Full text of Paul Washer’s sermon titled ‘Are You Ready for a Relationship?’ – Biblical Manhood Part 2
Listen to the MP3 Audio here:
Paul Washer – Founder of HeartCry Missionary Society
We’re going to be taking a look at now something that ought to be a great concern for you. It ought to be something that also is something that brings you joy, the prospect of it, and that is marriage, and dealing with the opposite sex.
Now, we all are aware that there are some men and women like the Apostle Paul that have the gift of celibacy. And how do you know that you have that? Well, I believe that the Lord basically takes away at least most of your desire to have a relationship with the opposite sex or at least gives you the strength to overcome those desires and to live at peace with them. I have not known many people with that gift. And I would dare say that probably most of you here do not have that gift.
A lot of young men think that it’s more spiritual. Well, it can be spiritual or unspiritual because whether you have the gift of celibacy or you don’t doesn’t make you spiritual. What makes you spiritual is being in the center of God’s will for your own life.
And I can tell you this, that although there is still much in me that needs to change, I know that apart from marriage and children, I would not be the man that I am today. And I consider my marriage and then my children to be one of the greatest privileges that God has ever given me.
Now, we live in a culture that really does not think very highly of marriage. We live in a culture that does not think very highly of children. We kill babies every day. That’s our culture. A culture of death. And even those who are married, most Americans, I think it’s something like 1.3, 1.4 children that they want to have. Many cite this reason: economic reasons.
Look, we’re the wealthiest country in the world or at least close. And so we can’t have children. So it kind of demonstrates to us that we’re also a very selfish generation. Very selfish people.
HERESY OF RECREATIONAL DATING
And so what we’re going to talk about now is the heresy of recreational dating. Now I don’t know if you’ve heard the terminology. Most people use the terminology dating. Some people use the terminology courtship, which they’re trying to live out a more biblical way of meeting a mate. But it really doesn’t bother me if you use the word dating, although I prefer courtship.
But what I am against, and what the Bible is against, is what we know as recreational dating. Now what is that? If a young man came to me and said, you know, wow, I’m going out on a date with Suzie tonight. My next question would be, well, when did God begin to show you possibly that Suzie was the girl, that it was your time to start thinking about marriage and that when did God begin to show you that Suzie’s the girl that you think you ought to marry?
And the person says, what? What are you talking about? I’m not talking about marriage. I’m just going out on a date. That’s recreational dating. And it is a manifestation of our ungodliness, our selfishness. Now all of us have done it, because again, our people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.
You say, why are you going out with her? You have no intention to marry her. Well, let me suggest this, that you want to receive from her and from that relationship something that is only supposed to be given you within the context of marriage. But you want that without the commitment. You just want to have a good time with someone of the opposite sex. And that is selfish. And it’s dangerous. And it’s not manly. It’s not who we’re supposed to be as men in Christ.
Now, I just want to read something to you: The practice of recreational dating is so far removed from Scripture that it is not even addressed. It is a recent phenomenon that is not only not found in Scripture, but is hardly found in the annals of human history. It is simply the product of a godless and lawless culture that is motivated by ignorance and the flesh rather than the Scriptures and the Spirit of God.
Why do people date without any intention of marriage? Why? Here’s some of the reasons. One is to satisfy the lust of the flesh. Entertainment or immorality. You just want to be entertained. You just want to feel the thrill of that first look.
Another reason, it can be to satisfy heartfelt passions that may even be biblical, but not seeking them God’s way. In the context of a lifelong commitment to God and embracing the sacrificial demands of such a commitment.
Here’s what I’m saying. A lot of people, young men, have a heartfelt passion, a desire to be with someone of the opposite sex. That’s biblical. But you’re going about it all the wrong way. You’re trying to meet that need or satisfy that passion without a lifelong commitment.
Another reason is a consumer mentality: Test drives several models before making a decision. Well, the problem is this, young man, I want you to understand this. You cannot enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex without creating a bond. Even if there is no physical contact whatsoever, you cannot enter into a relationship without creating a bond in you and a bond in her so that when you are finally married to someone else, there’s two ways of looking at it. You go to the altar not a complete man because part of you has already been given to different women. Or you go to the altar not alone, but with all the women that you’ve already had relationships with. It’s just an impossibility.
And again, this is whether there is physical contact or whether there is not physical contact, it is an impossibility.
Now, also, one of the reasons why this is done is simply ignorance: My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.
Now, I want us to look at several things that are very, very important. We’re going to look at the time of courtship first. But before I do that, I just want to share with you something.
You know where Christ says that if you’ve hated someone in your heart, it’s as though you’ve committed murder. And if you look at someone lustfully, it’s though you have committed adultery.
Here’s what I want you to see. The thing that most comes out of these commands is that God cares about people. God cares about people because God is love, but God also cares about people because they belong to Him. He made them. And to deface them, defile them, even with their permission, is a horrendous thing in the eyes of God.
Now, as I was sharing with a young man just at the table there, I will go out of my way not to be a violent person. I’m a Christian. People can push me around. People can do all sorts of things to me I am not going to respond. But if someone intentionally, I knew, was going to try to hurt my daughter, they would have to kill me. It’s just not going to happen while I have breath in me. Hurt her in any way — it’s just not going to happen.
Now, if I being evil can love my daughter in this way, if I being a person who has renounced violence, but will become incredibly violent if you try to hurt my daughter, if I being this way, then what about a righteous God? The most dangerous things, or at least one of the most dangerous things young man you will ever do, is enter into a relationship with a girl who belongs to God. It’s the only case in Scripture where God says forget it. I’m not even going to answer your prayers.
I mean, I wish that you could see. And I know when older people told me this, I didn’t like it, but it’s still true. I have a daughter. I’m not a big man, a strong man. My body’s broken. But you’re not going to hurt her. You’re just not going to do it. I will come after you. I mean, the love that you have for your daughter is absolutely phenomenal. And to think that 16 years from now, some boy is going to use her on a date? No.
But now imagine God whom I love for my daughter can’t even be described as love compared to God’s love for His daughter. I want you to walk with that kind of fear. That kind of fear in your hearts. And it’s not just hurting them. You walk up to my daughter and you treat her like a boy, you’ll hear from me really quick. You don’t touch her. You don’t slap her on the back. You don’t wrestle with her. You don’t even talk to her like you would your friend. Or you’re going to hear from me.
I would that God would put the fear of God in your heart to treat girls whether they want it or not, because some of them don’t even want to be treated in a special way. But that you would treat them as they ought to be treated with dignity, realizing they don’t belong to you. And to realize that every little thing you do to that girl, you dishonor her father and you dishonor her God.
