Full transcript of multi-millionaire entrepreneur Dan Lok’s TEDx talk: The Invisible Force – Self-Image – Enables You To Achieve Great Goals @ TEDxStanleyPark conference. He is the author of the best-seller F.U. Money: Make As Much Money As You Damn Well Want And Live Your LIfe As YOu Damn Well Please!
Listen to the MP3 Audio: The Invisible Force – self-image – enables you to achieve great goals by Dan Lok @ TEDxStanleyPark
Dan Lok – Multi-millionaire entrepreneur
I’m going to explain an idea that every child should learn before they go to school. Yet most people go through their lives never really understand it.
I’m going to explain an idea that will help you learn and understand and apply every single piece of information, knowledge and insight that you’ll get from all the fantastic speakers that you’ve been listening to, for the rest of today or any other day — an idea that would take what you learn to a whole new level.
I’m going to explain an idea that is so transformative, yet so simple, that has the power to completely transform your life.
By a show of hands, how many of you know someone in your life that is in great shape, that’s very fit, yet doesn’t even try to stay in shape at all? Put up your hand if you know those people. Yeah, don’t you just hate those people?
And how many of you know someone in your life that — maybe a couple that’s been together 2, 3, 5, 10 years, 20 years but they still have that spark; they still have that connection and they’re still very much in love. Put up your hand if you know a couple like that. Yes?
And on the other hand, how many of you know couples that have been together, maybe just a couple of years and yet they want to strangle each other. Put up your hand if you know someone like that.
Nice, I see a couple ladies elbowing their spouse, that’s very nice, that’s very nice.
And this isn’t even my idea and it’s not a new idea but it’s something that I become aware of. Dr. Maxwell Maltz, around 1960, said he was the greatest psychological discovery of his generation, and that’s the concept of self-image.
You see, you and I, we have an image of ourselves. It’s how we see ourselves. When you look in the mirror, there’s a reflection coming back from the mirror, that’s the reflection of your physical being. But that’s not how you see you.
Instead, you see you in your mind. You see you in your mind.
If you’re wondering, well, then what kind of self-image do you have? It’s very simple. All you have to do is look at the very aspects of your life.
Take a look at the results you’re getting. Possibly your relationships, your body, your income, the position you hold at work, the business you operate in, your personal appearance — all these things are the results of the outer expressions of your inner self image.
Now so why great ideas alone are not enough — why great ideas alone are not enough to change our lives?
You see, one of the great mistakes that most people make is they are attempting to change their body; they are attempting to change the relationship; they are attempting to change the income, their finance.
They are attempting to change something outside of themselves in searching something that’s inside with themselves. Some people see themselves as conservative and unsafe: are they going to do anything crazy? Are they going to go bungee jumping or skydiving? No, unless you’re drunk or something like that.
So you’re not going to do anything crazy or act nuts unless you’re drunk. Now you might say it’s the alcohol but really it’s just you finally getting permission to be yourself, the alcohol is just an excuse.
If you are playful, if you’re fun, if you’re outrageous you’re going to talk differently, you’re going to move differently. You’re going to dress differently. Maybe in a red suit. And you’re going to do things differently and there’s no right or wrong but most of us have trapped ourselves in an old self-image and never really update who we are today.
So then when you go and learn a new skill, when you go learn a new ability, a new idea but we’re stuck in this self-image: this is who I am and that’s why we never surpass it.
Let me give you a metaphor, that will make sense for you. Let’s say in this room that we set the thermostat at 70 degrees. Let’s say that 70 degrees is a metaphor, it’s a what? Metaphor for your comfort zone, which is also known as your self-image. Your comfort zone.
And most people have goals that are larger; they’re more than their self-image and that’s why most people don’t get to their goals unless they alter and/or expand their self-image.
So 70 degrees is your comfort zone. 70 degrees is your body, not your goal, not where you want to be eventually but what you’re comfortable with.
70 degrees is the amount of love and passion and connection you have in your personal intimate relationship. Again not your goal but you know what where you live with, what you live with regularly.
70 degrees is the amount of money that you need to make to be comfortable; not your goal, what you’re comfortable with.
Let’s say the temperature drops to 65 degrees. Now what happens is your brain goes, hey, hey, hey, I’m a 70 degreer or not a 65.
The heaters kicked on, you feel there is a drive and there is this urge and you want to do something about it.
By show of hands, how many of you ever have experienced part of life maybe your body, maybe your income, maybe your relationship where it dropped and you felt it’s not good enough and you felt this incredible drive to do something about it, yeah. But with that way I’m going to say oh yeah. Oh yeah.
And from there and you try something and it doesn’t work and you try something else and it doesn’t work and you try something else and it doesn’t work. Now after a while nobody wants to be a disappointment. No one wants to feel like a failure in their lives.
So what some people do is they lower the thermostats. They lower their expectations. They make their goals smaller, more realistic, more reasonable. Don’t get your hopes up or you’ll be disappointed.
Well, you know, maybe I’m not a 70 degreer, maybe I am 65 degreer. Look at those 70 degree people, so arrogant, so fool of themselves; they’re probably workaholics anyway. I’m being smart, I’m cutting back, I’m downsizing. I don’t want to burn myself out. I want to have more balance in my life.
Now before you know it they’re at 62, then they’re at 58. Now by the way when they’re at 58, do they hang around with 70 degree people? No, they hang around with 50 degree people, so they feel better about themselves on a regular basis.
Why do you think people watch reality TV? You know what I thought my life is a mess. Look at these people on TV, instantly you better about yourself. Now, but you’re at tax, obviously you’re not like that, you’re an overachiever yes. You’re an overachiever.
