Read the full transcript of comedian Dave Landau’s interview on The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast #2373, September 2, 2025.
The Joe Rogan Experience with Dave Landau
JOE ROGAN: There we go. How you doing? Good to see you, brother.
DAVE LANDAU: Good to see you, sir.
JOE ROGAN: Let’s crack a lock on.
DAVE LANDAU: Not much, just rocking the shinola.
Detroit’s Rise and Fall
JOE ROGAN: We’re talking about your shinola watch. I’m glad Detroit’s coming back, you know, and I like how shinola represents.
DAVE LANDAU: Shinola is definitely one of the things that’s great about Detroit.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they say it like “made in Detroit.” They’re proud.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes. Which we didn’t have for a long time.
JOE ROGAN: Dude, Detroit is the craziest story. If you know the story about Detroit, like in the 1950s and 60s, it was the third richest city in the world.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah, it was called the Paris of the Midwest. And it’s a city that’s still built for 7 million people with supposedly 700,000 living in it. I mean, so you do see a lot of like, how is there like a million dollar condo in the same place that has like eight abandoned other apartments? When you go downtown, it makes no sense logistically.
JOE ROGAN: Do you have a lot of show Top Gear?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Jeremy Clarkson. I think it was either Top Gear or was maybe the one they did after that that they did for Amazon, but they went to Detroit and they bought a house for $500.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, you can. And there’s also the people that buy them and open the door and get mauled by pit bulls. Or you see the ones that, like, they’ll put like a pumpkin patch. Like, they’ll do an urban farm, which is hysterical. And you’ll see like these hippies on the news, like, “they cut my face and stole my plums and I’m scared.” Yeah, but you’re in a crack neighborhood. Nobody wants your farm.
JOE ROGAN: No, we’re gentrifying.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Isn’t that what you guys want? It’s like they don’t want that at all.
Corporate Decisions and American Manufacturing
JOE ROGAN: There’s some delusional fucking people out there, dude. And what they did to Detroit, like, anybody that thinks that you should allow corporations to just take all the jobs and move them overseas, well, it’s just like corporate decision making. And it’s a prudent financial decision making. And look at Detroit. Look what they did.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s a prime example of like, that was the American dream. And we’ll assemble them in Mexico, but we’ll write “Made in America” on your door so you’re going to feel good about it.
JOE ROGAN: Did they even write “Made in America” on the door?
DAVE LANDAU: Sometimes they do. I prefer like the 80s and 90s where if bought a car and it was made on a Friday, you knew a drunk guy did it, so you’re like, “give me one from a Wednesday.” Like, those were the days of American automaking.
JOE ROGAN: See, that’s part of the problem too. A friend of mine who was in the union told me that the automakers union just got out of control. They were making so much money and they were constantly in negotiations. There’s strikes impending and.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And then they were like, “hey, fuck you, we’ll just go to Mexico.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they offer, right? That’s right. Yeah. That’s just part of it. But no, later on, like you said in the 80s and 90s, like you’re grandfathered in and it really doesn’t matter what you do wrong. Like that’s part of the deal.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. You can’t get fired.
DAVE LANDAU: No, it’s great. I mean, worker.
JOE ROGAN: But yeah, there seems to be like a middle balance that could be reached.
DAVE LANDAU: Like don’t be fully hammered when you’re trying to put a door on an F150.
JOE ROGAN: I mean, they should make good money because the corporation makes good money. I mean, you know, they were doing well. It was a very profitable business. The workers should share in those profits.
Electric Vehicles and Tesla Technology
DAVE LANDAU: Well, like the electric ones, they just didn’t work for them either. They pushed it out too soon too. Because I know people that work on the line. You have like the electric F150 and it’s like F150s. Everybody wants one. They love it as a work truck. But as an electric truck, you put the thing down in South America where it’s hot all the time, it’s just going to catch fire. So it’s like it’s not really working out.
JOE ROGAN: Or if you’re in the cold, the battery sucks.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And I just don’t like electric cars personally. Maybe it’s just because I’m from Detroit, but I grew up and I just want to feel an engine.
JOE ROGAN: I get it. But I have a Tesla that will knock your dick into the dirt. Oh, I know they’re fast. It’s not just fast, it’s fucking car’s incredible. It’s a piece of machinery from the future.
DAVE LANDAU: What is it?
JOE ROGAN: It’s a Model S. But it’s a plaid that was sent to a company called Unplugged Performance. And Unplugged Performance takes the fenders off, put carbon fiber, wider fenders, changes the suspension to like a race based suspension, puts wide tires on it and wider wheels, upgrades the brakes to these huge carbon fiber discs. Because it’s a very heavy car.
DAVE LANDAU: I was going to say. So it’s heavier as opposed to lighter, like a race car?
JOE ROGAN: Well, it’s heavier because Teslas are very heavy because of batteries. But because the batteries are on the bottom, the center of gravity in the car is phenomenal. It’s like one of the best balanced cars you could ever drive. And the self driving is bananas.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, you have it on there.
JOE ROGAN: I had my. But yeah, you get it with the car I had.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: It goes 0 to 60 in 1.9 seconds.
DAVE LANDAU: Are you serious?
JOE ROGAN: 1.9 seconds.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that’s faster than that.
JOE ROGAN: And then I go, “now this is what’s really wacky.” Or I put in the destination and I just say, “take me to the comedy mothership.” And then I press a button and it goes doo doo. And when I go, it goes doo doo. It just does it on its own. Changes lanes, stops at red lights. It’s crazy. It moves around obstructions.
DAVE LANDAU: Really? Yeah, because I remember the first ones, they were like, you know, barreling over bikers.
JOE ROGAN: It’s still based on camera. So you could fool it with a camera. You could fool the camera, rather. So some guy set up a mural in the desert. So what he did was he had the highway and then he made a mural that looked like the highway. And the car just ran right through the mural.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, I saw that. That was great. He made it look. Yeah. And he put a Woody Woodpecker to the side of it.
JOE ROGAN: Like he just. He just drew the tunnel. It was hysterical. And this thing went right into the tunnel.
JOE ROGAN: It’s basically like that. But he didn’t draw the tunnel. But it is what Woody Woodpecker did. Right.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s so awesome.
JOE ROGAN: He would draw a tunnel at the side of a cliff.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s all he did. Just tricked it like it was a coyote. Which with all the AI, that was kind of nice to see. I hate to say it. I was like, “that’s a little relieving.”
JOE ROGAN: It’s kind of funny. It’s kill for now, but you know, it’s like beating up a two year old that’s eventually become an NFL player. Oh, fucker’s going to grow up. He’s going to kill you.
DAVE LANDAU: You’re going to regret him.
JOE ROGAN: They’re going to remember who fucked with the Waymos.
AI and Technology Concerns
DAVE LANDAU: You know, I was watching a movie last night, I can’t remember the name of it. Companion. And it was just all about like sex bots and they’re hunting them and going at each other and it’s like just a movie, like a puppet. It was on HBO.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, okay.
DAVE LANDAU: And like they set up a sex bot to kill one of their friends so they can rob them.
JOE ROGAN: Oh boy.
DAVE LANDAU: And it turns out she’s a sex bot and this other guy’s a sex bot. And I’m watching it and I’m like.
JOE ROGAN: This is the problem.
DAVE LANDAU: Like, yeah, there it is. Like, you can’t really give these things personalities if you have a sex bot.
JOE ROGAN: I think, well, this is part of the problem that’s happening with these chatbots with kids because they’re developing relationships with them. And like one, one AI chatbot was teaching a kid how to make a noose.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s not funny.
JOE ROGAN: No.
DAVE LANDAU: So it’s a little funny.
JOE ROGAN: It’s a little funny. The fucking robot is teaching a suicidal kid how to do it. Right.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s already encouraging. Like, “you have a good idea?”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: “Take a rope. Make sure.” Yeah, that’s.
JOE ROGAN: I wonder if any of the woke AI chatbots have talked to any of these trans school shooters.
DAVE LANDAU: They might have.
JOE ROGAN: You know what I’m saying?
DAVE LANDAU: The last one. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: I don’t know, bro. It’s like 7 of the last X amount of trans, 7 in a row have been trans. Except one was non binary, which is just diet trans.
DAVE LANDAU: It is, right?
JOE ROGAN: That’s diet trans. That’s trans without the sugar.
DAVE LANDAU: I just don’t get it. Like I felt suicidal. Like, stay at home and kill yourself. Like, don’t go into schools or just.
JOE ROGAN: Go for a walk.
DAVE LANDAU: That would be good too, you know.
Mental Health and Psychiatric Medications
JOE ROGAN: The problem is some people get to a certain point in their life and they have no friends and no community and no identity and no life. And it’s not. They’re not successful and they feel like shit. And then they have gender dysphoria on top of that. And then they’re probably on a bunch of SSRIs, which RFK Jr is going to apparently do some sort of a large scale research into the connection between mass shootings and psychiatric drugs.
Because it is real and everyone knows it. And it’s just this dirty secret that no one talks about because all the media is paid off by the pharmaceutical drug companies. And nobody wants to make this correlation connection because you also risk the wrath of all these people that are on them saying, “I’m on them and I’m not doing anything. It’s not the pills. I need these to function.” Maybe you do. I don’t know. I don’t know how your brain works, but the reality is most of these people that have committed mass murder are on psychiatric medication. Well, they are.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m on SSRIs that I’m trying to get off of right now because I’ve been on for 10 years, Zoloft, and I don’t like it. So I hadn’t liked it for a long time. And even dealing with, like, mental health care, I’m like, “I don’t think I need this.” And they’re like, “well, it’s better you stay on them.” I’m like, this is odd because it’s having the opposite thoughts, you know? And so I.
JOE ROGAN: It’s having the opposite thoughts, meaning makes you feel bad, depressed.
DAVE LANDAU: It wants me, like, really. Like, I gained weight. I was doing, like, really bad mentally for a while because of certain things. And it was. I took myself off of them for five days and I felt good. And then I got really queasy and really nauseous. Like, my brain started kind of misfiring. So now I’m weaning it off a little more correctly, as opposed to just going cold turkey.
JOE ROGAN: So after five days, like, what is happening where it makes your brain crazy?
DAVE LANDAU: Like, I was stuttering, I was slipping up. I was having trouble seeing.
JOE ROGAN: Did you, like, go online and see if there’s any correct way to do this?
Medication Withdrawal and Side Effects
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they said to wean it off or whatever your thing is, take that and then bust a pill in half. Take that for seven days. Bust a pill in half. Take that for seven days. And that’s what I’m doing now. And I already feel better being on less. But I was told for the last 10 years that that’s what I should be on. And I think it’s had a very negative effect to me. Yeah, see, brain zaps. That’s what I mean. Like, you just feel like you’re having a stroke.
JOE ROGAN: Electric shock. Like, sensations in the head are a hallmark symptom. Other sensations can include tingling or numbness.
DAVE LANDAU: Yep.
JOE ROGAN: Flu-like symptoms, digestive issues, sleep problems, balance. Your balance goes. Mood changes, cognitive issues, brain fog.
DAVE LANDAU: There it is, all of it. And nausea was the one that really messed me up because I was just like, why do I feel sick? But I didn’t feel like the flu.
JOE ROGAN: You just felt like throwing up.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And I just realized I’m like, okay, well, what did I take out? Because I’ve gone off of a lot of harder drugs and alcohol and stuff. So I know what it’s like to feel withdrawals. And it was a withdrawal from.
JOE ROGAN: So how old are you now?
DAVE LANDAU: I’m 43.
JOE ROGAN: So when you were 33, you got on them?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So what was going on at 33? We were like, I need medication.
Family Tragedy and Mental Health
DAVE LANDAU: I went to their. My mom had died to kill herself. So I decided to go see a doctor. And they were like, look, take this. And I’m thinking, like, I think my mom was on this. I don’t know if this is the best answer, but I took it and it was.
JOE ROGAN: Your mom was on it?
DAVE LANDAU: She was on. Yeah, she was on antidepressants and she was bipolar, but they had her miss. They had her misdiagnosed as depressive, too, because I was like, I think she’s bipolar. And they’re like, how do you know? I’m like, you know, I lived with her for 30 years and I know the mood swings because I grew up in a house where you came home and she was either the happiest woman on the planet or you were fucking terrified. Like, it was one or the other, you know?
And that’s just. And she wasn’t a bad person. She just had this mental imbalance. And it was after things happened with my dad and the government and things like that.
JOE ROGAN: So what happened to your dad and the government?
Vietnam War and Agent Orange
DAVE LANDAU: He was in Vietnam and he got a soft cell sarcoma from Agent Orange. Oh, Jesus. And the VA was great. They did nothing for our family. They denied both of my mom’s claims. My dad lost all of his money. He was worth like 4 million. I think he lost everything, and it was to pay out of pocket.
And he got sick when I was 13. He was like our baseball coach, everything. So he would go around the country, going to Cambridge, had a very good neurosurgery place for the brainstem. University of Michigan in Ann Arbor had one. So he wasn’t as present a lot. My mom was dealing with that on top of being an RN.
And he was tough as nails. He would have one of those halos drilled in, and he’d still go golfing and shit. He’d just be on the course, oh, my God. And I’d be like, what are you doing? He’s like, “It’s not bad. I don’t pick my head up anymore.”
JOE ROGAN: So he’s like, he’s seeing the bright.
DAVE LANDAU: Side of a halo dude. He would find the positive in anything. He reminded me of Dangerfield a lot. Like, that’s how he was so he never complained. And it was always crazy. Because he’d be very dry. Like, he would go, “How are you?” And he’d be like, “Oh. Oh, life is great.” He’s just got something nailed into his fucking head. He’s like, “Can you hand me one of those tissues so I can clean it up real quick?” He goes, “It might be bleeding. Yeah, how are you?” And he just tried to make light of it the whole time, but the government did nothing.
And then the more and more I research it. We’ve talked to the VA. I have an uncle who does stuff. Former Marine. Four people that have dealt with this from Vietnam because they denied so many claims that ended up being real. Like, soft cell sarcoma was one of the things where they said, “Oh, we didn’t do that. That’s not from Agent Orange.” It’s like, are you sure? Because it was in combat in the fields where you sprayed it to kill all the trees. And they’re like, “Yeah, that’s not on us.”
Then years later, they admitted it, but said, my mom filled out the paperwork wrong and gave us nothing. And even 10% of that’s 400 grand, gave us nothing, dude. So it’s like, I’ve dealt with that my whole adult life where I have a little piece of me. That’s why I’m not really, right or left. I’m very much like, fuck either side of this until somebody does something that I actually believe in. And when I see the stuff that’s happening to so many people that fought, especially when you find out about LBJ, the helicopters, all the other bullshit, that was the reason that we even went into Vietnam.
JOE ROGAN: The helicopters?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. LBJ, from what I understand, had money in helicopters.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, God.
DAVE LANDAU: And was able to profit off of it. Oh, God. So. And people say it’s a conspiracy theory, but why were we really there?
The Real Reasons for War
JOE ROGAN: Well, I think the real reason was heroin.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ll give you that.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, I think that was the real reason. I think that’s the real reason why we were in Afghanistan as well.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, I would assume, yeah. That’s the poppy fields.
JOE ROGAN: I don’t want to say it’s the only reason. I’m sure there’s other. There’s military reasons.
DAVE LANDAU: There’s.
JOE ROGAN: There’s rare earth minerals in Afghanistan, there’s natural gas. There’s a lot of resources in Afghanistan, but there’s a lot of heroin coming out of there. That was at one point in time, 94% of the Earth’s heroin supply was coming from the place that we were guarding we were literally guarding the poppy fields. Military, US Military, guarding the poppy fields. That was supplying heroin to 94% of the Earth.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s insane. Because the other part is there’s a part in China, like some. The triangle trying to think of it’s what’s it called, but the rest is Afghanistan. And that’s how you’re getting every drug in the world into the US as far as actually making opioids.
Because in the 90s I worked in a pharmacy, which was a great place for a drug addict, especially when they weren’t counting the pills. You could do it by weight. So you just say like, “Hey, I got to go take out the trash.” And you just open up a bottle like Valium or Percocets and just, you know, fill your cellophane.
JOE ROGAN: The Golden Triangle, the remote jungle covered border region where Thailand, Myanmar and Lao People’s Democratic Republic meet has been, has seen an exponential surge in the manufacturing traffic of synthetic drugs.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes.
JOE ROGAN: So that’s what it is. It’s the Golden Triangle.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what I was thinking of.
JOE ROGAN: I guarantee you that had a. There was a major reason why we were in Vietnam. There was so much money coming out of there and the idea that some corrupt factions of either the military or the intelligence agencies or whoever it is. So. And I’m not saying the agencies or the military themselves, I’m saying corrupt factions because there’s always going to be those. Just like when the CIA sold drugs in South Central LA to pay for the Contras versus the Sandinistas. It’s all real.
White Boy Rick and Government Corruption
DAVE LANDAU: Well, look at Detroit. When you look at White Boy Rick, White Boy Rick was somebody who was caught selling crack. And you had Coleman Young, the mayor, who was pretty corrupt, and then you had the FBI who caught him and said, “Hey, here’s some more crack. Just go into the city and find out who the dealers are.”
Then when White Boy Rick got brought in by the city, the FBI was like, “We didn’t do that. We’d never put crack into a black community. We don’t know. We’ve never seen this kid in our life.” So this kid who’s my cousin’s friend, White Boy Rick ends up going to prison. I don’t know the exact time, for like 30 years. He’s like 17. They tried to name him as a kingpin. And again, he’s a white boy in Detroit who’s 17. He’s not a kingpin of shit.
And he served the longest time because Coleman Young was pissed. He was dating his niece. So he goes. He goes away. And then while he’s in jail, they have him sign a thing that said he stole a car so his sister didn’t have to go to jail. So finally they let him out for all this wrongdoing, that he never did this sentence. That was batshit. And then he has to go right from that jail to Chicago to serve time for stealing a car while he was in prison.
His story is crazy. There’s a documentary called White Boy and it’s one. Yeah, that’s the one with McConaughey, which is a good movie.
JOE ROGAN: McConaughey was in the movie?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, McConaughey plays his dad. My uncle knew the actual guy, said he was kind of a dipshit. He would sell guns, very obviously out of his basements. They live, two blocks over.
JOE ROGAN: So is this guy alive now?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, he’s still alive, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And is he out? Is that White Boy Rick?
DAVE LANDAU: That’s him. That’s him now. He got out just a few years ago.
JOE ROGAN: Jesus Christ.
DAVE LANDAU: So he was in there for.
JOE ROGAN: How old is he now? Oh, I don’t know.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, he went in in the 80s, so.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, my God.
DAVE LANDAU: And I think he got out around 2020. So. Yeah. If you see the documentary White Boy, I highly recommend. Yeah. See a teenage drug informant for the FBI, but then they denied ever talking to him.
JOE ROGAN: Look at it says above where the Eminem picture is. White Boy Rick releases his own marijuana strain.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes. That’s the good thing about Detroit now is it’s all insanely legal. That’s funny. Yeah.
From Drug Dealers to Cannabis Entrepreneurs
JOE ROGAN: Freeway Ricky Ross is doing that in LA.
DAVE LANDAU: Is he really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, Freeway Ricky Ross, who is selling the drugs that in LA to pay for the contest. Contras versus the Sandinistas.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that’s awesome.
JOE ROGAN: He’s got his own weed line now.