I used to use this illustration. And I’ll tell you, because it just points it out so clearly. If I walk up one morning, say it was the first day of deer season, I was going to go hunting. I’m all excited. And I wake up at 3 in the morning and I go out to my truck. It’s not there. And I’m pacing back and forth five, six hours looking for my truck. What’s happened to my truck? And all of a sudden, one of you young guys pulls up in my truck and says, Mr. Washer, I just want to take the truck around for a while. Here’s the keys. Thanks. It’s disgusting that there would be so much lack of respect.
And yet, you will go to a girl without ever addressing first her father and ask his permission to have anything to do with her. Now, you’ve probably never seen it in this way before. I know some of you guys. I’ve talked to you. You’re good guys. But you’re a lot like me. No one’s ever told you these things.
You will walk up to a girl and you will ask her out, or you will do something with her. I mean, if her father is just a decent man, she’s his life. And you’re going to go talk to her and ask her to go do stuff without ever honoring him to talk to him? To ask his permission?
And again, some of you guys have much greater character and integrity, I’m sure, of it than I had when I became a new believer. But I want you to start seeing things not through the eyes of your culture, but through the eyes of Scripture, through the eyes of human dignity, learning to restore honor where honor is due.
You see, this is extremely important. We’re a people who honor no one. Don’t do that. You go to her father. Now, he might just say, what are you even calling me for? I don’t care. That’s how perverse our culture has become. If that’s the case, go to her pastor. Go to someone in authority in her life. Try to honor them. This is very, very important. We’re going to talk about that.
TIME FOR COURTSHIP
But right now, we’re going to talk about the time for courtship or the time for you to begin entertaining the thoughts of having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
Now, first of all, I want to talk about the awakening. When young people are awakened to the opposite sex, it is not a sign to participate, but a sign to begin preparation.
Now, first of all, we ought to protect children. We ought to allow them to maintain in their state of innocence much longer than what’s happened today. You know, you see, seven and eight year old little girls that are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and this and that, and it’s sick. It’s just sick. It just shows you what our culture is. And adults egg it on, encourage it, and laugh about it. And it just shows how perverted our society is.
Little children ought to be thinking about building tree houses and playing with dolls and doing all sorts of things, but we are a culture that is just literally engulfed in sexual perversion. I mean, everything. Just everything. You can’t even buy a pair of tires without there being an advertisement that promotes this type of thing. This is the kind of culture that you live in. So we need to keep people protected, our children protected.
But once they do awaken to this, it is not a sign for them to participate. It’s a sign for them to prepare. Ok, now son, you understand this? Ok, now we even increase our training. Your father will now even increase more to teach you to be a man so that you can enter these types of relationships. You see?
LIE OF ADOLESCENCE
Now, I want to talk to you about the lie of adolescence and read some things that I’ve written. Adolescence is a lie. It is a lie. Ok?
Adolescence is usually defined as the stage between childhood and adulthood when a young person is discovering his or her identity and asserting his or her independence. It is the invention of evolutionary thought and is the greatest obstacle to a child’s growth to adulthood.
First of all, like I said earlier, adolescence is just something that has spun off from evolution. Ok? That there’s this period of time between childhood and adulthood where a child asserts its independence. What it’s basically saying? Where a child rebels.
Now, this is not found really in human history until it began to be promoted in western culture. That this child is expected to rebel. It’s supposed to rebel. There’s something wrong if the child doesn’t rebel against authority. That’s not in Scripture. That’s not biblical at all. Not at all.
Now, the result of adolescence. A youth passes to adolescence where he or she is allowed to participate in the privileges of adulthood without being required to assume the responsibilities of adulthood.
Now listen, this is very important. What would you do, even if the room was filled with 13-14 year olds, if I walked in and said tonight, I’m going to be addressing those of you who are adolescents. They wouldn’t be offended. Neither would you.
But if I walked in and I said, ok children, today I’m going to be talking to you little boys about certain things that are very important. Most of those young guys would be going, who are you calling a boy? Not a boy. Well then, what are you? Are you a man? No, I’m adolescent. See the advantage?
No one’s going to call me a boy even though I’m not a man. I’m in this stage of adolescence where I demand that people let me participate in the privilege of adulthood even though I can’t assume the responsibilities of adulthood. Let me play in the game even though I’m not prepared or deserve to be there or can even handle being there. Some of you are there. I don’t want to be offensive. It’s just true.
Would you define yourself as a mature man? Many of you would say, I don’t know. Well then, what would you call yourself? Well, no one’s calling me a boy. What do you want to be called?
See, you demand to be able to participate in all the privileges of adulthood even though you’ve not assumed the responsibilities of adulthood. That’s what adolescence is. So you can go out and drive your car and you can get drunk and you can have sex and you can do this and you can do that just like a man even though you can’t assume any of the responsibilities. Nor are you prepared.
Someone wants to go with me bear hunting with a longbow. I’m going to go, show me how you can shoot. Because when that thing charges, you better not miss. Let me see your technique. Let me see you put how many arrows in that bull’s eye at 30 yards? Let me see what you can do. Well, I can’t.
Well then, you don’t need to be bear hunting with a longbow. You need to be prepared. You need to prepare yourself. And again, let me iterate this because it’s so important for you to grasp ahold of this. What are you? We live in a culture where a lot of times my wife, she’ll sit there and go, sometimes she has to go to the mall and she’ll just come back and she’ll be infuriated. And it’s always the same thing. She goes, I don’t know if they’re not girls, they’re not men, I don’t know what they are. They have Adam’s apples, so I know they’re male. And they walk around the malls with their little flippy hairdos and their no chest, and they’re just bracelets and everything else, and they’re just walking around chasing girls. She goes, it’s absolutely pathetic. Where are the men?
But see, as long as you don’t have to be a boy, you don’t have to be a man, you can be in between. You can be an adolescent. You can be someone in that developmental stage. Put this in your mind. I think it’s very healthy. You’re either a boy or a man.
Now also put this in your mind. You earn the right to begin to think about a relationship with the opposite sex. It is not your right. You earn the right by preparing. When can you think about entering into a relationship with the opposite sex? When you’re a man. Until then, you have no business touching some man’s daughter. Calling on some man’s daughter. You have no business doing that.
I want you to just look at the university for a moment. Any university. In my day, the university was a meat market. I can’t imagine that it’s reformed and gotten better. I mean, even secular writers write on the Sodom and Gomorrah that universities are. The lax moral standards. Sexual freedom. All these different things that are going on that are just outlandish.
