Here is the full transcript of addictions counselor Steve Gill’s talk titled “Addiction – Don’t Let The Bear Catch You” at TEDxStanleyPark 2017 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Nature of Addiction
Addiction affects millions and exists globally in many forms, from mildly self-destructive to severely detrimental to oneself, your loved ones, and to society. There is a recognizable pattern to the spiral of addiction, and through simple yet powerful actions, we can end addiction. I recovered from addiction, and today I’m an addictions counselor. When I think of my own journey, and where I ended up, and where it all started, I remember being six years old, growing up in a small town outside of Vancouver.
I’m with my sister Nina, and we’re in our parents’ kitchen. I smell fresh-baked cookies. “Nina, go stand over there. If you see mom coming, sneeze, ‘ha-choo’.” With Nina in place, I’m climbing on top of the kitchen counter. I’m opening the cupboard. There it is, the cookie jar. I grab the cookies.
They smell so delicious. I’m thinking, “Yes, success. I got away with it.” That adrenaline rush is exactly what people feel as they’re moving into addiction.
The Early Stages of Addiction
Also, a couple other things to remember. You always have a choice. Nina and I, we stole those cookies together. However, she didn’t spiral to self-destruction like I did. I chose another path. A couple other things to know. The early stages of addiction can start off feeling completely harmless. Taking a few cookies seems harmless, right?
It can be the same for you. For you, maybe you can’t stop checking your phone to see who’s messaging you. A new update on Facebook. A new like on Instagram. Even as I’m actually saying this, some of you are checking your phones.
I can see. Harmless until you can’t help yourself even when you’re driving. For you, maybe you’re shopping until your credit card is maxed out. You can’t focus at work because you’re looking for the next great online deal. Harmless until you’re drowning in debt.
My Personal Journey
That rush of stealing a few cookies escalated for me when I turned to alcohol. Growing up, I was often sick with asthma and allergies, and I spoke with this stutter. I always felt that I didn’t fit in or belong, that I was on the outside. And in grade nine, I started drinking alcohol. And alcohol became the solution, and finally, I felt like I was a part of something, that I belonged, and I would drink during lunchtime.
One particular lunchtime sticks out for me. I was buzzed walking into French class. But this time, it was different because I was full of courage. I felt like the man because I was going to speak to the prettiest girl in school. So I took a seat behind her, and as I sat down, the room started to spin. What happened next was not part of the plan. Projectile vomit all over her hair. Needless to say, we never ended up dating. And I can laugh at that now.
But looking back, it was my guilty secret. And my guilt turned to shame when the whole school found out. I didn’t realize or understand it then that that really was my downward spiral into addiction.
The Spiral of Shame
For you, you may feel guilty for a harmless little secret, and then it turns into shame when you begin to hurt others. You may feel guilty for looking at pornography, and then shame when your partner finds out and you lose trust and connection in your relationship. You may feel guilty for losing a hundred bucks playing blackjack or poker, and then shame when your family learns you gambled away the mortgage payment. The point is, if you don’t stop self-destructive behaviors, that shame leads to an identity shift. You become an addict.
My secret was out. I felt that shame. I didn’t stop. I brought my family into my pain. My shame led me to experiment with harder drugs, to lie, rob, steal, and cheat, even from my own loved ones. And over time, my consequences turned to losses, leading to low self-esteem and low self-worth. I believed I was a loser, a failure, that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. I believed I was an addict, and that was all I was ever going to be.
Those were my limiting beliefs. My addiction robbed me of having any purpose in life. That is the power of addiction. In a simple definition, addiction is a lack of meaning in one’s life, a distraction from your life’s purpose.
The Path to Recovery
And just like you have a choice to spiral downward, you can choose recovery. At 21, I was an addict. My parents gave me an ultimatum, treatment or move out. I chose treatment. I was ashamed, confused, and really scared. And that’s when I met this older Italian fella, and he had this well-groomed goatee, and he spoke with this heavy accent. And one morning, he came into the classroom, and he shared his own story, that in his own addiction, he hired someone to kill his brother. His words hit me, they moved me.
He was my first counselor, and he did two big things for me. He taught me daily practices to maintain my recovery, which I’ll share with you in a moment. And he also helped me connect to my life’s purpose. Years later, I went to school, and I earned my counseling diploma, and I took a course on addictions. And in that addictions course, I finished with 99.5%. And well, of course I did, right? I had some personal experience, like hands-on experience.
