The Unsexy Truth, The Hookup Culture: Lisa Bunnage (Full Transcript)

So, be friends with your kids. The schools, of course, are losing more and more power. Not only that, they are being asked to do more parenting. So, they had to start teaching kids about nutrition, about manners, even hygiene and sex. I thought that was appropriate, the hair gel she used, but I loved that movie.

The 90s are more of the 80s, but the big thing that really started to come in was computers. But back then, they were big clunky things. Usually, they were in a communal area where everyone could use them, and a lot of the gaming consoles came in.

So, what was happening here?

Parenting is going really downhill; they’re not providing their children with leadership. Then the computers are starting to take over. If you don’t provide your children with leadership, of course will turn somewhere else.

They were going towards all these gaming things, the games that were on there were violent, so it just started from there. You know, you look at a 12-year-old girl these days, and that’s pretty much what she looks like.

It’s like you can’t even I feel sorry for men who are looking at women. I saw a guy the other day, checking out this girl, and I said to him, “You know, she’s about 13 years old,” and he went, “No way! She’s like 25.”

I said, “No, she’s like 13, I just saw her in school the other day.”

So, he’s like running, you know, after that.

But the big difference with this: now we’ve got the Internet. I remember when my kids were younger, I used to go to these school meetings at night, where they’d say, “Here’s how you block your kids from seeing all this horrible stuff on the Internet.” I was at the back, laughing.

I thought, were we ever going to be able to outsmart young people when it came to technology? Like, what are we thinking? I was the only one that wasn’t going, “Oh, yes.” I was at the back, like, “This is useless.”

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They’re always going to be smarter than us because to them, it isn’t technology. It’s just like buttering toast. It’s everyday to them.

But the big change was about six years ago, when I talked to this girl, it coincided. It came with the smartphones. All of a sudden, they had mobile technology. They were on the Internet for everything. That’s where they went; because they weren’t going to their parents.

So, where are they going to go? Not to the schools, they didn’t trust adults, they didn’t respect us. Oh, sorry about that silly slide, I don’t know what I was thinking. It was late when I did that.

What am I, like grade four? Anyway, what do all these decades have in common – every single one of them, and probably before that, too? It’s none of the parents were really talking to their kids about sex. None of them were.

You’d get the odd family who would do that, but overall, it just wasn’t discussed in families. I used to say to families, when my kids were growing up, how do you talk to your kids about sex? “Oh, I don’t do that. It’s just awkward. They go to school and learn that. Oh, it’s just so awkward.”

So, they don’t seem to do that. Because I am a parenting coach, I talk to a lot of families: none of them were talking to their kids about sex. They say, “Oh no, they had a guy talking about sex at their school the other day.” If they miss that day, they’re going to miss that talk, and they’ve only got so much information they can pack into two hours. They do a very good job, I’m not putting them down, but they always have that– we all know what that is.

They have a banana that they’re showing, and they put a condom on the banana. Then everyone laughs, and it gets awkward, and there’s a lot of stuff that’s missed. Where are they going for information on sex? They’re not talking to their parents, the sex speakers that come into schools are giving the minimal; of course, they’re going to pornography.

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Every single parent that I’ve talked to of a teenager, all say, “Are they looking at porn?” Every single parent says, “I don’t think so. No, I don’t think so.”

Unfortunately, when I’m talking to their kids, it’s all confidential. So, I can’t tell them, but… Here again, I’m glad it’s not on video because I’m going… They told me that’s all they do: they’re up all night watching porn.

This is what they’re doing. The interesting thing that’s happening though is that younger and younger children are doing this because their older siblings are doing this, watching porn. It’s mobile.

An older sibling will put down a phone and not have it locked, and there will be some porn thing on there, an eight-year-old will come along and go, “Whew! What’s this?” And then they don’t have anyone to talk to because they know that’s “bad.” They can’t talk to Mom and Dad because no one does that, right?

So, they really are learning from pornography. How do I know they’re watching porn? They tell me all the time. I’ll even ask eight-year-olds. I say, “What do you look at on the Internet?” Sometimes they’ll tell me they’ve been watching, they call it “sexy stuff.” I don’t think it’s sexy OK, so they tell me they’re watching porn.

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