So let’s just look at this. You take, let’s say, small universities. You take 5,000 young men who’ve never been trained in manhood, never been trained in manners, respect, authority, nothing. They’re just a product of SpongeBob. Then you put them with 5,000 young girls who’ve never been tutored by a godly woman. They’ve never been instructed in piety, modesty, chastity, purity, anything. You put them together. What do you got? A modern university. And this is a reality.
And I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m saying this simply because it’s true. Simply because it’s true.
Now, people always ask me, well, what are we supposed to do? Well, it begins with you. You can’t go back and restart your life. I can’t go back and restart mine. I wish I had a different childhood. I wish I had different instruction. I wish I had known the Bible. All these different things. The fact is, I didn’t.
Now, there’s going to be things I’m never going to be. They’re lost to me. I started so late. Knew so little about manhood. Didn’t know anything about it.
Alright, but here’s the thing, the Reformation can start with my house. The Reformation can start with my children. I’ll never climb all the way up the mountain, but I can carry my family up the mountain as far as I can go, and from there, they can take off and have a better opportunity than I ever had.
You see, it goes back to that thing. You know the men come back from World War II? They work all the time in a factory because they want to give their children the things they’ve never had. I want to work all the time to give my children the things I never had, but they’re not material things. They’re godly things. They’re character, integrity, Christ-likeness.
Now, the danger of adolescence, as I said, the immature youth are allowed to participate in activities that require adult maturity in order to avoid serious harm. Also, since young men are allowed to demand the privileges of adulthood without ever assuming adulthood, they never become adults. They never become men.
And you see this, guys. I mean, they’re guys my age. They haven’t grown up. It’s still all about getting out of work, hanging out at the bar, going to basketball games with their friends. And going to basketball games with your friends, that’s not bad. But that’s their life.
I mean, that’s all they think about is just playing with the buds. You know, just hanging out, doing stuff. And I’m like, man, you’re 49 years old. That’s the kind of culture you’re growing up in. And you need to understand that. There’s a time for everything. It’s not that all things are bad. It’s a good time to be with friends. It’s a good time for doing what you did here tonight. All these things.
But we come out of a culture that’s consumed by these things. These things are just like you’re doing here tonight or like when you go out with your friends. Those things are wonderful, but they’re not the core of your life. You see that. The core of your life is your wife and your children. And more importantly than that, your God. And being everything He wants you to be.
Now, I want us to look first of all at an indispensable first truth. Both the young man and woman must grasp the ultimate divine purpose for marriage. They must move beyond romance to biblical reality.
Let’s look at some things. First of all, why marriage? Why a relationship with the opposite sex?
Well, 1 Corinthians 10:31, whether then you eat or drink or whatever you do, it’s all for the glory of God. It’s God, I want to carry out Your will. I want to do this for Your praise, Your glory, Your honor. This is all about You.
Ok, secondly, the advancement of God’s Kingdom. Jesus said, ‘Pray then in this way, ‘My Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.’’ I would have loved to have seen the face of Jesus Christ when He said these words. I think it would have been wonderful and it would have been frightening.
I mean, here was a Man who lived for the glory of God. Everything He did was for the glory of God. And when He spoke those words, ‘Hallowed be Your name.’ Your name throughout all created order. Your name be special. Be singled out above every name. Be given its supremacy. Your kingdom come. Your will be done. Everything He was was about that. That’s why you enter into marriage. That’s why you go to school. That’s why everything that you do, you do it that through you, God’s name might be worshiped. His kingdom might come. His will might be done. That’s why you exist. And it’s not claustrophobic. It’s what sets a man free.
You actually live for something. And you actually die for something. I mean, it’s like having every fiber of your body made alive, resurrected. To live this way.
Sometimes I forget about how many men around me live with no purpose. I can’t imagine that. But to live with purpose. And this is not just about being a missionary. This is not the language of a missionary or a preacher or some guy who gets smarter in South America. No, this is the word of every one of you. If you are Christian, if you’re an engineer, businessman, salesman, whatever you become, teacher, orthodontist, it doesn’t matter. Your entire life is geared around I do this thing. My primary purpose is the glory of God, that His kingdom come, that His will be done. I enter into marriage this way.
I enter into this relationship with this girl that God might be glorified in a way He could never be glorified if I didn’t enter in. That the kingdom would not come, the will of God would not be done, and the way it will if I enter into a relationship with this woman. That’s what Word is supposed to be about.
Now, in our marriage, one of the number one things that we do as men is we demonstrate to people what it looks like, the relationship between Christ and His church. When people look at my relationship with my wife, they ought to see what Christ’s relationship with the church appears to be.
Now, let me give you an example of how this works. Let’s say I come home from a long trip. I’m very tired, I’m wore out, and I’m sick. And I come to the door of my house. Now, my wife is a very godly lady, but this time, let’s just say that she doesn’t have a very good attitude about the whole thing. And let’s say she’s just angry and so many things are going on.
Alright? I open up that door. I have just been fighting battles for three weeks in Asia. I come home, I expect to be received almost like a hero’s welcome. But I get met at the door with problems and anger and all kinds of things, let’s say. Now, what’s going on? Christ has given me an opportunity. The sovereignty of God has given me an opportunity to represent what Christ looks like on this planet. To refer back to her with unconditional love with a relationship undefiled and incorruptible. And through that response to her, to actually teach her how she should be.
You see, marriage is supposed to represent Christ’s relationship with the church. Also, to raise up a godly heritage to the Lord. We read the passage about Abraham, didn’t we? In Genesis 18:19, “…For I have chosen him so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord.”
Marriage has the purpose of what? Representing Christ, but also demonstrating what the Father’s love looks like to children. And also, to raise up a godly heritage unto the Lord. And guys, I want to tell you something, this requires sacrifice.
Now there’s another purpose. I said the glory of God, the advancement of Christ’s Kingdom. Now here’s another. Conformity to Christ.
Now I want you to listen to something. You know Romans 8:28, God works all things together for good for those who love Him, called according to His purpose. Then it goes on and tells us what that good is. What is God’s good that He’s trying to do in our life? Conform us to the image of Christ. God’s greatest purpose is to give you the character of Christ.
Now, that’s the greatest purpose, I think, of marriage. To make you like Christ. A young guy comes to me and he says, man, I want to marry so-and-so. And I say, why? He says, man, she’s beautiful. I love being around her. When I’m with her, I feel really great. This is absolutely wonderful and we can talk. And when he gets finished, I say this to him, let me see if I understand you. You want to marry her because she meets all your selfish, self-centered desires.
And he said, no, that’s not what I mean.
I said, but that’s what you said.
You want to marry her because she’s beautiful. What are you going to do when she’s not beautiful anymore? What are you going to do when someone else comes along that’s more beautiful than she is? Are you going to do what most men do? Are you going to divorce her?
