Home » Let’s Talk About Sex: The Reality of the Sexual Pleasure Disparity by Grace Wetzel (Transcript)

Let’s Talk About Sex: The Reality of the Sexual Pleasure Disparity by Grace Wetzel (Transcript)

And third, women often feel like they can’t ask. I’ve known women who have asked for things that focus on their pleasure and been straight-up told no and or treated like it was inconvenience or told that sex was over now because the man had had an orgasm. A lot of times women don’t feel like they can ask or they just don’t but. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want oral sex, or that they don’t want an orgasm.

And when we’re talking about sexual inequality, the differences skyrocket when it comes to casual, uncommitted sexual encounters or hookups. Sociologists Armstrong, England and Fogarty found in their study on college students that women were 56% less likely to have an orgasm in a first hookup than in a committed relationship. Women in this study reported their partners’ complete disregard for their pleasure. And men in the study also reported being sexually inconsiderate. However this does not mean that the orgasm gap doesn’t exist for many committed women because it really really does.

There are also a lot of women who have never had an orgasm from a partner. The reality of the situation is that women’s pleasure and orgasm consistently becomes secondary, less important, less prevalent and sometimes ignored altogether or even disrespected. Women internalize this belief that they don’t deserve the same sexual experience as men, or that it’s just not a physical possibility, although I’d like to argue that the possibilities for women’s pleasure are limitless.

Women actually have a huge varying capacity for orgasm. We’re just not exploring it. I like to specify at this point that I don’t want men’s pleasure to go down. I don’t want orgasm rates for men to decrease, and I don’t want to diminish the importance of penetrative sex, because penetrative sex is really important. All I’m asking for is equality.

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I’m asking everyone who’s listening, all genders, to open your minds and just consider that the way you’re currently viewing sex might be oppressive. The experience of pleasure is different for every single person, but as long as our interactions have consent, respect, and a goal of equality, then we will have more pleasurable sexual experiences.

It can be hard to stop viewing sex as penile-vaginal penetration only. And it can be hard to start the female orgasm just as expected and important as the male orgasm. It’s hard to accept these things at first. But once you do, the reality of sexual equality becomes really easy. It’s really all in the hands of the individuals participating.

How long is it going to take for women to realize what they deserve, demand better and not accept anything less? And when are men going to start treating their partners as equal, active participants in sex? And when are we all going to realize that the way we’re currently viewing sex is centered around penetration and centered around the orgasm of the penis. And it’s a good thing to question the validity of that.

The trend of less pleasurable and less fulfilling sex lives for women limits the sexual power of women as a whole. If we could create a movement to abolish the sexual inequality and pleasure gap, if we could start viewing sex in a more equal and positive light overall, then we would be one big step closer to the reality of true gender equality.

Thank you.

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