Here is the full transcript of success and life coach Tony Robbins on Creating an Extraordinary Quality of Life at SuperSoul Sessions on Oprah Winfrey Network.
Oprah Winfrey: I’m so excited for everyone here for what you’re about to experience. Tony Robbins! He’s big, too — another big man coming out here, a force of nature who has empowered millions and millions of people all over the world to change their lives.
A few years ago, I went to one of his seminars, thinking, “Ah, I’ll stay for an hour or two,” and I ended up staying all day and half the night into the morning walking on fire. So, I came to observe and left as a believer. And he flew himself and his team to Los Angeles just to be with us today. So I am so grateful to him for that.
This session is titled: “Creating an extraordinary quality of life.” And don’t we all want that, an extraordinary quality of life?
Tony Robbins: How you all doing? Hi, there. Wow!
Nice to see you all. Whoa-a-a, yes! Thank you very much. Please have a seat.
How you all doing? Whoo!
Oprah Winfrey: Go, Tony!
Tony Robbins: Listen, it’s a privilege to be here. My goodness, you don’t get this much estrogen anywhere in your life except with Oprah, right?
Have you had a beautiful time today? Yes! Yes. good.
Let’s have a hand for all the speakers. I didn’t get to hear them all, but I know of them, Gary Zukav, give them a hand for all of them — pastor. Whoa-a-a-a.
So, I was trying to figure out why Oprah brought me, because I’m a different flavor than you’ve been — is that fair to say, Oprah?
Oprah Winfrey: Yes.
Tony Robbins: You’ve had so many beautiful souls up here talking about, you know, really, how do you live your best life? How do you really come back to the truth of who you are? How do you own yourself so that there’s so much more of you to give to all that you love, and so that you’re filled up, so you’re not always on empty while you’re filling other people up? And I honor all of it.
My flavor has the same focus, and it has another piece. It’s different. It’s more like a trainer. It’s about “What the ‘F’ are you now going to do?”, because how many of you have been in an environment where you learn something, it really moves you, and you’re inspired, and you thought, “This is it. This is what I need for my life,” and you’re excited, and then you went home, and you didn’t apply any of what you learned?
Raise your hand if you’ve ever done this before and say “aye.”
Who’s done this more than once? — say “aye.”
Who still feels intelligent? say “aye.”
I’ve done it, too, and so I kind of became obsessed early in my life with — first, I’d get pissed off at myself. I’d be frustrated with myself, because I’d read or I’d attend something or I’d learn something, and then I wasn’t applying it at the level that I thought I should. Beating yourself up never changes it, because all it does — it put you in a lousy state. In a lousy state, you don’t perform at your best, you don’t apply things.
And so I really dug in, and what I began to realize is it was just conditioning, that all of us are really conditioned by our environment to kind of fit in. We’re conditioned to listen, to hear — like, what you’re doing right now is being so loving and respectful. You give me the gift very few humans give — you give me the gift of your attention, and I’m here to deliver for you. I will not betray your trust, or yours, Oprah.
My biggest challenge is the shortest thing I do is 50 hours, right? And Oprah gave me 90 minutes, which I understand from today is probably the most time you’ve spent. Sounds like a lot, but, you know, a minute feels like eternity when you hate what’s going on. And when you love what’s going on, days can go by, and it can feel like hours.
Who knows what I’m talking about here? – say “aye.”
And so, I’ve really focused on how to make that happen, but also to make sure that we take action, because you’ve heard so many beautiful philosophies today, and I think philosophy is what gives us the quality of life, but only if we act on it, right? It’s philosophy and strategy with action.
A philosophy you don’t act on is a dead philosophy. And so the secret is getting yourself to do it. And the problem is we all have trained, we’ve been conditioned and trained to learn in a passive state, which does not make you use what you learn. And it comes from going to a 20th-century school, which virtually everybody in this room did.
What happens in a 20th-century school? What’d you learn? The bell rings, and what are you supposed to do? Tell me, quick. You’re supposed to report to your…to your desk, your position. And why do they want you to do that as soon as the bell rings? And by the way, when it rings, you go to your position, what are you supposed to do — initiate, make things happen, start a conversation?
Now, what are you supposed to do when you got to your desk? What?
[Audience: sit down.]
Sit down and what?
Shut up. Don’t talk to your neighbor. Don’t do anything till you’re told what to do.
How many of you own your own business? I’m curious. Wow. Huge number.
How many of you in your own life are not willing to just wait for someone else to tell you what to do, either way?
If you’re in business, you wait for someone to tell you what to do, you’re out of business. If you don’t talk to your neighbor today, there’s no connection. There’s no impact. There’s no anything.
Now, when I was in school, I was a talker. I bet you’re surprised to hear that, aren’t you?
And I remember in my 5th grade class, I had this man named Mr. Giles. I’ll never forget Mr. Giles, because he hated children. Somehow, this was supposed to enhance his teaching technique. He hated children. He hated the sound of children. And so he would have these three-hour periods where you could not talk in class. And I could go about 90 minutes, right, and then something would slip out, and I’d have to write these 10,000-word essays why I’ll never talk again in class. I did six of them over the course of my 5th grade year.
Then I got to my high-school reunion 10 years later. I’ve become a fairly successful human being, and several of my teachers are there, including Mr. Giles. And I went up to him and said, “You know, this talking thing worked out pretty good for me.”
But my larger point is this: If you sit and learn in a passive state as you have today, it feels really comfortable, it feels really beautiful, and you take it in, and you feel all the emotion. But the problem is, there’s no sense of action tied to it.
So, if you’re sitting here right now, and let’s say we’re talking, like, “this makes sense,” or, “yeah, I really — I want to apply this,” or, “I think this would make a difference in my relationship,” or, “damn, he has big teeth.” whatever you’re thinking right now while you’re watching me.
But if you’re sitting here and you’re in a great state, but you’re learning like this, you might go, “That’s really important. I’m going to do that. I really am.” And later on, your brain will go, “you need to do that. you really do.”
And there’s not enough to push you over the edge. How many follow what I’m talking about here? –say “aye.”
So I’m going to ask you a couple things, and, one, you’re already doing it. If I ask you a question, please yell out the answer. It’s not so we have a revival session, because I don’t really believe in positive thinking. I never have. Oprah knows that. I believe in the truth. I believe in intelligence. I don’t think you should go to your garden and say, “there’s no weeds, there’s no weeds, there’s no weeds,” and chant a bunch of affirmations. I believe you got to find the weed and pull it out. That’s being pragmatic. That’s practical. That’s real. And you’re going to feel better when you’re taking the right actions. Or you can feel better by thinking nice thoughts, but then you’ll go back, and your life still won’t respect the results.
So my flavor is about results. My flavor is not about just discussion. And so it might feel a little bit jolting to you, because I’ve watched some of the talks, and they’re so laid-back and so enjoyable. But if you’re willing to try on the flavor, you might find there’s a skill set there that you might find useful in your life. Who’s open to it? Say “aye.”
Then if we yell back the answers, the other value is research shows that if you sit and listen passively, in 30 days, you’ll remember 10% of what I said, which means I wasted your time, and I wasted mine. I don’t want to waste your time or mine, and you don’t want to waste yours.
I came here with a heart saying I don’t come here to give a talk. I come here to make sure you have the chance, if you want to, to change your life today without any exaggeration or hyperbole in that statement, because what change — thank you. Give her a hand. Let’s do it. I like that.
Because the only thing that changes our life is not more information. Knowledge is not power. It’s potential power. What’s more important than knowledge? What’s more important than information?
That’s right. Execution trumps knowledge every day of the week, and lots of us — how many of you in this room already know lots of things you should be doing that would make your life better, but you’re not doing it? Raise your hand and say “aye.”
So, part of that is we’ve been trained to be passive, and I’d like to see if we can train ourself to be more active. So kind of the way to do this, to give you an example, might be to say, “let’s use our bodies in the most active way,” not just yelling back and forth, but we also want energy, because if you really think about it, what gets you to build something, create something, make something happen is energy. If the energy’s not there, you can have the best intent, you could have a beautiful heart, but you’re going to fall through.
In fact, if I said to you there are two people that loved each other, and they’re in a relationship, and they adore each other, and they both are living life where they feel so much passion, so much alive-ness — not just for each other, but the way they live their life. They’re in a beautiful state. They have high energy. They feel really good. They’re in what I would call just an extraordinary state of mind and heart.
What’s this relationship going to be like when two people are absolutely living the way they want to live, they’re not beating themselves up, they’re going for it, they’re succeeding and failing, but they’re feeling fully alive? How will the relationship be? You tell me. Good? Poor? Okay? Great? What will it be? It’s going to be incredible, because that energy puts us in a state where we’re going to do the right things automatically. You don’t have to work on it. It doesn’t take willpower when you’re in the right state.
But when you’re in the wrong state — let’s go to two people that are doing OK. Their life is not where they want it to be. They’re really not enjoying their work that much. They got frustrations with the children and they don’t have frustrations with each other, but they’re in that state all day long. And they both love each other, but they’re OK. What’s the relationship going to be like? Extraordinary, okay, or terrible? What would you say? OK. And OK really is terrible. Is it not?
If you say to a woman, “How’s it going?” “Okay.” Is it true? or a better one, “fine.” You all know what “fine” means, right? I know what “fine” means. I’m not a dumb guy, right?
But if you got two people in a really lousy state, low energy, lousy energy, it’s not about each other — they’re stressed about things. They’re overwhelmed. They have allowed the external world to control their internal world. They’ve lost their center and they love each other, and they’re both in lousy states. Are they going to say and do things that are going to mess this relationship up even though they love each other? Yes or no? Yes. You better believe it. So that’s the danger zone.
The other danger zone is, one of you’s in a great state, and one is in a crappy state, because when that happens — you work so hard to be in a good state. Why can’t they be happy?! Who knows what I’m talking about?
Or, honestly, if you’re extremely feminine, you’ll come down here and feel them with them so they feel solidarity, and now you both feel like [shit] we’ve made some real progress. Right? Who knows what I’m talking about here? – say “aye.”
So I’d like to offer you an alternative if you’re willing to try it on for 90 minutes. You can always go back to the old way if you don’t like it, but to see, if you aren’t getting the level of result you want so far, and you’re as committed as you are — you’re in this room today. You’re a seeker. There’s a step beyond seeker. It’s a liver. It’s when you live this stuff. And you can’t just — I shouldn’t say you can’t. You can do whatever you want.
But for me, a seeker is step one. Then you got to start holding yourself to higher standards, say, “How am I applying it?”, not beating yourself up, just going, “Okay, if I’m not — let me pick one thing, and I’m going to do that this week, just one thing.”
Of all the things you’ve heard today — there have been so many — I bet you could pick one and say, “I’m going to live what Gary said today,” let’s say around love versus fear, “and here’s how I’m going to do it for a week.” That’s what’s going to change your life. Otherwise, you’re going to keep seeking. And being a seeker is a fun thing, because it’s new, and you hear different things. But you know what? You’ve already got a woman here who — I’m not blowing smoke. I love this woman so much. I barely ever get to see her. But this is a woman for four decades of her life has been seeking for you so she could save you time and energy. She has suffered, and she doesn’t want you to suffer, me to suffer. That’s why she created this. Please give Oprah the hand she deserves.