And you say you want to marry her because you can talk. What’s going to happen when you can’t talk with her, but you can talk with your secretary? Are you going to leave her? You see, so much of what we think is love is nothing more than us basing our life on our own selfish desires.
Also, people have this idea of love that’s mythical. It’s cartoonish. Let me give you an example. A man and a woman, they’re both married to other people, but they have an affair. And what do they say? Man, we just couldn’t help it. It was just love. It’s bigger than both of us.
What are we saying? Just think about what they’re saying. They’ve turned love into at least a personal or impersonal force that actually exists in the universe that’s more powerful than people and can cause them to do bad things.
You see? Well, I fell out of love. I’m not in love with her anymore. You can’t blame me. I’m not in love with her. See, love went away. It left us. It abandoned us. We’ve turned love into this force that can control people. That’s absolutely insane. That’s not love. That’s what comes in every movie you’ve ever seen.
Well, it was just bigger than the both of it.
What was? Where is this power? What are you talking about?
No, it wasn’t.
What was bigger than both of you was both of your lusts. It has nothing to do with love.
See, why do we marry? Well, later if we have time, we’re going to talk about all the wonderful things of marriage from romance to thinking your wife is beautiful and all these different things that are absolutely incredible. But the basis of marriage is this, God called me to lay down my life for a certain daughter of His. God called me with an irrevocable calling, just like He did call me to the mission field. He called me to lay down my life for His daughter, Rosario Casado. Now, Rosario Washer. That’s my calling. And it’s from God.
Now, if she’s beautiful, praise the Lord. If she’s deformed in an accident, not going anywhere. Why? This wasn’t about I’m marrying her because she’s beautiful. I married her because of an irrevocable calling.
And you say, well, we only got one life.
Not us Christians.
Yeah, a lost man can talk that way. I’ve only got one chance at happiness. I’m going for it. Go for it then. But if you’re a Christian, you don’t believe that.
You see, God has called you to commit your life to this person. That’s what marriage is. And that way, if it’s wonderful, praise God. If it goes down in the dumps, you’re not going anywhere.
Now here’s something very important about marriage. When you marry, a couple days after marriage, you’re going to go, what have I done? Here’s why. She’s not going to be the person you thought she was. She’s going to have weaknesses you didn’t even know about.
Ok? And, let me tell you, she’s going to have weaknesses in some of the areas where you most wanted her not to have weaknesses. Who did it? The devil? No, God. Why? Because marriage is about your conformity to Christ. And when we sum up conformity to Christ, it’s the learning of unconditional love.
And here’s the question: how can you learn unconditional love if you’re married to a woman who meets all your conditions? How can you learn to practice grace to a woman who does everything right?
See, you’ve got to ask yourself a question over and over. What am I about? Am I about this life, this world? Am I about me? Or am I about God, His will, and being conformed to the image of Christ? Do I want what God wants?
Guys, the whole world’s tearing itself apart because of selfish desires. What are the reasons for wars and everything else? Selfish desires. Why do people get divorced? Selfish desires. Self, self, me, me, self, self. No, we’re to die to self. And we’re to serve. And in doing that, we will find the greatest joy.
Now, I want to talk to you for a moment about the win of courtship for a young man. The biblical principle is simple and challenging. A young man may pursue a relationship with the office of the text after he has embraced adulthood and its responsibilities. If you have not embraced adulthood and its responsibilities, then forget about the opposite sex because little boys can’t do that.
I understand some of you guys in here can whip me in a fight, but know this, it will take two ambulances to haul us both off. I’m just trying to really whack you over the head. And this is the idea of, you know, you want to be an athlete, you want to be certain things, and that’s absolutely wonderful. And you know you can’t get there unless you prepare.
Some of you may have scholarships in sports. You didn’t get those scholarships by not preparing. One day a desire opened up in your heart. You wanted to play football or you wanted to play baseball or whatever. And so what did you do? You said, I want to do this. So what did you do? You prepared. And it meant you went without things, you cut off relationships, you did all kinds of things in order to prepare yourself.
It’s the same way. You’re sitting there going, I want a relationship with the opposite sex. I want to get married one day. Absolutely wonderful. Now prepare. Prepare.
Now, let’s look at some things that must happen in your life before you can think about the opposite sex. First of all, a man must be willing and able to separate from father and mother and form a new family unit.
Listen to what it says. Genesis 2:24, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to a wife and they shall become one flesh.
Now, first of all, it says, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. Not a boy. A man shall leave his father and mother. Leave is a very strong word. It’s translated from a Hebrew word meaning to leave behind, depart from, forsake, abandon, neglect. The point is not that we should neglect our parents. The point is that we separate from them and become a complete different family unit standing on our own. Guys, are you doing that?
Now, let me say something here. It’s very important. I wouldn’t have had to say this 500 years ago, but I do have to say it now. And it’s not your fault. It’s just the reality in which you live, so I want to apply this wisely.
You guys are in college. Some of you are noble guys. You work hard. You’re in college. You’re studying. And right now, you couldn’t leave your father and mother. You couldn’t support yourself completely, entirely maybe. A lot of things. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t be thinking about or even entering into a relationship in order to get married. Okay?
Because we do live in a different time. Some of you are noble. Some of you work hard. You’re studying. Maybe you have a job in this, but you can’t really break away. Maybe your dad’s still helping you with car insurance. Maybe he’s paying some of your tuition. I don’t want to take away from that.
But I will tell you this, if your parents are doing everything and you’re just at school and they take care of everything, then you just need to back off on this idea of thinking about a mate.
Now, if you’re a young man and you’re studying hard, your father approves what you’re doing, you’re working hard, you’re doing what you have to, and God brings someone in your life, go for it, okay? I don’t want you to think that I’m saying just because you’re in college you can’t be participating in some relationship.
But you kind of know what I’m talking about. If you’re a boy and your mom and dad are still taking care of everything about you, you don’t need to be thinking about a woman. If you’re going on now with your university and you’re working hard and you’re making progress and your dad can approve you and others around you see you as growing into a man, even though still may be dependent on your mom and dad, that’s okay, guys. That’s okay.
But it does say that we leave our father and our mother. I love my mother. After my father died, she raised me and my two sisters and she put us through college. She did all kinds of things. But when I got married, my mother no longer was the most important person in my life. I took care of my mother, but my wife is the most important person in my life. I joined to her. The Hebrew there means to cling, to stick, to stay close, to cleave, to keep close.
Now, let me read this to you: A new relationship with a spouse, with a wife, results in marked changes in other relationships. You change your relationship with your siblings, with your best friends, your co-workers, even co-workers in the ministry. This is particularly true with regard to the opposite sex. When a man says yes to his wife on the day of marriage, he is saying no to every other woman on the planet.
