Home » A Motion for Masturbation – The Naked Truth by Jane Langton (Transcript)

A Motion for Masturbation – The Naked Truth by Jane Langton (Transcript)

The first time I masturbated with someone else in the room, I thought my head would explode. I thought I’d have an aneurysm because it was taking far too long. I was wondering what was wrong with me. You know, it’s taking far too long. Everyone else takes much less time than I do.

And I thought that an intimate relationship started with being with someone else. And I realized it started with getting to know me, my body, what I loved, what I needed, what I desired, what I craved, what fantasies worked for me, all those things, and then having the courage to share it. And eventually though it took my partner bringing their kindness and patience into the exchange for it to happen. And it didn’t happen the first time, or the second time, or even the third. Eventually, though, it did. I know it’s freaking amazing. Afterwards I cried.

When I told a friend of mine that story, she said, “Jane, you have to share it. Can you imagine how valuable that story would be to so many people?”

I said, “Are you freaking crazy?”

I couldn’t imagine ever doing that. But I’m doing it because so many of us struggle with trying to get it right. I still struggle with it all the time. One minute, I know exactly what I want. I know how to communicate it to a partner. I’m as confident as can be. Next minute, I just want to run and hide. The curious thing.

No two people will enjoy pleasure the same way. Everyone is different and exploring is lifelong. We shouldn’t expect our partners to know how to pleasure us and vice versa. And a great question to ask, as Dan Savage says, is what are you into? In other words, what turns you on? And have the courage to say what turns you on especially if someone asks. I do get, it’s not always as easy as we’d like it to be.

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Dr. Richard Wassersug, a professor of evolutionary biology states, “Having sex is natural, talking about it isn’t”. It’s an evolutionary problem. From an evolutionary standpoint, we learned to have sex before we learned to talk. And I got that if I could talk about masturbation, I could talk about so many other things relating to my sexual health and my overall health as well, because this pleasure was good for me. It made me happy, gave me energy, helped me focus, craved my sinuses when I had a cold, gave me some stress relief when I was overwhelmed – it did really — and also comforted me when I was in pain. How could it not be good for me? But remember this is my experience. Everyone is different.

And again why masturbation? Well, as Dr. Betty Dodson says, a pioneer in this field, “masturbation is the foundation for all human sexuality” and I believe it opens up the conversation to so many important other topics relating to our health.

People used to say years ago that I brought up the topic of masturbation to shock them. I’m sure I did way back then. But my wish truly is to inspire awesomely beautiful and healthy conversations with ourselves, our partners, our loved ones, our health care providers, and those we care for, about our sexual health, about intimacy, connection, touch, companionship, pleasure, whatever that is for you. Can you imagine the ripple effect those conversations will have on all aspects of our lives?

Now, men have the luxury and the burden of having their genitals right in front of them for them and the world to view. Few women have seen relishing their own genitals never mind another females except in pornography, but that’s a whole other topic. In fact, we seem to have mistaken our vulva for our vagina. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s no one’s fault in particular but for those who want to have an incredible conversation.

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I have with me Dorrie Lane’s Wondrous Vulva Puppet. It’s great for a conversation starter. And it’s also great for a refresher in the female anatomy. I carry a smaller version around with me in a kit. And I’d love to have the male version if she is listening.

I also carry with me a vibrator. And I carry a vibrator with me because women need direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm. So I talk about this a lot. And most men have never considered the pleasures a vibrator can offer them, really.

And I also carry with me the female or internal condom, for men and for women, and you might find me in a local coffee shop doing a condom demo. If you ever run into me, ask for one. Really, why not?

Even though I’m an educator, I’m a human being first and my stories come from that place. We can truly learn so much from each other. Once we have the courage to share, whether solo or partnered, faced with an illness or disability, young or young at heart, then masturbation can have many benefits in the form of boosting self-esteem, reducing stress, reducing pain, helping us sleep, maybe even reducing the risk of incontinence and strengthening the pelvic floor. Incontinence affects many of us. So it just might help that too and it’s just playing good for us.

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