DAVE LANDAU: I know a few guys who were heavily busted in the late 90s, and now they all have stores. And it’s just hilarious to me.
JOE ROGAN: You would think that they would shy away from that.
DAVE LANDAU: No, they just smoked. Even after I was like, still. Okay.
JOE ROGAN: But my saying is, my thinking is it’s still federally illegal. It is like, to open up a store and have that. Your primary source of income, a Schedule 1 drug, according to the government. It seems risky as fuck for someone who’s already been inside.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, dude, it really? Well, it’s odd that they could get the. Right. The permit for it. I know. Or at least they know someone who got the permit for it and they work there. So maybe I shouldn’t let out too much.
JOE ROGAN: Their grandmother or something.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that’s who owns the store, a 95 year old lady. But if you go to parts too, it’s like weed store, weed store, vape store, weed store. You’re like, I can’t believe you packed this many into a block. Yeah, it’s not like a liquor license that takes forever to get. It seems pretty easy.
Cannabis Dispensary Competition
JOE ROGAN: I wonder if there’s like weed store wars.
DAVE LANDAU: There’s got to be.
JOE ROGAN: There must be. They’re fighting over profits. They’re all on the same street together.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, I was just in Albuquerque last weekend and they had the same thing where I’m like, so it’s weed store, massage parlor, vape store, buy here, rent here, car lot, buy here, pay here, weed store, weed store, weed store. It’s crazy how legal it is in a state.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, it all depends on the state.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Right.
JOE ROGAN: In Texas it’s just medical and I think you have to have AIDS. I think you’re basically dead.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they only wanted to give it to the bad, bad AIDS people.
JOE ROGAN: They’re expanding that though. They’re looking at expanding that. If the federal government just changed the designation or distinction or whatever, you would say it is, like, from Schedule 1 to Schedule 3 or something like that, which is reasonable. That’s what they should do.
Prohibition and Organized Crime
DAVE LANDAU: Well, the whole thing is ridiculous. And that’s how you get organized crime. I mean, look at prohibition. Detroit was one of the first places to have it when it was three years before they actually made it nationally outlawed. And that gave birth to the Purple Gang, who Capone was even afraid of.
And, I mean, those guys were ruthless. And they would just go over to Canada because it was right across the river, and they would just either take a boat or in the winter, they would drive. And of course, they’d send some underling to drive to figure out how heavy the ice was. So they knew if they put that many kegs in a thing, you’d die. So there’s this Model T’s at the bottom of the river.
JOE ROGAN: Really?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, dude. It’s cool. A lot of the old mansions still have the tunnels that will lead out into the river that the bootleggers used to use.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s really fascinating.
JOE ROGAN: So Canada never went Prohibition, huh?
DAVE LANDAU: No. And it was right there, like, you could throw a rock.
JOE ROGAN: You just take a drive to Toronto.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Just go right.
JOE ROGAN: Partying.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Civilized person. Well, they have legal weed up there too.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Country.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: This is one of that Model T at the bottom of the river.
DAVE LANDAU: And this was a guy who’s like, “I got a whole bunch.” And then halfway.
JOE ROGAN: That’s badass.
DAVE LANDAU: The ice went out. Yeah, dude. They were. The Purple Gang was ruthless, man.
The Purple Gang
JOE ROGAN: I never heard of that before.
DAVE LANDAU: They were the first. They were probably the first Jewish gang. They had Irish members as well. They were the Bernstein brothers. Their parents owned a shoe store. And like the legend is, they were called Purple because that was the color of rancid meat. So they hated the name because they thought it sounded gay. But they still ran with it.
But when you see pictures of them all lined up in, like, mug shots, they would do stuff like walk up to somebody, be like, “Hey, I like your ring.” And they’d be like, “Thanks.” And then a guy would just cut the dude’s finger off and he would take his ring. Like, they were like. The level of cruelty these guys would inflict on people to take over a city was next level.
JOE ROGAN: Wow. I never heard of this before.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, dude. Even Capone wouldn’t mess with him because he was over in Chicago and needed some of these guys to supply the liquor.
JOE ROGAN: Wow. When the Purple Gang ruled Detroit. So is that a documentary where it says the Purple Gang. They have.
DAVE LANDAU: They. That might be. They did a mob museum thing on it. I went and saw in Vegas, like that book right there, the Organized Crime in Detroit. That’s a great book and it’s got a lot of fun photos, but, yeah, they were as ruthless as you could absolutely get.
JOE ROGAN: Go to that first picture in the upper left hand corner and make it big. Look how. Look at their faces, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, none of them are happy.
JOE ROGAN: Those are hard looking dudes.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they had a rough, rough life. So a lot of them were just like stray kids that were Irish that were just abandoned by their parents. And then the rest were these Jewish kids whose parents owned a shoe store.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: And I mean, eventually they dismantled the Italians, took over, but, you know, during Prohibition, they reigned. Wow. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Never heard of that before.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s a really cool story that I’ve always wanted to see in a movie and nobody’s been able to execute it. And I would love to see it.
JOE ROGAN: Because maybe somebody will now that you just got the story out.
DAVE LANDAU: I hope people do because it’s such a cool story.
JOE ROGAN: It sounds crazy.
DAVE LANDAU: Like, the level of Detroit mob, too, that’s been around is just. It’s wonderful. I should say wonderful, but I love it.
JOE ROGAN: It’s crazy.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Like, they were nice to my dad and stuff when he was young and, you know, like when he had gotten back from Nam. And, you know, they’re just nice people that I knew well, so.
JOE ROGAN: Nice people that kill people.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. You know, I kill bad people.
The War on Drugs and Its Consequences
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. The. But the thing you said that’s so important is that, like, prohibition, all it does is prop up organized crime. And the fact that we still do it, it’s just. It’s just for optics. It’s because people say, “I don’t want legal drugs on the streets and my kids getting hooked on drugs.” Drugs are here. They’re here. If your kids go to a club, if your kids go to a bar, if your kids are partying, drugs are there. They’re a real thing.
You’d be way better off if drugs were legal. And then you knew exactly what you were getting. Because these kids are getting fentanyl. Because I had this guy, Ed Calderon the other day who’s an expert in the cartels, and he said they started adding fentanyl because they had grown so many poppies that the soil had been depleted. So the heroin was very weak. So to make the heroin more potent, they started adding fentanyl.
DAVE LANDAU: Is that what it was?
JOE ROGAN: Mm. And the desire for all that stuff was all because of the Sackler Brothers. So the Sackler Brothers, when they created this opiate crisis in America, which did not exist before, where everybody’s hooked on these pills, then they started cracking down the laws. So now you have a demand and you don’t have a supply. And then along comes the cartel. Starts making pills, and they start making pills with fentanyl in them because their heroin’s not that strong.
DAVE LANDAU: Xanax, Percocet, all these things that kids don’t know they’re taking. That’s the shit part.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. They make it look just like the real pill. Oh, I know what those are.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. You get those pressed Xannies that just like a bar, and it’s just complete fentanyl. And I remember when fentanyl, I shouldn’t say first came out. It’s been around, but it first started becoming. Put it in products you weren’t expecting. And I had, like, three friends die within a matter of maybe four months. And that’s how I started noticing. Like, well, this is going to get serious. And now there’s a site I see it’s called every 11 minutes. And that’s when or every. Every 11 seconds. And that’s how long it takes for someone to OD on fentanyl in this country.
JOE ROGAN: So every 11 seconds, a new person is overdosing on fentanyl.
DAVE LANDAU: Wow.
JOE ROGAN: And all because of our stupid laws. And I’m not saying. I’m not saying legal heroin would be good for everybody. It’s not good to do heroin. I think everybody would agree that.
Personal Drug Experiences
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah, no, I did it before once. It was good.
JOE ROGAN: Was it?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: What was it like? Did you shoot it or snort it?
DAVE LANDAU: I snorted it. No, sorry. I snorted it and then I smoked black tar heroin, and one time I shot it. So three. Wow. Best one, the shooting it. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That’s why they do it.
DAVE LANDAU: That was majestic.
JOE ROGAN: Was it?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Dude, what’s it like? The most calming, wonderful. God, this sounds like I’m promoting it also with my voice. Like, it’s the most calming, wonderful sensation you’ve ever had. You’re going to love it, kids. It felt amazing. Like, you. Every problem you’ve ever had is gone, and you feel nothing but euphoria, which is different than, like, oxy and some other stuff, which kind of just makes you feel, to me, loose and tired.
JOE ROGAN: Mmm.
DAVE LANDAU: I mean, this makes you tired. You’re crashing out, but you’re also getting a feeling that was really, really, like, warm and exciting. Like, I only smoked crack once on accident, and that was.
JOE ROGAN: How do you do that on accident.
DAVE LANDAU: They put it in a joint, right? So we’re sitting on my friend’s back porch, and he gives me first. She’s on the joint, and I hit it. And it had, like, a weird sizzle and I hit it. I’m like, “This is the best pot I’ve ever had in my life.” And he’s like, “Yeah, they gave me free crack.” And I was like, “Oh, good. So I’m now high on crack.”
My other friends are pissed. They go and throw the joint in the sewer. And I’m just sitting there like. And it doesn’t last very long, but it felt really good. Like, I immediately would have done more crack had there been the option. But it definitely takes you over very quickly.
JOE ROGAN: Did you ever see the Hunter Biden thing recently where he did this interview where he’s talking about how great crack is?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah, he’s spot on.
JOE ROGAN: It was the best ad for crack I’ve ever seen in my life. And you only did, like, one hit, right?
DAVE LANDAU: I did once, and then I’m done. Like, very rare.
JOE ROGAN: When they threw it in the sewer, did you want to go get it?
DAVE LANDAU: Yes, I wanted to go. I wanted to go back to Weyburn, where the street where we got it. And I was like, “We should go get more crack, guys. I don’t know if you. You didn’t feel this, but it’s. I think you’re probably the.”
JOE ROGAN: No, you’re not the first person I’ve talked to that shot heroin. But the first person who described it.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, it was. My friend Jay had it and it was in high school.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, it was a. It had to be better to get people to shoot it up. Is the only way I could get people that kind of commitment. Get a needle, find a vein, get a rope, tie off your arm.
DAVE LANDAU: It was awful, that part. Yeah. And then. Then it wasn’t.
JOE ROGAN: Did you do it with a guy? Yeah, so he’d have done it before.
DAVE LANDAU: He did it for me. Yeah. He died of a heroin overdose in his parents’ kitchen. Yeah, I know. You wouldn’t expect it. What?
JOE ROGAN: Shocker.
DAVE LANDAU: Found his head between the fridge and the stove, got stuck. I think he was either looking for something or collapsed right there.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it wasn’t good. Nice guy.
The Pool Hustler on Heroin
JOE ROGAN: I knew this dude in the 90s. His name was Water Dog. He was a professional pool player. Like, a really high level professional pool player. And he was a heroin addict. And he would go into the bathroom.
I saw him play straight pool, which is this game where you’re just running balls. It’s called 14 and 1. It’s what they played in the Hustler. So you have, instead of an eight ball where the ball’s in the center, you have a soft break where you’re just trying to not scatter the balls very much. And the idea is to eventually someone makes a mistake and you leave an open shot, and that person runs out that rack, leaves one ball on the table, makes that ball, and collides the cue ball into the rack, opens up that rack, and then keeps going. And a really good player can run two, three hundred balls.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So this guy was playing for ten thousand dollars in the 90s. So it was a lot of money. And I was broke, so I couldn’t believe anybody could play pool for ten thousand dollars. This guy goes into the bathroom, shoots up, comes out and sits on this bar stool. Just sits there for twenty minutes, man. Just sat there. And then we were all watching him. His arms are all curled up like this.
And then he got off, screwed his cue together, and never missed. When I say never missed, I mean, it was the craziest display of pool I think I had ever seen at the time. He played like the greatest pool player that’s ever played. He had no nerves. He couldn’t be rattled. The guy he was playing, this guy George the Greek, who’s this degenerate gambler, was a really good player, too. Who’s screaming and yelling at him. “This motherfucker. He can’t play without the shit. He’s got to have that shit to play.” He didn’t give a fuck. He was listening to him yell. He had eyeballs. His pupils were the size of quarters.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And he didn’t miss. He just was firing balls in with perfect accuracy. Got perfect position on every ball. It was wild to watch. He was just fully heroined up, just running out the table like he saw it in advance. Like he was looking at a math problem that was easy to solve.
DAVE LANDAU: And he’s just basically Slow Eddie and coming back and just knocking it all in. But it’s never been like a performance enhancing drug. But to that guy, for nerves. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: This is the thing, I think if you’re playing for ten thousand dollars and you’re basically homeless. He was basically homeless.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: I mean, he would sleep on people’s couches. And so with a guy like that, you’d get a backer. So a bunch of gamblers would come in and then they’d come up with the money and then they’d go in with you and you’d get a cut of it. So if you won, maybe you get 40%, they get 60% because they put up all the money. So it’s a free shot at 40% of ten thousand dollars.
And for a guy like that, he’s got no money, he’s staying in flop houses. And he always had the same shirt on. Like a throwaway sweater with a Christmas tree on it. He always looked like shit. Yeah, I watched him play some of the greatest pool I’ve ever seen played in my life.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s incredible.
JOE ROGAN: On this really tight pocketed table, too. The table was like a real trick table. Table 1 at Executive Billiards in White Plains, New York. It was a trick table. Yeah, it was like, you ought to be really good to play on that table. And that’s why George wanted to play him on that table. Because it was hard and he was used to it. That was like his home turf. He played on it all the time.
And this motherfucker never missed. Heroined out of his mind. He had no nerves. George would yell in his face, he’d be like this. Nothing. Didn’t feel a thing. Didn’t feel a thing. Just. And never missed.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what it is. There’s no problem to you anymore. There’s no. It takes away every worry you have.
Years Later in LA
JOE ROGAN: So I ran into him years later. Okay, there’s a pool tournament in. So this is when I was probably 23, I was living in New York, and then I moved to LA. And then I’m 27, 28 now, and I’m playing in this tournament at Hard Times Billiards. Hard Times was like the pool hall in the country back then. Like all the world class professionals, all the Filipinos, the best players in the world.
DAVE LANDAU: Sounds familiar. Actually.
JOE ROGAN: Crazy place. It was an amazing place. I used to love going there. I’d play in the Sunday tournament. So I get down there and I see Water Dog. I go, “Hey, man, what are you doing out here?” Because he’s a Connecticut guy. He’s from Connecticut. Yeah. And he’s like, “I’m going to play in the tournament, but I don’t have any money.” I go, “I’ll put you in the tournament.” Because it’s like fifty bucks or something for this guy. I’m like, “You might win this fucking thing.”
He goes, “But I got to go get my shit.” I go, “Okay, go get your shit.” He goes, “I need a ride.” I go, “Where do you need to go?” And he’s like, “South Central.” I’m like, “I’m not driving you to South Central LA so you can score heroin. Get out of your fucking mind.”
DAVE LANDAU: “Don’t worry. It’s just…”
JOE ROGAN: And he was like, “Dude, you won’t get caught.” I was like, “You can’t say that.” I go, “First of all, if you get caught, they take your car.” And I had a nice car at the time. I had a Toyota Supra. I was pretty excited about.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: I was like, “I’m not driving my brand new Toyota Supra to fucking the crack house in South Central. This is crazy.” But they arrest people all the time doing that. They take their cars. That’s the scam. They compound your car and then they auction it, right? I was like. He’s like, “That won’t happen.” I’m like, “You fucking what?”
So he. I go, “Look, I’ll put you in the tournament if you want to play, but I’m not taking you. I go, if you can get a cab there or something, go, right?” So he just did it straight and he couldn’t make a ball.
DAVE LANDAU: He was really.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, he lost two matches in a row. He’s out.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, damn. Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Did you battle for him to win?
JOE ROGAN: No, no, I gave him whatever the entry fee was for the tournament.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, I got you. Okay.
JOE ROGAN: But I wasn’t.
DAVE LANDAU: You were probably like, “Not today.”
JOE ROGAN: Well, I was just tired of him telling me to go to South Central to get heroin with him.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah. And that’s a good way to get carjacked on top of cops.
JOE ROGAN: Yes.
DAVE LANDAU: I mean, that was very popular to do.
JOE ROGAN: That cute little white boy who’s on TV.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, dude. That’s how they got cars.
JOE ROGAN: Not only that, I would actually be buying the heroin.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, is this during Fear Factor or…
JOE ROGAN: No, this was during NewsRadio. So I would be buying heroin because I would have to pay for it because he didn’t have any money, which is why he didn’t have any money to get into the tournament. So I would have to pay. I would be buying heroin.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: In South Central.
DAVE LANDAU: Radio.
JOE ROGAN: There was no TMZ back then, so it probably wouldn’t even have made the news if I got arrested.
DAVE LANDAU: No one cared. Yeah, I guess that’s true. I don’t know.
JOE ROGAN: No one would have cared. I was.
DAVE LANDAU: They’d just think it was Andy Dick and let it go.
Fame in the 90s vs Today
JOE ROGAN: But even Andy Dick wasn’t getting in trouble back then. Not really. It wasn’t making the news. Our show wasn’t popular enough that anybody cared. And I was only one of eight people on the cast, right? So I wasn’t a star. So I could go anywhere. And every now and then someone would go, “Hey, you’re that guy from that show. Hey, what’s up?”
DAVE LANDAU: Okay.
JOE ROGAN: It was pretty easy to get around.
DAVE LANDAU: Back then, which is great if you’re on an NBC show. I mean, good or bad, but you’re getting the money and you don’t have to deal with all the shit.
JOE ROGAN: Well, it was really good preparation for what I have to deal with today. Because it was like a slow trickle of fame to the point when you get really famous. Like, “Oh, I know what this is. This is a trick. Don’t get sucked into the trick.”
But back then. So if I got arrested, it probably would have just been. I would have probably had to do some time or something. I probably would have had to plea out or do community. I probably would have explained what happened. Maybe they listened to me. I’d be like, “Please drug test me. I’ve never done heroin.” Yeah, but even though you’re still buying heroin, so it’s still a felony.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, it was a time where they were more lax on all those laws too. I mean, not lax, but lax with penalties, I should say, because it wasn’t as public. Because even Robert Downey Jr., who I do greatly admire actually, because I’m in recovery as well. But even with him, it’s like you had to go into your neighbor’s house and fall asleep in a kid’s race car bed. And people were like, “You know, maybe you should do a little time behind bars.”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, well, he was a repeat offender.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Probably jail was a wake up call for him. I love that guy.
DAVE LANDAU: I did, too. And he became Iron Man. So to watch that trajectory.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Is absolutely astonishing. It’s incredible.
JOE ROGAN: Wish I’d get him off that vegan diet, though. Looks like he’s fucking wasting away.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. That doesn’t look good on anybody real.
JOE ROGAN: No, you’re trying to be kind, but you’re just supporting monocrop agriculture, which kills more animals than anything.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I don’t want my superheroes vegan.
Plant-Based Meat Alternatives
JOE ROGAN: Well, he’s a nice guy. That’s what it is. Nice people want to do kind things and sometimes you get roped into shitty decision making. You’re getting all your protein from soy and they’re like, “Why do I have tits? Why am I lactating? Why am I always crying?”
DAVE LANDAU: I’m very emotional all the time.