Okay? And you have entered into a new relationship. And a relationship that is a priority.
Now, again, I like to go hunting, kayaking, doing all kinds of things, canoeing, fishing, all kinds of things with my boys, with some of my friends, things like that. And I do that some. I’m not cut off from the rest of the world. But they’re not my priority. They’re not my good time. Okay? It’s my wife. My wife. It must be my wife.
Let me put it to you this way. And this is a really gross illustration. And it’s just a hyperbole. It’s an exaggeration. But it gives you an idea of what I’m talking about. If I’m in a boat and my wife and my three children are in that boat and I’m the only one that can swim and it starts sinking, who am I going to save? I’m going to save my wife. Now, I’m going to try to save them all.
But the point is, my priority in my life is a woman. I’m not one flesh with my children. I’m one flesh with a woman.
But here’s the good part of this. A man who loves his wife more than any person on this planet will have the happiest kids in the world. Will have the most secure children in the world. Because they’re looking at that going, dad’s not going anywhere. This home is like a rock. Okay? This is very, very important.
Do you know why they say there’s no love like a mother’s love? First of all, the Bible doesn’t say that. Now, I appreciate the statement, but here’s something I want you to think of. A lot of women love their children in a parasitic form. Because their husband is not meeting their emotional needs, they cling on to their children and feed off their children. And children were not given to a family in order to meet the emotional needs of the parents. And that’s why when a lady who’s been neglected by her husband has a son, and her son is everything to her, and then a young lady comes along and wants to marry that son, that mom sees that young lady as an adulteress, someone who’s stealing her son. You see how sin can just trickle down and kill you everywhere?
Important Signs Of Male Maturity
Now, important signs of male maturity. Okay, we’re going to look at what is a mature male.
First of all, a personal unaided devotion to God. When I say unaided, none of us are an island to ourselves. There’s no lone wolf Christianity. We all need other people. But if your Christianity only exists because of the strength of your father, the strength of your mother, or whatever, you are not to even begin to enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Please don’t do that to them.
Because see, when you enter into that relationship and you get married, you become the head. And there’s not going to be anybody there to help you. So it must be unaided devotion to God.
Let me give you a negative example from the Scriptures. King Joash. When he was under a godly authority figure, he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. But when he came out from under that authority, he did some very, very bad things. He departed from the Lord.
Listen to this, 2 Chronicles 24:1-2: Joash was seven years old when he became king and he reigned 40 years in Jerusalem. And his mother’s name was Zibiah from Beersheba. And Joash did what was right in the sight of the Lord all the days of Jehoiada the priest.
But now listen, 2 Chronicles 24:17-18: But after the death of Jehoiada, the officials of Judah came and bowed down to the king and the king listened to them. They abandoned the house of the Lord, the God of their fathers, and served the Asherim and the idols, so wrath came upon Judah and Jerusalem for their guilt.
All the while, he had someone over him, he reigned like a godly king. And as soon as that authority was removed, he abandoned the Lord. Look, before you think about leading some daughter of God, before being her head, before marrying her, you better be a spiritual man unaided by your father and your mother. You better be able to stand on your own.
In the end, Joash murdered Zechariah, the son of the priest who cared for him.
Now, also, there must be, first of all, important signs of male maturity. A personal unaided devotion to God. Secondly, devotion to God’s purpose in the context of the family.
And we’ve already talked about this a bit. You’re getting married not because the girl’s beautiful. You’re getting married because you believe that God has called you into that marriage to lay down your life, to bless a daughter of His, to care for her, to raise up a godly heritage to the Lord.
Now, another sign of maturity is this: Knowledge and application of the Scriptures. You know the Scriptures. You’re going to have to lead a woman. You’re going to have to teach children. You better know the Scriptures.
In Peru, on the Amazon, a lot of the pastors there use this illustration. The Amazon is a very dangerous river. Very dangerous. The current’s very strong. There’s a lot of water moving through there. But also, it’s dangerous because underneath the water, you can have these huge trees that you can barely see. Then they’ll rip a boat to pieces, ok?
And I’ve heard pastors describe men who were not men of the Scriptures, yet were heads of family. And he says it’s like a blind man going full speed in a speedboat down the Amazon with a boat full of dynamite and their wife and children in the back. You see, right now, you make a foolish decision and basically, you’re the one who pays. You make a foolish, unbiblical decision with your family, you hurt your wife, you hurt your children, and you will be called on the carpet by God.
Men always want to talk about their headship and their authority. Well, guess what? Headship and authority puts you in the limelight of God’s judgment. You’re responsible now for His daughter. You’re responsible for children that He has given you. And that’s extremely important, young men. That’s why I say it can be a fearful thing.
Listen to this. This is the way the king was to act in Israel.
In Deuteronomy 17:18-20, it says, “…Now it shall come about when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself a copy of this law on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests. It shall be with him, and he shall read it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the Lord his God by carefully observing all the words of this law and these statutes, that his heart may not be lifted up above his countrymen, that he may not turn aside from the commandment to the right or the left, so that he and his sons may continue long in his kingdom in the midst of Israel.”
This is what authority is supposed to do. If you’re going to become a husband, you become an authority. An authority of a family, and your whole life must be governed by Scripture.
But notice two things here that are extremely, extremely important. He says that your heart may not be lifted up above your countrymen. The person who has authority begins to abuse authority if he doesn’t walk in the fear of the Lord. He begins to do things and treat other people as though they were lower than him. And they do not realize that the reason they were given authority was to serve, not to be king. You’re given authority to use your authority for the blessing of other people. That’s why you’re given authority.
Also, that he may not turn aside, because if the king turns aside, he leads the whole country aside. In the same way, if a man turns aside, he leads his whole family away from God. And he will be held accountable.
Now, another sign of maturity is a Christ-like character. A Christ-like character. Now, this is displayed in Galatians 5. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Men, my wife’s greatest need, right now, I can tell you exactly what it is. My wife’s greatest need is that her husband be more like Jesus Christ. My children’s greatest need is that I be more like Jesus Christ. The whole world’s greatest need is that I be more like Jesus Christ. And you can say the same thing.
Now, Christ-like character is a pursuit that begins the day we’re converted, and it goes on until the day we die. And none of us, not even the apostle Paul, is going to reach perfection. But one thing you must do, men, you must be serious, not so much about what you do. You must be serious about what you are. Because what you do will flow out of who you are.
Men, we study the Scriptures not so we can fight with somebody doctrinally. We study the Scriptures that we might be conformed to the image of Christ. That’s why we do it. That’s why we need the Scriptures so desperately. We need prayer so desperately, men. It’s who we are that affects those around us, not just what we do.
