How To Teach Your Mind That Everything Is Available To You: Marisa Peer (Transcript)

And Marilyn Monroe was very interesting. Someone asked me that if I worked with her, I’m like no I’m old enough to work with Marilyn Monroe but nevertheless I know an awful lot about Marilyn Monroe because she was a classic example. She was born and she was fostered immediately. Her parents didn’t want her .Mother gave her up; father didn’t want to know and she went into the foster system.

And when she was two-and-a-half, she lived with a foster mother who had her own child, also two and a half. And of course her own son would go mama, mama, mama and Marilyn started to go mama, mama, mama. And the foster woman went no, no, you mustn’t call me mama. I’m not your mama. You can call me auntie.

And every time they went to a park or a playground, Marilyn would go there’s a mama, there’s a mama, there’s a mama because she knew she didn’t have one, she felt completely different. And she kind of was already forming this belief that she was never going to have the love that other people had.

And she went through life with an interesting belief that love is available for a little while, because she would get a bit of love in the foster care, then she get moved. And when she’s married to Arthur Miller, she was planning her divorce on the day she got married to him because of her belief that I’m not really lovable, I can’t get it, I can’t keep it. And her shrink could settle on it in Marilyn, what is going on with you? No I’ve just seen this footage of you dancing him out of all these G eyes, you’ve sewn into this dress, everything’s falling out and you have no underwear on. What is that about? And I’m going to quote what she said word for word, she said, “I need everyone to love me. I must belong to the whole world because I have never belonged to anyone or anything in my whole life. And I fear that I never ever will.” And that is a word-for-word quote. I need the whole world to love me. I must belong. I’ve never belonged to anyone or anything.

And that is a real problem with feeling unlovable that you kind of pick it up and then it kind of radiates out from you. And people pick up your beliefs.

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So I was asked to work with Amy Winehouse and I really wanted to work with her. She was quite a fascinating girl. In preparation for my working with her, I read up a lot about her, I already knew Amy is an alcoholic. Amy is a drug addict. Amy is anorexic and bulimic fears between the two. Amy has depression and Amy is addicted to really damaged men that are going to bring her down.

And she didn’t turn up for any appointment and I only ever spoke to her on the phone. And I said, why didn’t you turn out? And she said what’s the point? I’m damaged beyond repair. Forgive me if I swear, she said I’m complete… you can’t help me. No one can help me.

And the problem with Amy is that she did go into rehab and get clean many times and she could give up drugs and she could give up alcohol and she could for period stop being anorexic but she could not give up this belief that being normal was not available to her. You know she never wrote happy song. She wrote Back to Black, my tears dry on their own; love is a losing game. Listen to those lyrics, it’s so tragic. Even being loved I’m going to lose the love and then she wrote I told you I’m troubled, you know I’m no good and she really believed that.

And if you listen to Back to Black, she’s talking to her boyfriend and she said you know you go back to your old girlfriend; you go back to normality. And me, I go back to black. I go back to darkness. I go back to depression. I go back to being so abnormal and there’s nothing normal available. And I know that it was that belief that killed her. It wasn’t drugs; it was the belief that normality is not available.

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Of course, beyond that belief is the real belief: I’m not lovable.

And see Whitney Houston… she was the same. When she was 16, or 17, her record label pushed her as this God-fearing, deeply religious, pure wholesome girl. That was okay but she was already a drug addict and she was already being told you must not let anyone know your real sex, you hide that, you know pretend you’re madly in love with Bobby Brown and live a lie and she did.

And it was so abnormal and she too had this belief: normality, that’s not available to me. And then her poor little daughter was brought up in a house where normality was not available.

So I am going to talk to you today about your beliefs, and I want you to think about what you think is not available to you. Who here — be brave, I’m not going to embarrass anyone; it’s not my thing — who here might just have a belief that real wonderful lasting love is not available to them? Put your hand up.

Who here might have a belief that being really really successful and keeping that success going is not available to them?

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