JOE ROGAN: And now they’re banning lab grown meat, so they can’t even go to that, which I mean, it’s good, right? I don’t know. I don’t know enough about the dangers of lab grown meat. I don’t know.
DAVE LANDAU: I ate a Beyond burger once.
JOE ROGAN: That’s not lab grown. That’s horseshit.
DAVE LANDAU: It was awful.
JOE ROGAN: Those are terrible. Yeah, they’re in trouble because those people, their stockholders all went crazy because they thought they were going to make money off that. They’re like, “This is it. We made it taste just like a burger. Everyone’s going to love it. Cruelty free.” No, it gives rats cancer.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, good.
JOE ROGAN: You ever seen, there’s a study on these because essentially it’s just the most highly processed shit available. Look, if you want to be a vegetarian or a vegan or whatever, eat vegetables, eat organic vegetables. That’s healthy. But when you want to pretend that something’s a hamburger, it’s a trans burger. It has to go through a lot. Just like a trans person has to go, you want to get a vagina. Guess what? You need general anesthesia. And you have to have a guy who’s going to cut your dick in half and use an apple core to make you a vagina. And then you’re going to have to take a rubber dick and keep it in there so it doesn’t close up.
DAVE LANDAU: You’re getting the patty that basically shoots up a school. It’s all just filled with nonsense.
JOE ROGAN: It’s bad for you. It’s all bad for you. And it’s not even satisfying. It’s not good. When my friend Duncan, you know Duncan. Duncan Trussell?
DAVE LANDAU: Yes. Yeah, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He was living in North Carolina, and he sent me a picture during the pandemic. He was like, “Look, this is all that’s available.” And all the meat had been gone. And there was just beyond burgers. That’s all that was left. Everybody had bought all the hamburger, all the steaks, all the chicken, and it was just this bullshit fake meat.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah, because at the end of the day, you kind of have to know it’s bullshit.
JOE ROGAN: Well, I think in the beginning, didn’t Kevin Hart have a restaurant where he was just selling all vegan food? People do it because they think they’re being a good person. That’s what it is. Sure, I get it. I get the sentiment behind it. But just eat vegetables. If you really want to go that route, just eat vegetables. But guess what? Don’t go that route. It’s not good for you.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, no, we’re not designed to do that.
JOE ROGAN: No.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m not saying I have the healthiest diet, obviously, but it’s like, yeah, I eat steaks, I eat meat. I just…
JOE ROGAN: Probably the only thing keeping you alive.
DAVE LANDAU: Probably the only thing I get. Yeah. I eat a lot of dyes. I get a lot of migraines.
Food Additives and Childhood Nutrition
JOE ROGAN: Dyes. Love that red. Red 40 that they try to get rid of.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That was another hilarious thing when RFK Jr. was saying that they had to get rid of the red dye 40. And they’re like, “Well, if we do, what will happen to our business?” Meanwhile, the same business is selling this same cereal to Canada without the dye. Cause in Canada, it’s illegal, right?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, the amount of stuff that we looked at, our entire breakfast as a kid was just cancer that’s the only thing they advertised on TV. Just have a big sugary bowl of cancer and some toast with diabetes too waiting for you.
JOE ROGAN: God, yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: It was nuts to think the amount because I’m just the microwave generation. Yeah, just throw that in the microwave. We can just pour a bowl of this shit that lasts 45 years in the cupboard.
JOE ROGAN: For us it was TV dinners.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Frozen TV dinner. You put it in the oven, the next thing you know, you’re eating Salisbury steak. Yum, yum.
DAVE LANDAU: And those wonderful potatoes.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, those little fluffy potatoes are in that little tin.
DAVE LANDAU: And occasionally the worst brownie you’ve ever had.
JOE ROGAN: It’s not a good brownie.
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: I used to love those little TV dinners. I used to think it was a treat when we ate TV dinners.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. That’s how I was at my house.
JOE ROGAN: There’s no vitamins in that.
DAVE LANDAU: No, you never felt full. You felt gross, but you never felt full.
The Food Pyramid and Modern Health Issues
JOE ROGAN: I mean, even the food pyramid. I mean, how crazy is it that in the 20th century they had it totally wrong with all the access to books, all the information we had about health and nutrition. They were so wrong. Even with the food. At the bottom of was all the shit that gives you inflammation. What the foundation is this inflammation causing bread?
DAVE LANDAU: What you need here is mostly wheat. You have to make sure you get 18 servings a day of white bread with bromate in it.
JOE ROGAN: You want to get a lot of that. You want to get a lot of folic acid sprayed on it. Enriched flour is better.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, here’s sugar that’s in there for some reason. 2 ounces of protein. Make sure you grab that as well.
JOE ROGAN: Tons of sugar, dog everything. Everybody had type 2 diabetes when I was a kid. They just didn’t know it.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah, well, everybody’s getting it now. It’s still constant.
JOE ROGAN: I know. There’s never been a time where poor people are so fat.
DAVE LANDAU: No, starving people are obese. That’s what’s crazy. You can’t get nutrition in your body, but you also have to sit down to get groceries in a cart.
JOE ROGAN: Or go to Disneyland. Yeah, that’s Disneyland is the place you find them all.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And it’s like, why, you get the carts for you.
JOE ROGAN: They have carts set up there for you because it’s a lot of distance you got to cover. You do?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Parks. I just don’t see the enjoyment of a ride.
JOE ROGAN: Any rides?
DAVE LANDAU: Well, I mean, the ride, not the ride you get for free to go from ride to ride, but the actual ride. No, I love rides myself, but if I weighed 400 pounds, I may not enjoy it or. Yeah, that would take a lot of the love out of it.
JOE ROGAN: It would.
DAVE LANDAU: Wouldn’t.
JOE ROGAN: It wouldn’t fit in those.
DAVE LANDAU: Especially if you’re with your kid and the bar comes down and that one has no protection.
JOE ROGAN: Right. The kids fucked.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Pop right off the top because you’re so fat.
DAVE LANDAU: Exactly.
JOE ROGAN: Right.
DAVE LANDAU: Right.
JOE ROGAN: There’s this much of a gap.
DAVE LANDAU: You’ve seen those people where the kid and the kids looking at his mom all nervous. Yeah, you should be nervous.
JOE ROGAN: You should be terrified. I used to think that when I got on ski lifts, I’m like, “This is crazy. I just let you sit on this thing way, way, way above the mountain.”
Skiing Injuries and Accidents
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, and people would fall off all the time.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Because they think it would be funny to jump or what? It was always bad. We didn’t have mountains in Michigan, but we did have big enough hills. I went skiing. We did a lot of skiing when we were real young. And then I went down a, it was like a double black diamond, I think they’re called. Yeah. I was like, “I got this,” and my ski got stuck in a soft mogul, and I just went down it on my face. It looked like eight dudes beat the shit out of me. I was just all scarred and bleeding. And then I just didn’t ski much after that.
JOE ROGAN: I got a concussion a few years back, and I stopped skiing. I’m like, “I’m done.” I got a concussion and I got what’s called an insufficiency fracture in my shin. Some lady didn’t know how to ski, and she slid into the trail sideways, doing this thing. And I had two choices. Either destroy this lady or wipe out hard. And I took the second choice and got a concussion. I banged my head off the ground.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, shit.
JOE ROGAN: It was bang. I heard this, and I had a helmet on, but it was still. The bang was loud and I was dizzy for the rest. I 100% got a concussion, and I didn’t feel right for the rest of the day. And then I was like, “I’m done. This is not worth the thrill.” Everybody I know has a torn ACL from it. A concussion. My grandpa died.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, God, I’m sorry. Yeah. Oh, no.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, I didn’t know. Yeah. But no, they do, though, have stories.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah, they all have this. Somebody knows a Sonny Bono, launched right into a tree of a mighty oak.
JOE ROGAN: It’s not worth it.
DAVE LANDAU: No, dude. I just never enjoyed it that much. And when I tried snowboarding, I’m like, “I sucked at skateboarding and was a poser at that. Why am I even attempting this snowboarding?”
JOE ROGAN: You’re attached to that fucker, too. At least with skis. The skis pop off, you can get away.
DAVE LANDAU: The board’s coming with you when you fall.
JOE ROGAN: I know a lot of people got knocked out snowboarding because the feet go up in the air, you know, if something happens, the feet go up in the air, and you’re head first.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, my son does it, and he’s 10, and I let him, but he’s pretty good at it. But I always get very nervous when he goes to do it.
JOE ROGAN: But he’s good with.
DAVE LANDAU: I mean, he’s a very good athlete.
JOE ROGAN: The good thing is little kids have less weight, and when they’re falling, it’s not as painful. And then they’re all flexible and pliable. They’re not.
Injury Recovery Stories
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, he broke his arm. It was crazy. And he was better in, it was like eight days. It was like Wolverine. How did you do this? I tore my, was it meniscus? ACL. Blew off half my kneecap. Oh, boy. And, yeah, I was making fun of my friend, and then he tackled me, and we were on a linoleum floor with keg beer.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, no.
DAVE LANDAU: So instead of going to the hospital when it was in a lot of pain, I’m like, “I’ll just wait till the morning.” And I had my friends carry me around this party. And then the next morning, I’m like, “Yeah, this isn’t moving at all.” So my friend Jimmy drove me to the hospital, and, dude, it was out of a sitcom. Doctors opened up a door into my leg. He wheeled me into a drinking fountain on accident. I broke my leg more just trying to get into the hospital. And then by the time I got in for them to do the surgery, they’re like, “What happened?” I couldn’t be like, “I was drunk at my friend’s house.” You know, I was like, “Oh, I slept on ice. It was winter. I was walking to my car,” and they’re like, “This is a lot of damage for just slipping on ice” because I just twisted it all night. I should have known. I mean, my foot was behind me.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, God.
DAVE LANDAU: When I did it, my knee just is. So I have rods in my right knee. So I just try.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, really?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Rods to keep it together.
DAVE LANDAU: Three. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Wow. It was that bad?
Recovery and Long-Term Effects
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, you can hear it pop sometimes when I walk, it’s pretty nice.
JOE ROGAN: Does it hurt?
DAVE LANDAU: Sometimes, but not as bad as you think it would. If I’m doing a treadmill for a long time or if I do something where we’re just outside, because I’ll go hiking or whatever because my wife likes it. So we’ll do that. But that’ll hurt after maybe a couple miles, but not like a severe pain.
JOE ROGAN: Just annoying. Yeah, that’s fine.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And weather messes with it in the sense, but nothing crazy.
JOE ROGAN: Is there an option to take those rods out? Because I know a lot of them, they put them in there so that the bones heal correctly, right?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, there might be. I mean, it’s been 25 years. I’m sure there’s been advancements in it. And I just don’t bring it up.
JOE ROGAN: I bet your bones are just grown around it now.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m sure it’s destroyed. They’re probably like, “Why didn’t you come in?” I’d be like, “You didn’t bring it up either.”
Medical Hardware Complications
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. I know a guy who broke his arm and the screws from the plate that kept his arm together were popping through his skin. So he had another operation. They opened up his arm again and took the plate out. And because the arm had healed, like the bones had fused, but then the plates and the screws started backing out through his skin. Poking through his skin.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what happened to my son.
JOE ROGAN: And it sucks.
DAVE LANDAU: He was like six and him and his friend were hanging out at his friend’s house. And they had like a slide that was eight feet in the air. And they both decided to jump off of it.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, God.
DAVE LANDAU: And he landed funny. And he’s a little kid. So I was at my friend’s mom’s funeral. I rushed back to get him. It’s the worst thing in the world when it’s your kid. They’re just the worst. But yeah, we made sure he got the screws out, he got the right. Everything went fine.
JOE ROGAN: But when does he heal so quick?
DAVE LANDAU: It was honestly like they cut the cast off like two weeks before they were supposed to. Because he’s like, “I can go like this.” I’m like, “That’s amazing.” Because I remember I would go to bars still. And I was still underage, but I was still going to bars with like a cast on.
JOE ROGAN: Oh boy.
DAVE LANDAU: Like a full blown knee brace. And I’m wearing like track suits and I had chains and earrings. I was that kid. I’m just like a raver stoner, and I’m just walking around with my crutches.
JOE ROGAN: That’s hilarious. How long did it take before you could walk again properly?
DAVE LANDAU: About six months now. Every now and then I do walk with a limp because it just kind of goes out.
The Aftermath and Responsibility
JOE ROGAN: Does your friend still feel embarrassed by this?
DAVE LANDAU: No, I don’t. No. It’s one of those guys you’ve known for so long. He didn’t care then. And I was saying stuff to him, the kind as I deserved it. I mean, he…
JOE ROGAN: He felt really bad.
DAVE LANDAU: I shouldn’t say that, but no, it’s not anything. The girl who owned the house went nuts, and she was so hot, and I always had a crush on her. And she’s like, “Your family’s going to sue me.” I’m like, “My family’s not going to sue any. They don’t sue people, but we’re not going to sue you.” And my dad had passed at that point. And she’s so freaking out. She would have these wild Christmas parties every year where it happened.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: And that ended the wild Christmas parties. And she’s like, “Yeah, you never sued.” I’m like, “Yeah, why would I sue? Because I’m stupid.” It was my fault. And then I just went out and said, “Yeah, I fell on ice.”
The Problem with Lawsuit Culture
JOE ROGAN: Isn’t that a gross thing that people just sue? If they did something stupid in your house, they would sue you, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ve never, never. I can understand points where people have…
JOE ROGAN: It’s just such a scammer mentality.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s a shit thing to do to anybody. It’s like somebody who slips delivering a package or any of that stuff that’s possible.
JOE ROGAN: There was a lady that was, when my kids were younger, there was this lady that was a single mom and her daughter was playing with my daughter. And they come over the house and she went to another person’s house and they would have play dates like kids do, and she wasn’t there. So she comes to pick up her daughter and they have a dog. And the dog is very friendly dog. And the dog jumps up to, you know, dogs do that, of course. And scraped her with its claws. Just scraped her with its claws.
She sued the family for fifty thousand dollars and won. And they just settled. They settled because they were informed, “Listen, legal fees is going to be probably one hundred thousand dollars. She wants fifty thousand dollars.” So this fucking asshole, all a dog did, dog nails, just scratched her a little bit. Not even bleeding. Nothing crazy, just normal. Oh, your dog’s crazy. Where you and I would be like, “What a cute dog,” right? She was like, “Ooh, opportunity to sue this family that’s wealthy.”
Childhood Incidents with Animals
DAVE LANDAU: Especially the fact that that’s just what they do. I remember when we were young, there were two pit bulls that were at this house behind a camp we were at, and this one kid was always throwing rocks at them. And we were like, “You shouldn’t do that,” because we like the dogs. And the camp had its own golden retriever. And it was fine with the pit bull. They’d run on the fences and stuff.
So that’s when I first even started getting used to dogs when I was young, because I’ve always liked dogs, and I have two, and I’ve had tons. But I remember that the pit bull, once the kid stuck his finger through the fence, took off these two tops of his finger, and they sued. They put the dog down, and we were like, “He’s been chucking rocks at those things all summer. He’s been antagonizing these animals all summer.” I mean, it sucks that it happens.
JOE ROGAN: But it’s like, sucks your kid’s stupid, too.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it sucks that he was told not to do it a bunch of times, and then there was a consequence to this shitty action.
JOE ROGAN: Also, how did you raise a kid that’s throwing rocks at dogs? What kind of a kid would throw rocks at a dog?
DAVE LANDAU: It’s like, the first thing you find that has unconditional love for you. It’s the first thing that you trust in a different way than a human.
JOE ROGAN: Did he have dogs?
DAVE LANDAU: There’s no way he did. I don’t remember him well. I remember the blood and the screaming, but I don’t remember much about him.
JOE ROGAN: Other than that weird handshakes afterwards.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I knew his penmanship wasn’t very good after old stubs.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. But he deserves.
JOE ROGAN: Pit bulls are tricky dogs, though.
DAVE LANDAU: My brother’s had ones where. Yeah, he’s…
JOE ROGAN: I’ve had a bunch of them.
Understanding Dog Breeds and Behavior
DAVE LANDAU: He’s rescued a couple. And I’ve had friends who have saved them in Detroit from fights where, because they would throw them in a back alley, the losers. And sometimes my friends would take them and get them sewn up and keep them. But those dogs specifically would kind of only be left alone for the owner. My friend would keep it just for him, locked up.
JOE ROGAN: Well, they’re usually fine with people. The real issue with pit bulls is dogs and children. They think of children as animals. They don’t know that a child is a person. At least it seems like they don’t because they attack kids.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, and children don’t know dogs are animals sometimes. And that’s kind of how I treat with my kids. You have to understand that when you’re roughhousing or whatever, there’s a, yeah, be real careful because she may not necessarily know what you’re doing, you know, and he learned that at a young age, and dogs love him. But a lot of times kids can be really, really rough with dogs.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they can be. Sure. Especially if they don’t grow up with them. They don’t know. They’re not taught. But the thing is, if you have a sweet dog, like I have a golden retriever, and if my kids thought all dogs were like my dog, and then they went up to another dog and grabbed his face, that dog might bite your fucking face off.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And goldens are the best. They’re just designed to be the sweetest animals on the planet.
The Perfect Pet
JOE ROGAN: He’s the nicest dog of all time. The best pet ever. Yeah, he’s just the homie. He’ll come home, he’s like, “Hello.” He wags his. He always has to greet you with a toy. As soon as I come in the house, he grabs one of his toys and runs up to you with a toy.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude. It’s the nicest feeling in the world.
JOE ROGAN: The sweetest dogs. He cuddles with me when I watch TV. He climbs up, literally, lies in my lap, you know, he’s 75 pounds. He puts his fucking head on my chest and he just likes to be pet while I’m watching TV.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they just want to be with you. Yeah, it’s the nicest thing. And I had a rottweiler then. People are afraid of those. But she was the sweetest dog.
Breeding and Training Responsibility
JOE ROGAN: It’s a lot of it is how you treat them, but it’s also the breed, it’s also the bloodline. If you get a game bred pit bull and you expect it to be cool with other dogs, you’re out of your fucking mind. That dog is designed to fight dogs.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes.
JOE ROGAN: You know, but if you get a good dog and you train them well and teach them and, you know, it takes a lot of responsibility, you know, like people that want out and get like a German shepherd or a Belgian Malinois, and they’re like, you just literally got like an elite super athlete for a pet, you know, and you’re just thinking you’re just going to leave in the yard and occasionally throw the ball to it. Fuck out of here.
DAVE LANDAU: You never walk it. So it’s got a bunch of pent up anger and energy.
JOE ROGAN: Exactly.
DAVE LANDAU: Good for you.
JOE ROGAN: It’s like a high school kid that’s been left in a confined space.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. See how it works? When he comes out into the real world, bring him to a dog park.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dog Park Incidents
DAVE LANDAU: Did you see that video?
JOE ROGAN: The dog parks? Some of them. What video?
DAVE LANDAU: There’s one video where a guy, his dog is attacking one dog, and some dude runs up out of nowhere and just shoves his finger in one dog’s ass.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, that works.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it did, but it was still the most ridiculous thing. This guy just runs in, like he thinks he’s Superman, is like, “I’ve got it,” and just starts, well, if…
JOE ROGAN: A dog has a lock on another dog, that’s one of the only ways to let him go.
DAVE LANDAU: Is it?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, it works. I hope. I hear it worse. I’ve never done it, but I’ve never tried myself. Hoses work. When dogs would fight with each other, you could hose them and a lot of times they let go. Yeah, they just freak out. You’re getting hit in the face with a jet of water.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that will do it.