Now, another thing that’s very important that shows maturity is moral fortitude. Listen to something here that is so not our culture.
1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul says, be alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
Now, I want you to notice something here. This is very important. He says act like men. That right there tells us that the Scriptures teach us that men act differently than women. You’re raised in a culture where you are told men do not act differently than women, and women do not act differently than men. You live in a culture where if men practice their masculinity, men are shamed by the people around them. They’re made fun of. And women are applauded for manifesting masculinity.
Men today are applauded for manifesting femininity, and women are applauded for manifesting masculinity. Go figure. Guys, don’t be pressed into their mold. He says be strong. I mean, I’ll tell you, I’m married. I’m married just the perfect woman for me. I’ll come in on the web, like 10,000 people are calling for my death. I just preach at a place where everybody wants to beat me up afterwards. I come home feeling kind of sad. My wife says what’s wrong? I say man, those guys won’t beat me up. Those guys are trashing me. It’s just like everybody’s against me.
She’d say they’re supposed to be against you. This is what you do. Man up. Go out there and fight again. It’s what you’re called to do. This is what men do. They stand against falsehood. Go out there and preach.
Men, here’s what I want you to realize. This will help you later on when you get married. Let’s say all hell’s breaking loose. Everybody in the world has just come to your office with signs down with you. Everybody hates you. The world’s falling apart. It happens to me about every other day.
I get in my car and I drive home, and I’m trying to get my heart right. And when I pull in that driveway, I do not get out of that car until I’ve settled some issues. It’s not about me. It’s not about my whining. It’s not about my needs. It’s not about my emotion. It’s not about all this goofy stuff that people are telling you as men you need to be concerned about.
My only concern is getting out of that car and walking into that house strong and joyful. Because the burdens I’m supposed to carry as a man, my wife is not supposed to carry. Nor are my children supposed to carry. See, you’ve been told that you need to marry a woman who can just carry you basically. You can share all your emotions with. Just die to your emotions, okay? Just die to all that psychobabble and everything else you’ve been told that you ought to be feeling inside.
Say no to your feelings, and like my wife says, man up and just do it. Carry the burden. Cast your cares upon Christ, because your wife was not created to carry your burdens. Children were not created to carry your burdens. And brothers in Christ can carry some of your burdens, but guys, I want to tell you honestly, I see Christian guys get together sharing their burdens, and they sound like a bunch of just girls. They’ve been trained to talk a certain way.
You know, it’s amazing. It’s like when terrible catastrophes happened during my childhood, not to me, but to the nation and other things. No one went around to high schools providing counselors for kids who were emotionally distraught because they thought the world was coming to an end. They started doing that when psychologists told us that’s how we are feeling and we need to get that out of our system. They’ve trained us like Pavlov’s dog just to be soft.
There is a biblical casting your cares upon Christ, and there is one brother strengthening another brother and that is good and sometimes we all need that. But guys, even the Christian songs today, I hear some of these guys singing these songs and they’re just whining about all their feelings. It makes me want to throw up. It’s not what you are. You’re being recreated in the image of something that’s not biblical.
Again, don’t take this to an extreme. I’m not saying that you can’t share your needs. I’m not saying that you can’t do all these things, but be very careful. They’ve turned men into little emotional waste baskets. That’s not what we are. We’re supposed to deal with problems. We’re supposed to carry burdens. We’re supposed to carry things and not trouble our wives or our children with them. It ends with us.
Again, there are times we can share with our wife. But guys, be very, very careful about becoming this emotionally needy person. That’s not what you are. That’s not what you were created to be.
Now, listen to Jeremiah 12:5, And the Lord uses this verse in my life so much. ‘If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out, then how can you compete with horses? If you fall down in a land of peace, how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan?’
And it’s like sometimes I’ll say, Lord, these people said this and these people are writing this about me, and these people twisted what I said in this book, and this did not happen this way, and all these different things. It’s like Paul, if you can’t run and be strong in the midst of this, how strong are you going to be when they throw you in prison? How strong are you going to be when you stand in a court of law and they totally defile your name and accuse you of things you never did? How are you going to stand when one day someone puts a gun to your head and tells you to deny Me? If you can’t run in this time of peace, how are you going to run when it really gets tough?
There’s a strength that we should have and we need to cultivate that strength. Guys, you live in a culture that’s cultivating your weaknesses. They want you to be weak. They want you to be gushy. They want you to be jellyfish. That’s not what God wants you to be.
Now, let’s go to one more here that’s very important. One of the greatest signs of maturity is labor. Voddie Baucham, a dear friend of mine, I’ve learned so much from him. He told me a while back, he said after talking to a young man who wants to court my daughter, he said after talking to him about his spirituality, about his walk with Christ, he said the next thing I’m going to investigate is this. I’m going to say, young man, do you delight in God-honoring labor? If you do not delight in working hard, get out of my house.
Again, you were raised in a culture that does not delight in God-honoring hard work. You don’t. As a matter of fact, that’s the fool in your culture. It’s the cool guy who slips through and doesn’t do anything, but makes more money than everybody else is the one that’s to be admired. Not in God’s sight. Not in God’s sight, and not even in your grandfather’s sight. Go home and ask him if he’s still alive.
Do you delight in God-honoring hard work? I can get a young man to be as dumb as a brick, but if he will work hard, if he will work hard, he can surpass anybody else. God-honoring labor.
Let me just give you a few things from the Scriptures. First of all, slothfulness in the early church was considered one of the seven deadly sins. One of the cardinal sins or capital vices along with gluttony, greed, wrath, envy and pride and others. It was considered slothfulness. Laziness was considered to be a deadly or mortal sin.
Today, you look at a lot of the movies and things, what goes on? Who is the guy who ends up winning? The guy doesn’t do anything. He’s just talented. He’s a bum, but then he walks out there and he gets it all done. Look what the devil does. Look at your culture, what it’s trying to teach you. It’s not the hard-working guy. The hard-working guy gets made fun of. He has some Puritan ethic. He’s an idiot. He can’t really produce. He works hard and he never wins. That is not Scripture.
Another thing, hard work and diligence are greatly honored virtues of God. But laziness is considered a perilous and destructive device. Let’s just look at some of the Scriptures as I said.
Ask yourself this question: Are you wise or are you shameful?
Proverbs 10:5: He who gathers in summer is a son who acts wisely, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully.
Are you diligent?
Proverbs 13:4, The soul of the sluggard, or the lazy man, craves and gets nothing, but the soul of the diligent is made fat or it prospers.
Do you follow empty pursuits? And let me put it down this way. Sports, hobbies, entertainment.