So when it’s supposed to be a 70 degrees, at 65 what do you do, you do something about it, yes. You don’t settle, you try it, you try something else, it doesn’t work; you try something else; it doesn’t work. You try something else, it doesn’t work, you don’t settle. You don’t give up and you don’t give in.
If you hit a wall, you go around it, you go over it, you go under it, whatever it takes you do it. And do you stop at 70 degrees? No, you keep going until you hit 80, 85, 90, 91, 92, 93, 99 degrees and your brain goes hey hey hey what do you think you’re doing up here? You’re not a 90 degreer, who do you think you are? Get back to where you were.
And suddenly you realize you’re outside of your comfort zone and then the heater stopped and you lose your drive and you begin to self-sabotage yourself and you stop doing what got you there in the first place and you start doing some dumb things, making some dumb decisions until you get back to exactly where you think you deserve to be.
Now how many of you know — I’m sure none of you have done this — but how many of you have seen other people sabotage himself? Yeah I thought so, I thought so.
You see the strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent with how we see ourselves. The strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent with how we see ourselves.
So the image that we hold of ourselves controls our successes and our failures, and also impacts every single area of our life. Let’s say you have an self-image of someone who’s overweight and you don’t want to talk about it and you don’t want anyone else to talk about either.
But until one day you just you know what, I’m going to make a change. I’m going to do something — I want to lose weight because I’m tired of being single. It’s always good to have that extra motivation and you go on a diet and you go join a gym, not that you go, but you join a gym. And you go on a diet and what happens you start to lose weight, why because you’re starving yourself. You don’t eat anything white; you don’t eat anything sweet, no more chocolate, no more candy, no more French fries, no more soda because you believe they make you fat but that’s not what makes you fat. It’s the self-image that makes you fat.
You see, when a person who’s overweight goes on a diet without altering their self-image, any weight loss will be temporary. That’s why you see people gain and lose a ton in their lifetime. Look at Oprah.
See, whatever you lose you automatically program to find whatever that is lost. When you step on the scale, when you start to lose weight, you look at the scale, that’s not really mean, not consciously but subconsciously that’s not who I am. I don’t deserve this. And then BAM, you put the weight right back on.
Now everybody go ahead, touch the chair. Just go ahead, touch your chair. Everybody say, oom, isn’t that interesting? We become self prisoners of our own self-image. We become self prisoners of our own self image.
Years ago, I met Mike, and Mike is a very good friend of mine, fit, healthy, family man, very successful guy and Mike had a habit of getting up 6:00 a.m. in the morning and he would run for an hour, he’ll run for an hour. And sometimes when we travel together we’ll get to the hotel quite late but doesn’t matter he would get up 6 a.m. in the morning and he’ll run for an hour.
And it didn’t matter where we were, it didn’t matter the time zone. If it was raining he would run indoor on a treadmill even in the parking lot if necessary. And in fact, he never ever missed a single day in 11 years.
Now during that time sometimes he was sick, sometimes there was an emergency but he never ever missed a single day. And one day I couldn’t help and I said, Mike, how do you develop such discipline, what gives you this kind of motivation to get up 6:00 a.m. in the morning and run, like what is your secret?
He simply said, “Dan, I’m a runner so I run.” Hmm I’m a runner so I run.
See the source of Mike’s motivation didn’t come from his self-discipline; it didn’t come from his willpower; it came from the self image of himself as a runner, as a runner.
Here is a simple truth. We all act consistent with who we believe we are. We all act consistent with who we believe we are.
So why great ideas alone are not enough to succeed? Why don’t we do things that we know deep down that are good for ourselves and good for others?
By show of hands, how many of know someone who is a smoker but wanting to smoke and because they know that it’s not good for them, it’s not good for the family. Put up your hand if you know someone like that. Yes?
Let me give you a very simple strategy. Foolproof method, 20 years of research, guarantee to work. You’re ready? Here we go.
Stop putting that cigarette in your mouth and lighting it. Duh, see you smoke because you’re smoker. Makes sense, doesn’t it? But you weren’t born a smoker. In fact, I guarantee you the first time you smoked your body part rejected it and you probably called but your friend said hey dude just keep smoking, you’ll get used to it and you did. Eventually the coughing stopped and you got so good that you couldn’t help to stop yourself from smoking.
Hmm, we all act consistent with who we believe we are.
Now why am I showing this with you? See we all know what it takes to change and transform and better our lives. The how to is usually not that complex; it’s not that complex but that’s the first place that everybody looks. It’s a human nature. If I want to lose weight how do I do it? I want to grow my business; how do I do it?
How do I do it? If there’s any gift that I came by to give you today and is this is to remind you what you know deep down already and do something about it, because today you’ll get some amazing spectacular ideas, you’ll be entertained, you’ll be informed, you’ll be inspired.
But instead of saying there hey you know what that’s interesting, promise yourself that you would just take one idea — just one — one idea and apply it in your life.
Do one thing that you don’t normally do. Just one. Your mind would go oh, I don’t do this; I just did it. Hmm maybe I could do this. Hmm maybe I’m more, who knows.
Right there you start to alter and expand your self-image.
My mentor said to me years ago something I’ll never forget. He said, “Dan, hell on earth is meeting the man or woman you could have been.” Hell on earth is meeting the man or woman you could have been.
So while you are listening to other speakers, go ahead, put up your right hand please, touch your heart. Ask yourself three questions:
Who do I have to be to dream again?
And who do I have to be to live the life I want?
And who do I have to be to produce the results I want?
Yes, that’s the question. Who do I have to be to produce the results I want?
When you have the answers to these questions you will have the key to make your great ideas succeed.