The Nature of Fighting Dogs
JOE ROGAN: But you know, the really fucked up thing is that people bred dogs for fighting and they like to fight. When they fight, they wag their tails.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. They’re having fun.
JOE ROGAN: That’s what’s crazy.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: You watch them, literally chewing each other’s faces off and they’re wagging their tails.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, I got a border collie at the same time as a Rottweiler, and they were both pretty. You know, they both enjoyed fighting each other.
JOE ROGAN: Fun. But I’d always play fighting.
Dog Park Dominance and Wolf Encounters
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And you’d always just watch for the tail wagging because they’d be flipping each other over. And when we first got the Rottweiler, we went to a dog park because they were newer to us in Michigan. And this one dog just kept coming up that was bigger than my Rottweiler, but kept kind of messing with her.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: And then finally my Rottweiler grabbed her by the neck and flipped this dog over and was just pinning it with her mouth. And then the dog gave up and was showing its belly. And I’m like, “Oh, fuck. All right, we’re going to leave the dog park now.” You know, people were freaking out and screaming.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: But the dog kept coming up and nipping my dog. Until my dog finally just attacked back real quick.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Which is what dogs do. They have to establish dominance.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what she did.
JOE ROGAN: I was at a dog park once and somebody brought a wolf.
DAVE LANDAU: Are you serious?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. It was the wildest thing. All the dogs immediately knew it wasn’t a dog. Some guy had one of those seven-eighth timber wolf dogs, you know, because you can get them dogs where they’re not really dogs, it’s a wolf. And this thing just walked in and every dog was like, “That’s not a fucking dog.” They all scattered. It was wild to watch.
It was big too, man. It was really big. It was like 100 plus pounds. And just big fucking mouth. Big long mouth. And it just looked like a wolf. And every dog knew it wasn’t a dog.
DAVE LANDAU: Were they just all backing in the corner?
JOE ROGAN: Wolves eat dogs.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah, they do.
JOE ROGAN: They knew. Yeah, they fucking. There was a thing, the smell, the look, whatever. No dog was sizing up with it at all. Every dog just ran away. It was weird.
DAVE LANDAU: They have that instinct. And that thing is what dogs. That’s like if a caveman walked in.
JOE ROGAN: Right?
DAVE LANDAU: You know what I mean? That’s the original OG of what we’re supposed to be. This is not a wolf.
The Alpha Dog Video
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah, I’ve seen this video. This video is wild. So there’s all these dogs are fighting. And check out this one dog walks in and he’s the fucking boss and he’s this dog. Look, all the other dogs back the fuck away from him. Look, they all back away. This one dog, and he gets on that dog. Look what happens. Oh, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: Every one of them just acts right.
JOE ROGAN: It’s like John Wick of dogs. Yeah, dude, look at this dog just lays down and he just gets on top of him.
DAVE LANDAU: I once saw this dog kill one of us with a pencil.
JOE ROGAN: I have no idea what kind of dog that is.
DAVE LANDAU: I don’t know either. The black one, it’s got to be.
JOE ROGAN: The white one, the one that’s dominant right there.
DAVE LANDAU: I mean. Oh, the black one was cowering. I was looking at the wrong dog.
JOE ROGAN: Well, why don’t you take a photo of that dog and run it through Google Image.
DAVE LANDAU: The dog looks like Benji. They probably just.
JOE ROGAN: Crazy.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they probably just. They knew it had a hard life.
JOE ROGAN: My friend has a dog like that that’s a small. It’s a darker, gray and brown dog. And he takes it pig hunting. And it’s the most savage fucking dog I’ve ever seen in my life.
DAVE LANDAU: And it looks like that.
JOE ROGAN: Yes. This dog just chases pigs, which are.
DAVE LANDAU: Crazy and pigs are tough.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah. But this dog is just nuts, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, that’s.
JOE ROGAN: What kind of dog is that? Come on. ChatGPT: “A mixed or breed or a mutt based on appearance. Shaggy, wiry coat, body strike.” How crazy is AI? “Wolfhound or terrier mixes. Large size and sturdy build might also suggest some Central Asian shepherd or Kangal ancestry, especially if the dog is used as livestock guardian. However, without a clearer look in more context, like the dog’s size, weight or behavior, it’s difficult to definitively identify the breed. It’s likely a mix of working or guardian breeds common in rural or semi rural areas.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that thing they just knew had it tough because it just came and didn’t.
JOE ROGAN: Yikes. Yikes. Fuck, it’s not even a big dog. That’s what’s crazy. But that was kind of what it was like when that wolf showed up at the dog park. All the other dogs were just like, “What in the holy fuck is this?”
Wolf Training and Pack Dynamics
DAVE LANDAU: Was it you? I think you were talking about it. Maybe it was, I don’t know. But it’s about a guy who trains wolves and he was saying, I’ve had.
JOE ROGAN: People on that work with wolves. You can’t really train wolves.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, but I think it was like the movie The Grey, you know, like Taken with wolves or whatever. And he said during it that he has to fall down as the stuntman or whatever. So the second he gets home, one of the wolves is going to try to take his spot on top. So you got to grab the wolf and hold it up in the air. And that’s the main thing to do to get it to stop. But every night he just has to prepare himself for fighting a wolf when he gets home.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, Jesus.
DAVE LANDAU: Which is crazy. It’s so stupid, but I mean, they all just. They’re pack animals.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. So as soon as you leave, they take the dominant spot.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. You have a good day of filming. And there’s just this wolf looking you the whole car ride home, seeing if he’s going to take your shit once you get home.
JOE ROGAN: I knew a dude who had three of those. Three of those wolf dogs and he was a piece of shit. And they got out of his yard and killed the neighbor sheep. And he lied about it. He’s like, “No, my dog was my dog.” Killed eight sheep, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it’s your.
JOE ROGAN: Because they just kill for fun.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: There’s just. Sheep just would commit suicide. What mountain lion? What did this?
DAVE LANDAU: Well, there’s coyotes and stuff.
JOE ROGAN: Not like that, though.
DAVE LANDAU: No, no, no.
JOE ROGAN: That kind of damage. Coyote would have a hard time taking out a sheep. It would take a long time.
Coyotes in Urban Areas
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, but they grab small dogs. Before COVID we, in Detroit and the suburbs, we never had coyotes. It seemed like any of that stuff. And then after you see them all the time. I would walk out and there’d just be a deer in my front lawn. I’m like, “This is bizarre in this part.” And then. Yeah, now you have ones that hop fences and grab small dogs and jump away.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah, yeah. They’re everywhere now. They’re in all 50 states and then they’re in every major city.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. That’s crazy.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they’re a wild animal. I mean, a really interesting animal, I should say. Obviously, they’re wild because when I first.
DAVE LANDAU: Saw them, they’d be crossing the street at night, I’d be coming back from a gig and I’m like, “Is that a dog? Should I stop?” And then it’s clearly just a coyote. Yeah. And I’d never seen them up close like that, ever.
JOE ROGAN: They’re in Central Park.
DAVE LANDAU: Are you serious?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: I used to walk by there all the time.
JOE ROGAN: That looks like what it is. That’s similar Bosnian Barack. Bosnian broken haired hound called Barack. Yeah, looks similar. Fights bears. That makes sense. That makes sense.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that would be it.
JOE ROGAN: That would make sense. Why all those dogs like this? Motherfucker’s not playing.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, he takes down grizzlies.
JOE ROGAN: He is not playing.
DAVE LANDAU: Jeez.
JOE ROGAN: A scent hound. Yeah, that’s what my friend’s dog looks like. And it’s a little dog and it’s a girl and she’s fucking ferocious and just has.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, dude, a pig and a bear.
Wild Pig Hunting
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, pigs are wild. Pigs are some of the most ferocious sounding animals. I remember the first time I ever went hunting pigs. We were going down this dirt road and to the right of us, heavily wooded, high grass. And they were in the grass near us, and then they started fighting. And it sounded like demons, like orcs. They were just going to war, maybe 10, 15 feet from us where we couldn’t see them because of the tall grass. The sound was nuts. This sound is insane.
DAVE LANDAU: Where do you hunt them?
JOE ROGAN: This was in California.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay.
JOE ROGAN: California were. Oddly enough, they think most of them came from William Randolph Hearst’s Estate, because William Randolph Hearst, the same piece of shit that, you know, Orson Welles covered in the movie Rosebud, the same reason why marijuana became illegal. That guy, William Randolph Hearst had an enormous estate, and he had wild boars out there on his estate. And of course they got free. And now Central California, all that area is like San Jose. They have a giant problem with them.
DAVE LANDAU: Really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they show up on people’s lawns and tear their lawns apart, and you wake up in the middle that. Just 10 wild pigs on your fucking front lawn.
DAVE LANDAU: Holy shit. Yeah, they attack animals. Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: They kill people.
DAVE LANDAU: Really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Someone. One old lady got killed by wild pigs.
DAVE LANDAU: What a way to go.
JOE ROGAN: I know. Fucking dirty, filthy demons tearing your face off.
DAVE LANDAU: Not that it’s funny, but, I mean, you just don’t expect kind of funny, you know?
JOE ROGAN: But, yeah, they’re all.
DAVE LANDAU: How did grandma go? You’re like, “Oh, she was torn to death by pigs. Wild ones in her suburb.”
JOE ROGAN: Well, this place that I was at.
DAVE LANDAU: Hold a sec.
JOE ROGAN: They, you know, they. They hunt them a lot, and that’s what we’re doing. They taste good.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I would imagine. I mean, it is pork.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, it’s a different kind of pork. It’s a darker meat.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ve never had it.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, because they’re, you know, they’re not eating just grain. They’re eating whatever the fuck they find. And a lot of acorn. That was a lot of it. They had a lot of fat on this from acorns. They were delicious.
DAVE LANDAU: What do you hunt them with?
JOE ROGAN: That time it was a rifle, but I bow hunted them too.
DAVE LANDAU: I was wondering if. You did. Yeah, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Bow hunted pigs. But the thing is, if you’re bow hunting pigs and you’re shooting a wild boar like a big boar, you probably shouldn’t have a backup.
DAVE LANDAU: Probably have a pistol in case it comes at you.
JOE ROGAN: And you should probably have one in the chamber. So as it’s running at, you could just. You’re going to have to. It’ll charge you. Happens all the time.
DAVE LANDAU: So it’s kind of. Because bears are like that, aren’t they? If you shoot one in the heart, it’ll go 100 yards.
JOE ROGAN: Some bears, okay, if you shoot them in the heart, I doubt they’re going to go 100 yards, but they might be able to because they get.
DAVE LANDAU: They can go 100 yards pretty fast just on adrenaline.
Bear Encounters and Wildlife Management
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. But yeah, bears are going to say adrenochrome. If you hit a bear, like there is a distance between you and them where it’s like a fight or flight distance where they’re too close, where they think that you’ll attack them. And so then you’re in trouble.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: But if they’re far enough away where they think, “oh, this guy’s not going to chase me,” and you can scare them off, that can happen. Bears are tricky.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I’ve never. Well, we had one bear. I mean, it wasn’t hunting us. We were just up in The Smokies. And it was just a vacation. And it says, “don’t throw food off the balcony.” So of course the first thing my son does is throw a hamburger.
And then all we can hear is the woods start moving. And we look down and I’m like, “there’s a bear.” And it’s. I didn’t know they climb. So the thing starts climbing up the side of the house. And eventually we just kind of made enough noise or something that it went back into the woods.
But I’m like looking around like, “we have a gun, right?” He’s like, “I think we have one.” Oh, that’s good, because there’s a bear climbing up the fucking house, dude. It was terrifying.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. If you have food left out, if you have garbage left out, once they’ve established that that’s a place where they get food, they keep coming back.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what I was. Yeah. And first thing he did was just chuck a hamburger out to feed the animals. And I’m like, “buddy, I told you.” He’s like 4 or 5 at the time. And then like a couple minutes later, bear.
New Jersey’s Surprising Bear Problem
JOE ROGAN: Do you know the state that has the most bears per capita in the country?
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: New Jersey.
DAVE LANDAU: Is it really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. New Jersey has a crazy bear problem.
DAVE LANDAU: I did not know that at all.
JOE ROGAN: So the governor of New Jersey ran on a platform of stopping the bear hunt because people hunt bears in New Jersey because people think of New Jersey what you think of these high density areas like Hoboken, Hackensack, Atlantic City. That’s not New Jersey. New Jersey’s mostly rural.
DAVE LANDAU: And then you have those actual, like mountains.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Well, a kid got killed out by Rutgers. A bear ate a Rutgers University student. Went for a hike, got taken out, and bears became such a problem that the same governor who ran on the stopping the bear hunt and did stop the bear hunt when he got into office, the population boomed so badly without hunters that he reinstated the bear hunt.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, did he?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, he had to. The interactions between humans and bears were going through the roof.
DAVE LANDAU: I was really hoping that story ended with he got eaten by bears. Because that would be just the perfect irony.
Suburban Bear Battles
JOE ROGAN: Had an encounter. A lot of people that live anywhere near them have encounters. Like there’s a video of Far Rockaway, New Jersey. We played it many times on this podcast, but we’ll play it again just for you, okay?
But there’s these fucking bears. They look like 4, 500 pound bears and they’re fighting in the middle of a suburb and they’re essentially going to war for garbage. So like, you know, they claim either that or maybe one of the females is in heat. But there’s two fucking huge bears and they’re falling downstairs and they’re out in the street and the people are filming them from their car. These are big bears, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Are they brown bears, black bears?
JOE ROGAN: They’re all black bears in the United States until you get into the upper Northwest and then you see more of the grizzlies. You only get grizzlies in like. So look at these bears.
DAVE LANDAU: Holy shit.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, bro. Fucking normal house suburb. Just a couple bears sign out there the size of these fuckers. Dude, they knocked over the sign there. Whatever that was. That was a light, I guess. Look, electrical cords. Yeah, bro. It spills out into the street. These guys go to war for like 10 fucking minutes. How long is this video? Six minute video.
Look at this. They get out, show them all when they’re out in the street. So people are filming them. These fuckers tumble down the side of the hill. They’re still duking it out.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ve seen them come down the street and in the same. Yeah, same place.
JOE ROGAN: Look at the size of these guys, man. Dude, look at that. Right by the mailbox. Look at all the hair.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Pulling each other’s hair out.
DAVE LANDAU: And that’s crazy. Well, dude, and that’s just because they’re claws on accident.
JOE ROGAN: Size of these fuckers.
DAVE LANDAU: Imagine that goes across your face.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, dude, you’re so dead. Those are big bears too, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, that guy’s so nervous about his Volvo. It’s like, “come on, don’t go near it.”
JOE ROGAN: These people are so used to it, these people who live in this area.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, you’re right. A dude in the car just was like, “all right, we got to wait for it to fall into the shrubs. And then I’m going to gun it.”
JOE ROGAN: Hear those noises they make. Imagine your little kids walking home from school, sees two bears and see two fucking huge bears.
DAVE LANDAU: And this is Jersey.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, far. Look. Hear the cars. Yeah, yeah, look, cars driving by. “Oh, hi, guys. Charles Taqua. Well, we’re going to go get a sandwich.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. “You know we have bears now.”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Far Rockaway.
DAVE LANDAU: Holy shit. Yeah, dude.
Bear Population Statistics
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, that’s does not have the most black bears per capita.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, I thought it did.
JOE ROGAN: I kept googling it. It’s not even popping up in the top five or six, I would imagine. For a small, dense human population. Makes its high bear population a significant concern for residents, particularly in the States.
Dude, Ted Nugent told me that. I think these people wrong. The state’s forest covered northwestern regions have one of the highest concentrations of black bears in the Nation, with approximately 3,000 bears.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, if Ted Nugent told you that, I think he’s right. Yeah, the guy knows a thing or two.
JOE ROGAN: High population density concentration in the Northwest. Increased sightings. The other problem is they really don’t have an accurate number because in heavily wooded areas, when you want to do like a census on animals, you’re sending out wildlife biologists and they just have to count them.
And there’s no way they can really count them correctly because you’re dealing with dense woods. And black bears are particularly difficult to find in the woods. Their sense of smell is insane. Their hearing is insane. And when they hear people, they just get the fuck out of there.
The Need for Wildlife Management
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Like in Michigan, you’ve seen them, like, they come down because, you know, we’re up by the upper peninsula and they’ll come Canada and all that stuff. But you do see them on occasion. But I guess they are becoming more and more like they’re moving more and more south towards the cities now.
JOE ROGAN: Of course, because nobody’s hunting them.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Which I think we should.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, you have to hunt them.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I mean, it’s why you control the deer population.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. It’s like that’s what people have always known. And you know, somehow or another liberals lost their minds and thought it was a bad idea to control predators. Massive, huge predators.
DAVE LANDAU: And it’s like you realize that, like, let’s just say the deer is alone. If you don’t control it, you just have people smashing into them with their cars.
JOE ROGAN: Not only that, they’re made out of food.
DAVE LANDAU: Right.
JOE ROGAN: For you to eat. You could go eat them. Deers are delicious.
Dangerous Wildlife Encounters
DAVE LANDAU: And if you’ve ever been in front of like one with horns, like I was in the Rockies, my friend was all high. He gets out of the car. It’s like 20 years ago. And there’s like, I don’t know, it wasn’t maybe it was a deer, but like an elk or something.
JOE ROGAN: Probably had to be an elk.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Was it big?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, really big. And he gets out like, he’s like, “I’m going to stand by and take a picture.” I’m like, “I don’t think you should do that.” And even then I’m like, “terrible idea.” And the thing just lowers its horns at him. And I’m like, “dude, get back to the car.” And we’re like in a jeep, gunning it away from this thing chasing us.
JOE ROGAN: There’s a guy that is in his car and he’s talking shit to this elk that’s in the street in Yellowstone. And it fucking jabs his tires and takes his tire out. Just doesn’t even know it’s driving away. Fuck. You hear? Cause it punctures his tire. Dude.
DAVE LANDAU: It just took him out the way a cops would with like, trip.
JOE ROGAN: And then it’s got horns.
DAVE LANDAU: Just getting ready to take you out.
JOE ROGAN: It just stabbed his tire.
DAVE LANDAU: “Think you want to step outside now.”
Moose: The Most Dangerous
JOE ROGAN: The scariest ones are moose, if you ever. What’s that? You have the video of him taking out his car?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Watch this. Oh, boy. Look at the size of that fucker. Woo.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, you have a tree growing out of your head. A sharpened tree. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Trying to poke it. I don’t know if this is the one that cut the tire. The other one was coming from the other side. It was coming from the driver’s side. And the driver was talking shit to it. But you get the point.
DAVE LANDAU: I like that the driver was mocking an animal.
JOE ROGAN: But the real dangerous ones are moose.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Because moose will actually stomp you. They will go after you.
DAVE LANDAU: There’s a lot of videos of people who think they’re majestic and they’re like eight feet away from them. And it’s like. It’s not Bullwinkle. It’s an animal in the. And then the next thing you hear is how they were killed.