Proverbs 28:19: He who tills his land will have plenty of food, but he who follows empty pursuits will have poverty in plenty.
How many great sports figures in college are living on welfare right now? I just saw a thing on ESPN or something where they were talking. They were just parading all these guys who were like superstar football players. And now they’re just broke.
Now guys, let’s look at this. Let’s look at this biblically. First I’m going to hit one side, and then I’m going to hit another, okay?
One time, Voddie Baucham, someone asked him, they said, you know, your son’s pretty athletic and pretty big, is he going to be in sports?
And Voddie goes, why?
And Voddie’s this great big guy and he can just talk that way if he wants, you know? And he goes, why?
And the person said, well, sports produces character.
Vodie goes, okay, well, let’s just think about that logically. Sports produces character. Therefore, those who have played sports the longest will be men of greatest character. Therefore, we will find the men of greatest character in the NBA and NFL.
It doesn’t work, does it? It doesn’t.
Now, let me look at something. We all know sports and athletics and everything else is a god here in our country. I mean, it’s the Roman Empire made all over again. I’m not going to back down from it, it is. It is.
Now, does that mean that all sports are bad? Absolutely not. Does it mean it’s wrong to play in sports? It can be. It can be wrong to preach if you’re not called to do it. But someone who sees that God has given them a purpose and a place in playing sports, someone who enjoys it, I don’t see a problem in that.
The only question is, God’s not going to put you in a situation where it causes you to grow in ungodliness. If your sports is causing you, you know, you’re on a team or something, it’s causing you great turmoil in ungodliness. It doesn’t mean that you need to leave, but it does mean you need to get some serious counsel and you need to get your priorities straight and you need to find a way that this thing ought to work. Because it would be better to cut yourself off from sports than to have a healthy body and go to hell with it.
Remember what Jesus said? Pluck out your eye, cut off your hand, because it would be better to go through life maimed than to have a healthy eye and a healthy hand in hell.
Guys, I can tell you so many people that have been a blessing to me in athletics, that were godly young men and really showed their mettle. But guys, look, don’t play with this. God, Christ, has to be centered. You have to know He’s got me here for a purpose. And then if He’s got you there for a purpose, look for avenues for you to use what God has given you as a blessing.
I mean, I hate to point to media, but just look at Eric Liddell, Chariots of Fire, alright? There were people who told him to step down and not be in sports because he was going to be lifted up too highly. Yeah, there’s a danger in that. There’s a danger in that in preaching. But he used what God gave him. He used that gift to be a blessing that continues blessing.
And you know, if you’re in sports, you better be doing it for the glory of God.
Now guys, there’s a difference between being in sports and someone who just all they do is watch sports. Ok, it’s ok to watch sports. It’s ok to have your favorite teams and all those kind of things. But again, in so many people’s lives, it’s a god and it’s wrong. And it will break up your marriage. It really will.
Now, here’s another question. Do you love pleasure?
In Proverbs 21:17, he who loves pleasure will become a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not become rich.
You know you live in a culture that is let’s eat, drink, for tomorrow we die. It’s all about pleasure. You know what, it’s just amazing.
My first philosophy class in 1979, we discussed this hypothetical situation that was so preposterous to all of us that we didn’t even want to do it, but it was required. And this was the situation. What is the ethic if they could create a machine that could entertain you or give you so much joy that you would want to sit in that machine 24 hours a day and it would give you pleasure, joy, entertainment and everything, but your body would deteriorate until it became just a blob of nothing. Alright?
Now, we thought that’s preposterous. I mean, that’s never going to happen.
It has happened. You see people literally living their lives out in video games. Just pleasure. Just dreaming. Just all kinds of things. And guys, even media can be very, very dangerous.
Let me give you an example. I don’t know if it’s Spiderman 1, 2, 3 or 1, whatever it was. It was Spiderman. He was swinging from a rope. Alright? And the guy who worked, John Green from England, who worked in our office, now he’s working for us back in England, but he called me in there. He said, look at this trailer. I think it was Spiderman 2 maybe.
He said, look at this trailer. It was like a 45 second trailer. And it was literally unbelievable. It was marvelous. I mean, it was mind-blowing. And in itself, there was nothing wrong with it. Ok, I want to make that clear. But it was 45 seconds of a human doing things humans can’t do. I mean, it’s just unbelievable how fast he’s moving. And there’s music. And there’s all this stuff bombarding and scenes and everything.
And when 45 seconds was up, it’s like you’re almost speechless and you can’t breathe. Just… It was fantastic.
But here’s the problem. It’s not real. You know what happens? Reality’s no longer good enough. Reality’s no longer exciting. So many people live their entire life in a fantasy world. Spiderman doesn’t exist. Wolverine doesn’t have those things coming out of his knuckles.
But the thing is, is when media and video games and everything else becomes so big in your life, literally, reality is no longer any fun. This is the kind of culture that we’ve moved into. Do you love pleasure?
Now, here’s the question.
Are you saving for your future and your children’s future?
Proverbs 13:22: A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, and the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.
You know what some godly girls told me a while back? They said man, they just felt like God wanted them to marry. They wanted to be married. They were praying about their husband.
And I said to them, I said, well, I was in another church, and I said, well, you know, there’s a lot of young guys in this church in their 20s, 25, stuff like that, who love the Lord, reading the Bible, all kinds of stuff. What’s the problem?
They said, Brother Paul, these guys work to save up for the next Xbox. They work to get new tires on their cars like flashy rims. None of them even conceive of working to save for a house or to prepare something for family or something like that. They’re boys. If they get any money in their hand, it’s to go play with their friends or it’s to buy, like I said, a new video game.
And sometimes that’s true. I would encourage you guys right now. I don’t care if you start saving now, even if it’s a dollar a week. Start realizing, look, you’re men. You say you’re not married. I know you’re not married. You’re never going to be if you don’t change some things.
You see, I mean, start thinking this way. You should be thinking this way when you’re 14. Because we have not been instructed, we’re not even thinking this way when we’re 25. These are important things to think about. These are principles of discipleship.
Another question, do you lead an undisciplined life?
2 Thessalonians 3:10-12: For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat either. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now, such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread.
Let me encourage you with something. If you can work hard, do your studies. Ok? And you lay aside time for growing in the Lord, things like that, you ought to be working. You should be working.
Guys, let me share with you, right now you’re young, it would be no problem for you to pull 18 hour days. They’ve done it all their lives. Be pulling 18 hour days. Be working yourself.
You say, well, my folks pay.
Well tell them to stop paying. Tell them to cut part of it off because you’ve got a job over here.
