Home » Laurie Betito on The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life at TEDxMontrealWomen (Transcript)

Laurie Betito on The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life at TEDxMontrealWomen (Transcript)

So you go to the gym, you work out. That workout always feels good. It feels good, you feel energized, you say, wow, that was great, I got to do this again tomorrow, I love it. Okay. Tomorrow comes and your alarm bell goes off at five am. Are you going to spring out of bed? No! Even though you loved it, right? You don’t have a spontaneous desire to go to the gym. Make sense? All right.

The next step to achieving a good sexuality is an understanding of our bodies. There’s mostly ladies here, right? How many of you – and I want a show of hands, be honest – if we lined up all your vulvas in a lineup, that’s like the whole bit part, we line them all up naked, how many of you would be able to pick yours out? Okay, a handful. There’s a few guys – I see a couple of guys in the room.

If we lined up the penises, I guarantee you, every single one would pick them out, right? I knew it. As women, we are blessed with an organ that is only for sexual pleasure. That’s it. It’s called the clitoris. As you can see here, it’s not just the little tip that you feel; it is an entire structure. 75% of us, women, will not, cannot orgasm through intercourse alone. Doesn’t matter if he’s thrusting for 10 minutes or 10 freaking hours: it’s not going to work, okay?! We need clitoral stimulation to get us there; that’s really important.

And interestingly, the latest research shows that the women who have orgasms through intercourse, the distance between the vaginal opening and the clitoris is shorter, so they’re getting more pressure. So the clitoris has to be involved. Make sense? Okay.

But yet, I see women all the time, when I tell them these two facts – that desire is responsive rather than spontaneous, that they will not orgasm through intercourse – the sense of relief, the look of relief is really priceless. And they’re like, “You mean, you mean I’m normal? You mean, all this time? I thought there was something wrong with me.” So retain those two facts if you will, today.

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Important. We are more normal than we think. Sexual health is a human right, according to the World Health Organization, and that involves sexual pleasure. Giving up on sex hurts us, hurts our relationships, hurts us physically, even. Studies show us that people who engage in sex regularly live longer, look better, feel better, and have better relationships. So you don’t want to give up on that.

So what is the secret? The secret is understanding – there’s really no big secret, to tell you the truth – but the secret is understanding that sexuality, our sexuality, is ever-evolving; it changes: what feels good at one time may not feel good at another time. Our desire may be high one time, not so much another time, within relationships, within ourselves. So this is the most important thing to retain: that it evolves. We must reclaim pleasure.

We must prioritize our pleasure. That’s an attitude shift. That’s what we need. Thank you.

Read the RevolutionarySex eBook. In it, famous sex author and speaker, Alex Allman, gives a few simple ideas and techniques that will, literally INSTANTLY make you a significantly better lover.

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