Yeah, give it up for her!
Whoa-a-a, yes! Thank you.
Nobody would have come today except for this woman, and the reason they came is because she’s someone who lives it. I mean, what she’s gone through in her life — you know her story. I’m not going to repeat her story. So, your story sounds like nothing by comparison, I’d be willing to bet.
We’ve all suffered. I’m here because I suffered, suffered in my childhood intensely. But what it did is made me make sure I didn’t want to suffer anymore, but more importantly, I didn’t want my future family to suffer, so it made me a seeker.
But then I didn’t want anybody else to suffer, because I know what it feels like. So I’ve come by today with two outcomes — one, show you how to achieve more if you want to. Two, show you how to end suffering today. That does not mean you’ll never feel it again, but it won’t stay with you ever again. because we all have a 2-million-year-old brain, and this brain is not designed to make you happy. It’s designed to make you survive, right? So it’s always looking for what’s wrong, and when it finds it, it’s ready to fight it or flight from it or freeze and hope nobody sees you. And that brain is what makes all your unhappiness come from. All the suffering comes from that conditioned state of mind, that conditioning, if you will, that survival software.
And if we can become aware of when it’s running, we can step out if it’s not needed, because there aren’t saber-toothed tigers that we need to run from anymore, but this brain evolved slowly. So now what do we worry about? What are people thinking of us? Am I doing well enough by my children? Do I have enough money? When in reality, if you’re in this room, even if you’re economically suffering — and I hate suffering financially, as well. I mean, when I was a kid, I not only went through the physical, emotional, and family suffering, but I went through the no-food suffering. And there’s 49 million people in this country, the richest country in the world, who tonight will go to bed not knowing where their food’s going to be, and 17 million are children and moms. It’s crazy. It’s crazy.
So I fed 100 million people last year, 50 million myself, and matched 100 million. Thank you. And I fed 100 million the previous year. I’m feeding 100 million this year. I’m going to feed a billion people in the next seven years, and it’s just my way of taking a stand to say I want to give back, and I want to give to people and surprise them, because it’s not the food. It’s showing them that people care. I’m here because someone cared about my family. I don’t even know who it is, but I’m giving back every way I can. It changed my life. It wasn’t the food. It was a stranger’s care. And when you get that, it’s a different world.
So you got a stranger right here named Oprah Winfrey who doesn’t feel like a stranger to any of us anymore, because we feel like we know her even if we didn’t, right? Because we’ve spent 40 years, or 30, or 20, with her, going on the journey with her. But maybe it’s now time to give Oprah the gift back, because the greatest gift you give back to Oprah is your own awakening. That’s what she’s doing it all for. She ain’t doing it for money. She ain’t doing it for business. She’s a great businesswoman, but she’s doing it because she wants us to see us wake up and experience the joy, and she wants to keep waking up herself, and she knows that doesn’t ever end. So she keeps on living it, not just seeking it.
So my suggestion would be this. If we want to do this today, we need to do something a little different, and it needs to be more active. Are you up for that?
Then let’s try this before we do anything else. Energy is everything. Where does energy come from? If you have — how many of you would agree with high energy, you can make anything — start a business, be a great parent, breakthrough, have a passionate relationship? How many agree? -say “aye.”
Low energy — you might love each other. “mwah, mwah, love you, too.” That’s it.
Low-energy, kids, “I can’t take any more!” right? That’s low energy.
Where would you put high energy on a zero-to-10 scale where 10 is one of the most important things in life to have a great life, and zero is not at all? Where would you put it? 10. How many would put it 8? How many put it 9? How many put it 10? How many put it above 10?
Then where does energy come from if it’s not important? If we want more, where does it come from? Food? It wasn’t that long ago you were at your last Thanksgiving, right? Not that long ago. How many remember your last Thanksgiving? What happens on Thanksgiving? “It’s about giving thanks,” You say, “I’m going to thank God and my body. I’m going to eat lots of vegetables today,” right?
How many on Thanksgiving tend to eat more than your share? Let me see a show of hands. And when you can’t eat another drop, and you’re so stuffed, what do you say? “I’ll never eat again,” and then someone goes, “Pumpkin pie?” and you go, “Okay.” Who knows what I’m talking about? And how tired are you? Do you feel like you’re ready to go out and kill the world after that? Yes or no? No, it’s not food.
Food is a source of energy. It’s not the source. What’s the source? Sleep? Who’s ever had 8 hours sleep, and you’re still tired? Raise your hand and say “aye.” It’s not sleep. It’s a psychology. It’s a standard. And the problem is the majority of people in our culture have low energy because they just fit in. Because if you stand out like Oprah, you also become a target.
And so you have to decide — do I want to fit in, or do I want to be what God meant me to be, which will naturally stand out? Because if you go to any jungle, any garden, anything in nature, what you see is diversity. That’s what God, that’s what the universe clearly wants. Not my suggestion — just wake up and look around, and we see it. And so we got to wake that up.
So if you want to make that happen, I suggest to you energy is a decision. So let’s try it. Stand up, if you would. Shake your body out. You’ve been sitting a little while. Shake it out like a little kid. Wake it up. Wake it up a little bit.
And while you’re doing that, shaking the body out, let’s try something just playful. You can create energy. You can create it in a heartbeat if you just decide. But the secret is moving your body, not listening to your mind. Your mind will tell you all kinds of stories.
I remember I was 39 years old, and I went on a tour overseas. I did like 102 seminars in like 130 days, and it wasn’t like this, not 90 minutes. My seminars are 50 hours in a weekend, literally. Oprah knows. She went. 12, 13 hours a day. In fact, do you remember what you said to me? She was so kind to me. Before it starts, she said, “Tony, I love you, you’re wonderful, but I can’t sit anywhere for more than 2 and half hours or 3.” She goes, “So I will be leaving.”
And I said, “Well, you’re welcome to leave, but, “I said, “I don’t think you will.”
And 12 hours later, she’s going, “This is amazing!” and she’s storming through fire, moving people aside, and rocking the universe, right? So that kind of energy is what I’m talking about.
So let’s use our partners in a new way. Oftentimes with women, the beautiful thing about women that men don’t do is you look out for each other, and compliment — men do that, but in a different way. Women tend to, like, compliment each other. You know, women will say, you know, “How do I look in this? How does my butt look in this?” Guys usually don’t do that. Not always, but usually, right? He’ll go, “Yeah, it looks like hell. get out of here.” A woman says “You’re more beautiful.” “No, you’re” — “you have a nicer butt.” “You have a nicer butt.”
I’d like you to try a different approach just for the moment. I’d like you to pretend — who used to play in sports in some way? Anyone here? Who here can be competitive at times in a playful way, like in a fun way? – say “aye.”
Then here’s what I want you to do. I want you to find a partner, point at them, and go “I own you.” Go ahead. Try it.
No, do it like — do it like you mean it, playfully. I own you!
No, I own you!
Now, what does that mean when I say, “I own you?” You’re saying, “Let’s do it.” Let’s do it. Let’s take this to another level. When I say, “I own you,” it says, “I challenge you to go another level energetically,” right? I’m challenging you.
So, the word “competition” in Latin means to conspire together. If we do something, and we push each other, we’re conspiring to make each other better. Who’s up for that approach? Say “aye.”
Then let’s try this. I want to see — if you have the greatest celebration of your life and you’re a little kid, not a boring adult, goes “yay.” But you know how a kid — like a kid gets so excited. They jump and dance and just go for it. Like, a kid, they learn everything. You know why? They’re not afraid to try things. “I wonder what this rock tastes like? Not that one. Who knows what I’m talking about here? say “aye.”
So, I’m talking about more energy than you’ve ever expressed for 15 seconds. We’re going to clap together. We’re going to go “one,” and we’re going to keep clapping. “Two,” keep going. When I say “Three,” you face your partner and go to the ultimate celebration of your life, more than your kids would even do, full tilt. Who’s willing to go for it here? say “aye.”
All right, find your partner, and go “I own ya!” I own you! Let’s do it!
One, one, two, three! Go!
Come on! Wake it up! Come on, now! Wow. Whoa! Whoa-a-a-a! Make some noise now! Whoa-a-a-a!
If that feels good, say “yes!” Say “yes!”
Thank your partner, say, “You rock, baby.” Give her a high five or him a high five, and grab a seat.
And then grab a seat feeling great. If that feels better than before, say “yes!” Say “yes!” Say “yes!”
Now watch your partner and see if they did this, if they went… “Wow, that’s kind of crazy. Glad that stuff’s over. We can get back to the damn seminar and stuff.”
So make sure you’re still sitting up in a peak state. In fact, in your chair right now, I’ll give you a clue. Emotion is created by motion. If you want to change the way you feel — have you ever tried to do it with your head? “I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m happy!” Your brain goes, “B.S. you’re not happy.”
But if you change the way you move your body radically enough — your voice, your face, your movement — your biochemistry changes. It’s not a pump-up. It’s a true biochemical change.
So, what I’d like you to do, in your chair, create more energy than you had when you’re standing. That means you got to wake up your row, Whatever you got to do. Use your voice, use your body. Go! wake ’em up! wake ’em up! Come on! Wake ’em up here! Come on, now! Whoa-a-a-a!
That’s it. Now don’t let it go. Sit up in your chair. Show the people beside you what a peak state looks like by your example. Just show them. A little smile. Make it there. Because if you let your energy drop, if you pump it up for a moment, it’s just a pump-up. But if you train your body — like, how do you build a muscle? If you want to build you biceps, how would you do it? Exercise is how you keep a muscle. If you take, you know, a light weight, and do 100 curls, you keep the muscle. You exercised. The only time exercise makes you grow if you go way beyond what you are comfortable with. Is it true? So we’re working it.
So now, if you and I are going to get results, let me give you the background. I’m here because I’m obsessed with the answer to the question, “What makes people do what they do?” Why is it so many people suffer? Why is it even sometimes some of the most successful people in the world suffer? Most of us think if we’re successful enough, suffering, frustration, anger, upset, sadness, goes away. That’s easy to judge. Like, there’s nothing worse than an angry rich man or angry rich woman. You just want to slap them! “What’s the matter with you?”
But what it really is is it’s a different piece. Money doesn’t change that. Oprah will tell you: money makes you more of what you are. It just magnifies it. If you’re nice and giving, you’ll have more to give. If you’re mean, you’ll have more to be mean with. See, it’s not going to change the core. The core is controlled by this and this.
So, let’s talk about two things. Tell me why you came here. I think I know, because I’ve done this for 40 years, and I’ve met 100 million people around the world at this stage. 50 million, I’ve met at my live seminars. So, while there are unlimited patterns, they’re really not unlimited. At this stage in my life, you know, I’ve seen so much. I get the call when the athlete is burning down on national television. Serena Williams, U.S. Open — she just had the loss in her family, and I got to do something now. And I’ve been able to do that, so I built my brand and my career and deliver it right now.