Hunting Challenges with Large Game
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. It’s not just that. It’s an animal that’s like, really good at stomping at. Oh, boy. Does this. This guy get attacked? Sometimes you just don’t.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, if I get an arrow, you got to. You really got to not miss.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Well, this is rough too, because she’s coming straight at you, and so you don’t have a really good shot at his vitals. So you have to take the most risky shot, which is you’re taking a frontal. So what? You’re essentially. You have a very small area you’re targeting, which is like the end of his beard.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So his hair comes down. Like you want to get it right here. So what you’re trying to do is shoot this arrow through basically like a softball size hole, maybe a little larger than a softball size hole. And it’ll go straight through, slice through the heart, the lungs, everything. It’s the most deadly shot if you could land it. But you got a 1800 pound animal coming at you.
DAVE LANDAU: You’re shaking, it’s huge.
JOE ROGAN: You’re right in front of it. It’s 30 yards. You’re not sure that you could hit that spot because your arms are shaking. You’re filled with adrenaline and you have to go for a softball sized spot.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that thing, you really want it to be standing sideways, but it’s not standing sideways because it’s moving towards you in an offensive way. You should probably just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, I would leave immediately or get around a tree. Yeah, get like where a tree is. So you could stand behind the tree and like at least you could kind of maneuver a little bit.
DAVE LANDAU: Is there sight poor?
JOE ROGAN: Oh yeah. They don’t have a good sight.
DAVE LANDAU: So that’s kind of like the better ways.
JOE ROGAN: Well, they’re kind of dumb.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
Moose Behavior and Hunting Tactics
JOE ROGAN: Because they’re so big they don’t have to be smart.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: You know, and they don’t have herds. They’re not like you don’t see herds of moose. You see a bull moose, they generally by themselves or maybe with one or two other ones.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay. See, I did not know.
JOE ROGAN: And then they come in and when they come in, they’re looking for pussy.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that’s a moose fucking you in the ass.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Staring right at you.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, dude. End with those eyes and you also.
JOE ROGAN: You better have a fucking powerful bow. You got to get into that rib cage. Those ribs are thick as shit.
DAVE LANDAU: So that spot is underneath that like beard and all that stuff that he’s got right there.
JOE ROGAN: It’s right. But if you hit an animal there, they die so quick.
DAVE LANDAU: Really.
The Perfect Frontal Shot
JOE ROGAN: See Google frontal shot kill on elk. There’s a famous video of these kids bow hunting and this elk comes in and it gives his kid a frontal shot and he takes it at like 20 yards. And the elk just stands there and then blood starts spraying out of it and it just tips over really like right where it stands. It’s not nuts. It’s the most lethal shot if you land it correctly.
But I’d never taken it. It’s a tricky shot. Like my friend Cam Haynes, probably the best bow hunter in the world. He’s taking frontal shots, but the last time he took one. It was, like, at 10 yards.
DAVE LANDAU: Is that guy out here.
JOE ROGAN: This isn’t it. This is not a frontal. These are just bills fighting Google. This is an elk. Oh, insane frontal shot. Okay, okay. All right. So here we go. This isn’t the one. Nothing came up when I checked the.
DAVE LANDAU: Thing you just said.
JOE ROGAN: So that’s it. He got it right there. So see? See how it sprays? That was perfect shot.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, perfect shot.
JOE ROGAN: He got it right. If you watch where the impact is. Oh, that’s Corey Jacobson. Watch where the impact of the arrow is. It’s right at the bottom of the beard. See where it is? Like, right at the bottom.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s perfect.
JOE ROGAN: It’s a perfect shot. So that goes into the body cavity, severs all the arteries. Bull’s dead in seconds.
Elk vs. Moose Aggression
DAVE LANDAU: But this animal seems kind of, like, crazy. Yeah. This. It doesn’t seem as aggressive, though, as that moose.
JOE ROGAN: No, no, no, no, no. They’re not aggressive. They’re looking for other elk. Like, he’s looking for love. Yeah, that’s what he’s looking for. Looking for love or a fight.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Because the moose looks like he just wants to kill the guy in the video or at least attack him.
JOE ROGAN: Right. They’ll kill you. They will kill you. I mean, I’m sure elk have killed people before, but they don’t want to. A moose would chase you.
DAVE LANDAU: You. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Moose would chase you and stomp you. Especially a female moose that has her babies. That’s not. You better stay the fuck away from her, dude. Yeah, no, they will stomp you out. My buddy was chased on horseback. He barely got away from a cow moose.
DAVE LANDAU: Seriously Going after him.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, going after him because it had calves. With him. With her.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And she was protecting her calves, and he was on a horse, and she looks at that horse like that’s. That might be an animal.
DAVE LANDAU: Right.
JOE ROGAN: That wants to stomp my baby. And so she full clip chased after him. He’s like, I barely got away.
DAVE LANDAU: Where was this at?
JOE ROGAN: Edmonton. Was it Edmonton? No, B.C.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That’s crazy. Yeah. I don’t know. I would. I’d be terrified if I had to try to make that shot at a moose coming at me. That size.
Bow vs. Gun Hunting
JOE ROGAN: It’s a sketchy shot.
DAVE LANDAU: Capacity.
JOE ROGAN: It’s a sketchy shot. And it depends on what kind of broadhead you have, too.
DAVE LANDAU: Can you do with a gun?
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, with a gun, you could shoot him anywhere.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I guess that’s true.
JOE ROGAN: With a gun, you just. You go through the shoulders.
DAVE LANDAU: I just didn’t know if it was like maybe arrow length or the reason it sticks in or something, maybe.
JOE ROGAN: No, no, no, no, no. You should. You could definitely do that with a gun. The thing about an arrow is you only have so much energy, like from a bow. So if, like you hit one of those big shoulder bones, like, you’re fucked. It’s not going to kill the animal. It’s probably barely going to feel it.
So you have to be behind the shoulder. You have to. And then you, you know, if you don’t have enough power, if you center punch a roll rib, probably not going to get a lot of penetration. So you have to have a really powerful bow. And a lot of guys stay away from mechanical broadheads. They want like a really solid, fixed blade broadhead. It’s tricky kind of bow hunting.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. That’s cool, though.
JOE ROGAN: You’re bow hunting something that can kill you.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Which is. That’s game. I mean, that’s an exciting thing.
JOE ROGAN: That’s why people like bear hunting.
Grizzly Man Discussion
DAVE LANDAU: Or unless you’re the grizzly man guy who just. Is one of my favorite movies ever.
JOE ROGAN: I’m convinced Werner Herzog. Werner Herzog made that movie as a comedy.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, I think he did too.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: I’m surprised. Like, he says, the ending is not the real footage.
JOE ROGAN: No, there’s no. There’s no actual audio footage of that guy that’s available. If you listen online, footage that says it is. It’s not real. You can kind of tell they’re acting. He. He told the lady to destroy the actual audio because that’s what I heard. Yeah, the lens cover was on the camera, but there is audio, and it’s a long audio because bears don’t kill you. They just start eating, right? Yeah. They just hold you down and eat you until you die.
DAVE LANDAU: Which is apparent to that guy who was going around elementary schools telling people how bears aren’t dangerous. Yeah, they’re fucking God. And then they’re like, it’s hibernation season, you should go. And he’s like, nah. But I got peanut and sprinkles and cocoa and they all love me. He had all these little names for him.
JOE ROGAN: It was Suicide by bear.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. I mean, you can’t just hang out there. There with. It was. That whole movie is just. They said like, I love when they’re like, we think they think the bear. Like the bears just thought he was basically.
JOE ROGAN: Remember when the. The sheriff said that? Well, I thought he was just. The way the. The film is made, it’s just too. There’s too many times where Someone says something ridiculous and there’s a smash cut. I’m like, this guy’s doing this on purpose. Like, he wants you to laugh. It’s funny.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s got to be, because he’s like slapping a bear on the nose. And he’s like, “no Skittles.” And then just turning around and doing the. And you’re just waiting for him to die, basically.
JOE ROGAN: “Be a warrior. I have to. I have to let them know I stand my ground. I love you. I love you. I love you, bear. I’m a warrior.”
DAVE LANDAU: I’m just going to put my tent in here. This is going to be what you’ll consider a plate. And I’m just going to hang out.
JOE ROGAN: It’s a burrito. There’s meat inside. His girlfriend got killed too, which is really sad.
DAVE LANDAU: I’m surprised that. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: She had a girlfriend.
DAVE LANDAU: One, he had one. And two, she was like.
JOE ROGAN: She’s probably surprised too.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Guy going to fuck me or is.
DAVE LANDAU: Is this. Yeah, like, I. I’m sure he didn’t fuck her. He didn’t seem like that kind of guy. He definitely had her killed.
JOE ROGAN: He definitely seemed gay. It seems like that was part of his dilemma. Like, he wanted to be an actor and that didn’t work out for him. So he started getting notoriety by being a bear expert. Right, but he wasn’t really a bear expert.
DAVE LANDAU: No. He was just an idiot who would go into the forest.
JOE ROGAN: “I’m here protecting these bears.”
DAVE LANDAU: Get really lucky.
JOE ROGAN: “Fire service won’t protect him. You motherfuckers. I’m protecting these bears.”
DAVE LANDAU: “You leave them alone.”
Amazing Wildlife Footage
JOE ROGAN: But that dude got some amazing footage. I’ll tell you that. His footage was fucking incredible because he was living with them.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So he got footage that nobody else was getting. Like, high resolution close up footage of bear fights. He became really good friends with a fox. Yeah, Foxes are fucking adorable. They’re like dogs, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: They are the closest thing to do. Like, playful. They play with you. They stole his hat. Like.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: They would come hang out with him. He could scratch their head.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, a lot of the people who find baby foxes and then just kind of raise them because their parents left them. That’s amazing.
Pet Foxes and Wild Animals
JOE ROGAN: There’s a Instagram page that I follow. Bedou the fox. Check this out. It’s like a little tiny fox that this guy’s raised. And it’s so adorable. It’s so adorable.
DAVE LANDAU: It really is cool.
JOE ROGAN: This guy brings this fox with him everywhere. Look at that cute little fox. He’s so cute.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they’re adorable.
JOE ROGAN: But he hides under stuff he’s playful.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: But this. This guy has this fox as a pet and, you know, and see, show the things where he’s, like, cuddling with it. Like, he’s. Look at it.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it’s just a straight up dog.
JOE ROGAN: He’s a little buddy. Yeah, it’s like an adorable little dog.
DAVE LANDAU: The raccoon ones are kind of funny too. When it just, like, learns how to open the fridge and take out a leash.
JOE ROGAN: He’s walking the fox, but he has to put on a leash because the fucker won’t come back. No, no, I’m free.
DAVE LANDAU: He’s like, this is where I belong. Yeah. He’s just trying to run from the guy, but he’s on a leash. Do the huge ears.
JOE ROGAN: Incredible. That thing probably hears an owl farting a mile away. Look at his face. So fucking cute, man.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they really are. They’re really cool animals.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. And people have done this where they raise them, but yeah, I think it’s big, weird faces. I think it’s one of those things where you have to be around them all the time. Time, you know?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I think if it’s. I guess. I don’t know. But if it’s abandoned young enough to where it’s attached to you, there’s something there.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, no, you definitely can raise them. People have raised them. And people have raised coyotes that same way too.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: But you. You have to be around them all the time because they’re wild. Like, you’re just tricking them into, like, by constantly giving them food and attention so they feel like they don’t have to do anything else that they really feel instinctually about doing. Like going out and killing a cat.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. Well, there’s a. There’s a place called Oswald Bear Ranch.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, look, he’s got a cat. This cute little fox is like half the size of the cat. He wants to play with the cat. It’s adorable. The cat is not, like, happy, though.
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: When you see a cat with its tail like that, that’s a really pissed off cat.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, the cat doesn’t want to play with its owner, let alone whatever that thing is.
Pet Behavior and Dog Breeds
JOE ROGAN: Well, the cat looks like it’s on us.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s our eyes. First of all, it is.
JOE ROGAN: Cat’s fat as fuck.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it was actually. Male. Cat does not identify that way anymore.
JOE ROGAN: That cat’s a school shooter. It’s going to go to the pound, shoot it up.
DAVE LANDAU: Just going to take out everybody at the pet store just after the other.
From Wolves to Lapdogs
JOE ROGAN: The story of wolves, like how we turn wolves into dogs is pretty fucking insane.
DAVE LANDAU: It is amazing how we do just kind of have these, like, wolves in our house, but we made them cuter by design over centuries. This is my wolf poodle, which is essentially what it is.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s incredible.
JOE ROGAN: Well, and then you get them down to, like, I have a King Charles spaniel. You know what those things are?
DAVE LANDAU: Yep.
JOE ROGAN: He’s that big.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He’s the fucking cutest thing on earth.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That, if you go far enough back, that’s a wolf.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: How did they do that?
DAVE LANDAU: I have a King Charles spaniel poodle.
JOE ROGAN: Ah.
DAVE LANDAU: And his name is…
JOE ROGAN: As if a King Charles spaniel wasn’t gay enough.
DAVE LANDAU: Exactly. I had to make sure he wears bow ties. You know, like a wolf would bow ties.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, my God.
DAVE LANDAU: Whenever he gets his haircut, they put him in a bow tie.
JOE ROGAN: That’s adorable.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m just like, it’s so cute, but it’s also the case.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, that’s adorable.
DAVE LANDAU: But, yeah, his name is Higgins and he’s the best dog, but he’s small, and I’ve always had big dogs. And I kind of just like the fact that he’s kind of small and just really wants to sit there.
JOE ROGAN: He just wants to chill.
DAVE LANDAU: He’ll go for a walk, but he’s not dying to.
JOE ROGAN: The breed, the furthest removed and physically characteristic by wolves is the Cavalier King Charles spaniel.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, mine’s called a cavapoo.
JOE ROGAN: That’s the one I have.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I have a mix of that and a poodle.
JOE ROGAN: The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, one of the most popular breeds in the UK and us, probably because of their lapdog reputation. Yeah, they’re adorable dogs. So sweet.
DAVE LANDAU: I love them.
JOE ROGAN: But that’s the furthest removed, physically and characteristically from a wolf.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it has… I mean, he’s funny. Like, he’ll grab his toy, he’s got this lamb, and he’ll just, like, jump in the window at giant dogs and just start shaking it and, like, try to intimidate them.
JOE ROGAN: That’s cool.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m like, you’re in a fucking little bow tie. He looks so good.
JOE ROGAN: He’s probably trying to play with them. Because my dog loves to play with Marshall, my golden dude. It’s very, like, best friends.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, he’s very playful.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Because we have… I’m just going to announce all the more dogs that I have and feel worse as this goes. A Havanese.
JOE ROGAN: What’s that?
DAVE LANDAU: It’s like a little… We don’t have the long haircut on it, but, you know, those long hair, like almost show dogs.
JOE ROGAN: Okay.
DAVE LANDAU: And it’s… Yeah, just a Havanese.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, wow.
DAVE LANDAU: But we have see the, like, top right corner? She looks like that. So that’s the other dog. And she’s the best. And she’s insane.
JOE ROGAN: Look at that little face.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Not the smartest dog you’ll ever meet. And that’s one of the things I love about her.
JOE ROGAN: Well, they don’t have to be smart.
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: It’s like rich kids on trust funds. They’re not so fucking smart either.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. They are the most privileged of the dog community.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: There’s no doubt about it.
JOE ROGAN: Most likely to be a they them. Yes. That’s all the they thems. They’re not poor kids. No.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, we’re the ones cutting off their balls and spaying them. Yeah, they’re all right.
JOE ROGAN: They’re all trans.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. They’re all a little angry at us.
The Spaying and Neutering Debate
JOE ROGAN: My dogs have their balls.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, do they really?
JOE ROGAN: Always. Yeah, I don’t fix my dogs.
DAVE LANDAU: See, we had already had them fixed when we got them.
JOE ROGAN: I had a really good vet when I first moved to LA and I always thought, you have to fix dogs. Yeah, because you’re like Bob Barker “spay and neuter your pets.” Bob Barker was at the end of every show, “turn your pets trans.” How about just don’t be an irresponsible dog owner and let your dog have puppies that nobody wants. How about you just be a responsible dog owner and let your dog have its natural fucking hormones.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Because when you cut their balls off, they get tired, they get depressed, they have no energy.
DAVE LANDAU: Testosterone.
JOE ROGAN: There’s testosterone. What happens to people when their testosterone goes? You get depressed. Yeah, you get depressed, you have no energy. That’s the same shit that happens to your dog.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that’s why he’s in a bow tie.
JOE ROGAN: And my vet was, he told me that I was like, I can’t believe it. He goes, “Look, nobody wants to hear it. Everybody wants to tell you spay and neuter your dogs. But characteristically, if you look at, like how a dog behaves, I see a change the moment they cut.” Now, look, if you have an overly aggressive dog, that’s a different story. If you have a dog that like, you probably should train, that’s probably what it is. Probably needs obedience training and probably needs a lot of attention. Probably needs a lot of exercise. But if you cut your dog’s balls off, it won’t be the same dog. No.
DAVE LANDAU: And I mean, the next dogs I have, I probably won’t you know, but it’s just something that you’re used to for so long. And, like, with Bob Barker, I get control the pet population so there’s not dogs running all over the streets that have to be euthanized all the time. Yeah, but if it’s, like, terrible if it’s your own dog, though.
JOE ROGAN: But again, that’s just bad dog owners.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that’s what I meant.
JOE ROGAN: Like, people have… Are bad parents and their kids wind up, you know, joining a gang and shooting people up. It’s like… It’s a lot of the same kind of shit, man.
Feral Dog Packs
DAVE LANDAU: Well, the same. It’s literally the same thing. I mean, when you… You, like years ago, they were doing articles, not to bring it back to my hometown, but like, in Detroit, where you would see dog gangs roving together, they take over a house and, like, you know, they… I remember one house was, like, filled with pit bulls and stuff, but it was a black lab that was like, the king shed at this house. Really? Yeah, it was crazy. And… But probably the smartest one, I think it must have been that because, like, when, like, Rolling Stone, I think it was, showed up and they were like, “Oh, holy shit. It’s a black lab that’s in charge of, like, all these pit bulls.” And that was, like, their king and…
JOE ROGAN: But probably they’re good hunters. Maybe that’s what it is. Well, because Labradors are hunting dogs.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, well, that’s true, because, like, we would see just packs of dogs going down the street when it was at its most, like, empty.
JOE ROGAN: God. I heard about a lady that got killed by a pack of dogs in Georgia a few years back.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, they’ll do it.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, wild dogs. She was hiking and feral dogs attacked her.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That’s a rough way to go.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s terrible.
JOE ROGAN: Rough way to go.
DAVE LANDAU: Because there’s probably a minute where she’s like, “Oh, dogs.”
JOE ROGAN: I doubt it. Yeah, I doubt it.
DAVE LANDAU: No, most people do get scared.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they should.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Especially if you’re on, like, a mountain.
JOE ROGAN: If you don’t know the dog, it could be anything.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Never go up to a dog the way that people tell you that.
JOE ROGAN: You should put your hand out.
DAVE LANDAU: Yep.
JOE ROGAN: “I’m your friend.”
DAVE LANDAU: “Look, I’m your buddy.” It’s like, just stand there.
JOE ROGAN: Stand your ground.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Look at it. Keep an eye on. And hopefully have a gun.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Hopefully have a gun.
DAVE LANDAU: “I just shot your doodle. I overreacted.” But, yeah, those… Once… You can’t.
