And that is a real problem with feeling unlovable that you kind of pick it up and then it kind of radiates out from you. And people pick up your beliefs.
So I was asked to work with Amy Winehouse and I really wanted to work with her. She was quite a fascinating girl. In preparation for my working with her, I read up a lot about her, I already knew Amy is an alcoholic. Amy is a drug addict. Amy is anorexic and bulimic fears between the two. Amy has depression and Amy is addicted to really damaged men that are going to bring her down.
And she didn’t turn up for any appointment and I only ever spoke to her on the phone. And I said, why didn’t you turn out? And she said what’s the point? I’m damaged beyond repair. Forgive me if I swear, she said I’m complete… you can’t help me. No one can help me.
And the problem with Amy is that she did go into rehab and get clean many times and she could give up drugs and she could give up alcohol and she could for period stop being anorexic but she could not give up this belief that being normal was not available to her. You know she never wrote happy song. She wrote Back to Black, my tears dry on their own; love is a losing game. Listen to those lyrics, it’s so tragic. Even being loved I’m going to lose the love and then she wrote I told you I’m troubled, you know I’m no good and she really believed that.
And if you listen to Back to Black, she’s talking to her boyfriend and she said you know you go back to your old girlfriend; you go back to normality. And me, I go back to black. I go back to darkness. I go back to depression. I go back to being so abnormal and there’s nothing normal available. And I know that it was that belief that killed her. It wasn’t drugs; it was the belief that normality is not available.
Of course, beyond that belief is the real belief: I’m not lovable.
And see Whitney Houston… she was the same. When she was 16, or 17, her record label pushed her as this God-fearing, deeply religious, pure wholesome girl. That was okay but she was already a drug addict and she was already being told you must not let anyone know your real sex, you hide that, you know pretend you’re madly in love with Bobby Brown and live a lie and she did.
And it was so abnormal and she too had this belief: normality, that’s not available to me. And then her poor little daughter was brought up in a house where normality was not available.
So I am going to talk to you today about your beliefs, and I want you to think about what you think is not available to you. Who here — be brave, I’m not going to embarrass anyone; it’s not my thing — who here might just have a belief that real wonderful lasting love is not available to them? Put your hand up.
Who here might have a belief that being really really successful and keeping that success going is not available to them?
Who believes that money — making money, keeping money not available?
Who believes that knowing they are deeply significant, they really matter, they’re here for a purpose, they have an extraordinary gift; who thinks no, that’s not available to me?
OK, and who you might believe that even being healthy isn’t available to them?
So you know someone told you this no one comes into the world a baby is born and the first six minutes that everyone looks at them ,the doctor, the nurses, the midwives, they’re too gold oh look at me, bit fat today, my stomach sticks out.
Babies love being looked at. And if you take your baby home and shut it in a cupboard, what’s going to happen? It will scream for days because its belief is someone’s going to come and look after me because I’m so cool, all my needs are met in the womb. So they’re going to be there out of the womb and people are going to take care of me because I’m lovable.
And then someone somewhere tells you the opposite, and you would have think who is that person, what do they know? You know even doctors tell people stuff that’s wrong. I have the greatest respect for doctors, but I’ve met them in my time that you really want to shake.
So I’ve got to see this woman who is suicidally depressed and her doctor said I don’t know how to do with this woman anymore; can you see her? And she told me something that really startled me. She said every time I hear of someone who’s got terminal cancer, I’m so jealous. I wish I could get terminal cancer and die, that would be my greatest dream because people with terminal cancer can die, they don’t have to feel guilty, said my mom killed herself; my dad was a broken man. And I married someone just like my dad and I really want to kill myself but it’s going to break my husband’s heart. It’s going to break my dad’s heart. So I’m cursed to live this miserable life by the depression that cannot be cured. And you know what she just said, the cure is not available to me.
And I’m like why do you think that? You went, well it’s genetic. My mother killed herself with genetic depression. My grandmother had it. I’ve got it. There is no cure.
And I’m like actually there is a cure, and guess what you’re in the right place to have the cure. I have cured hundreds of people, thousands probably, I might have exaggerated to make her better of suicidal depression. And since you’re in my office and I’m going to hypnotize you. Why didn’t you let me cure you?
She went okay. I said well, I’m going to put you in hypnosis; we’re going to go back to the cause of the depression. And so we went back to scenes. I knew we’d go back to the mothers killed herself and we went back to her mother’s funeral and she didn’t cry. She said I didn’t want to cry because you know my dad was broken.