Or I get the phone call when the child is suicidal. Knock on wood, I’ve never lost one suicide out of thousands. We film them. Did any of you see — oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you. I appreciate the applause. I’m not saying it for that reason. I just want you to know, you can help anyone once you understand certain skills.
Whatever people do, they have a reason. Whether they try to save someone’s life and give up their own, whether they try to kill someone, whether they’re yelling at you, whether they’re loving you. And there aren’t unlimited reasons. We are more than our patterns. And what I’ve learned is, there are patterns of thinking and being that’ll make you crazy, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed. There are patterns that will make you feel gracious and giving and loving and passionate and grateful and alive. And we aren’t our patterns.
But when we do a pattern over and over again, we start to think it’s us. And once you think it’s you, it’s hard to change, because how do you change you? But you don’t have to change you. All we got to do is change those patterns. And when we do, there’s plenty of great patterns we have that make us really happy and make us fulfilled. We just need to find the ones that aren’t working so well and replace them, is really the essence of it.
And how I came across these is because of that obsession, wanting to know. And it didn’t come about because I was such a good person or I was so analytical. It’s because I suffered so much. My mother was a good human being. She loved me. I never talked about it till she passed away, but, you know, my brother and sister certainly know. So does everyone else. She was really — she lost control. Why? A good human being on drugs and alcohol — not a good mixture. So she smashed my head against the wall till I bled. She poured liquid soap down my throat till I threw up, because she thought I was lying and I wasn’t. And it’s kind of weird when the person you love most on earth is trying to harm you. Does a weird thing in your head.
But you go through spiritual pain, and I think most of you in this room probably have had moments of it. Spiritual pain is different than just physical, right? It’s when the love you desire at the deepest level is not just torn from you, but the very people you love try to harm you. It’s almost unexplainable.
But what it creates is, it either destroys you or drives you, and you have to make that choice. And my choice was, never again. No one else will go through this, not my future family, not anybody I have the chance to reach. And that — would I be here? Would I have fed 100 million people if my family had been well off? If my personal family life had been — if my mom had been the mother I wished she would be, I wouldn’t be the man I’m proud that I am. Oprah wouldn’t be the woman she is. None of us would be in this room, because she wouldn’t be here. Yeah, and that’s true for all the people that you and I could blame, as well, because the nature of the human mind is, we’re all deathly afraid we’re not enough at times — not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not funny enough, not knowledgeable enough, not result-oriented enough, not something enough.
And the fear is that if we’re not enough, we won’t be loved. And love is the oxygen of life. When a baby is born, if they’re not physically loved, what happens? Any doctors or nurses in the room? What happens? It’s called “failure to thrive syndrome.” Physically, we die without love, without kinesthetic love. That’s how critical it is to our life.
So we’re all running a story all the time, trying to be enough, so that we can finally, you know, have that love and joy and be there. But the nature of the mind is, it makes you always feel like you’re not enough — not always. At times, some people more often than others. But it’s just a pattern.
We’re the only creatures on the planet that can think a thought and make our self miserable, think another thought and make our self euphoric, think another thought and feel ashamed, think another thought and feel proud. Prove it to yourself. Sit up in your chair just for a second so you got energy, if you would, and just answer this question for me, if you would.
If I were to ask you right now, what’s something in your life you could feel proud about or for? Now, “proud” is a loaded word for a lot of people. Lot of people — “Proud. That’s ego.” No, it’s not. It’s ego if you make it up. If you really have lived it, being proud reinforces your nervous system to say, “This is good. I’m growing. I’m expanding. I have more to give.” It keeps the virtuous cycle going.
But if the culture is, “Oh, my God. I’m proud. I shouldn’t be proud,” then you’re always making yourself wrong. And you wonder why there’s so much internal conflict.
So, how many can think of something you could feel proud of if you weren’t judgmental, if you wanted to in your life right now, really proud? Good. Do me a favor, just for a moment. Think about that thing you’re most proud of, or one of the things you’re most proud of. And breathe like you breath when you feel proud and put the look on your face like you do when you feel proud. What about that makes you feel proud? And there’ll be people watching at home. Please do this for yourself, as well. How do you breathe when you feel real proud?
And, by the way, when you’re proud, and you’re not trying to hide it, what starts to sneak out the side of the corners of your mouth when you’re feeling really proud? If you’re proud like a little kid, show me what your face looks like when you’re proud as a kid, when you don’t have the adult conditioning. How many felt the energy increase in here? Raise your hand if you can feel it.
See, I want you to see the filters you have. It’s not that you can’t be happy. It’s that your conditioning keeps getting in the way. Something as simple as being proud. And how many of you are thinking something that genuinely you feel proud of? Raise your hand.
So let’s try a different one. Maybe there’s another charge. Try this for a second. Think of a moment or something in your life that you could feel grateful for, something, someone, or a moment. And breath the way you breathe when you feel grateful. Put the look on your face like you do when you feel really grateful.
And just double the amount of gratitude. Try to just unleash it and bathe in gratitude, feeling so grateful, so appreciative. Raise your hand if you can feel these feelings right now. Beautiful. Why? Because you’re focusing on it. Because whatever you focus on, you’ll feel, even if it’s not true. Can you think of something and be fearful if someone tells you something? You think, “Oh, my kids, they were in an accident, or the person’s late, something’s happened,” and get yourself totally upset, just by your focus, yes or no? And then they show up, and, what? How many have been freaked out about something for hours or days or even weeks or months, and then it never happened?! Raise your hand and say “aye.”
And, oh, by the way, if your life is going great, how many of you think of other people that are suffering and then feel like… about that, if your life is doing great? So there’s no escape!
Try this one. Think of a time — you ever had a time in your life where you laughed so hard that, like, milk or coke or something spit out your nose while you’re doing it? Who’s had a time where something was so funny, you couldn’t stop laughing? Think of a moment where you got the giggles, where you laughed so hard that you literally were coughing, but you couldn’t stop, whether it was so silly — have you ever done that with yourself, where you cracked yourself up because you did something so dumb? I’ve done that plenty of times, right? Think of one in particular. And then step into that memory like you’re there. And see what you saw that made you laugh out loud, or hear what you heard that made you laugh out loud. And then breathe the way you breathe when you laugh out loud.
And then open your eyes and look at the person next to you, and just point at them and fake laugh, like…double the intensity of it. Go ahead. Double it. Triple it! Quadruple the intensity!
I’m curious. How many found fake laughter led to real laughter, even in a moment? Let me see your hands. It’s like going to your well. In the old days, you went to the well, and in order to get water out of it, you had to feed it. You had to give it a little water first, a little suction first, to make it come up. We got to do that with our lives.
We can’t expect laughter just to show up unless we train ourselves to laugh. And most people are trained to be so damn serious. Think of how intense you are towards yourself. Most of you are 100 times more intense to yourself than you are anybody else. Who would agree with it? I’m curious. Say “aye.”
But when we’re that intense with our self, other people feel it, even though we don’t want them to. Who knows that’s true? And usually, it’s the people closest to us that are impacted by that. So I want to show you a solution to that today.
But tell me why you came here, so I can make sure I address it. I think I know. Tell me what you came here for. Anyone. Raise your hand. Why did you come here? Yes.
Stop second-guessing yourself. There’s no chance of that. You’ll be doing that the rest of your life. Who’s next?
Is it useful to know when something is part of the nature of the mind? Are we always going to second-guess our self at times, yes or no? See, I can try to do that less, but never do it? It’s going to happen. And sometimes, it’s good to second-guess yourself. Only when you’re doing it so constantly that you don’t take any action. Because if you question something enough, you doubt it. If someone said “Your best friend, they’re manipulating you. They told me this stuff behind your back.” And if you know they’re your best friend, you go, “That’s not true. You’re misinterpreting. Mary would — Susie would never do that.”
And then another friend, and the two of them come together and go, “Yeah, she’s talking behind your back.” You’re like, “That bitch” like, “I can’t believe this!” right?
And then you go, and you’re mad. And have you ever done this? And then you confront the person, and it didn’t really happen! And you feel like an idiot. Who’s done this before? Say “aye”
These are the patterns of the mind. Not your mind — the mind.
See, if I told you 100 years ago we were going to go to the moon and back, you would’ve called me a lunatic. That’s where the term comes from. We still use the term. “That guy’s a lunatic.” Sometimes, rarely, people use it, but once in a while, you hear it. Well, that means somebody believes we can go to the moon and back, and we’ve done that. It’s a compliment.
On the other hand, if I would’ve told you 100 years ago, “Oh, there are going to be invisible waves traveling around the earth, and you’re going to have a box in your pocket, and you’re going to pull this box out, and you’re going to push a button, and you do a couple buttons, and you’re going to see your friend on the other side of the earth and see them and talk to them in real time, because invisible waves are going to come into your box and show this to you.” Tell me what would you have said 100 years ago. Come on. What? You’re crazy. You’re an idiot.
I’m here to tell you that the thoughts you think are just waves that are traveling around the earth, and they’re thousands of years old, and they’re not your thoughts. And the fact that you call them your thoughts is why you’re stuck with them, and that you can change them just like changing the channel on a television, by changing the way you use your body.
When you got up and jumped, how many felt a radical change in your biochemistry? Say “aye.” Try something right now. When you wee a little kid, did you ever make weird sounds just for the hell of it, until people told you to shut the hell up? Who used to do this? Why did you do it? Because it felt what? Good. Because emotion comes from motion. And even making sounds makes that happen.
Who likes to sing when no one’s around? Who likes to sing when no one’s around? You’re in your car. You’re singing. You’re rocking. You’re rapping, and you’re white, and you’re 70, and I’m confused. And you get to the stop light, and you’re rocking out. You’re singing. You look at the car next to you, and someone’s staring at you. What do you do? You quickly pull out your cellphone, act like you were talking to someone the whole time. Who knows what I’m talking about here? Say “aye.”
See, we love to make those sounds, because it creates movement. Try it right now. Just make the sounds of excitement like a little kid. Go ahead and make the sounds.
Do another one! If you’re at home, everybody do another one!
Does that feel good? Yes or no?
Yes! Why? Because emotion is created by motion. The more we use our bodies, the more we feel. All the feelings you want to feel — think about this. Think of a goal. Think of a desire that you have. What’s a goal, a desire, even a fantasy? It might seem impossible. There are lots of things that started out as fantasies that become a reality if you don’t give them up.
How many can think of a dream or a goal that if you could achieve, it would excite the heck out of you? Raise your hand if you can think of one. Say “aye.” Awesome.
Make the sound you’d be making if your — if you just experienced achieving that. Go ahead. Make the sound of it. Pretty impressive. Pretty impressive. Great intensity. Not a lot of duration. But I didn’t ask you for duration. But I want you to think about this. If you think of your goal, and your brain’s trying to decide all it’s going to have to go through to get what you want, and the reward is, “yay!” Brain’s going, “screw that. I’ll do what I’ve been doing. We’ll talk about it, we’ll keep the mind engaged, but I’m not going to go through all of that just for a moment.” So, sometimes, we got to increase that intensity even more.