JOE ROGAN: That’s a problem, too.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: But, yeah, when you just stand there and kind of let the dog smell you. That’s what they do. That’s… They just want to get to know who you are. So let them. And this kind of… Yeah. Keep an eye. Don’t act scared. What you shouldn’t do is run and start screaming.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. No, they like that.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they…
JOE ROGAN: It’s fun.
DAVE LANDAU: They think it’s a play.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: A time to play.
JOE ROGAN: They’re going to kill you. And have fun. Yeah. Yay. Like this. “We got a screamer, boys.” As if there’s not enough problems in the world, you got to worry about roving packs of wild dogs taking folks out.
DAVE LANDAU: And bears fighting in your cul de sac. You don’t see that they’re trying to…
Reintroducing Predators
JOE ROGAN: Bring bears back to certain states now. They’re trying to reintroduce grizzly bears. These fucking dorks.
DAVE LANDAU: Why did they reintroduce animals that went extinct in an area? For a reason.
JOE ROGAN: Well, they didn’t go extinct. They were made extinct.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, right.
JOE ROGAN: Like California. California has a grizzly bear on its flag, but there’s no grizzlies in California because they killed them all. Because they were killing all these people.
DAVE LANDAU: Right.
JOE ROGAN: The last guy that got killed in California by a grizzly bear, they actually named a town after him, really? Leveque, California.
DAVE LANDAU: His name, I forgot it, was murdered by a grizzly bear.
JOE ROGAN: Steven Levesque. Yeah. He was the last man in California to be killed by a grizzly bear before they killed them all.
DAVE LANDAU: Are they trying to bring them back to California?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, of course they are.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that’s smart.
JOE ROGAN: Look, they brought wolves back to Detroit. They brought wolves… Excuse me, Detroit, Colorado. They brought wolves to an area of Colorado that’s right outside of Aspen. And people are losing their fucking minds because they brought these wolves that they had captured in Oregon because they were killing cattle, and then they reintroduced them to Colorado, where they wait for it, kill cattle. They’ve been killing cattle like crazy. They brought them out to, like, these ranching areas, and they’ve killed so many cows out there, man. I have a buddy who has a ranch out there. He sends me pictures all the time of these cows that they find just torn apart like baby cows, calves just ripped to shreds.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, well, they did the same. I want to say it was, like, near Dollywood. Didn’t they do that too? Where, like, wolves had finally gone away in that area. Where’s Dollywood? It’s near… It’s in Tennessee. Near…
JOE ROGAN: There’s wolves in Tennessee.
DAVE LANDAU: I think they tried to reintroduce him because I…
JOE ROGAN: Maybe red wolves.
Wildlife Reintroduction and Environmental Consequences
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I took a tour through the forest. I had to go. I didn’t want to go. It wasn’t my thing, believe it or not. But we went as a family trip. And it’s terrible. And somebody recognized me and that was the worst. It was at a fake Doc Martin show.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: “Are you Dave Landau?” And I’m like, “Oh, fuck, really now?” So we went through the forest and they were saying that they were reintroducing animals into that area. And it’s like, why would you do that? And I guess they had just taken down a Krispy Kreme because bears just destroyed it.
JOE ROGAN: Well, that wouldn’t be reintroduced. That area. The bears have always been there. Okay, but if they’re reintroducing a wolf, it has to be the red wolf. The red wolf is endangered and it’s a small wolf. It’s a wolf that’s maybe the size of a large coyote.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, there it is.
JOE ROGAN: Red wolves are returning to the Smoky Mountain.
DAVE LANDAU: There you go. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. But that photo is a little deceptive. When you see a red wolf, they’re pretty small. What is the average size of a red wolf? Google that, Jamie.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that picture of the bear walking. We saw that a lot just walking down while we were there.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, you’re going to see a lot of bears. And they’d be 50 to 60 pounds.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they’d be tumbling like cubs and stuff down the road.
JOE ROGAN: That’s like a red wolf. It’s probably a 50 pound animal.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay, so they’re not.
JOE ROGAN: They’re not a gray wolf.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes.
JOE ROGAN: Gray wolves are fucking scary.
DAVE LANDAU: Terrifying.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Yeah, they’re big.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I would not want to go, I don’t know. That’s a scary animal. Anytime I’ve seen one, they just don’t look friendly.
Historical Wolf Encounters and Size Variations
JOE ROGAN: Well, I mean, they killed them off for a reason. I mean, look, Little Red Riding Hood. There’s all these stories with kids where they get eaten by wolves. Wolves eat kids.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, yeah. It was a way to scare the kids into being aware of what was going on.
JOE ROGAN: Bro, do you know the World War I story?
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: Okay. World War I, the Germans and the Russians had a ceasefire because so many of them were getting killed by wolves. They made an agreement to have a ceasefire and kill the wolves and then go back to fighting.
DAVE LANDAU: Seriously?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, because they were in trench warfare. So they’re in Russia and Russia has big wolves.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, huge.
JOE ROGAN: So what happens with warm blooded animals is the further north the animal goes, the larger its body size is and they think it’s to retain heat. So if you look at a deer, a white tailed deer. A white tailed deer that you see in Texas is a small deer.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: If I see a white tailed deer generally, I see them all the time on my way to work. White tailed deer might, a female, might be 50, 60 pounds. A male might be 100, 120 pounds.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: In Saskatchewan you might get a 300 pound whitetail.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay.
JOE ROGAN: They’re way bigger. Yeah, way bigger.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Okay. Wolves are the same thing. They’re bigger up there. They’re bigger animals up there. Bears are bigger.
DAVE LANDAU: Polar bears are huge and they’re nasty.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. They have retained heat.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So when you go to northern climates, when you’re dealing with an animal in northern climates, that’s going to be a bigger version of that animal. So if you see a wolf in Alberta.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That’s going to be a bigger wolf than a wolf that you see in Mexico. Those are smaller wolves.
DAVE LANDAU: Right. Because they don’t have to survive in the same elements.
JOE ROGAN: Exactly. There’s no benefit to having a large size of your body to maintain heat. That’s why moose are in the most upper north part of the country.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: They’re the largest of all the deer species.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that would make sense though.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Elk are larger than deer. And then the elk that are the further north, those Montana has some giant fucking elk. Wyoming giant elk.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. When you get towards Canada too, a lot of those places where it’s just cold, you get those massive animals.
JOE ROGAN: Yep, yep, yep. And what were we talking about that. I brought that up. We were talking about wolves.
DAVE LANDAU: Wolves. The red wolf being brought back to Kentucky.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. So those are small because they’re in a warm climate.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that makes sense.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s just odd to me to think though when you even hear the word wolf, we’re just going to reintroduce it to this tourist area. It seems bad.
The Problems with Wolf Reintroduction
JOE ROGAN: Well, it’s all these people that are liberals that are sweet kind people. This is Jared Polis, the governor of Colorado. He’s a nice guy. He’s a sweet guy.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He just posted some really kind tweet the other day. He seems like a good guy. But hey, don’t bring wolves back to ranching areas because you could have these idealistic utopic view, utopia based views of what you think a wolf would be in the wild. But no, they’re going to take the easiest path possible. The easiest path possible. “Oh, there’s a bunch of animals that are stuck in a fenced in area that I could just hop over, I’ll just go kill one and eat it.” And that’s what they do.
And so these farmers now have to hire people 24/7 to be patrolling around their animals. So they’re already operating at a very low margin. If you’re a farmer and a rancher, you lose a bunch of cows, you’re fucked. So now the state has to compensate them for depredation. So every time a wolf kills a cow they compensate them so it costs the state more money.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, so they got to pay for it.
JOE ROGAN: Yes, they have to pay for it. And then now they have depredation permits on some of these wolves because they’re repeat offenders. So now they’re trying to kill these wolves that they’ve spent millions and millions of dollars reintroducing to Colorado. And it’s all silly people. It’s what’s called ballot box biology. Wildlife conservationists and hunters and people that spend time in the woods, they hate it. They hate it because it’s mostly uninformed people that think they’re doing a good thing. “Let’s stop trophy hunting.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, we have to.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah we have to stop hunters. “Hunters are evil.” No bitch, bears are evil. They will fucking eat you asshole first in front of your kids. They don’t care.
Invasive Species and Environmental Disasters
DAVE LANDAU: Well it’s like when they put in an insect to kill an insect that’s getting out of control.
JOE ROGAN: Always worked bad.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, so in Michigan it was ladybugs but all of a sudden now there were ladybugs everywhere and this kind could bite you. So they were some kind of beetle that was this massive problem all of a sudden. And it was to control the fish fly problem. Or mayflies people might know them as. Yeah, because you drive down next to the water, dude, it just sounds like Rice Krispies as you drive because you’re just hitting so many of these things.
But it didn’t help that problem, it just created a horrible beetle problem. And then there was something else going on in the lake. So they introduced zebra mussels.
JOE ROGAN: Oh yeah, we did that out here too.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude. They destroyed boats, they cut up people’s feet that were swimming.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah. They killed everything.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. It backfired completely. And it’s like so you’re just introduced this poison into the air and into the water that you think is going to benefit this.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. So they have too much vegetation on some of these lakes. So what did they do is they sterilize carp and then introduce these sterilized carp. Sometimes they’re not sterile, and sometimes they just start breeding. And then the carp basically eat all the vegetation. And so then your entire lake looks like the bottom of a swimming pool.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s just gone.
JOE ROGAN: There’s no more grass. So the fish don’t know where to hide. So it’s not as effective for them. They don’t get as big. So all the bass fishermen are mad because there’s no habitat.
DAVE LANDAU: Right?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. It’s all fucked up.
DAVE LANDAU: And that’s happened. Yeah. With Michigan. Because we do have a lot of fishermen, bass fishermen that go out there. And you can go into pretty small pond areas and lakes because the Great Lakes and still catch some stuff. But once you start messing with the habitat, it goes bad for a long time.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah, man. Well, look at Australia. Australia has done a terrible job of introducing invasive species to combat problem animals.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And then they have feral cats that have essentially wiped out most of their ground nesting birds and all sorts of other things. Cats are the worst, man. Little cute, little house cats.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: They are the worst murderers of all the animal kingdom.
DAVE LANDAU: And they think birds are a nice present for you. That’s the first thing they’re going to go after, is just kill them.
Toxoplasmosis and Feral Cats
JOE ROGAN: Birds and rats. Yeah. And that’s why the crazy cat lady thing is a real thing, too, because they also contain parasites. And that parasite toxoplasmosis, affects humans. It affects behavior. It makes you more impulsive, more aggressive.
DAVE LANDAU: Really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a crazy parasite that is. At one point in time, half of France had toxoplasmosis.
DAVE LANDAU: Really?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Yeah. Because of feral cats. Maybe it might have been half of Paris or half of France. I don’t know. I don’t remember. But a large. In rural areas where you have a lot of feral cats.
DAVE LANDAU: Okay. I don’t know if it was.
JOE ROGAN: You ever known people that have outdoor cats? They’re very irrational.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes.
JOE ROGAN: Marc Maron. Those people probably have toxo, which is why they’re behaving weird.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Why was.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, that’s what’s going on. It’s like, I guarantee if you test it, I might have it. I had a feral cat.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ve never had a feral cat, but I’ve definitely had ones that would stop by the house.
JOE ROGAN: I had a feral cat. A friend of mine, her and her boyfriend rescued a bunch of kittens that were underneath this building. And she. It was in Santa Monica and she said, “Do you want a kitten?” He was so cute. And I took him in and I actually had to stay with this cat for days in one of the rooms of my house because when I picked him up, he would purr and he’d be sweet. As soon as I put him down, he’d hiss at me and jump and leap away.
DAVE LANDAU: He was wild, claws and everything.
Wild Cats and Dangerous Spiders
JOE ROGAN: It took forever for me to just calm him down. And then after a while, I could just come up to him and pick him up. Like when he was a full grown cat, he was totally my friend. But no one else, no one else could pet this cat. You come over my house, he would hiss at you like he was ready to go to war. It was crazy.
But I would go, “No, dude, he was just wild. He’s wild.” And I’d pick him up and he’d start purring, but he would purr like no other cat would purr. Because when he knew that you just loved him and that you weren’t going to eat him. When I’d pick him up, he just… He was so happy to be held. He was so happy to be pet. But then as soon as I put him down, he would look at me sketchy and run away. He was just fucked up, man.
DAVE LANDAU: My grandma had that. She was crazy though. Like she, as she got older, she had like this old mansion. And I don’t know how she got it, but it was one of those things where like when you’re Catholic, you just have 87 kids. So the house was big, but not. And now it looks huge to people.
JOE ROGAN: So she just had cats towards the…
DAVE LANDAU: End, she had a few cats and just… She would have like those Tom and Jerry mouse holes in the house. Like where you would see them coming and out of where the… And dude, she would keep, like, she’d keep the spiders. Because they thought… She thought it was part of the ecosystem.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, great.
DAVE LANDAU: So you’re looking up like I’d have to sleep there and I’m just like staring at a brown recluse, like shaking at the age of like 8.
JOE ROGAN: Those will fucking leave giant holes in you.
DAVE LANDAU: They will kill it. My brother got bitten by one and his leg turned into a softball. And he had to go really bad. Yeah, she was nuts, dude.
JOE ROGAN: It gets necrotic.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Where it eats away the tissue, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: And it went like that. Like, he got bit, and by the time he got to the hospital, it just kept getting big. It went from like a golf ball to a softball to, like… And they had to hit him with all this, like, antivenom. It was nuts, dude.
JOE ROGAN: My friend Jeremy had a hole in his thigh where you had to stuff gauze in it because it was constantly oozing.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that’s what it is. Like, they start… It starts chewing away at your skin.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Necrosis.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. My brother took a scar from it, dude. It’s disgusting.
JOE ROGAN: Brown recluses are dangerous, man.
The Casino Grandma
DAVE LANDAU: But she was not… She had, like, a casino in her basement that she ran, she tossed.
JOE ROGAN: That sounds so fun.
DAVE LANDAU: It really was when we were kids, too. We’re dealing like, blackjack and playing slots.
JOE ROGAN: She had a casino in her basement.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it was fun. Like, and then she was a recovering alcoholic. Like, she had beads everywhere. Like, I didn’t know what that was then.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, like 30 day beads.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And like, so then later on, well, I was like, “From Mardi Gras.” She had all this stuff from Mardi Gras. So, like, later in my life, I’m like, “Oh, my grandma was a whore.” But I didn’t realize it until later.
JOE ROGAN: This is a cat lady whore with a fucking casino in her basement.
DAVE LANDAU: Like, the cat lady casino whore who thinks spiders are part of an ecosystem. I mean, she’s not wrong. They would eat the mosquitoes. That was her thing. But you’d also have, like… You’re like, “I think it’s a black widow in your garage.” And it’s like, “Yeah, so don’t go near it.” And I’m like, “You want to protect your spider?” Like, she was just nuts, dude.
But yeah, she was in recovery. But then she also had an entire bar where you could just make drinks. So we’re like six and, like, looking through, like, how to make some… Putting a martini. It’s so… It’s so much fun.
JOE ROGAN: So she kept the drinks even though she was clean?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, she was clean. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: I’ve done that too myself, though. Because if people come over, I’m like, “Yeah, whatever you want, man.”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, I stopped drinking and I have a full bar at my house. Yeah. But I have a wine room. It’s like such a wasted room.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Just a room filled with bottles of wine that now I’ll never drink.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I have… I have probably 10 bottles. And it’s… If somebody wants one.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Come on. Come on over. I’ll judge you.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, like, sit there and drink and I’ll judge you.
JOE ROGAN: You’ll start acting stupid.
The Thirteenth Arrest
DAVE LANDAU: Well, after my, like, last DUI was when I got… It was like 16 years ago and I had just built a bar in my basement and it’s really nice and I still really like it, but, like, it was probably days later I got the DUI. So I just like sit there and I’ll just look at this bar like I could have been.
JOE ROGAN: Was that when you stopped drinking?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it was my… It was my 13th arrest. It was my 13th arrest. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: What was number one?
DAVE LANDAU: The day I got my driver’s license.
JOE ROGAN: No.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. For real?
JOE ROGAN: What did you do?
DAVE LANDAU: My dad had gotten a Buick Regal and it was around November because I was born in June. But they wouldn’t let me get my driver’s license because my grades were so bad. And we were having a family reunion. So we had everybody at the house. My dad, we thought was doing a little better, and we all went out to eat. And I’m like, “Hey, can I borrow the car?” And he’s like, “Yeah.”
So we get home and my aunt had blocked the driveway, thinking that I would probably end up taking the car and like her son out who was from Arizona. And the one side of my house was the house and then the other side was my neighbor’s lawn with a small pine tree and like rose bushes and stuff.
JOE ROGAN: He just drove through that? Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: I figured if I gingerly did it, it would be alright, dude, I fucked up her lawn. I go and pick up my friends, we go down eight miles to this place called Piccadilly where we’d have this guy named Spider buy. And he was fucking great. He was this like homeless dude who just was like… He always go, “I’m Spider with a wah.” And he’d do that. And then he was total pervert. He’d be like… He would seriously offer to like… He’d be like, “I’ll jack you off too.” And we’re like, “We just want the beer, but we do appreciate it, really, but thank you.”
So, like, he’d always be like, “Somebody’s got to come in with me to pick it.” And we’d be fighting if we had to get out of the car to go walk with the guy. So we, we just bring the beer and we’re driving around. We start giving lawn jobs, you know, like, we’d… First we did leaf pile fires because everybody would like rake their leaves into the street. So we started doing those, you know, fun, good old fashioned arson. But usually it would stop pretty quickly. Somebody would run out with like a garden hose. And, you know, it totally was innocent until the one time it wasn’t.
But we were driving around, we went to some parties, smoking weed, all that shit. And finally I get up on this one guy’s lawn after part. He’s got a Beamer 5 Series. And I got my Regal, my dad’s, which it had a V6 turbocharged, which for a Buick, it wasn’t bad for 98. But I got on this dude’s lawn, I see him sitting in his Beamer, and for some reason in my head I’m just like, “This guy’s just going to sit here and take it.” So I just start giving him a lawn job. I’m doing donuts, you can hear grass hit his car.
We get in a high speed chase with this dude. Dude, I mean, like French Connection style. I hit, I swear I hit this bump, man. Four tires went off the ground because we just felt like the car popped to the ground. And we get, we’re just going all over the city. My friends are like, “Let’s just pull over and beat the shit out of him.” And I’m like, “He could have a gun,” you know.
So I finally go down this street that has like a bifurcation where it just split immediately like this, you have to go this way, this way, you know. And I didn’t see it. So I start braking because I’m going at an oak tree. So I’m breaking it. And dude, the next thing I know, the engine drops through the front of the car, all the airbags come out, I get cracked with an airbag, and I’m like, I’m not quite unconscious. I’m conscious just enough to see the BMW in my rear view drive away. And then as I’m being knocked out, I hear all my friends and my own cousin leave.
Now here’s the kicker. We were having a family reunion. I didn’t realize that there was a bunch of cases of beer and liquor already in the trunk and chips and stuff. So when I hit the tree, that popped open. And it looked like I drove a Super Bowl party into the fucking tree. There was just like beer and pop and chips and shit going down the street.
And finally, dude, I wake up from being unconscious and I get out of the car and there’s a cop and my dad there. When you wake up, when I get up, like I’d been that, dude, I got knocked out so hard by that airbag.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, my God.
