So, I started to eat a lot of chocolate and while waiting for it to take effect, I jumped into bad guy roles. Darr means fear in Hindi and everyone always tells you at speeches like these that you ought to be brave. So I’m not going to bore you with that idea.
Instead let me tell you this: Being brave means being shit scared all the way to the party – Yes, I am sorry, if that word is being very scared, all the way to the party. But getting there all the same and doing the Funky Chicken in front of all your teenage kid’s friends anyway.
Let me just add on behalf of all the fathers of the world who have embarrassed their kids by doing this…it takes a lot of bravery resolve and grit to do it.
So do it. Don’t let your fears become boxes that enclose you. Open them out, feel them and turn them into the greatest courage you are capable of. I promise you, nothing will go wrong.
But if you live by your fears, everything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong and you won’t even have done the Funky Chicken.
While we’re talking about fears and bravery, let me also add this that all the planning in the world won’t take you where you want to go. And it’s fine not to know what you want to be twenty years from now. Most of those who had it all figured out became bankers anyway. Oh, if this goes live on YouTube, my big next loan for the film is finished from my friendly neighborhood banker.
I did a movie once called Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, in which I was – one of my favorite films actually — the victim of a lover’s confusions and my next lesson is precisely that.
It’s OK to be confused. Confusion is the route to all the clarity in the world. Don’t worry about it too much and don’t ever take yourself seriously enough to be so clear about your own ideas that you stop respecting other people’s.
Our values are our values, they don’t make us any better than anyone else, at best they make us different. Always try to see the other person’s truth because like every movie has a story, every human being has one too and you have no right to imagine that yours is better than anyone else’s.
You can leave that silliness to my esteemed colleagues and me.
And if you thought the last two stories I told you were crazy, here’s another one in the reckoning for the Oscars for weirdest screenplay: Guddu.
Yes, Guddu was my name in a movie – I hardly look like a guddu but they still named me — about loving and giving in which basically, I have an accident — yes another one — but this time instead of almost wiping out my future mother-in-law, I wipe out my girlfriend’s eyes.
Many convoluted sub-plots including a life threatening brain tumor, a legal battle for the right to donate organs and a fast unto death by my mother, my scientific lawyer father, my mother and I are battling over which one of us will donate our eyes to my blind girlfriend.
In the end, I recover miraculously – I still don’t know how — and my mother dies donating her eyes to my girlfriend and we all live happily ever after.
Life lesson number four: rears its head: Give of yourself to others. And while you’re at it, make sure you realize that you aren’t doing anyone any favors by being kind to them. It’s all just to make you feel that sneaky little twinge that comes from being utterly pleased with yourself.
After all, the one that gets the most benefit out of any act of kindness or charity that you do will always be you.
I don’t say this, as many see it, in a transactive or karmic way. It’s not an “I do good, I get benefit” equation with some white bearded figure taking notes from the heavens above. It’s a simple truth.
An act of goodness becomes worthless when you assign a brownie point to yourself for it, no matter how subtly you allow yourself to do so. As benevolent as your gesture might be, someone else could have made it too.
Regardless of how rich, successful and famous you become, don’t ever underestimate the grace that other people bestow upon you just by being the recipient of your kindnesses.
You might be able to buy your friend a Rolls for his/her birthday but it’s no substitute for a patient hearing of your sulky rants on a bad hair day.
Sometimes things just happen, as encapsulated in another movie title of mine: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. And you know what? They don’t always add up.
So my fifth lesson is this: When life hits you with all the force of its resplendent rage, the Rolls isn’t going to give you comfort. A friend’s grace will, and if you can’t find resolution as easily as you would like to, please don’t panic. Everything evolves as you go along. Even disasters eventually resolve themselves.
Give life the space to move at its own pace, pushing it ahead only by way of being kind to yourself when you are hurting or in despair. And you will be hurting and despairing a lot in this life time.
You don’t always have to figure things out or find an explanation for the circumstances you are in. It’s more prudent to accept that sometimes there just isn’t one.