So, before we go into the other content, I’d like to do that with you one more time. Stand up, if you would. And let’s try something this time a little more crazier intense. Here’s what I want you to do. Shake your body out a little bit. just shake it out. Why are we doing this, by the way? How do you build a muscle? Repetition. How do we get new results? New action. How do we get new emotions? New movements, which include sound. If we do it enough, we can condition ourselves. Like, if I lift these weights, and I find a weight that’s, let’s say, so hard I can barely do 10 curls, which one of those curls is going to give me 90% of the growth? Do you know? Which one? Number 13.
Why do we hire a trainer? If you can afford to, why would you hire a trainer? Because they push you when you think you don’t have any more in you, right? And you go, “I can’t do one more.” if you say to a great trainer, “I can’t even do one more,” what will they tell you? “Six more!” “Six more?!” “Six more!” And you do three more, and the third one gives you 90% of the growth. who knows what
I’m talking about here? Say “aye.” By the way, who is the ultimate trainer in life? No, not me. God! God!
When you tell God, “God, I can’t take any more!” what does God do? Oh, you got more coming your way, sister or brother. Isn’t it true? Because God knows there’s more in us. And we don’t discover it unless we push ourselves. So, just for a moment, before we shift gears here, I’m really going to ask you this time to try something different.
How many of you would like to have more joy in your life, more excitement, more celebration, more ecstasy? Then, real quick, the way you use your body will determine what you feel. You have 80 different muscles in your face. 8-0. 80! For most people, this is the largest area of unemployment in the country, right? If you use your face certain ways, you’re going to feel frustrated. Other ways, you’re going to feel euphoric. Other ways, you’ll feel excited.
So, what I want you to do, just for a moment, is let’s just see for a moment, what if you had a new belief that said, “I don’t need an excuse to feel good”? What if that was your new belief? How would it change your life? Because most of us — by the way, you might say, “Well, that’s positive thinking B.S. That’s naive, just feeling good for no good reason.”
Well, think about it. Most people don’t need a good reason to feel bad. How’s it going? “I feel like crap.” How come? “Woke up.” And people go, “I understand.” I understand?! You say to me, “How’s it going?”
“I feel so great!”
“I don’t know! I just feel good!” You’re going to take that person to the funny farm. But if they’re depressed, “I understand.” That’s the cultural conditioning.
So, let’s see if we can’t, just for one moment, celebrate like crazy. I mean, like, more than you ever have in your life. Like a little kid just to wire your nervous system. Because the more you celebrate, the more you wire yourself to naturally celebrate. Can you get pissed off so often that now it’s easy to get pissed off? Can you get worried so much that you condition yourself to worry over nothing? How many of you know somebody that can walk in the room, and their state is so lousy, they can suck the oxygen out of the building? How many of you know somebody who’s not really funny, but they think they are? And because they think they are, they crack them self up, and they have such a good time, you find yourself laughing at their dumb stuff? Who knows what I’m talking about? Who would you rather be with, the second person or the first person? Which one? Which one are you? Ohh, don’t want to be lukewarm middle.
So, let’s see if we can take it up a notch. Who’s up for it? Say “aye.”
Then, when we face this partner this time, I want you to triple the intensity. I want you to celebrate like a little kid. I’ll give you a couple of keys. When you’re a little kid and you celebrate, your feet come off the ground. Adults go, “Yay.” Looks cool.
But when you do this, it doesn’t change your biochemistry. When you extend up, and you’ve opened your diaphragm, and this fires off neurotransmitters in your brain that actually make you happy if you do it continuously, if you keep triggering it. And then, after a while, it gets easy. It just happens automatically.
So, we’re going to use this trigger, and we’re going to try something at the peak of this trigger this time. We’re going to use a trigger called, “Yes.” Just shout the word “yes” as loud as you can and feel it. Yes! Good. Do it again and enjoy saying it. Go.
One more time! go. Yes!
Notice how that feels.
Now say the word “no.” Say “no.” No. Say “yes!”
No’s like burping.
How many feel the energy drop with a “no”? Can you feel it? There’s very little — trust me, “no” is an important thing to have in your life, especially as a woman in certain places. But most of our life does not grow by a “no.” It grows by you willing to take a risk and say “yes.” Who’s with me on that? – say “aye.”
So, what I want you to do this time is, let’s see if you can’t — like, if you want more joy, you have to do joy. And it’s with your body and face. If you want more excitement, you’ve got to do excitement. Can you achieve your ultimate goal and then go, “Well, that was cool”?
Who’s ever achieved your ultimate goal and then said, “Is this all there is?” Who’s ever had that moment? say “aye.” That’s a rough moment, because most of us in this room are overachievers, right? So, we try something and it doesn’t work, what do you do? You just get up and try something else, right? We’re going to keep going.
But if you succeed and you’re not happy, now you’re what I call “technically screwed.” So, if you and I want to be free, we have to give ourselves freedom, and it comes from movement. And it’s even more so in a woman than in a man, because the movement in a woman changes her biochemistry even quicker.
So, let’s try it. I want you to face a partner, and this time, your job is to take that sister or brother of yours, and by your example, you’re going to take them to another level. Take ’em, say, “let’s do this.” Let’s do this. And your job is outdo their energy, on three. One, two, three! Go! Wake ’em up!
Yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! -yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! whoa-a-a-a! yes! High-five your partner. Say, “Great job! You rock!”
Grab a seat feeling great in a peak state! When you sit down, though, create the energy in your chairs! If you were standing, sit down and create that energy again! Go!
So, what I want you to realize is that if you want to change your life, energy is first. How many get this? say “aye.”
How many feel more energy now than earlier today? say “aye.” How do you do it? Did I do it to you? What, you just made a decision, and you took action, and you demanded it, and it showed up.
If you keep demanding it, it’ll keep showing up. And then there’ll be a moment when it becomes your identity. And now it’s all you’ll know. And when you’re not in it, you’re sick, or you’re tired, or you’re resting. But your life has so much aliveness. Without the energy, there is no great relationship. Without the energy, there’s no great achievement. With it, anything’s possible.
So, when I start seeing patterns, and energy’s one of them. There are thousands. But I want to share a couple with you tonight here this afternoon that I think can make that difference. And once I knew them, I not only changed my own life — I lost 38 pounds, 30 pounds in 30 days. I never gained it back. But I also, more importantly, I connected. I used to feel like I was alone. I’d walk in a party and feel out of sort, right? I didn’t feel like God was in my life. And it’s just interesting, when you make the shift and take responsibility, then all of a sudden, you start feeling God is there, too. All of a sudden, you start to feel present. When it’s no longer just about you, when you’re really, truly trying to serve something larger than yourself, whether it be your children or your boyfriend, your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, whoever it is in your life, somebody you love — we’ll all do more for others than we’ll do for ourselves, and the greatest thing we do is become more. As we become more, we have more to give, and that makes us feel alive and makes our partners, as well.
So, once I start understanding this, you know, 30 years ago, maybe 35, I started getting phone calls. And it started with sports, because it was so measurable. So I get an athlete, 1984, L.A. Olympics — that’s how old I am — turn around, this man wasn’t supposed to make the team — Michael O’Brien. and he turned around and won the gold medal, 1,500 freestyle. And then it led to Andre Agassi. He’d been number one, he went to 29, went back to number one and gave me unbelievable credit, maybe more credit than I deserve, maybe not. But I got him back on target.
And then it just led. President of the United States, just one person after another after another after another. And I get these phone calls: “We got to do it right now. We got to make this shift right now.” And because I know how to change someone’s state, their mental, emotional state, I can help them. So, whether they were a child that was suicidal — knock on wood, never lost one in all these years, thank God. I’m sure I will someday. But of thousands in 40 years, not lost one. And we’ve done films.
How many of you saw my documentary, “I am not your guru“? You’ll see some samples in there of the kind of work that we do in that area. But I also get the phone call — true story — from the President of the United States, President Clinton, saying, “They’re going to impeach me in the morning, Tony. What should I do?”
And I’m like, “Could you have called me sooner? It’s tomorrow morning!” But I also figured out what to do to make that happen.
So, here’s what I want to give you. Why did you come here? How many of you came here because you wanted to change something in your life, specific? I’m curious, how many came with a specific idea? Okay, how many came because you just want to change your life? You’d like to have more joy, more happiness in your life, and you hoped this would help that? How many came because you want to improve your body in some way? I’m curious. your energy, your vitality, your strength? How many came here because you’d like to improve or create a better relationship, or create a relationship? I’m curious.
In order to do that, let’s come up with a common language. See if this works for you. How many of you in this room already have a pretty darn good life? I know you want more, but how many have a great life? Yes, and it’s so important to build on success instead of building on failure. You can’t build on failure.
So, we’re already having a great life. As I started to say, if you’re in poverty in this country, you’re in the 1% of the world. You know these people talk about being 99-percenters, unfortunately, they’re not telling the truth to themselves. They’re focusing on what other people have. They’re not focusing on what they have. Because two-thirds of the planet lives on $2.50 a day.
So if you’re in poverty in this country — and I don’t want you in poverty. I want to feed people — you still are doing better than most of the planet. And if you get that, you can build on that. But if you focus on what you don’t have, it’s really hard to succeed.
So, if I asked you what shapes your life, it’s decisions. And I came by today with one primary intent — to get you to the opportunity to make a decision today that would truly change your life without exaggeration.
But let’s show you the power of decision for a moment. How many can think of a decision that you made over the last 5, 10, 15 years, that if you would have made a different decision, your life would be radically different? Better or worse, I don’t know, but clearly different than it is today. How many can think of a decision like that? Somebody you were going to marry, you got close to, or what you were going to do for a living or having children. So many decisions, right?
And so, decisions shape destiny. It’s not our conditions, it’s our decisions, about what to focus on, what the meaning is, and what we’re going to do. So, let’s look at those three, just for a second.
I’d like you, for a moment, to think about this. Three decisions you’re making as I’m standing here, even if you’re not aware of it. I’d like to make you aware of it so you can take control of it.
First decision is, what are you going to focus on? Right now, there are millions of things you could focus on. But the truth is, we only focus on a small band of things. You could focus on what I’m sharing. You could focus on where you are. You could focus on your day. You could focus on what you’re going to have for a meal later. You could focus on your neighbor. After all that jumping up and down, because you probably smell them now. You get the idea.
See, there are unlimited things we can focus on — the blood going through your left ear — but we don’t. We focus on a very small part of life, and whatever we focus on, we feel. If you change that feeling, everything happens.
So, I’ll give you three patterns of focus, because it’s the first decision you’re making, whether you’re doing it consciously or not. You tend to focus — you tell me — as a pattern more on what you have, or more on what’s missing? Give me your honest answer. I’m sure you do both, but which do you more — what you have, or what’s missing? Raise your hand if you focus more on what’s missing. Raise your hand. Keep your hands nice and high, and please look around the room so you see the percentage of the room. So it’s about 75%, make 80% focus on what’s missing. How many focus on what you have? About 25% of the room on what you have.
