Guiding Difficult Decisions from “Monkey Brain” to “Wise Mind”: Lance Pendleton (Transcript)

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She looked back at him and said, “With all due respect, Mister Ali, Superman don’t need no plane. Now put the damn seat-belt on so we can leave.”

Emotional mind, reasoning, coming together.

What does it look like when you’re talking to someone that is a reasoning mind in person?

Well, let’s say you’re frustrated because you’re waiting to go somewhere and your partner comes home, and we’re late, right? And you say to them, “We’re late, why are we late?”

And what do you get? “I was on the way here, I was parked behind this blue car, I’m sure it was a Ford Focus. When I was waiting for us to get going, the light changed. I noticed we were on Smith Street and thought maybe I’d make an extra right. But there was a house that was for sale, I didn’t remember if we had that or not. But all of a sudden my mom called, and when my mom called…” some of you are laughing because you know this person.

That can be stopped by asking the person, “That’s great. I totally understand that, but how do you feel when we’re late?” It changes the mindset.

The fact that I actually shared that analogy means I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

But what does the other side look like?

Well, the other side, we’re all really familiar with. The emotion, that set emotion that comes and gears up and what happens? Locked out to the rest of the world.

So how do we change that? Well you’ve seen this because – “Timmy, you can’t – Please put the candy bar down.”

“I just want a candy bar.”

And you’re like, “My God, I can’t deal with this right now.”

Watch what happens if you said, “Timmy, tell me something. What’s two plus two?”

“I don’t what two plus two is, I want a candy bar.”

“Timmy, you know. What’s two plus two?”

“I don’t know. Four? But I want a candy bar.”

“That’s great, four, you know what four – What’s four plus one? You know, I know you know -”

“I don’t know – Five?”

“That’s great! You’re a genius, look at that! What’s five minus one?”

“Six?”

All of a sudden, we’ve moved from that full-on emotional state, bringing it forward.

Now, this is actually doable and possible because what happens in relationships, especially in a sales situation, is as we go to defend ourselves in high-stress moments, we pick one of those.

So in my industry, when you talk to someone that may be selling a home, if you’re talking to someone that’s in full emotional state, because we all love our homes, you have somebody in that process that’s talking directly at all of these emotions: We lived here for X numbers of years, we’ve done all of this stuff, we remodeled the kitchen. Our children were born here, Timmy lost his tooth there, right. Mind you, Timmy’s in the kitchen having a full meltdown also.

But all of this stuff that’s going on, well, you can be conscious of what state that person is in to ask them directly. I understand that. That’s all very, very true.

But let me just – a couple quick questions. What do you guys pay every month in electric? I just want to write this down. What do you pay, like, landscaping? What’s the oil cost to you?

And you’ll watch: as the person’s all up based on that emotion, they start, “Well $300. Well, $400.” And you’ll see the move, and all of a sudden, recognize that really simple idea, “Wait a second, if I stay in the house for longer, because I’m waiting to pick the perfect person to buy my home, this is costing me a fortune.”

And that’s that wise mind place where somebody can actually make the right decision for themselves based on that intuition and based on that wise mind. This is what we have, an extremely organic relationship opportunity with somebody, and it’s how we garner a good feeling.

What people don’t realize is that by allowing someone, or helping someone, really, to find in somebody else, “Where are they? What spot is happening right now for me to relate to that, to connect to that moment?”, and then be able to help them shift slightly toward the middle to make that healthier decision actually makes me feel good. It allows me to connect to somebody in a deeper level, to have a completely different type of relationship with them.

And by me doing that, when I have the ability to actually connect at that level, to pull that from somebody, I feel better. And when I feel better, it deepens my relationship.

Now what does that relationship look like for that person? They gain trust.

So if I can have someone gain trust, if I can have someone have better faith in my ability to work with them and help them, if I can help understand that mindset and shift them toward that center, well what have we really done both for them and for myself? We’ve just made George happy.

Quiet that monkey mind and allow people to make healthier decisions for themselves by connecting with them in a completely different level.

Thank you so much.

 

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