Life & Style

A Motion for Masturbation – The Naked Truth by Jane Langton (Transcript)

And again why masturbation? Well, as Dr. Betty Dodson says, a pioneer in this field, “masturbation is the foundation for all human sexuality” and I believe it opens up the conversation to so many important other topics relating to our health.

People used to say years ago that I brought up the topic of masturbation to shock them. I’m sure I did way back then. But my wish truly is to inspire awesomely beautiful and healthy conversations with ourselves, our partners, our loved ones, our health care providers, and those we care for, about our sexual health, about intimacy, connection, touch, companionship, pleasure, whatever that is for you. Can you imagine the ripple effect those conversations will have on all aspects of our lives?

Now, men have the luxury and the burden of having their genitals right in front of them for them and the world to view. Few women have seen relishing their own genitals never mind another females except in pornography, but that’s a whole other topic. In fact, we seem to have mistaken our vulva for our vagina. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s no one’s fault in particular but for those who want to have an incredible conversation.

I have with me Dorrie Lane’s Wondrous Vulva Puppet. It’s great for a conversation starter. And it’s also great for a refresher in the female anatomy. I carry a smaller version around with me in a kit. And I’d love to have the male version if she is listening.

I also carry with me a vibrator. And I carry a vibrator with me because women need direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm. So I talk about this a lot. And most men have never considered the pleasures a vibrator can offer them, really.

And I also carry with me the female or internal condom, for men and for women, and you might find me in a local coffee shop doing a condom demo. If you ever run into me, ask for one. Really, why not?

Even though I’m an educator, I’m a human being first and my stories come from that place. We can truly learn so much from each other. Once we have the courage to share, whether solo or partnered, faced with an illness or disability, young or young at heart, then masturbation can have many benefits in the form of boosting self-esteem, reducing stress, reducing pain, helping us sleep, maybe even reducing the risk of incontinence and strengthening the pelvic floor. Incontinence affects many of us. So it just might help that too and it’s just playing good for us.

The World Health Organization states, “We have the right to sexual information and the right to pleasure”. It’s our right our entire lives. Some of the most amazing stories come from people in their 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond. Now I’m not just talking about penetrative sex. I’m talking about again intimacy, companionship, touch, connection, whatever that is for you. And I’m talking in part about what Cindy Gallop calls real-world sex in her Make Love, Not Porn TED Talk. She uses it to reframe an open healthy conversation about sex. Imagine if we thought about it that way, how would the world be different, how would your world be different.

I’ve often wondered what it would be like if I was unable to masturbate. Given it some thought, worried about it a bit over the years. Well, over the years I’ve also had the pleasure and the privilege in speaking with a number of people who were facing illness or who are living with disabilities. And I asked them what pleasure, intimacy and sexual expression meant for them. And some of them said it’s often top-of-mind.

Is it not human nature that if we don’t have access or can’t have something that we want it even more? And we may not consider a person with disabilities as wanting or needing pleasure, and how my access to pleasure improved our overall health. And what about the lover that now needs to be the caregiver?

I’m privileged to experience the positive impact I have on those who come into my life, allowing them to feel the freedom to express their own sexuality in their own way; it matters to me. It’s why I’m here. It’s the stuff that feeds my soul.

I had someone recently tell me that because of who I was being, they finally felt the freedom to express their own sexuality for the very first time. I bawled my eyes out when I understood the positive impact I had on their life.

I want to talk to the people who were curious, inspiring them to completely shift how they think about themselves. When they’re able to let go of who they thought they were supposed to be, they light up. Now they can be curious, and when they are curious, the world opens up. What would that do for the world to unleash that level of self-acceptance? What would that do for you?

I have one more story. It’s about a year ago, I was sitting outside at a coffee shop across from a lady, she was in her – well, I thought she was in her 60s – she was in her 80s, she later told me. And then we started talking about what I did because it always comes out. And then she said — she revealed to me – “You know, about eight years ago, I lost my husband. And it seems like yesterday”.

And then she leaned in close to me, and she said, “You know, we used to have sex every night”. I thought Wow! That is freaking amazing.

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By Pangambam S

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