By the way, Oprah’s raising her hand. She’s a good role model focusing on what she has. So, easy for her. Look how much she has! But I’d be willing to bet focusing on what’s missing is important to make the change, but when you do it as an ongoing pattern more, how are you going to feel when you’re always focusing on what’s missing from your life? Awful. Awful, and when you’re in an awful state, do you feel like changing things? No, it sucks the energy out of you.
So, the pattern — and no one teaches us this. It’s just a pattern on focusing on what’s missing, and we get in the habit of it. And it won’t matter how well you’re doing. Look, I spent five years interviewing 50 of the smartest financial minds on earth, 50 self-made billionaires. Nobody was in the lucky sperm club. Everybody earned it. No one gave it to them. And I’m talking about Warren Buffett, Carl Icahn, Ray Dalio, the best on the face of the earth. And what I can tell you, going through all that time with them, is I watched them, these people that have achieved so much, and not all of them are happy.
See, money doesn’t do it. It’s not money. It’s the mind, this thing right here, that has to be mastered. Maybe it’s understanding this mind that’s always out there that you tap into. Because if you watch a TV program and you turn your channel — and your body is the channel — you turn to one channel, you’re going to see comedies. And you’re going to pull invisible waves that bring you all that imagery and story and emotion. Turn to another channel, it’s a love story. Another one, it’s a horror story. Another one, it’s an epic story. We can literally change what we tap into by the way we use our bodies, which is why I’m trying to show you real quick how to do that.
The reason I do 50 hours is we do it again and again till it’s in your body, and it’s automatic. In our short time, if you work with me here, you can leave here and know how to do this and see it works. How fast can you change how you feel based on what you’ve just done twice? How fast? How fast? Try it right now. Get excited in your chair just for the hell of it. Come on, now! Whoa-a-a-a-a!
How fast did you change? How fast? In a heartbeat. The only thing that makes us think we can’t do this is the mind. And then also, the biggest addiction most of have is the problems. It’s not alcohol. It’s not drugs. It’s not cocaine. It’s not pot. It’s not prescription drugs. It’s problems. Because when you focus on a problem, you can show everybody, “It’s not me. It’s not that I’m not enough. It’s not my deepest fear. It’s not that I’m not loveable. It’s just that I got this ADHD. It’s just that I was raped.” And by the way, it may be true, and I’d like to kill the son of a bitch but I can’t.
But what I can do is get you to stop renting space to that person in your brain. Why would you ever give them that satisfaction? And there’s not a cell in your body that’s here today that was there then, because every two years, every atom in your body is changed. So right now, we’re all on the 2017 version. 2015 and beyond, that shit’s dust. Right? And it’s really important. Yeah, give that up for that one, come on, for yourself. Whoa-a-a-a!
So, I’m going to suggest that what you really are saying to me, and all these things you want — more financial wellbeing, more emotional wellbeing, more happiness in my relationships, more energy in my body, more connection to God, more excitement in life — that’s all I want. So, I call that an extraordinary life. Who’s with me on that? say “aye.”
And what is an extraordinary life? I’m not telling you to be like me. That’d be insane. You got to be your idea of an extraordinary life. So, my definition of extraordinary life is life on your terms. What would that be for you today? What’s the next level for you? Because you heard all these beautiful people today who’ve given you their heart and soul and their best information, but if you aren’t crystal-clear on what’s next, you’re not going to create an action plan. You’re going to leave here having a really beautiful day that you’ll remember, and your life will change maybe or maybe not. It’ll have the potential for change, unlike so many things you’ve done in the past that you told me already, it won’t.
And I came by to see if you and I can do the things so that it will. And it actually is really pretty simple. It’s a matter of being in a different state when you’re learning, and it’s a matter of having a plan that can free you from the mind when it takes over.
So, there’s two master skills. First of all, are we in alignment? Does everybody want an extraordinary life? Do you agree on the term, “life on my terms”? How many’s up for that? say “aye.” Cool.
Then here’s what I want you to do. Take two minutes, sit up in your chair, and write down the answer to this question. I’m going to give you three. Here’s the first one. What would an extraordinary life look like for you now? What’s the next level for you now? Because we all have gotten to a certain level, and we need to find what that next level is. I don’t mean your ultimate thing like 10 years from now, because please hear me out a moment.
Most of us overestimate what we can do in a year. We overestimate what we do in a year, and then we beat ourselves up about not achieving it. I used to do that all the time. But we completely underestimate what we can do in a decade, or two or three. By the way, how fast does a decade go by? How many find life seems to go by faster and faster now? say “aye.”
So I want you to write down right now not your ultimate, super, future thing. What’s the next level? What would be a next step for you that would make life even richer, even more beautiful? What would you change? What would you improve? What would you transform? What would you enhance a little bit? What would you take time to enjoy more of? Would you laugh more? Would you love without fear? What would be the next step? Or if fear comes up, you love anyway. Because think about it. Courage does not mean you’re not afraid. Courage means you’re afraid, but you do it anyway. If you’re not afraid, it’s not courage.
So give yourself a quick description. Maestro, little music in the background just for two minutes. What would like on the next level — be as specific as you can. Like, what would excite you? What would the next level look like for you? What would excite you? What would be beautiful? What would make life even more magnificent? Sometimes it’s little things, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s stopping to feel things or experience things or savor them. What’s going to take you to the next level?
What’s something if you made that happen, you’d go, “Yeah, that’s progress. That feels alive to me. That feels beautiful.”
Don’t copy your neighbor. This is your future, not theirs. I’m watching you. And if you’ve got a good description, a good start, you can enhance this later on, then answer my second question, which is, “What’s prevented you from making this real already?” What’s prevented you from making this real already? What limiting belief, what emotional pattern, what thought you’ve let dominate you, what’s preventing you from just doing what it takes to make that happen already and change your relationship or change your business or change your economics or change your level of joy? Be as honest as you can. The truth will set you, what? Free!
So let’s tell ourselves the truth. If we can’t tell ourselves the truth, we can’t make progress. As great as you are, as great as we all are, what’s been the limit? What needs to be broken through? What needs to change inside you, so that you can have that life that you and your family the ones you love deserve — friends and family?
Really hard to create the life we want if you don’t really define it and if you don’t define what’s stopping it. It’s easy to figure out where the gap is and start to shift it. What’s prevented you?
And then, finally, number three, when you get to it, what’s the most — what are two of the most stressful thoughts that consistently enter you, and you believe, and they stress you out? What are two, one or two of the most stressful thoughts you think most often? Maybe not every day — don’t pick something you think once a month or once in a year. What is a stressful thought that grabs you at times, makes you get stressed, makes you get frustrated? What are two of them? Jot them down real fast. Just go from the gut. What are two of the things that freak you out the most at times when you do get freaked out? Two of the more stressful thoughts.
Now, don’t worry. Don’t stress whether this is the most stressful thought or not. Some of you I can see doing that. “Oh, my God. But is this the most stressful thought? It could be that stressful thought.”
Okay, who’s got it? Let me see a show of hands. Who’s got it? Awesome. So, for time’s sake, let’s just capture it. So, what I’d like you to do just for one minute — stand up, get yourself a partner, and literally a minute each, tell them real quick and tell them authentically — don’t just sit and read your notes — say, “This is what extraordinary life looks like for me, this is what’s prevented it and has to change, and this is the thought that’s gotten in the way,” and then switch — real fast. A minute each. Go.
If you want to do a group of three, do a group of three, if you don’t have two. Be sure to switch and hear from your partners. Be sure to switch. Be sure to switch. Be sure to switch.
30 seconds left! 30 seconds!
All right, put your notebook down. If you’re sitting, stand up. If you’re sitting, stand up. Put your notebook down for a moment. Face your partner. And for 10 seconds, show them what you’re like in a peak state! 1, 2, 3, go!
Whoa-a-a-a! Let me hear you!
Oh! make the sound — make the sound — I’m having you make sound, because when you make sound spontaneously, it makes you reach to the deepest part of your brain, the reptilian portion of your brain, where more of your fears and reactions are. So, when we make sound, it’s rewiring it. I don’t know if I’ve explained it all, but that’s what I want you to do.
So I’d like to try one last thing before we sit down — little final steps. I want to, when I say “now,” to make a fist and make a sound of your soul unleashed. I want you to make a sound as if you had unstoppable intensity. Are you ready? 1, 2, 3, go! make the sound! That’s it!
Oh! say “yes!” say “yes!”
In this state, what could you do? Anything!
What can you make happen?
Get a hug and grab a seat.
In order to get what you want, in order to have life on your terms, there’s two master skills that, if you master these two skills, the quality of life will always be rich and beautiful for you and anyone you have the privilege to serve, anyone you have the privilege to love.
The first skill is the science of achievement, the science of achievement. I didn’t say the art of achievement. The reason I said it’s science is because it is. If you want to master the financial world, there are rules. If you know the rules and you align with those rules, you will have an abundance of money. If you violate those rules, you’ll have too much month at the end of the money. Who’s been there, knows what I’m talking about here?
Financial stress comes not because we’re not smart, but because our lives are filled with so many other things, and no one shows us what to do in this area, so we don’t know what to do. We feel bad about it, so we focus on other things. And then we suffer in this area.
Our bodies are also a science, meaning we’re all biochemically unique, right? But are there certain fundamentals of vitality, energy, and health that, if you violate them, you’re going to have a lack of energy? If you violate them, you’re going to have low energy. If you violate them, you’re going to have dis-ease. That’s where “disease” comes from. Dis-ease is where it starts, right? If you align with them, you’ll have an abundance of energy. Who’s with me on this? say “aye.”
So, for time’s sake, I’m not going to go in depth on this, but I’ll just tell you — you all are already achievers. You just don’t give yourself credit sometimes. How many have something in your life today that once was a dream or a goal or a desire that seemed, at the time, difficult or impossible, and yet it’s in your life today? It could be a relationship, a business, life. Who’s got it? say “aye.”
Then you already know how to do this. Think of something that once seemed impossible and you achieved, and ask yourself, “What’s the first thing I did to achieve that?” And I would submit to you that, if you search later on, based on experience of millions of people, the first thing that happened is something grabbed you. Something — desire got into you. You had a hunger for this. And if it was something that you couldn’t stop thinking about, where you started really obsessing about it, that was the first gauge. How many of you put tremendous focus into this area of your life? There was a lot of focus. By the way, where focus goes, energy what? Flows.
So the first step is focus, and that gives you energy. And if you’re really clear what you want — most people are clear what they don’t want. So if you’re focused on what you don’t want, you get more of that. You’re attracted to it. So, we all know that. But how many have ever had this happen alone? You got so excited, couldn’t stop thinking about it, you’re dreaming about it, and then things just started happening. It came together. You met somebody. You didn’t even have a plan, but it came together. Who’s had this happen before? say “aye.” We’ve all had it. Sometimes, that’s all it takes, because there’s a part of our brain called the reticular activating system — big word. they call it RAS for short. It’s what determines what you notice.
