The Unsexy Truth, The Hookup Culture: Lisa Bunnage (Full Transcript)

What’s interesting about this is when younger children see it, they haven’t got a clue what they’re looking at. They think – and this is true – they think that’s what Mommy and Daddy do. They think that that’s exactly what Mommy and Daddy are doing; so there could be threesomes or orgies. They’ve got this in their head that that is what’s happening.

You know where I’m going with this, right? I would say, the age group that is bald are probably anywhere from — it changes all the time.

I’m trying to keep up with all this stuff, but they really give me a run for my money, here – they are about 13 to 17, 18, 19. They’re pretty much all bold. Not necessarily sexually active. I’ll tell you a funny story. It’s not a funny story, it’s actually quite sad, but there’s a little bit of humor in it.

These parents hired me, and they said, “Our poor boy is like suicidal.” You know, I specialize in crisis. So, I said, “OK, I need to talk to him. Give me his Facebook page; I’ll organize a session with him.”

I’m talking to him, and I said, “What happened, sweetie, what’s going on?”

He says, “I’m getting bullied at school,” and I said, “Oh, that’s terrible! Tell me what’s going on; take me through a day.”

He said that it all started when he started in this new private boys’ school, very nice area, and they were in the locker room or the change room, and they were getting changed, and everyone was bald except him. All the boys were bald. They pointed at him and laughed, and the poor kid was labeled as “Hairy-something” – I can’t remember what the second thing was – but this poor kid was ostracized and bullied because he wasn’t shaving. Did we know this? I had no idea the stuff was going on.

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That is a direct result of pornography. Where else do they get that idea from? Not the sex talker at school. Not Mom and Dad. That’s pornography OK, this is where it gets a little bit awkward for me because I’m a little bit uncomfortable sharing this stuff.

This is the least of the — an example of the least disgusting party game that is very common, and it’s called “rainbow parties”, I’m sure you maybe heard of this. I looked it up on Wikipedia the other day, and it said it’s an urban legend. It’s not. Kids are doing this.

The girls will go to a party – there’s, of course, drugs and alcohol involved – they’ll either do their lips that way or they will layer them in different colors. Then they drag their mouth down the guy’s penis, leaving a rainbow behind. If they don’t do that, then they have to drink two or three shots: it’s like a drinking game.

Lots of fun, eh? Crazy, crazy. And that’s one of the not so bad ones. I couldn’t even repeat some of the other ones. Too embarrassing.

How do we redefine the norm and change the way future generations view sex? I want to make it clear that not all kids are doing this, but it is the norm, and I think it’s only going to get worse.

As a matter of fact, I know it is, because over the last six years, it’s gotten worse and worse with my clients. All we have to do is talk. We start talking about sex with our kids. A lot of you here are younger, but you are the parents of tomorrow. You have to change what’s going on.

You have to talk to your kids about sex. It’s always awkward. I’ll tell you a funny story.

Well, one story; then another one; one leads to the other. I have two kids. My oldest was three, my son, and he’s just seen a girl naked for the very first time that day. I could see it in his face, he was really checking her out.

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Later on, and I knew I had a journal, I used to write funny things in, so I knew it was going to come out that night.

So, he says to me, “Mommy, boys and girls are different, right?”

And I’m trying not to go, “Yeah!”, but I just said, “Yeah.”

He said, “Because boys have a bum in the back and a penis in the front.”

I said, “Right,” and he said, “And girls have a bum in the back and a tiny little bum in the front.” It’s true Really! Anyway, I thought I’d better have a talk with this boy.

So, I said, “Well, OK, you know, these are your private parts, they’re yours; you’re not allowed to let anyone else touch them.” You know, all the safety stuff.

And then I said, “But you can touch your private parts. That’s perfectly normal, everybody does it, but it’s private.”

He said, without skipping a beat, “Do you do it too, Mommy?”

I said, “Want to bake some cookies?”

My daughter is actually here today, but five years later she came to me, three years old, same conversation. I said, “Tada, tada, tada, it’s private, everyone does it.”

She says, “Do you do it too, Mommy?” Now, I had an eight-year-old by this time, I had progressed, I had grown. So my response to her was, “Want to bake some cookies?”

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