiveness. We can be compassionate with ourselves instead of the tyranny of the shoulds. “I should be perfect. I should, should, should.” No. “I’m just going to practice forgiveness.” Because you know why? That’s going to release dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter, and I’m going to want to do more of it.
So the brain is being primed to do it, and that’s exciting. Gratitude. That’s an interesting one, isn’t it? Because when we’re grateful, I think back to our ancestors. Do you remember our ancestors? You’re probably too young to know them, but they had a negativity bias.
They would look in the environment. They would be priming to look for predators. Why? Because it was survival. Now I’d like to believe, looking at you guys, that we have come out of the cave. We’re no longer there. Are we?
So what about priming our brains to look for positives? And when we do that, we have a mood that’s much more elevated. So Christian Francis, there are so many Christians going around the world, huh? Christian Francis is a psychiatrist, and she says we get a boost of dopamine once we practice gratitude.
Our mood increases, but immediately. So is it worth the while? I think so. Darwin wrote in “Evolution of the Species” that those communities displaying the highest amounts of kindness had a greater chance for survival.
So let me tell you a story. Liz Dunn is a professor at the UBC, and she takes her students. She gives them, she says to half of them, “Here’s $5, and here’s $20, okay?” She tells the other group, “Now I want to give you the money, but I want you to spend it pro-socially. This group, spend it on yourselves.”
The Joy of Kindness and Social Interaction
Now let’s see a show of hands. Which group do you think felt happier at the end of the day? The ones who spent it on themselves? “You guys are really smart.” The guys who spent it on others? And the ones who didn’t put up their hands? “What does that mean? I’m not too sure, but I think you’re being shy.”
That’s okay. When we do an act of kindness, we step out of our comfort zone, and you don’t need to spend money. You could just give a gift of yourself. Go and be compassionate to a friend who is in the dumps right now.
She just lost her husband. Do something. Did you hear how I procrastinated on this TED Talk? I proceeded to help a girlfriend of mine because she just lost her mom, and I go off and get flowers instead of preparing for this talk.
Talk about procrastination. That’s the truth, by the way. You know that. Okay. Social interaction provides a wonderful antidote to loneliness, and loneliness is a global epidemic today. What do we do with it?
Well, according to Waldinger, and he did the world’s longest longitudinal study on happiness, he says genes are important, but even more important would be social interactions to create happiness. So don’t we need that? We need to connect with other people, and you remember for the past three years what happened to us with the pandemic? It hit us in our sweet spot. We couldn’t hug. We couldn’t touch. We couldn’t see people.
Now we can, so we can look forward to the event, the anticipation of it, meeting, and then taking away the happy memories. That’s not bad. So, people tell me when I say you get to savor, they’re thinking of food.
Savoring the Pleasures of Life
Well, it could be food too, you know, because you’re accentuating a pleasurable experience. You’re using your five-sensory modality, so you might take a walk in nature, couldn’t you, and just be aware. Notice the nuances in nature, the colors, the smells, the sounds. It could be sitting and enjoying a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, whatever, but you’re accentuating it, and that’s savor, and it’s a really neat one to use.
Notice these are all choices on your happiness control panel, so I’m not saying you’ve got to get out there and be a marathon runner. I’m saying pick one of them, and just like our thumbprints are different, what’s wonderful in the system is that it caters to all of us. We can all pick something, can’t we? That’s my favorite one, flow.
Do you know what that one is all about? Flow happens. Tristan Milehigh actually developed it. He died last year, unfortunately, but what flow is all about is when your skill set matches the task at hand, and it’s particularly challenging, you experience flow. It could happen at home.
The Phenomenon of Flow
It could happen at work, so it’s a case in which the ego is no longer there. You don’t think about yourself. You’re no longer self-conscious. What you’re doing, actually, is you’re so focused with what you’re doing, the task at hand, time stands still.
Bodily functions disappear. No hunger, no thirst, no need to void, nothing. You’re just totally immersed with the task. Has anyone here experienced flow? Yeah? Hey, that’s great. Did you enjoy? Yeah.
It happened to me recently when the pistol was to my temple, and I had to create this talk. You know it. I mean, I had three days to prepare a talk. That’s the truth. I was in flow. Here he is. I had to show you a picture of him because he’s my hero, and this is what he says. He used to be a chess player, by the way.
Taking Control of Happiness
We’ve got some additional happiness control panels, and I want to encourage each and every one of you to add. It’s your control panel, so you’re going to add to it. I love the word ‘control’ because I’m saying we’re in control of our lives. We’re in control of our happiness.
It has nothing to do with DNA. Well, partly, but that’s only 50%. Let me talk about that in a minute. All of these are choices. The one I wanted to talk about is time affluence because more and more people today are focusing on fewer hours at work and more time, carving out more time to do things that are important to themselves, be it connecting with friends, going out in nature, taking in a concert.
People are hiring out tasks so that they have more time for themselves. Kisser, I don’t know if he’s a kisser, but his name is K-I-S-S-E-R. Kisser says that what we should do is put away our devices at night. Take some time to reflect or to read or to listen to music. I used to think it was just retirees who were guilty of time affluence, but now I see we’re all in it. That’s not bad, huh? Okay.
A Journey of Personal Transformation
Let me tell you something. Let me tell you a story of how I used my happiness control panel when I was in Africa. I was in Tanzania, and I decided to join a group of avid seasoned hikers. Their enthusiasm was infectious. Did you know that happiness is infectious, too? It’s like a contagion. It really is.
We don’t need to walk away from people and say, “You’re a walking pathogen.” You can come close to them because they’re going to infect you with happiness. Right? Okay. So there I am. Let me come back to talk. I had poles. I had no idea what I was doing with these poles.
They helped me. They showed me how to use the poles and how to climb high in the daytime and then just to sleep low at night to protect myself and acclimatize to thin air. So summit night arrives. I can’t breathe.
I feel my chest is constricted. It’s so tight. I can’t breathe. It’s like I’ve got a cast on from my ankles up to my neck, and I feel like I’ve got 100-pound ankle weights tied to my boots. I can’t move. And I think, “I’m going to be the weak link in the group.”
When darkness fell, I felt for sure now I’m going to throw in the towel. There’s no way I can do this. I felt really awful. My determination went right through the window. I couldn’t breathe. Then I looked up, and I saw an amazing procession of twinkling lights. They were my fellow travelers with headlights on, slowly in a switchback motion going up that mountain. My determination came back. My chest opened. I could breathe not too well, and I started moving.
The Summit of Achievement
Well, you know, not too pleasant. Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me. But I actually was moving. The cast had disappeared, and I couldn’t move. And then daybreak comes, and I have summited.
And I look up, and I still can see it even as I share it with you right now. I can see the sunshine twinkling like icicles up there in the mountaintop. It was like a fairyland, and I continued to see more. I wanted to see more of this. It was like magic.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could summit. It reminds me of people who have sent me emails telling me this has been a game-changer. Their lives have been transformed by creating their happiness control panel, by becoming ingenious survivors, as I say, not victims.
I’d like to close now with some words from William James, who said, “The greatest weapon we have against stress is our ability to pick one thought over another.” And I would like to say to you, it’s also because of our ability to pick one habit over another to transform our lives, to imbue it with meaning and purpose, and as we add to it, the happiness control panel.