So, for example, did you ever buy an outfit or you ever buy a car, and suddenly, you see that car or outfit everywhere? Who’s had this happen? say “aye.” Were there cars and outfits around you before? How come you’re seeing it now? Because when you buy it, the RAS says, “Oh, this is important. I need to notice anything that relates to this.” If you got a goal, and it’s obsessive, and you’re in Starbucks, and you’re talking to someone else, you’ll hear the conversation over here about the thing you’re interested in, because your brain will find it and bring it to you once you make this an obsessive focus. How many follow? say “aye.”
But it’s not enough sometimes just to be excited and committed. Sometimes, we also got to go to the second step, which is massive what? Action. Write down, “Massive action is the cure-all.” Massive action is the cure-all.
Now, massive action doing what doesn’t work is not what I’m talking about. If you’re not sure what to do, you should try anything. And if it doesn’t work, what do you do? Try something else. If that doesn’t work, what do you do? Try something else. If that doesn’t work, what do you do? Try something else.
How many times do you change? Till you get what you want, right? That’s what Oprah’s done. That’s what anyone who’s successful has done. In fact, how long would you give your average child, you know, to learn how to walk before you cut them off, said, “Dude, you’re just not a walker”? You go, “What? Are you crazy? My kid’s going to keep trying until he or she walks!” Magic formula, and almost everybody walks.
But how many love to sing, even though you don’t sound good? Raise your hand. Love to sing, don’t sound good? But you’re not a singer, are you? Because someone told you early on, “You’re not a singer,” and you believed them, instead of — you weren’t a walker, either. You just kept changing till you got there. But somehow, you allowed them to get you to believe you’re not a singer, and so, today, even though you love it, you aren’t. That ought to be a lesson.
So, if you take massive action, keep changing your approach, the way you can speed it up is to get to effective execution — doing the right thing in the right time. And the way that happens is usually modeling someone else, finding someone who’s already done it, which is the reason you came today, right, to hear, like, Gary and all of these beautiful people share — and Oprah. You’re here because you understand that, because that’s how you compress decades into days. That’s how you can start — it might have took someone 20 years to figure something out, and all of a sudden, they share it with you, and you don’t have to wait 20 years. That’s part of what we give to our children, our friends, and our family. That’s what my life’s about — compress decades into days.
But if you do the first two, if you know exactly what you want — it’s totally clear. You got so much energy. You’re going for it. You’re taking massive action. You’re getting effective execution. You need one more thing to achieve your ultimate dreams — grace. Some people call it God. Some people call it luck. I think they’re confused. But whatever you want to call it, you need that element, as well.
And the only thing I can tell you about grace is, the more you acknowledge grace’s presence in your life, the more you tend to experience, because no matter how hard you and I work, we didn’t create arriving at this time in human history, where you can pull this thing out and get the answer to just about any question, connect with anybody you love, where you drive on streets you didn’t have to make, you read books you didn’t have to write. We’re all privileged. We all have grace in our lives. And the more we experience it with these first two steps in front of it — there is no grace without you doing your part. Faith without works is…dead. So we got to do our part. That’s achievement.
I’ll tell you the most important thing that’s changed my life in the last two years, and it’s really why I came today. It’s my mission. Our culture promotes achievement, and I’m an achiever. I think I can call Oprah an achiever without being — how many consider yourself to be overachievers in this room? Raise your hand. And if you don’t, you’re probably just, you know, being not kind to yourself, because most of you achieve a hell of a lot. You just don’t call it achievement.
And I hear mothers all the time going, “I’m just a mother,” and I just want to shake them. There is no more important thing on the face of the earth — that is the future, that is where our next presidents are coming from. That’s where everything comes from, right?
So, but two years ago — you know, I’m always obsessively trying new things, doing different things, going to courses, conditioning my mind. I go to a class for seven days. And I’m in a dark room with 180 electrodes on my head. And they make it freezing cold and dark. And you got to, like, make your brain go into these alpha states, and you’re there 14 hours a day. That’s how crazy I am. I try everything, because I want to keep growing so I have more to give. And some of it’s terrible, and some of it’s great, but there’s always something valuable, because I believe there’s something valuable, so I find it.
You know, how many ideas you need to change your whole life? How many? One that you actually what? Do. You act on, you embody, you live, right? That’s the piece. That’s really the message.
So, I have a friend named Krishnaji in India, and I went there a couple years ago. And his father is a dear friend of mine. His father is considered an avatar in that country. To give you an idea, his father created something called “Oneness University.” It’s nonreligious. But he built this temple. And we’re dear friends, so I flew to India for the temple opening. And they expected to have 250,000 people over five days show up. 1.1 million people showed up the first morning. So, that’s the upbringing Krishnaji grew up in.
And then, he and his father had some conflicts, you know, just like families do, and oneness became twoness. And he started his own little thing. And they’re both my dear friends. And, you know, I know what families go through. But I went to go see Krishnaji and talk with him, and he ended up giving me a really beautiful gift, and it was so simple. You know, sometimes, you’re trying to do everything. You’re working too hard. Sometimes, you just need a little 2-millimeter shift, and the whole game changes. Sometimes, we’re overcorrecting. Sometimes, we don’t change because we think it’s such a big deal when, really, losing 30 pounds is these three little things, and we’ve just never done the right ones before.
And if we get disappointed so many times, we don’t even look, or if someone shows us the answer, we don’t believe it, because we want to protect ourselves from being disappointed. Discipline your disappointment. Disappointment destroys you or drives you. You get to decide. And if you don’t decide, it’ll just happen automatically, like gravity. You’ll just go to the negative side.
So, I’m having this conversation with him. We’re talking about helping people. And he says, “Tony, one of the greatest gifts you ever gave me was this idea that it’s peak state first — that, if there’s anything that matters in life, it’s train yourself to be energy rich, versus energy poor.” Poor financially is not a problem. Poor energy — that’s a problem, right? If you got high enough energy, you can solve anything — relationship, business. Who’s with me on this? say “aye.”
So, I’ve always called it “peak state” or “energy rich versus energy poor,” “lousy state.” He goes, “What if we just change two words?” He said, “Because it’s helped me so much to do this, but I think I got something to add to, just a little insight.”
I said, “Okay, what is it?”
He goes, “What if we called these peak states, these energy-rich states — what if we really called those beautiful states?”
I said, “Well, they are beautiful states.”
Any time a high-energy state — what are high-energy states? Tell me. Love, joy, passion, gratitude, playfulness, fun, excitement, joy. How many would agree these are all high-energy states? say “aye.”
And when you’re in a high-energy state, you do, out of that state, the right things. It’s just your nature. And he goes, “Okay.”
I said, “I’m fine with that. Beautiful state’s another word, but what’s your point?”
He goes, “I got an idea.” He goes, “And what if we took the low-energy states, those energy-poor states, those lousy states, and we called those ‘suffering’?” I didn’t like that very much, because I’m an achiever. Achievers don’t even get fearful — we just get stressed. I always tell people, “stress is the achiever word for fear.” Because when they say they’re stressed, I go, “what are you stressed about?” “I got to do this!” “What if you don’t?” “But I got to!” “What if you don’t?”
“Well, it’ll fall apart.”
“What if it does?”
“Then it’ll fail!”
“What if it does?”
“Then I’m a failure.”
Right? if we follow the trail of your stress, it’ll take you to your fear. And if you would have said to me two years ago, “you suffer,” honestly, I would have laughed. I have the most incredible life. I have four kids. I have three grandchildren. I have 31 companies. I have 1,200 employees in 7 different industries. We do $5 billion a year in sales. I have my mission. My body is healing and strong. I’ve got everything. So, if you said this two years ago, I would say, “B.S.”
But by that definition of low-energy states, of course I have some of those states. I would get frustrated. Is that a suffering state, yes or no? Yes. I wouldn’t have called it that, because I wouldn’t have liked that, but it is. I would have said, “Well, being stressed, being pissed off or frustrated when you got that many moving parts, that’s part of life. I’m not there 90% of the time.” But that’s not my standard.
And so I realized, as I was talking to him, I actually do suffer. I would have never said that before. Suffering was my childhood. I don’t do that. It’s not the intensity of my childhood, but it still affects me. And if it affects me, it affects everyone I love, because I got pretty strong energy. don’t you? And when we’re feeling anything, do the people around us feel it? And because of that, I looked at it from the new eyes. I said, “I want my life to feel, my presence, a million percent.” I want everyone I meet — my prayer is “Use me, Lord.” Can’t use me very well if I’m suffering, even for a short time.
So I set this new target. And we’ve all talked about it. Our vision is to live in a beautiful state every single day, no matter what. Anybody can be in a beautiful state when things go your way. How do you go to a beautiful state when people are unjust? By the way, will injustice always be around us, yes or no? Yes. Yes. Will people lie to us, yes or no? Yes. How many consider yourself to be a totally honest human being, really, truly honest? Raise your hand. say “aye.” How many of you totally honest people lie? Let’s see a show of hands. And yet, we’re all obsessed with Donald Trump’s lying. We’re all obsessed with the media’s lying, or some people. Democrats, Republicans all calling each other liars.
What are we really doing? We’re not taking care of our own lives, so we’re looking for something to blame outside of us. We’re looking for someone to be mad at when we’re really mad at ourselves. And the only reason life is offering us these people is to wake up. It’s embarrassing what we’re doing in our country right now. I didn’t vote for Donald Trump. I’m not a Donald Trump supporter. I’m an American supporter. But if we don’t support whoever’s president, if we’re going to spend all this time being this conflicted — and I’m not making a political statement. I’m talking about you and I as humans, that we — we’re hating, and we’re calling them haters? More hate doesn’t make it better. It’s not who we are. It’s not our nature. It’s not what we’re about. Who’s with me on this? Yeah, say it. Keep it up, ladies and gentlemen!
So, the way to freedom is to decide one decision, and it’s what I came by. If you asked me most of my life, “What’s the most important decision in your life?” I’d say, “Who you spend time with is the most important decision,” because who you spend time with is who you become. Whoa. That was kind of rough on that one, huh? I hope that’s not your husband beside you that you’re going, “oh!” about. Okay, just checking.
But how many found that, whoever you spend time with, you tend — even if — like, if you have a higher standard than your friends, and you love them, you’re not going to want to beat them up and go, “You got to change this.” So, what do you do? You accept things in them. And as you’re accepting them, at a slow, little level, unconsciously, what do you do within yourself? It lowers just a little bit without you knowing it. And all of a sudden, you wake up one day — you know that old burnout metaphor — you put a frog in boiling water, it jumps out. You turn them on slowly, they boil to death. Well, it’s a burnout metaphor, but it’s true. And we do that with our lives.
So, when I came back, I said, “Here’s my resolve.” And by the way, when I say “resolve,” Oprah knows I always say, “If you want to take the island, burn your boats.” If you give yourself a way out, the human mind will take the way out. You’ll take the path of least resistance, but the path of least resistance will never make you proud. It’ll never make you grateful. It’ll never make you strong. It’ll never give you more to give others. That’s why we have to face whatever we got to face and just go through it, not around it, but through it.
