People rarely speak this clearly in the workforce or in life and as you get more senior, not only will people speak less clearly to you but they will overreact to the small things you say.
When I joined Facebook, one of the things I had to do was build the business side of the company, put some systems into place, but I wanted to do it without destroying the culture that made Facebook great. So one of the things I tried to do was encourage people not to do formal PowerPoint presentations for meetings with me, and I would say things like, “Don’t do PowerPoint presentations for meetings with me. Why don’t you come in with a list of what you want to discuss”, but everyone ignored me, they kept doing their PowerPoint presentations meeting after meeting, month after month.
So about 2 years in, I said, “OK, I hate rules but I have a rule, no more PowerPoint in my meetings and I mean it. No more.”
So about a month later, I went out and I was about to speak to our global sales team on a big stage and someone came up to me and said, “Before you get on that stage, you really should know everyone’s pretty upset about the no PowerPoint with clients thing”
And I said, “What? No PowerPoint with clients thing”
They said, “You know, you made a rule of no PowerPoint”.
So I got on the stage and said, “One, I meant no PowerPoint with me. But two, more importantly, next time you hear something that’s really stupid, don’t adhere to it, fight it or ignore it, even if it’s coming from me or Mark”.
A good leader recognizes that most people won’t feel comfortable challenging authority, so it falls upon authority to encourage them to question. It’s easy to say that you’re going to encourage feedback but it’s hard to do, because unfortunately it doesn’t always come in a format we want to hear it.
When I first started at Google, I had a team of 4 people and it was really important to me that I interview everyone who was on my team. I felt like being part of my team meant I had to know you. When the team had gotten to about 100 people, I realized it was taking longer to schedule my interviews. So one day at my meeting of just my direct reports, I said maybe I should stop interviewing, fully expecting them to jump in and say oh no, your interviews are a critical part of the process. They applauded. And then they fell over themselves explaining that I was the bottleneck of all time.
I was embarrassed, and then I was angry and I spent a few hours just quietly fuming. Why didn’t they tell me I was a bottleneck, why did they let me go on slowing them down? And then I realized that if they hadn’t told me, that was my fault. I hadn’t been open enough to tell them I wanted that feedback and I would have to change that going forward.
When you’re the leader, it is really hard to get good feedback and honest feedback, no many how many times you ask for it. One trick I’ve discovered is that I try to speak really openly about the things I’m bad at, because that gives people permission to agree with me, which is a lot easier than pointing it out in the first place.
So to take one of many possible examples, when things are unresolved I can get a tad anxious. Really, when anything’s unresolved, I get a lot anxious. I’m quite certain no one has accused me of being too calm. So I speak about it openly and that gives people permission to tell me when it’s happening. But if I never said anything, would anyone who works at Facebook walk up to me and say, “Hey, Sheryl, calm down. You’re driving us all nuts”. I don’t think so.
As you graduate today, ask yourself, how will you lead? Will you use simple and clear language? Will you seek out honest feedback? When you get honest feedback, will you react with anger or with gratitude? As we strive to be more authentic in our communication, we should also strive to be more authentic in a broader sense. I talk a lot about bringing your whole self to work — something I believe in very deeply.
Motivation comes from working on things we care about but it also comes from working with people we care about, and in order to care about someone, you have to know them. You have to know what they love and hate, what they feel, not just what they think. If you want to win hearts and minds, you have to lead with your heart as well as your mind. I don’t believe we have a professional self from Mondays through Fridays and a real self for the rest of the time. That kind of division probably never worked, but in today’s world, with a real voice, an authentic voice, it makes even less sense.
I’ve cried at work. I’ve told people I’ve cried at work. And it’s got reported in the press as, “Sheryl Sandberg cried on Mark Zuckerberg’s shoulder”, which is not exactly what happened. I talk about my hopes and fears and ask people about theirs. I try to be myself. Honest about my strengths and weaknesses and I encourage others to do the same. It is all professional and it is all personal, all at the very same time.
As part of bringing my whole self to work, I recently started speaking up about the challenges women face in the workforce, something I only had the courage to do in the last few years. Before this, I did my career like everyone else does it. I never told anyone I was a girl. Don’t tell. I left the lights on when I went home to do something for my kids. I locked my office door and pumped milk for my babies while I was on conference calls. People would say, “What is that sound?”
I would say, “What sound?”
“I hear a beep”.
“Well, there is a fire truck”.
“Right outside my office.”