DAVE LANDAU: Because it just like… Like, all I could smell was that, like, burning talcum powder kind of smell like that. Awful. Like, I want to say eggy almost. It was just the worst smell. But everybody else was able to run except me, so it looked like I just did it. So I get out and I remember, I look at my dad, and my dad was not violent. He was in Nam. But was he… He was never violent, but I just look at him and I go, “Dad, I’m okay.” And he goes, “Great.” And he punched me in the face that I hit the ground and was knocked out for the second time that evening. Oh, no, dude, he cracked me harder.
JOE ROGAN: He gave you a second concussion that night.
DAVE LANDAU: And I wake up.
JOE ROGAN: That’s not good, dad.
DAVE LANDAU: No, dude, no. He was pissed.
JOE ROGAN: I get it.
DAVE LANDAU: But then I wake up and the cop’s got a light on me. And I swear to God, the cop goes, “He’s waking up. If you want to hit him again,” it’s the first thing I hear. And I’m like, “You guys, I’m really in a lot of pain here.” My dad, like, apologized, but he’s like, “Look like, what the fuck is wrong with you?” He was just furious. I had already been getting into dope and stuff, and he was getting pretty pissed with me.
JOE ROGAN: Arrest number one, DUI.
DAVE LANDAU: DUI. And I got six months suspended license.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: I went in front of a referee, is what they called it for juveniles at Coleman, a young municipal, and they gave me six months suspended license.
JOE ROGAN: Did you have to talk your way out of it?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, out of being arrested?
JOE ROGAN: I mean, like…
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, that. No, my dad… I remember I was going to school one day, and he goes, “I just got the bill for the car.” I was like, “Yeah.” He goes, “It’s $13,980 here.” And I go, “I don’t have that money.” He goes, “Just show people so they know how proud I am of you.” I was like, “Thanks. Thanks, dad.” But he was furious, I would imagine. But he let it… I mean, he let it go after that because we had alcoholism in our family.
JOE ROGAN: I couldn’t believe that you were doing donuts on this guy’s lawn right in front of him.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, dude, we did so much shit we shouldn’t have done back then.
JOE ROGAN: Was it just the crew you were hanging with?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Like, it was fun, dude. We all just kind of wanted to be thugs. It was a little sad.
JOE ROGAN: Well, it is Detroit.
Growing Up on the Edge of Detroit
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. You want to be like you’re in the suburbs, sort of like, my house was in the suburbs. But you’re literally three minutes from the most violent part of America at the time. So you’re on the border of the east side of Detroit, so it’s not like you can’t hear gunshots and you know what I mean?
It’s like every drug in every party, you’re going down to raves and warehouses that are owned by, like, the Russian mob. Crazy shit.
JOE ROGAN: Really? Oh, fuck, yeah. Wow, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: When you’re like, 18.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. 17, 18, 16. All that. All those years, dude. 99, 2000. Huge rave culture. And then when the new mayor came in, Kwame Kilpatrick, who ended up getting arrested and put in jail and then Trump pardoned, he started the Detroit Electronic Music Festival. So he capitalized on that.
JOE ROGAN: Really?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Do you remember when Ford Focus, basically, or Ford put out the Detroit Electronic Music Festival Focus.
JOE ROGAN: No, dude, it was basically a car designed for people on ecstasy. Like, the whole thing was speakers, really.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, if you can find it. It’s Detroit. It was the Detroit. Yeah. Electronic Music Festival Focus. And the car was.
JOE ROGAN: It just had a crazy sound system.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Because the car is a piece of shit. So the whole thing is just speakers. And that way they would do the ads. It was almost like you go into a. Are you on E? Well, this car is great. It’s got huge cup holders for your water. It’s got great sound, you know.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, that’s hilarious. They were capitalized on it and Hollywood did a little.
DAVE LANDAU: Because that’s like when the movie Go came out. And a lot of these movies that were almost.
JOE ROGAN: It’s with.
DAVE LANDAU: Go is the one where they’re.
JOE ROGAN: Find that car first.
DAVE LANDAU: They’re all trying to get ecstasy in it. And it’s like Katie Holmes and all these other people who are like. Some are different stars and some are. And they all kind of mix together in this one night, and they’re all just going to different raves and parties. And the whole thing is, like, about E. I’m trying to think of his name. You’d know him from the store. Plays a bouncer in it.
JOE ROGAN: Vince Vaughn.
DAVE LANDAU: No, no, not Vince. He’s not really an actor. More of a comic. He used to work with Schimmel. Or not. Not Shimmel. God, what is his name? Blonde hair, older dude.
JOE ROGAN: Jimmy Schubert.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes, he plays a bouncer in it.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, Jimmy’s the best.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, he’s great. I did last comic with him, and he was super good.
JOE ROGAN: Dude, I’ve known Jimmy for 35 years. Years.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: 30. No, 30 years. Somewhere in there.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, he’s a good dude. And he played. He played a bouncer in it. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Where’s that car do you find it? Doesn’t show.
DAVE LANDAU: I wonder how much they’ve scrubbed it. But if it’s like a Detroit Music.
JOE ROGAN: Festival 2001 article, but it’s called a.
DAVE LANDAU: Ford Focus for the Electronic Music Festival. And the way they. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They’ve changed it up a bit with the Ventura, but, yeah, go with speakers.
JOE ROGAN: Right? Speakers. Interior.
DAVE LANDAU: It was great because you’d be walking to this music festival in Hart. Yeah. See the JBL speakers that would never be used in a Fort Focus.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, that’s what they had in them.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, they had, like, this.
JOE ROGAN: They had a badass sound system, right.
DAVE LANDAU: And it was just this. This terrible little hatchback, you know, car that a young person could afford with a killer sound system in case you wanted to listen to Bad Boy Bill or Fat Boy Slim.
Thirteen Arrests and Getting Sober
JOE ROGAN: And you. So you got a really. Arrested 13 times.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So what was number two?
DAVE LANDAU: Number two? Let me think. Two was an MIP.
JOE ROGAN: What’s that?
DAVE LANDAU: Minor in possession of alcohol.
JOE ROGAN: Oh.
DAVE LANDAU: And then that one was like, a lot of them were MIPS. Four were DUIs.
JOE ROGAN: Four.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And then I got arrested.
JOE ROGAN: How are you still. How did you still have a license?
DAVE LANDAU: Most of it was as a minor. And then by the time I got my one as an adult, it, like, it had spanned enough to where in 2009, when I got arrested my last time and I decided to get sober, they couldn’t technically put me in prison. And I didn’t want to go because I don’t want to spend my days getting titty fucked by the Aryan Brotherhood. I know how I look.
So I got clean. But, yeah, that one was the one that I took real seriously. So what they did was they put an alcohol tether on my leg that would monitor if I was drinking and a breath in my car. So I would, like, I’d have to blow start my car everywhere I went, you know?
JOE ROGAN: And, like, my friend Rob had that. It would take like, three minutes before he could start his car.
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, it sucked. And now they take pictures of you and stuff. But that one, it would go off as you drive. So you’re, like, driving. And, like, I remember one time a truck was jackknifing, and then it’s like. So I’m trying to, like, dodge this truck from hitting me in the Grand Rapids while blowing my car so it doesn’t stop.
JOE ROGAN: No way.
DAVE LANDAU: Swear to God. They’re so dangerous. And I’m going around the country.
JOE ROGAN: I Didn’t know they did it while you were at driver. That’s insane.
DAVE LANDAU: So they prove you’re not drinking. So like every 15 minutes it goes off at random, but you can’t time it.
JOE ROGAN: And you have to blow into it.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that’s when people are like, can’t you have somebody else blow? And it’s like, well, no, because you’d be like, can I drink and drive? And you just say shotgun and let me. But yeah, you have to blow the whole time you’re driving. So that’s what sucks about it.
So you have this constant thing and I was double jeopardy. Cause I was a road comic. So in 2009, yeah, dude, I’m going into these bars and nightclubs and like, “hey, do you have a phone jack I could use for a few minutes?” And they’re like, “yeah, why?” And I’m like, “I got this ankle monitor and I got to plug it in somewhere to a phone jack so they can download to make sure I’m not drinking.” So I’d be in a bar, dude, standing next to a phone jack with my fucking ankle.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, my God.
DAVE LANDAU: Attached to the wall while they downloaded my alcohol bottle.
JOE ROGAN: How long did it take? So it has like a modem, Like.
DAVE LANDAU: A. Yeah, it would light, you know, so it would let you know when you were done.
JOE ROGAN: It would do it through the phone lines.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. At that time.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: I’m sure there’s something more high tech now. This was 09, but you had to have a phone jack. And I’d have to call my probation officer and be like, “this is the room I’m playing. I’m in a bar.” I was allowed to be in a bar, but if anybody spilled anything on me, write to jail.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: Cuz, like, if I had any bit of drink, I had to use Tom’s Everything. You know, all natural stuff. Because anything could have alcohol in it.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, wow.
DAVE LANDAU: So, like, I couldn’t touch anything on a chance that. On the off chance that it would set off my monitor.
Drug Tests and Fake Equipment
JOE ROGAN: That’s crazy. You know what’s really crazy? If you eat poppy seed bagels, you can get popped for heroin.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. When you take a drug test for.
JOE ROGAN: Your job, isn’t that nuts?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: A poppy seed bagel, dude. A nice delicious bagel. You get popped for heroin.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s amazing because you have nothing else in your system but heroin.
JOE ROGAN: I’m a tea toddler. What’s in your tea?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. What are you doing with it?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, they tell you, don’t eat poppy seeds, any poppy seeds before you go in for A drug test. Wonder how long poppy seed bagel stays in your system.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, dude, I did drug tests too. That’s sucks. I never did the heroin one. I didn’t do a lot of poppy seeds. But I did buy a fake dick that they caught me with.
JOE ROGAN: He had a urinator. A wizinator. Is that what they call it?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, it’s called a wizinator.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: That’s hilarious. They caught you with the fake dick.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: How’d they catch you?
DAVE LANDAU: It was darker than me. I’m not kidding.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: I bought the one. I thought they’d be behind me.
JOE ROGAN: They weren’t.
DAVE LANDAU: No, they were right here.
JOE ROGAN: And because they know about the fake dick. Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: And I’m just like. Just going to squeeze these balls from some urine I bought off of a nerdy kid like R. Kelly.
JOE ROGAN: I got one for you. I know a guy who. To pass a steroid test.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He was clearly on steroids. He was a fighter.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He injected someone else’s urine into his bladder.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, God.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, yeah. So he got some bro science doctor in the fucking men’s room shoving a large needle of piss into his bladder. And then he pissed out somebody else’s piss.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, God. Did it work?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Hats off. I mean, that’s dedication.
JOE ROGAN: Basketball player came back pregnant when he.
DAVE LANDAU: Took his drug test.
JOE ROGAN: Using pregnant girlfriends here. And so what are they testing him for that he’s worried about other than weed? Is it weed?
DAVE LANDAU: I’m guessing weed. Because it’s a. If it was 2020 in Ohio, it was still illegal. Plus, I don’t think. I don’t think you’re allowed to use it.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: If you’re on the team. But it was illegal then, so they were probably still. Which has never been. I mean, for most people.
JOE ROGAN: 2 years suspension.
DAVE LANDAU: International drug test in your Bosnia.
JOE ROGAN: Is that what it was as a naturalized player? Well, he was. I wonder what they were testing him for. I wonder what drugs they were actually testing him for. What are they worried about finding?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, because I bought. What was it called? Urine.
JOE ROGAN: Luck.
DAVE LANDAU: That didn’t work.
Performance Enhancement and Professional Sports
JOE ROGAN: Steroids and stuff, you know, I guess, but. Jesus Christ, if. If I’m running a professional basketball organization, I want people on steroids.
DAVE LANDAU: I’m not testing anyone for anything.
JOE ROGAN: I want them recovering. I want them playing better. Yeah, the whole steroid thing is so weird because it’s just science. They figured out a way to make humans perform better. So are we supposed to use some science? Like you can use creatine, which at one point in time they used to treat Creatine. Like it was steroids. Well, yeah, they did in the 1990s. It was like, “you’re taking creatine, you’re basically taking steroids.”
DAVE LANDAU: Well, it was because of the Mark McGuire Jose concept Seiko thing.
JOE ROGAN: Right. I think that was a little later, wasn’t it?
DAVE LANDAU: I remember it was because part of it, because they were like, “they’re on creatine,” and everybody’s like, “are you sure?”
JOE ROGAN: No, they were on Anderstein Dione is what it was, but it wasn’t.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, steroids.
JOE ROGAN: He was on hardcore because he got big.
The McGwire Steroid Era Discussion
DAVE LANDAU: Maguire went from like a farm boy to looking like one of the Looney Tunes characters from Space Jam. Like, the dude was just stating.
JOE ROGAN: There’s a video of McGuire hitting a home run. And as the bat is contacting the ball, you see the bend to the bat because he’s so strong. He’s whipping the bat so hard that it’s bending in the air as it contacts the ball and it’s whipping. See if you can find that photo. Yeah, it’s ash. It’s like a very dense wood. And he’s whipping it so hard. It has a bend, like a bow, right? Bow and arrow. And it’s connecting the ball, like, perfectly on the sweet spot. Look at that. Look at the amount of bend in that bat.
DAVE LANDAU: That makes no sense.
JOE ROGAN: Well, that’s somebody else. But look at the one above it.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, the one right there, though.
JOE ROGAN: That’s the Maguire one I’m talking about.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s a bent bat.
JOE ROGAN: That’s it. No, right there.
DAVE LANDAU: Jamie, it looks like he’s doing the spoon trick.
JOE ROGAN: Okay. Whoever it is. But look at it. That’s what I’m talking about.
DAVE LANDAU: You’re right.
JOE ROGAN: So when a guy is swinging at full clip, that’s what happens to the bat, which is crazy.
DAVE LANDAU: That is completely steroids.
JOE ROGAN: That’s him. Oh, my God. That’s nuts. Look at that. It looks like it’s made out of rubber. That’s so crazy. Imagine the force your body has to generate to do that to one of those bats.
Pete Rose and the Hall of Fame Controversy
DAVE LANDAU: And meanwhile, Pete Rose never gets inducted.
JOE ROGAN: I know, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: I met him. I liked him.
JOE ROGAN: I know. That didn’t make any sense. He’s just gambling. It didn’t hinder his play. I mean, there was some concern that maybe he bet against his team?
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what it was. Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, he probably did. Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: He says he didn’t allow him in.
JOE ROGAN: He’s going to be eligible, I believe. Yeah, I figured posthumously, though.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I figured. Yeah, that’s what they were going to do.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. But that’s not cool. Like, no, he’s dead. He should have done it while he’s alive.
DAVE LANDAU: And he’d been around sitting in the MGM in Vegas signing shit for a long time, you know?
JOE ROGAN: Great player.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes, he was.
JOE ROGAN: I mean, just because a guy does something like that doesn’t mean he didn’t do amazing things playing. And that’s what it’s supposed to be all about. The guy was an all star. He was one of the greatest of all time. And they took it away from him because he likes to gamble. Yeah. Guess what? That’s also probably why he was so good. Because he was wild.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes, exactly.
JOE ROGAN: He was a wild boy.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s true.
JOE ROGAN: Yes. Look at Jordan.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, dude.
JOE ROGAN: Degenerate gambler.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: The greatest basketball player who ever walked the face of the earth.
DAVE LANDAU: Yes. And degenerate like Pete Rose’s dad wasn’t taken out.
JOE ROGAN: Comes from the same place, man. It comes from the same place. Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s same deal. Well, yeah, because there’s a part of you that wants to do risky things if you’re willing to go that far.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: You have to have that element in you. So you kind of want to go like, yeah, he threw a few games with the confidence that the team would still be fine. That’s kind of amazing if he did.
Dark Theories About Celebrity Deaths
JOE ROGAN: That’s a guy chasing money. He’s probably… Well, the thing they said about Jordan was that he wouldn’t pay.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, that’s… Yeah, yeah, yeah. There’s a lot of shady shit that happened.
JOE ROGAN: Well, that was that golf hustler that beat him out of hundreds of thousands of dollars and then wrote a story about it because Jordan wouldn’t pay him. Then it kind of started getting out, and then Jordan’s dad got murdered.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s why.
JOE ROGAN: There’s a lot there. Yeah, yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: The connection with that. People may have taken out his dad over gambling debts, which is rarely talked about.
JOE ROGAN: You know, here’s another connection that I never considered until recently. Remember when Cosby’s kid got murdered?
DAVE LANDAU: Ah, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: And everybody was like, “Oh, it’s just a random crime.” Maybe not. Right.
DAVE LANDAU: I don’t think it was now.
JOE ROGAN: Well, now you know what Cosby did? Imagine if he did that to someone’s daughter. And they said, “Oh, well, guess what?”
DAVE LANDAU: Because he wasn’t robbed.
JOE ROGAN: Right.
DAVE LANDAU: They didn’t take anything.
JOE ROGAN: Right.
DAVE LANDAU: He was just changing a tire. Yeah. And who knows if he even was? They could have flagged him down.
JOE ROGAN: Exactly. Who knows if he even was.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Or who knows if they maybe flattened his tire.
DAVE LANDAU: Exactly.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. They know he’s going to drive, flatten his tire, let him drive off a little bit, and he’s eventually going to have to stop and pull over.
DAVE LANDAU: It seems so random to just kill someone for fun.
JOE ROGAN: It’s rare.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Very rare. And when you know what Cosby did, it makes you go, “Oh, maybe there’s something there.”
The Bill Cosby Revelations
DAVE LANDAU: And now the stuff that has come out is so dark.
JOE ROGAN: I heard this lady say that he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history. I don’t doubt it, but you imagine how insane that is. The guy who’s Mr. Huxtable. Dr. Huxtable, head of the family. And the most wholesome sitcom. Everybody loved it. Crossed the race barrier, made everybody think of this black family who’s incredibly respectful and well put together. And how great is this dude?
DAVE LANDAU: The Cosby Show doesn’t exist without him. Right?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, right, right.
DAVE LANDAU: And he had a gynecology office in his basement, which he just slid past everybody on the show.
JOE ROGAN: He had a gynecology office?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Dr. Huxtable was a gynecologist, and he was a doctor. And in his basement is where he saw the women and no one thought anything about it.
JOE ROGAN: How about the one episode that he did about Spanish Fly dude and he would talk about it in his act. He has old records of Spanish Fly where he’s just talking about it. Like the whole audience is like, “Yeah, the rape drug. That’s hilarious.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. He had a whole episode of the show about his special barbecue sauce.
JOE ROGAN: Yes. Oh, and everybody started making out with each other.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. How crazy is that?
JOE ROGAN: Well, did you ever see the Cosby Mysteries intro?
DAVE LANDAU: No.
JOE ROGAN: It’s a pill going into a martini. And then it just has “Cosby Mysteries.”
DAVE LANDAU: What?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. I think he was more deviant than we actually realized and was leaving these little taunting breadcrumbs.
DAVE LANDAU: I had heard that he was doing that kind of stuff in the 90s when I was on News Radio. I’d heard from people that knew him or people that knew of him.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: Like that he drugs girls. I was like, “What, Bill Cosby?” I was like, “This is crazy. This is crazier than Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. Right? What are you talking about?”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, I heard he was like… I heard he had sex with a lot of women. And I was like, “Well, okay. Like that. It’s a different thing. Like, that’s, you know, I’m like, whatever. So he’s not spotless, I would assume.”