When we get to the other side, we’re stronger, we’re better, we’re richer mentally, emotionally, spiritually, can be in business and finance, as well. So, when I came back, I said, “Okay, the most important decision is that life is too short to suffer.” Who’s with me on this? say “aye.”
And if life is too short to suffer, and I’m the creator of the suffering — that’s what I had to get. So, in order to do this, I had to answer a question within myself, and I want to ask it to you. What’s your favorite flavor of suffering? What flavor do you overuse of suffering? Is it worry? Is it anger? Is it resentment? Is it frustration? Is it overwhelm? Is it stress? Is it feeling lonely or depressed or angry or sad? Yell out your favorite flavor of suffering. What is it? Yell it out.
What is it? How many got more than one favorite flavor? How many got like three flavors you combine to make shit happen? Okay? So, if you can identify — and I know you can — what your favorite flavor of suffering is, then you got to realize suffering begets more suffering. Did you ever notice angry people get more angry? Sad people get more sad. Ever notice happy people tend to get more happy and piss you off even more? Who knows what I’m talking about here? say “aye.”
So, there’s a momentum to that. So our goal is to stop suffering as it arises. If anyone tells you you’re going to end suffering, you can’t do it forever because there’s this 2 million-year-old brain that’s always looking for what’s wrong. By the way, what’s wrong is always available. So is what’s right. It’s all a matter of what you focus on.
And the two things I kind of mentioned at the top — I didn’t have time to walk through, but you kind of experienced them — if you felt that energy, it’s because we changed your body, and we changed your focus. And the way I did it was asking you questions. When I asked you what you were proud of and you really took the time, you felt proud or grateful or excited. It’s just you tend to focus on other things.
So, what was the thought you wrote down earlier when I said, “What’s the thought that, when you believe it, it gives you stress?” Someone raise your hand and tell me, real quick. Yes, ma’am, what was yours?
[Audience: I don’t have enough.]
“I don’t have enough.”
How many have thoughts of, “I don’t have enough money. I don’t have enough love. I don’t have enough time”? Raise your hand if you have these thoughts regularly and they’re one of the stressful thoughts? Raise your hand nice and high. I want you to look around the room and see it’s 98% of the room. Two people are too tired to raise their hand, so…so, I want you to know, is this her thought? Do you remember my discussion about invisible waves? Is this her thought? Yes or no, is that her thought? No. No, it’s the mind.
And when she lets her body drop in its place, she’s going to do what everybody historically does and tap into that set of energies. And she’ll think those thoughts, and she’ll feel those feelings, and she’ll behave in that way, and it isn’t her true spirit. It’s a pattern. Can you see that? And she could change her pattern really fast, and I’m sure she does.
Someone else, tell me what’s the thought that you had, the thought that really stresses you out? Yes, ma’am.
[Audience: I’ll never find my passion.]
“I’ll never find my passion.”
I saw the talk that was done by Elizabeth. You know, she talked about passion all the time, and now she’s anti-passion, right? You know, passion is not it. And I think the beauty of what she was trying to say is it’s not one passion. You don’t have to find one thing. This whole idea of you got to find your thing — how about love, and any expression you have of love is your mission? Loving, giving love — loving with your children, loving in your business, loving your customers, loving your friends. I don’t know what it is, but I can tell you this — it’s not one thing.
And my one thing, raise consciousness, that sounds — it’s really love. Just love. be a lover, love — that’s me. But what’s really important is not to pigeonhole yourself and create more suffering because you haven’t figured out the one thing yet. This is what the mind will do if you let it. It’ll find something to suffer about. I’ll give you an example.
I travel. Unfortunately, I have to have my own plane now, so I can — you know, it’s an unbelievable gift, the amount of travel, because about every four days, I’m on a plane, a train, a helicopter, speaking somewhere, somewhere in the world, and I go to like 12 to 15 countries a year. But I remember a few years ago, before I got my plane, I used to charter. But, overseas, they wouldn’t charter. It’s too expensive. Fly to Australia and back — half a million dollars. That’s crazy, right?
And so I’d get on the plane, and I’d get on Qantas Airlines here in LA, and it’s 14 hours. I would get so stressed because I’m getting in this plane for 14 hours, because what’s going to happen during those 14 hours? They don’t have the internet. So, as a result — oh, my God. I got 31 companies. I got more slacks, more e-mails, more texts, more pieces, more things I got to resolve on the web. None of those things are available, not to mention Instagram, social media, and all that other crap. And so I’m going to be all stressed out, going, “Oh, my God. When I get there, what’s going to happen? There’s going to be even more, and I have so little time. And, oh, my gosh!” And I go through all this stress. And one day, I ask myself, “What’s stressful about flying? You’re not even using your arms.” I’m in first class. I’m privileged. I can lie down. Come on. What’s the matter with you?
And then, I remember one time I got on the plane, shortly thereafter, and I was in a better place. And it was one of the last times I was on a plane doing that. And they announced on Qantas Airlines, “Ladies and gentlemen, it’ll be a 14-hour flight. Clear skies. And we have a wonderful announcement for you today. This is the first time in our history we have international internet!” Make the sound that happened on that plane. What do you think it is? Make the sound. People cheered! People stood up and clapped. I wanted to stand up and clap, but I didn’t want anybody to know I was there, so I sat in my chair and kind of clapped like this. I was like, “This is cool! This is amazing!”
And for nine minutes, it was ecstasy. Then what do you think happened after nine minutes? It crashed. And when did it get back up again? Never. it hasn’t — still, in several years, they still don’t have it working. And what do you think people did after nine minutes of ecstasy? What do you think they did? “This is bullshit! What’s wrong with this group? These are idiots! They can’t get their act together, can’t even have internet?!”
Watch this. Nine minutes ago, it was a miracle. Now it’s already an expectation. If you want to change your life today, forever, you got to decide that you’re going to live in a beautiful state even when people are unjust, even when they’re unfair, even if it rains on your parade, because it’s the only thing you can control. Right?
And by the way, trade your — yeah, give a hand for that. Absolutely, give a hand for that.
Trade your expectations for appreciation, and your entire life will change in that moment. Have you ever wanted to do something for someone, and then you feel them expecting it? I know Oprah can relate to this. I can relate to this, because the position we’re in, it happens all the time. They just look at us and go, “Well, you should do this,” and we want to do this. But when you think we should, there’s a little bit of an “‘f’ you” in that process. How many felt this before? Like, with somebody else — like, “What’s the matter with you? I want to give you a gift, and you’re demanding, you’re expecting it?” If you know how irritating that is to you, imagine how irritating that is to you to yourself. It’s time to change that. It’s really time to change that.
You know, people are like, “Oh, this flight I came here was the worst flight in the world. It was unbelievable. It was so painful!”
“We sat on the runway for 40 minutes without moving. They wouldn’t even take us in! It was horrible!”
“Yes, after that, did you fly like a bird through the sky?! Did you watch a movie while you fly? Birds can’t do that shit”
Did you ever see people on their phone — they’re going to send a text, doesn’t go right, and they’re pounding on it? It’s going to a satellite! Give it a moment! Have we lost it here, yes or no, at times, yes or no? Yes! But if we appreciate, it’s all gone.
So, here’s how you end suffering. It’s so simple, some of you will forget after I say it, or you’ll think, “Come on, all this buildup, and that’s it?” You end suffering any way of three exits — by appreciation, by gratitude, or by love. The moment, in the midst of your suffering, you find something to appreciate — this room, this moment, your friend, your children, the heart that’s beating in your chest that you didn’t earn. It was given to you. You didn’t have to do anything to earn it. Something loved you enough to give you the gift of life, and it’s happening as long as that heart is beating, and most of us don’t even pay attention to it, right?
Yeah, give a hand for your heart. I like that. Give a hand for your heart.
Because here’s what it does. There are three words that trigger you to suffer, and we got three solutions. And we’re going to get up for two minutes and do it, and we’re done.
The three words are these. See if these trigger you. “Loss,” “Less,” and, “Never.” Whenever you think that something someone did — government, the president, your children, your husband, your wife, boyfriend, your girlfriend, your neighbor, your best friend, whatever. If you think someone did something, or they failed to do it, and, as a result, you have lost something you value, like time or respect or love or opportunity, will you feel frustration, anger, sadness, some form of suffering, yes or no? Yes. It’ll also happen if you fail to do something you think you should have done or you do something ineffectively, and you think, “as a result, I have less love, less joy, less anything,” you’re going to suffer.
But less or loss is always an illusion. You might not get this situation, but is there another way to still have love? Is there another way to still earn your money? Is there another way to still help your children grow, yes or no? Yes. So it’s the mind taking over.
What I’ve learned to do is, when I feel that stress, I slow it down. By the way, the third one is “never.” If you believe, because of something she did or he did or didn’t do or I did or didn’t do, I’ll never have the love I want, I’ll never have the joy, I’ll never have the economic freedom, I’ll never have the time, then real stress shows up. Who’s with me on this? say “aye.”
So, what’s the antidote? The truth. Here’s how I do it. I slow things down. I breathe slowly. Take a deep breath in. Exhale and moan. Take another deep breath in. This time, make it a sexual moan and enjoy it. Go ahead. Wow. That was much longer. Very good.
Now, I slow things down because when you speed up the mind, the mind takes over. Raise your hand if you follow that. So, part of what everybody tells you about slowing down and meditating, it’s just slowing down so that you can step out of the mind and come into your real soul, spirit, whatever you want to call it, the true you. I slow it down, and then I find something to appreciate, or after I appreciate, I can actually go to enjoyment. You can’t go straight to enjoyment from suffering, or something I can do that’s an action of love — not just think it, but feel it.
And when you appreciate, when you’re grateful, when you love, it disappears. In fact, watch this. What are the two emotions that mess everybody up? Gary talked about it this morning. He mentioned one of them — fear. The other one’s anger. Those two poles destroy more relationships, more businesses, more people’s happiness, more health. Did you know that if you have five minutes of rage, your immune system is suppressed for 4 to 5 hours? That’s a fact. So we — suffering always has impact beyond the moment.
So, all we’ve got to do to step out of that is put ourselves in a place of what we’re grateful for, what we’re loving, snap into that place. So, I slow it down, and I realize that’s the mind. Look at that thought going by. And I find a way to be entertained by it by quickly finding something to appreciate.
How many of you have so much in your life you could appreciate or love and be grateful for if you focused on it? How many got so much? say “aye.”
Then let me show you right now, in two minutes, how to end suffering. but here’s what I’m going to invite you to do. Tonight — we’re out of time. Tonight, when you leave here, I really encourage you that if you just leave here, and you got these thoughts, and you’re excited, that’s wonderful, but you need to take some action immediately.
One thing I’ve taught all my children — you know, my kids say, “Dad, you’re so smart.”
I say, “Well, yes, I am.”
But the best smarts is that I don’t ever learn something or make a decision about something that’s valuable without making myself do something in the moment that commits me to follow through. That’s the difference between somebody who’s a seeker and a liver. And what I do is in the moment, like, right now, if you really — how many have already decided that you really — and not all of you have, and it’s okay. I’m not asking you to. But how many have decided, “Life is too short to suffer, and I’m not going to tolerate it”? because we all get what we tolerate in ourselves. You get used to tolerating being upset, and you’re upset all the time, right?
You’re used to, you know, notice what’s wrong instead of finding what’s right. That’s something you tolerate. But how many have decided that you’re going to make this decision tonight that’s going to change your life and that you’re not going to suffer? That means suffering starts to show up, and you’ll kill the monster while it’s little. Like, that’s what you do with monsters. You don’t wait till it’s Godzilla taking your life. You kill it when it’s a little nothing, a speck. Who’s with me on this? say “aye.”
Who’s deciding today? Who’s up for making this decision and actually following through that says, “I am no longer going to suffer. This is going to be my new practice. I’m going to take all the stuff I learned. And every day, when I start suffering, let go, and I’ll learn to love that, too”? Who’s into that? say “aye.”
And when things don’t go your way, you got to say, “That’s God teaching me how to love that, too. Let me love that, too, because if I can learn to love what I hate,” Oh, my God. Imagine how free you would be. See, all these people are suffering around the President of the United States. They’re suffering so much more than they could possibly need to suffer, or they could be free, and doesn’t matter whether he’s here four years or not, whether he got impeached or not, whether he’s stuck here eight years, you can still have a beautiful life. As long as — as long as other people have to behave a certain way for you to be happy, what are your chances of staying happy?
I’ll tell you this to finish out. I found there was an unhappiness trap I kept stepping into. It was this. I found out how cheap my happiness was. All I had to do was pull this out, and I could be unhappy, even though I was happy a moment ago. Because when I clicked on it and looked at it — 1,200 employees on 3 continents, 7 different industries, $5 billion in sales — what are the chances somebody’s messing something up right now? What’s the percentage chance that they’re messing up right now? Tell me quick. What? 100%!
If the definition is they’re doing something different than I think they should. With that many moving parts, it’s got to happen. And by the way, maybe they think they should, and the thing they’re doing might actually be the right thing, and I won’t even know it, because I’m so busy being upset about it.
So, what I’ve now learned is people go through stages. Nobody’s perfect. They’re learning. I’m learning, and I let it go. Because if they have to behave a certain way for me to be happy, I can’t stay happy. And if I have to behave a certain way or I won’t be happy — because we’re humans, and we’re going to have variance. Who’s up for this kind of compassion for yourself and others? say “aye.” And this is the tool I want to give you to finish.
When you leave tonight, write two letters, minimum, and then, tomorrow, two letters, and then you’re done. Tonight, write a letter to yourself as to why you’re actually going to do this, because, otherwise, you’ll forget. And what I said was, when I’m in the moment of making a decision, I do something that commits me to follow through. So I will call and schedule the meeting right now, even if I don’t have time, or I’ll arrange for that person to do something, or I’ll call someone and say, “This is what I’m going to absolutely commit to do.” I do something in the moment, because when you go home, when you leave this room, how many distractions are going to come up? How many texts? How many e-mail? How many people are waiting for you, your children, people? And you have this beautiful day, and then you’re going to go to that. And then you had this wonderful day, but action didn’t happen. So it was good for the day, and maybe it was good for a few weeks, but if you want lasting change, you need a daily practice.
So, I will send my book. I will put online for you a practice you can do for 10 minutes a day, because I don’t have time to show it to you, but I’m going to give a 2-minute practice to eliminate suffering, just one way. There are thousands. Please stand up.
I normally wouldn’t have you sit this long. You’ve been phenomenal. Shake your body out a little bit. Shake it out. Shake it out. Shake it out. In fact, look at the person next to you. Show them your energy, just for 10 seconds. 1, 2, 3, go!
Make the sound — whoa. Make the sound of you unleashed! go!
Say “yes!” Say “yes!” Say “yes!”
So, there is a simple technique. It was developed by a group of scientists who found something interesting. They found that, when you and I are born, the moment we’re born, most of you know, is when your heart starts to beat. When I say “born” — the moment you come to life, it’s when your heart starts to beat.
Did you know that, when your heart starts to beat, when life enters your body, there is no brain? That’s a fact. What’s beating that heart? It has its own intelligence, and it’s more powerful than your mind, certainly more powerful than the conditioned mind, because the heart can filter through. It’s like, you go to the internet, you can find the answer to any question you want to believe, whether it’s true or not. So, you have to decipher. The heart can decipher. The mind just takes it in and evaluates and argues about it. This knows the truth.
So, here’s what they found. Really beautiful. Wherever focus goes, energy…flows. So if you put both your hands on your heart and you physically feel your heart — I’ll explain, and we’ll do this in a moment — and as you’re breathing, feeling your heart and focusing on it, putting energy in your heart, we’re going to then, for two minutes, think of three moments in your life you’re grateful for, one at a time, and we’re going to step in and feel it like we’re there, like we’re going to savor it. We’re going to fill up, because, in a state of gratitude — a beautiful state — how many follow? — in that state, you’ll get answers that you can’t get when you’re in your head.
In fact, research will show, when people are frustrated — so, you know we can measure your brain and your heart electrically, your EEG, your EKG. You’ve heard those. You’ve seen it, right? This is what an EKG looks like when your heart and your brain waves — EEG. When you’re in a state of frustration — jagged, no alignment. This creates internal stress. You’re not going to perform at the highest level. You’re not going to enjoy. You’re going to probably snap at somebody, even if you don’t mean to. Who’s done this? Right?
On the other hand, when you go in appreciation or gratitude, do you see what instantly happens? They come together as one, and they’re not jagged. They’re rounded. Your nervous system feels in balance. And this is when you’re in those flow states. Have you ever done something where, after you did it, you’re like, “I can’t believe I did that! Can’t believe I said that! That was so dumb”? Who’s done this? say “aye.”
Have you ever done something where, after you did it, you went, “mnh-mnh, that was me. I don’t know how I did it, but that was cool shit”? Who knows me? Who knows what I’m talking about here? say “aye.” That’s when you’re in that state.
So, what we’re going to do is we’re going to put our hands on our heart. Let’s do it now. You’re going to breathe deep in your heart. And before — one more thing. I’m so sorry. One more thing. Who’s got a situation at home or at work that is unresolved, an unresolved situation that needs to be resolved, but you’re putting it off because it’s stressful to think about it? You got so much else in your life. You know it’s got to be dealt with, but you don’t really know what to do. And so you don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings and…who has got something either in your personal life or your business life with unfinished business that if you focused on it, it would be stressful, so you try not to? Who’s got something like that right now? say “aye.”
On a zero to 10, where 10 is total stress, zero is no stress, raise your hand if that thing, if you really focused on it, would be a 7 or above — 7, 8, 9, or 10. Perfect. If it doesn’t, pick something a little more stressful, because, otherwise, you won’t be able to tell that it changed, okay?
Okay, you got something? Great. Put both your hands on your heart. Breathe deep. And as you breathe deep in your heart… think of what a blessing your heart is. Feel the sense of gratitude for the power of your heart, for the beauty of your heart. What has your heart caused you, shaped you, allowed you to feel and enjoy in this life? What love have you felt because of this beautiful heart of yours? And I know there are times when it’s painful. Just focus on the gift for a moment.
The greatest feelings in our life have usually come from our heart, haven’t they? Give thanks for this heart that beats 100,000 times a day, and you don’t even tell it to. It works even when you’re sleeping. And, remember, you didn’t have to earn this heart. Something loved you enough, knew you were already enough, and gave you the gift of life. No one demanded you prove it. You have inherent worth. Certainly, your creator knows that, or you wouldn’t be here, nor would I.
So, breathe deep in your heart and see if you can double the amount of appreciation or enjoyment or gratitude you have for this incredible vessel that gives us the gift of life. For as long as it beats, we live.
And as you’re giving thanks, loving your heart, appreciating its power and its strength and guidance, I want you to think of one moment in your life you could feel deeply grateful for. Pick a moment you could feel deeply grateful for. Could be in your childhood. It could be as an adult. It could have been last week. Could be any moment at all. And then step in that moment like you’re there. Breathe like you’re there. See or hear or feel or all the above the gratitude of that moment, the perfection of that moment. That’s grace in that moment. And just fill up with those beautiful feelings. Give yourself the gift of being so grateful, overwhelmingly grateful.
Think of a second moment now you could feel deeply grateful for. Could be a little moment or a big one. But just step in your body like you were there in that moment, seeing what you saw or hearing what you heard or feeling what you felt and feel the beauty, the magnificence of this moment, the grace of this moment that you remember now. Fill up with gratitude for that moment. Give thanks. A magic moment, a miraculous moment, a beautiful moment, a guided moment.
And, finally, think of one more moment you could feel grateful for — deep sense of gratitude. Breathe it. Feel it. Enjoy it. Experience it.
And then, finally, think if there’s a coincidence you’re grateful for. What’s a coincidence that led to something you’re so grateful for? We love coincidences, because we didn’t make it happen. It was life happening for us, not to us. What’s a coincidence that led to something like meeting someone you love or a business opportunity or a career or a friendship or just a beautiful thing, and you didn’t do it? It happened for you.
What if life was always happening for us, not to us, and we realized that was true, that even the pain was just a lesson so we could grow and experience and give more?
Now I want you to build up that gratitude and excitement like it’s an energy and like you’re a little kid. Let it build up. In a moment, I’m going to ask you to make a sound as loud as you can that’s filled with joy and excitement and gratitude, and there’s no right or wrong. Just fully express it and express it longer than you normally would and with even more playfulness and with more enjoyment.
Are you ready? 1, 2, 3. Make the sound as loud as you can. Enjoy it.
Perfect. Put your hands on your heart still, with your eyes still closed, breathing in, feeling all that gratitude, all that joy. You’re now in a beautiful state. It’s been two minutes. And while you’re in the beautiful state, keep touching your heart, feeling thanks for your heart. Stay in your heart as you answer this.
Remember the stressful thing? Just finish this sentence while you’re in your heart, breathe in your heart. Feel so grateful. And then think about that thing that used to be stressful and just finish this sentence from your heart, not your head. “All I need to focus on in that situation, all I need to remember in that situation, all I really need to do in that situation,” is what? Your heart knows the answer. Breathe in your heart and just finish the sentence. In that situation, from this beautiful place, “all I need to focus on, all I need to remember, all I need to do,” is what? When you know the answer, your heart knows the answer, raise your right hand above your head when you know exactly what to focus on, what you need to do. Put your hand above your head as soon as you got that, your right hand up fully. And when you’ve got that experience, and it’s in you, keep your hand where it is and open your eyes and look at the percentage of the room that has the answer to their stressful, unresolved problem in less than two minutes. It’s about 99%.
There’s 1% that still wants to suffer for a moment longer. And there are other techniques. But how many found this to be powerful? Two minutes, my friends.
I want to thank you. It’s been a privilege to serve you. I went over my time. God bless you all!
Oprah Winfrey: Tony Robbins!!!