Challenges in Addiction Counseling
I started working at a treatment center, where I experienced many successes and failures as well. You see, I wasn’t quite satisfied, because the success rate for someone to achieve one year of recovery is less than 2%. And two years into my counseling career, I hit a dark period. I was working with four clients that I just couldn’t move forward. One of them, my best friend from high school, Jay, and he eventually died of alcoholism.
And I remember his mom calling me one night, crying, sobbing, I’ll never forget her words. “My son is dead.” And why didn’t Jay get it? I felt her pain. That night, I went to sleep just racking my mind, asking myself, angry, why didn’t Jay get it? And then how did I get it?
A Vision of Change
And the next morning, I awoke, and I was in that, you know that dream state between sleep and awake? And I had this vision of this bear biting my ankle, and I was sweating, full of fear, panic, running. I was looking ahead in the distance, and emerging from the fog was a building. It was my counseling school. And I woke bright-eyed with a vision, a realization that changed my life. I’ve been sharing that dream and vision ever since, and I’m here to share it with all of you today.
I honor, I honor my friend Jay. He has guided me to help others to end their suffering. The bear vision changed me. It changed how I work with others. In less than one year, with less than one year after this vision, I was achieving a higher level of success with my clients. Picture this. Here I am, a recovering addict, who’s now helping others to end their addiction. And amongst all of this, I reached one of my most proudest moments. The city of Abbotsford presented me, me, with a Hero Award for my work in addictions.
The Importance of Purpose in Recovery
That vision had a bear at my ankle. The bear represents addiction, and if you slow down or stop, the bear will kill you. It killed my friend Jay. And my dream and vision conveyed the importance of purpose. My counseling school represented a destination, my motivation for recovery. And I realized one thing, that I would continue failing my clients unless I helped them connect to their motivation for recovery. Let me repeat that. I realized that I would continue failing my clients unless I helped them connect to their motivation for recovery.
Meet Lisa, she’s 16 years old. She wants to get her driver’s license, that’s her motivation to stay off drugs. Another client, John, he wants to stay sober to walk his daughter down the aisle. I always teach my clients to look ahead, because over time their motivation will change. Because whatever that thing that’s inside of you, that drives you, that moves you, your passion for recovery, it might be different today than tomorrow.
Another client, Cam, he was an alcoholic, divorced. He hadn’t seen his son in years. His family gave up on him. He couldn’t stay sober more than two days. I told Cam, “You don’t have to suffer anymore.” He wanted his family back. He had purpose.
These are the three steps that Cam and others have taken, simple yet powerful in practice together.
First, connect to a purpose. Recently I spoke at a treatment center and I asked, “How many of you came here for recovery? And how many of you achieved that recovery today?” They all put up their hands for both these questions. I said, “Okay, great. If you came for recovery and you already achieved that recovery today, then why are you still here?” Because getting recovery is easy. The question is, why do you want to stay in recovery? Discover your purpose for recovery by asking the right questions. What is your addiction costing you? Be very specific about the pain. Also, what pleasure will you obtain in your recovery? Get very clear about your destination and your purpose for recovery so you can be pulled a daily motivation to something greater than your addiction.
Second, engage in daily practices, gratitude. Upon awakening, embody this feeling of gratitude for another day of recovery. And move your body, exercise a minimum of 20 minutes a day, which will increase your heart rate. A brisk walk, a short run, even a yoga class will release endorphins and improve your well-being. Service, find a way every day to give back in some capacity. One of my mentors, Tony Robbins, he says that “living is giving,” give back.
And third, create a support system. Build your sense of community and connection. Attend recovery meetings and connect with mentors.
A Success Story
I’ve stayed in touch with Cam over the years. He’s a loving husband, he’s got his family back, full-time career. He coaches his son’s hockey team, and he’s here today. Hold on, it gets better. This September he’ll be celebrating 10 years of sobriety.
Conclusion
I won’t stop. You know, if you’re moving into a downward spiral, stop, because today you can take control of your life. Remember, you always have a choice. I ask each of you to apply and share these three simple steps to anyone who is suffering in your life, because together, across the globe, we can stop addiction and we can end the suffering. Why? Because recovery starts right here, right now.