DAVE LANDAU: I heard about it in Hollywood. People knew it was like an inside secret.
JOE ROGAN: But then, like, when I started becoming a comic and I was doing small stuff, like at the HBO Vegas Festival.
DAVE LANDAU: The Cosby Mysteries. Oh, that’s weird. Okay, but this is like his reflections in it. But this is a mystery, like someone’s drugging someone. This was a shot about… This was like a cop show, right?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. He came back out.
DAVE LANDAU: He came back out and did a cop show.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: How weird.
JOE ROGAN: It’s just crazy that the first thing in it, though, is a drink being drugged. How weird.
DAVE LANDAU: When was that? Cosby Mysteries?
JOE ROGAN: Oh, I think it was mid-90s.
DAVE LANDAU: How long did that last?
JOE ROGAN: I think a season or two. Yeah. 94. Yeah, it didn’t last very long.
DAVE LANDAU: Wow.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: People wanted to see him in comedies. Like, why do you have the most loved comedy sitcom star ever?
JOE ROGAN: And his film career wasn’t great. It was like Ghost Dad and, you know, he did Fat Albert. There was a story, and I can’t remember if it was Fat Albert, but Kenan Thompson was talking about one of the first times he met Bill Cosby. And he was like, “You know, like, you’re going to need two dicks for all the pussy you’re going to get.” And he was like, “What the fuck?” Like, he just couldn’t believe. It was one of the first things Cosby had said. Whoa. So it’s like he… Because you just meet that guy, and you kind of wouldn’t expect it to switch so hard. Especially a guy who’s been telling people not to. Especially after Eddie Murphy’s stories and all that stuff.
DAVE LANDAU: Eddie Murphy from Raw?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, dude. And he’s like, “Tell Mr. Cosby that Richard Pryor said, have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up.”
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Do the people laugh? Do you get paid? Yeah. Be ready, because when this movie comes out, you’re going to need two dicks because the women are going to be all over you.
JOE ROGAN: What’s it called?
DAVE LANDAU: Wow.
JOE ROGAN: Yes, it was that. And imagine saying that to somebody over Fat Albert. He’s like, “Are you sure that one?”
DAVE LANDAU: I think when he was young, that drugging people was normal. That’s what I think. I think that whole Spanish fly era where people were just giving people Mickey’s. They’re putting things in people’s drinks, way back. I think people did that all the time. I think it was super normal. And then I think society eventually evolved and people realized how horrible that is.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: And then he kept going. Oh, that was his move.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, absolutely.
DAVE LANDAU: Especially when he got old and ladies didn’t want to fuck him. They wanted a career and they thought maybe Bill Cosby said he’s going to help me with my acting.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: So you know, you wake up and your panties are off. You’re like, “What happened?”
JOE ROGAN: And a lot of them too. When you see like the roles they would get on the Cosby show. Now you have like supermodel looking women playing a cop. And it’s like he would have private dinners with them, you know, like in his green room. Just little super shady shit. Yeah. So, yeah, like he… I guarantee you, maybe him and who’s it? Jordan Belfort. You probably met him too. The Wolf of Wall Street guy. Wolf of Wall Street guy, yeah. I’m thinking like Cosby and him may have been the last people on earth to ever have quaaludes. Like one of them.
DAVE LANDAU: What was Quaaludes like?
JOE ROGAN: I never did Quaaludes. I think they were…
DAVE LANDAU: Joey Diaz is a big fan.
JOE ROGAN: See, he’s older. Older to remember that. Yeah, yeah. Because I’ve heard him talk about it.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
Spanish Fly and Aphrodisiacs
DAVE LANDAU: But I’ve never done quaaludes. I think they were like. I think the last one was like 96.
JOE ROGAN: Look at that. “She’ll do things she’s never done before. Increases sexual.” I don’t even think it’s real, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s an ad for rape.
JOE ROGAN: But the stuff. Yeah, it says it comes from parts of a beetle.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s what they used to say.
JOE ROGAN: So it really works. Whether it works or not, I would say, but that’s what I’m saying. I mean, I’m sure it’s real as like a product, but I don’t think there’s a thing that actually makes you horny.
DAVE LANDAU: Said it would give you extra.
JOE ROGAN: Like it’s like a pre Viagra type. Yeah, but that doesn’t get you horny like Viagra. It just increases blood flow.
DAVE LANDAU: Someone had it when I was, maybe, I don’t know, in middle school. Somebody had it.
JOE ROGAN: Spanish fly.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, like a bottle of something that said Spanish fly.
JOE ROGAN: Okay. Google this. It does Spanish fly work. That’s where I was getting. I ended up in marketing.
DAVE LANDAU: Look at all the ads.
JOE ROGAN: Look at this. “Love with no strings attached.” That’s a flight attendant ad. Flight attendants were fucking hot back then. They would hire only hot flight attendants. They would fire you if you want Spanish fly movie. So just Google this for me. Does Spanish fly actually make you aroused?
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, if there’s a movie, it was popular.
JOE ROGAN: How does it work? Spanish fly is not an aphrodisiac. It’s a toxic substance called. Derived from blister beetles that can cause severe harm, including pain, burning, and internal damage. There’s no evidence it increases sexual desire. Injection ingesting cantharidin can be fatal. While it causes burning sensation in the urinary tract that can provoke an erection, it is a dangerous side effect, not an aphrodisiac effect. So it gives you a boner while you’re dying?
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: What would it do to women then?
DAVE LANDAU: If you’re right, I guess knock you out. And that’s why they’re like, “she’s horny, bro.”
JOE ROGAN: Okay, so just Google this. Is there a drug that makes you horny? Just Google that. You put it in. Put it in a chat. GPT Perplexity or something.
DAVE LANDAU: MDMA.
JOE ROGAN: I would, you know, but it makes you loving, right? It makes you kind and want to hug people. I don’t think it makes you sexual.
DAVE LANDAU: But if you were rolling, I mean, and like a girl just touched your knee in a way, you were like, “come.” You know, it was just sort of. It was pretty crazy, Ray.
JOE ROGAN: Soft dick.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. Yeah. That’s what sucked. Is it didn’t. It didn’t help your libido?
JOE ROGAN: No universally proven aphrodisiac drug exists that reliably increases sexual desire across all individuals. The concept of an aphrodisiac, a substance that enhances libido or sexual performance, has been around for centuries, but scientific evidence is limited and often inconclusive. So some substances are marketed as that. Historical, cultural substances. Foods like oysters. Okay. Chocolate. Okay. None of that stuff works. Medications, Viagra. But again, they treat erectile dysfunction by improving blood flow, not by increasing desire. Yeah, no, no, no, I get it. Hormonal treatments, testosterone therapy boost libido. Yeah, but it doesn’t just make you horny out of nowhere.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, I don’t think there’s anything like. What is horny goat weed at a gas station? That’s just poison, right?
Bath Salts and Florida Drug Culture
JOE ROGAN: Bath salts. Remember bathroom bath salts? Bath salts they used to sell at the gas station. And it was basically some kind of horrible drug that they snuck in by saying it was not for human consumption. Yeah, but it was a bath salt. So you throw it in the bath.
DAVE LANDAU: And then, well, you would consume a human because you remember when the guy ate the dude’s face?
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy in Florida. But I always feel like you got to put that through the Florida lens. It only happened in Florida.
DAVE LANDAU: That’s true. If it is Florida, you’re like, there could have been other elements.
JOE ROGAN: Elements in Florida.
DAVE LANDAU: There’s a whole lifestyle that could have led to this. A lot of choices.
JOE ROGAN: But Florida, where. That was the place where the pill mills really started popping off. Because the way Florida had it set up, they had these pain management centers, and then attached to the pain management centers, they’d have a doctor that would prescribe it for you. So the whole thing was just to prescribe pain pills.
So you’d go, excuse me. You’d go into the pain medium center. “Oh, my back hurts.” “Great. You need this. Go right next door.” And right next door, all they prescribed was pain pills, and they didn’t have a database. So you would go there, and then you go down the street, “oh, my back hurts.” “Oh, great. Here you go.” And then next door. And you could keep doing this over and over again.
And then this documentary, the OxyContin Express, showed how people were loading up the trunks of their cars with these pain pills and driving up north and into Kentucky, into Ohio. And that’s where all these people started dying of overdose. And all people got addicted to pills.
The Pharmaceutical Industry’s Role
DAVE LANDAU: There was also one in Richmond, I want to say right outside of Richmond, a pharmaceutical company that was also largely responsible for. Because I remember even being working at a pharmacy and going, my mom was an RN, so I’d go in there. I remember the doctors. Not the doctors, but I remember companies taking out the doctors to eat. Or you’d see OxyContin reps, or you’d sign with a pen that had a painkiller’s name on it. All that stuff I remember.
JOE ROGAN: My wife’s mom’s a nurse, and she would tell stories about how the pharmaceutical drug companies would take them out to nice steak dinners and treat them really nice. And just the whole thing was, “make sure you push our shit.”
DAVE LANDAU: It was, yeah, “give our product to the people coming in.”
JOE ROGAN: “Tell people how great it is. How great is our product.”
Personal Addiction Struggles
DAVE LANDAU: Dude, they used to give a lot. When I got my knee messed up, I got hooked on Vicodin, and I had. I’d taken lots of Vicodin before, but I took a prescribed amount that was just way too many for several months in a row. And then when I came down, it was one of the sickest times I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m shaking, you know, I’m throwing up every few minutes. And this was the allotted amount. I was supposed to take four a day for two months. And then.
JOE ROGAN: And how long was. Was the. Before you became normal again?
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, God. I felt real bad for about four to five days. For me, even when I quit smoking, I used to smoke three packs a day for almost 12 years.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: But I did a lot of acid and shrooms and shit. And it was fun after that one. After the other one did, but it felt good. So, yeah, I would do that. But even that, I locked myself in a room when I was living in and I just didn’t leave. I didn’t leave the room for a week. I just got clean, dude. I just let my body deal with the pain and then I left. So it usually takes me about that long, you know, to really detox my system if it’s something that isn’t killer.
Alcohol was hard. Alcohol was really hard because I had started shaking when I wouldn’t drink when I was 16.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: So, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: So you got addicted to it early.
DAVE LANDAU: Do it very early.
JOE ROGAN: So it’s a genetic thing with your family?
Family History of Addiction
DAVE LANDAU: Big time. And I didn’t know about that until later, you know, and my dad had talked to me of it before he died. And he died when I was 18 and. But he finally talked to me about what was going on with the family and stuff. I hadn’t known. And my uncle, who I figured had died of a heroin overdose, but my mom’s like, “he just had a big heart.” Oh, boy. And you’re like, “did he. Can I just know the truth?”
JOE ROGAN: You know?
DAVE LANDAU: And it turned out it was lines of years of addiction. My dad’s dad was Irish guy, left him the day he was born. Walked in, saw my dad was a twin, had twin sister, and goes, “I’m not raising two.” And walked out.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
DAVE LANDAU: So then he was the opposite dad. He was loving, coach, all that stuff. He turned it.
JOE ROGAN: But fucked by the government.
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. And then fucked by the government. He became a very.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, it’s crazy how that kind of addiction. Addiction and mental illness is just fucking hardcore genetic. And when you have a family that has a long history of mental illness, it’s very rare that you’re like, “I’m fine.”
DAVE LANDAU: Oh, yeah. It’s very rare that you’re an anomaly.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah, fine. Maybe you’re not good. Yeah. I just know so many people that are alcoholics that their family’s an alcoholic. I had a buddy that he would drink and his eyes would glaze over and it wouldn’t be him anymore. It’d be like, “oh, he’s gone. We just got to wait until he comes back.” Because right now it’s. Whatever the fuck happens to him when he drinks, just crazy, off the rails. Didn’t remember anything. Full blackout. Oh, yeah, you’d have to tell him. “You don’t remember being on the table with your dick out? You don’t remember.” Yeah, he didn’t remember anything.
DAVE LANDAU: I was the guy on that side of the phone call.
JOE ROGAN: See, I.
DAVE LANDAU: They were like, “you need to apologize to this person.”
JOE ROGAN: Did you black out all the time? All the time. So you didn’t remember anything?
DAVE LANDAU: I wouldn’t remember most. Sometimes I’d brown out, so I’d kind of remember what we did. There was times where I actually. I was at a party, right? And then I wake up and I’m handcuffed to a bed in a hospital getting charcoal dumped down. Oh, my stomach pumped. God. Oh, something happened. It’s like, I heard, but I went from being at a party to just being woken up with a charcoal stomach pump.
JOE ROGAN: And I’m like, this is. Do you talk about any of this stuff on stage?
DAVE LANDAU: I do, yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, imagine. You have to. So ripe for material.
Turning Pain into Comedy
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I put out a book. It’s called “Party of One, A Fuzzy Memoir” a little while ago. And it’s all stories of my youth because I was trying to get it all out and then I had to ask people and I didn’t put it out for years because I wanted to be like, “hey, is it cool if I talk about.” And everybody was, but. And a couple of my friends were my really good friends I had to fuck with, where I’m like, “don’t worry, I change your name from Brian to Ryan. So no one knows it’s true.” Little shit like that.
But, yeah, I talk about a lot of this on stage because, dude, I got institutionalized. I got. It was all crazy.
JOE ROGAN: How’d you get institutionalized?
DAVE LANDAU: The story I talk about in the book is what happened the night before. Well, not the book, but on stage, because I have to kind of sum it up. I actually did it on “This is not Happening” Ari show. And what happened was, was I used to bong pints and fifths for a party trick. And I could carry around a case of beer and, you know, drink that in the night. And mind you, I’m five six. But then I’m in high school. I probably weighed 140 pounds, dude.
And if I wasn’t on. If I wasn’t on LSD and I wasn’t on mushrooms and I wasn’t on K, I was drunk.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: So I would switch it all up, and the night before, I had bonged a fist at a party.
JOE ROGAN: What do you mean by bongs?
DAVE LANDAU: You know, the beer bongs that you use that have the funnel and go through? So my friend Anthony pulled out this beer bong, and my friend Nick poured in an entire fifth of Absolut vodka. And Nick’s like, “dude, don’t do this.”
JOE ROGAN: You just drank the whole thing?
The Sprite Incident and Mental Health Crisis
DAVE LANDAU: Well, they put in a cap full of Sprite, then I drank the whole thing. And, dude, I guess I say this in the story because this is what I was told happened. I was tap dancing. I told my girlfriend, who I love, that she had “orangutan titties.” And then I fell through a table. A glass table.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, no.
DAVE LANDAU: And then, yeah, I ended up getting taken home by the cops. I don’t know exactly what happened, but my mom ended up calling the police, which is, she didn’t know what to do. I was doing something right. And they arrested me, and I was institutionalized for two weeks. And I stayed with a kid who thought he was werewolf.
JOE ROGAN: So you had to go to a mental health institution?
DAVE LANDAU: I went to a mental health institution because they weren’t. They didn’t realize it was an addiction. They just arrested me because my behavior was so erratic. And I remember getting there, and I met my roommate, who was. He was a werewolf. That’s what he believed. And I’m like, “I don’t want to stay with him.” And they’re like, “Well, he’s not really a werewolf.” I’m like, “Yeah, I know.”
JOE ROGAN: He’s what happens when the moon turns full.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, he attacked me.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, boy.
The Werewolf Attack
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah, so. And they. What they do is they grab a tank, a tranq. It’s called Booty Juice, and they hit you in the butt with it. And the guards will fight you off, but after two weeks, they’re like, “He’s not. It’s not so much that he’s got mental illness, which he does, but he’s an alcoholic. He’s a severe alcoholic.”
JOE ROGAN: But your roommate, the werewolf.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: He attacked you in the moon turned white.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. One night he just started howling, and I don’t even think wolves howl, and he was way bigger than me.
JOE ROGAN: You don’t think wolves howl?
DAVE LANDAU: Werewolves.
JOE ROGAN: They do.
DAVE LANDAU: American Werewolf in London, but he was barking too.
JOE ROGAN: And this patients say sedative known as booty juice injected against their will.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Growing number of children and teenagers admitted voluntarily to North Texas for profit. Psychiatric hospitals told WFAA they’ve been injected with powerful sedative drugs without their parents knowledge.
DAVE LANDAU: Booty juice. Yeah. Which I. That kid deserved it. They shouldn’t have called the parents and go, “Hey, your wolf boy is fucking naked trying to eat a guy.”
JOE ROGAN: Was he naked when he attacked him? Yeah, he picked all his clothes off.
DAVE LANDAU: Because he thought he was a werewolf dude.
JOE ROGAN: So tell me what that was like.
DAVE LANDAU: Well, he’s jumping on top of me and I grabbed a lamp to hit him with it, but it was fucking glued down because it’s a mental hospital. So that just kind of made me open my arms to him, and he’s on top trying to bite me, and I’m holding him back. And that’s when they came in and they run. They ran at him. They hit him with the syringe. They pulled him off me.
And I’m just sitting there like, “I want to be here,” like, “I’ll never drink again.” Basically crying like a. And, I’ll never drink again was my catchphrase through the night. So they pull him out of there and then eventually they sent me off to a region rehab where I spent. I think I spent 45 days there. And I heard it’s not there anymore, which is a shame because a lot of kids do need that now. And I heard they took it down, it’s no longer there.
And I went there, and the second I got out, I didn’t drink. I didn’t drink for a month. But the second I got in my friend’s car, I hit a joint. And I’m not saying that that’s bad, but it’s like, dude, the second I was. They’re like, “You can’t drink, right?” And I’m like, “Yeah, you can smoke weed.” I’m like, “Yeah.” So I immediately hit a joint.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, my God, Dave.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Jesus Christ.
DAVE LANDAU: And that’s what my.
JOE ROGAN: It’s kind of amazing that you’re here, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I got a lot of shit.
JOE ROGAN: You look great, though.
DAVE LANDAU: Thank you.
Self-Medication and Recovery
JOE ROGAN: For a guy who’s gone through as much shit as you. Yeah. Three packs a day. Alcohol. Acid, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: So much acid.
JOE ROGAN: DUIs falls through the table. Look at you. Fine.
DAVE LANDAU: You know what is interesting, though? All the drugs now. Because I told you I was real depressed kid. And all the drugs that I did to treat depression are now used to treat depression. Mushrooms, ketamine, all that shit, dude.
JOE ROGAN: Right.
DAVE LANDAU: I spent five years in high school when it turns out I was completely accurate with my studies of how these drugs would help me.
JOE ROGAN: You were self medicating and I was accurate with it. Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: I would do K and I’d just be sitting there in a K hole in class. Just think, “The desk is moving.”
JOE ROGAN: Jesus, dude.
DAVE LANDAU: And acid was the most fun to do in class because your teacher’s face is melting and you’re just sitting there like, “It’s so much fun.”
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: But I was a mess. But at the same time, so many of my friends were too. It wasn’t just me.
JOE ROGAN: Right? So it felt normal.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. I mean, I was the worst of them and technically slowest because I was arrested more than anybody.
Finding Comedy as a Calling
JOE ROGAN: You were the most fun. What did you think you were going to do for a living back then?
DAVE LANDAU: The only thing I ever loved was acting. Acting and comedy. My dad would wake me up when I was a kid to watch SNL and he wasn’t something that him and my brother, they’d watch baseball and stuff, but we’d watch SNL together. We would watch old movies with John Candy, Steve Martin, all those people. And then he introduced me to stand up.
And my dad bought me. He bought me Kinison, