But I seemed to have a great pregnancy. They tell me my baby were born under 4 pounds and suddenly out she was seven and a half pounds and I knew that I was having a baby was available to me, having a perfect baby was available because I was going to make it available. And then I went off for my pre-birth talk and they said what kind of birth are you having um like hypnosis are like are you crazy, you’re going to have a baby under hypnosis.
This is a nurse saying to me, do you know giving birth is like sitting on a stove with a gas ring turned on? It’s agony. You can’t have a baby under hypnosis.
I’m like, well, what do you think people in Africa do? She went oh well, they’ve got different shaped pelvises. That’s how they give birth in a field.
I’m like, okay, what about people in India? They don’t seem to have different shaped pelvises last time I looked.
Well you can’t have a baby under hypnosis.
I’m like, well, I’m actually doing a recording for the BBC, so and they come to record me having a baby under hypnosis. I’m pretty think much think I am. Anyway I had an amazing birth. I had the BBC and the delivery, I had my mom, my stepdad, my friends, the baby’s dad at a party in there and I had my baby really easily. I just pushed her out, so simple. I felt like I’ve been out and bought her because I went to the hospital, gave birth to my little baby in like two hours and then went up on the ward. And it was like wow, I just feel like I’ve been to a store and got this amazing gorgeous thing.
Anyway, woke up the next day — in England we have wards, you don’t really have private rooms in maternity hospitals. And the nurses were coming around giving everyone a box of Kleenex. I’m like what’s that for. She went that is for the post-natal depression. Everybody gets that on day three.
On day three the whole ward is crying and weeping. It’s okay just the hormones. When you give birth your body starts to lose all the hormones and then you get postnatal depression. I went oh, no no no no. I’m actually having postnatal euphoria. I’m having it right now and I’m going to keep having it for weeks to come.
And they looked at me like I was nuts. I said yeah, I actually haven’t signed up for postnatal depression. I have to find out for postnatal euphoria and since she told me the ward is going to be a sea of weeping and crisis, you know I get in my office everyday weeping, wailing, crying. I don’t really need it on my first day with a baby. So I’m just going to go home.
So I got my little baby, we got a taxi, went home and I didn’t realize because my partner had the house keys that I was locked out of a house and we were not having a great relationship. I didn’t even know where he was, I shouldn’t care I have to say. I was so in love with my baby. He wasn’t important but I couldn’t get in my house.
But I had my car keys. So I put my little newborn baby in the car and I rang my mother, and said mama, I am going to come and stay with you. But she was delighted and I drove to Cambridge. In England when you have a baby you have to have a midwife come every day for 10 days to check out you and the baby, it’s kind of the law and it’s a good thing.
And if you don’t have it they don’t like that. So I had to ring London Midwife and go look I’m not in London; I’m in Cambridge. They could send me a Cambridge Midwife.
So now my daughter’s two days old. I’ve gone to my mum’s and I’m wheeling her out in a little push chair and I’ve just come back to the house as the Midwife arrives. And she goes why are you out? I’m like pardon should why you out. I’m like well it’s a nice day. She went, no but you should be in bed. You should be in bed for a week and your baby should be in bed for a week because of all the germs.
And I’m like well, what do people do if they’ve got seven kids; do they go to bed for a week? I don’t think so. And you know I spent a lot of time in Africa and I don’t see people going to bed for a week with their newborn baby. She is just like no, you really should go to bed for a week.