Felicia Ricci – TRANSCRIPT
Hi, everyone. I’m Felicia, that says there. This is really exciting. I actually took professor Chun’s class when I was at Yale. He is awesome. So, it’s honored to be here. The past three years of my life have been a whirlwind.
I moved three times, I wrote two books, I published one of them, and I actually started my own business. Three years ago, my life looked incredibly different. I was living in New York City, and I was working full time as an actor. I had an agent, I was a member of the Actors Union, and I have just come off being in one of the biggest musicals of all time, which was “Wicked.” Any of you have seen Wicked? Yeap! So, it’s a really big musical.
And on the outside, you know, everything was going great. If I kept going in this direction, maybe I could do a lot in theater. And sort of all seemed to be pointing in that one direction. But on the inside, I was wracked with doubt, and I was incredibly scared. The reason being, you know, theater and acting was what I have thought to be my life dream.
Ever since I was two, I went to see my first Broadway show, which was “The phantom of the opera”; claps for “The phantom of the opera.” I don’t know why I was obsessed with theater. I went to theater camp. I would sing in the shower, my parents heard me.
I would sing soundtracks all the time, so I was obsessed. And then, in college, even though I did have a lot of interest, and I actually majored in English, I decided, when I graduated, that I had to go for it, I had to go for the theater because if I didn’t, I would regret it. So, I did.
And the relative success I had early on with “Wicked” was very complicated for me. Because on one hand, you know, it was amazing. It was the fulfillment of literally a lifelong dream. But on the other hand, it made me see pretty quickly that what I have thought was my lifelong dream might not actually be what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. When I was researching this experience, I thought this is like a footnote in life, right? So, you start one place and you end up another, but what we don’t know is talk about that process.
And I wanted to get in the mindset of what that felt like because I am an actor, and I wanted to access those emotions. I pulled up a bunch of the emails. I’ve been writing at that time, I found the one I wrote to my agent when I finally had made the decision and said something like: “Hi David, please cancel all my auditions. I need to take a long break from acting. I don’t know whether or not this will be permanent. I’m sorry, but my heart is not in the business. And it doesn’t fulfill me in the way I thought it would. Please know that it is not impulsive but comes after many months of trying to figure out what to do with my life. Sorry if I wasted your time, but this is my truth.” So, phew!, even in saying it back now, I kind of like, relieve the feelings of being there. And it’s a horrible place, right? To not know what you’re going to be doing with your life.
And that horrible thing, my friends, is what I want to talk to you about today. And that is the process of revision. So, the official title of this talk is: “There is no final draft: keep revising your life to create your reality.” So, maybe some of you can relate to what I have just described that feeling of going in one direction or maybe trying to figure out where to go next? Or maybe some of you are lucky enough to never have been confronted by those feelings of doubt yet. But, just so we are all on the same page, I want to delve into what I mean by revision.
So, the first thing that I think of when I think of revision I try to make clear by this visual aid, which is the process of submitting a paper or an essay to a teacher and I know we can all relate to that, and getting it back and then seeing all the nasty red ink on the page, and Xs, and underlines, and the question marks. And it’s just like the worst feeling to think that you’re completely done with something, but then to read the margins that say, “Not quite,” or “Go deeper,” or “Think again.” So, this experience is a microcosm of what I’m talking about on a grander-scale which is a life revision.
So, I wanted to define what I meant by that. And a revision in this case means any change that meaningfully alters your day-to-day life in the long term, right? So, a revision can be something that is planned – in the case of taking a break from acting, I thought about it for many months – or can be unplanned. Life sends you so many curve balls, and a lot of times, a revision can be a reaction to that. Revision can also be at varying degrees. It can be a 180 degree change; that’s very drastic, but I’m not necessarily talking about starting over or completely leveling your life.
There can be varying degrees. There can be a recalibration or a refocusing. So, that’s what I mean by revision. And then when I was thinking about giving this talk, I knew that this topic meant a lot to me, but then I thought to myself: “OK, so I am talking to everybody as like this expert in revision?” and the answer is, “Absolutely not.” I’m not speaking to you as an expert, but I realized that I’m speaking to you as a revision advocate or a revision agent.