Work. It’s the pressure. It’s the hard work. It’s the sweat and tears that’s going to shape you into a man. It’s not just an easy ride and playing.
Now again, you have to form this in your context. Some of you maybe have scholarships. Some of you may be doing this and that. I don’t want to put some bondage on you, but what I don’t want you to do is just to walk around thinking college is a good time. It’s not. You’re supposed to be men. You’re preparing for the future. You’re working yourself into a tired state to be men.
Now, let’s go on with just a few more and have proper motives in your work. And guys, basically it’s this,
Proverbs 23:4-5, do not weary yourself to gain wealth. Cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.
Guys, you want to be wealthy? You’re pathetic. You’re just pathetic. If God makes you wealthy, and He uses your wealth to feed His people who are starving to death in other countries, to help get them out of jail, things like that, to send missionaries, praise God. But if you want to have nice things, you’ve sold your soul.
Nice things? We’re living in a war. We’re getting close probably to the collapse of our own culture, our society, our country, and you want to be able to buy designer stuff? You can’t get any more pathetic and trite than that. Honestly.
Now if God makes you wealthy, praise God. If He’s given you a gift in that, praise God. But here’s the way I look at it. You’re either called to go down in the well or hold the rope for those who go down. You’re either called to be a missionary and to give your life in that, or you’re called to send men and to help them go down. Either way, if you’re holding the rope, there’s going to be scars on your hands.
I tell you, wealth. Jesus talks more about wealth than probably anything. He talks about money because it will damn a person. He doesn’t say it is difficult for a prostitute to enter the kingdom. He doesn’t say it’s difficult for a corrupt politician to enter the kingdom. He says it’s difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom. Because with that wealth comes everything this world can offer you. Nice things. Who cares? They’re all going to rot. They’re all going to rot.
And here’s something, great works are not done by men who care about wealth. Battles are not fought and won by men who want to wear frilly clothes. It’s very, very important to understand this. So we work not with improper motives, but proffer ones, and that is to the glory of God. Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than men. Colossians 3:23 and also 1 Timothy 5:8, but if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
So it is for the glory of God we work and it is to provide for our families. But not to provide for our families things they don’t need.
I just heard of a famous singer who’s pregnant and about ready to give birth to a baby. And she’s talking about how the first gift is going to be a diamond-crusted iPod or something like that. You know what that baby’s going to become. A monster. We don’t do that. We try to instill in those around us virtue that is going to be eternal.
Now, guys, what my intention is is to shake you up. To shake you up. And I’m going to say things. The things I’ve said are true, but the thing you’re going to have to do that requires a lot of wisdom is figure out how this works in your life. And you don’t want to be extreme outside of God’s will on one way, but you don’t want to be denying that these are calls to discipleship.
But you have a different context. Each one of you. You’ve got to figure out how to work this out. Also, do not take things that are good and eliminate them out of your life. Just do not allow them to become gods in your life.
Now, I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow morning. There’s a thing on… I may give principles of courtship and things like that. Preparation for courtship. There’s also a whole section here on a godly woman.
And you say, well, what do I need to know about a godly woman? Have any of you ever read Proverbs 31? The godly woman? Guess what? It’s not written to a woman. Most people fail to realize that. It was written to a son.
Guys, let me tell you something. I would be nothing, I think, humanly speaking, without the wife that God gave me. He gave me the exact person I needed. Really.
And I want to tell you something. Your wife will make you; she’ll break you. She can make you become something you could never be without her. She could destroy you. And some things that we may get to talk about, let me just share with you these things real quick.
One, if that woman does not respect the authority of her father, she will not respect yours.
Secondly, beauty is a wonderful thing. Sensuality, run from it like the girl had leprosy. A girl who dresses sensuously so that others can see her. You run from her like the plague. Because do you think that sensuality is going to stop when she marries you? Sensuality is one of the most deadly things that a man can come up against. A girl who will not hide herself from men will not hide herself from men after she marries you.
Beauty is an absolute wonderful thing. I married a beautiful, beautiful woman.
Now, you want to marry a girl who is hidden, who is chaste, who is pure. Now, she might have a past that’s very dark because she didn’t know Christ. Alright? God could take a girl who had a very dark past and turn her into a beautiful person. I’m not talking about you can only marry somebody who’s just this Cinderella. Because we’ve all got dark pasts.
But the thing about it is, you be careful. Like my wife says, don’t you play dumb with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t define sensuality, but when you see it, you know it.
I know a lady who’s a friend of mine, a friend of my wife’s, who literally looks like a supermodel. I’m not kidding you. And if she walked through that door right now, every one of you would turn around and look and just think to yourself. This is what you’d think. Wow, that’s a beautiful lady. That’s a very elegant… She moves like poetry. Just a beautiful lady. That’s all you’d think.
But you also know there are girls that could walk through that door that wouldn’t be half as physically beautiful as her. And the moment you turned your eyes on them, you’d have to turn away if you were a godly young man. Because you know what’s coming forth is not beauty. It’s sensuality. And that is a deadly, deadly thing and it will wreck havoc on your life.
And you also want to think about this. This girl you’re going to marry is going to be the mother to your children. She’s going to be the mother to your daughter.
And I’ll tell you this guys, by desiring a hiddenness, simplicity, chaseness in a woman, it will draw that out of a woman. That’s part of what leadership is. You may meet a girl one day and it may be the girl that God wants you to marry. But it doesn’t mean the moment you meet her you should marry her. And maybe she’s been taught wrong. But as you talk and things like that, you begin to say things. Look, I really care about you, but these are things that they do not please me as a man. I desire what God desires, which is inward beauty, chaseness, innocence, simplicity.
Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk about that tomorrow. Well, let’s pray and then you can kill each other and dodge ball. The guy that scares me is the one who just kicks things. Where’s he at? Or are you like the kicker for the football team? That’s you? You’re just out of your mind.
Football’s going like 180 miles an hour. I don’t know what you’re gifted at, but you’re gifted at this.
Alright, well, let’s pray.
Father, thank You for this group of young men and I pray, Lord, that You will take these things and that You’ll bless their lives and that they would have fruitful, bountiful lives. That they would be a blessing. Lord, all the days of their life, be like a tree planted by rivers of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither and all that they do that they would prosper according to Your will. Father, help them, bless them, protect them from evil men and evil women. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
For Further Reading:
- Preparing for Hard Times: David Wilkerson (Transcript)
- The Healing of the Troubled Mind: David Wilkerson (Transcript)
- Priscilla Shirer: You’re Right Where You Need to Be (Transcript)
- R.C. Sproul: What Is Evil & Where Did It Come From? (Transcript)
- Israel, Hamas, and End Times: Gary Hamrick (Transcript)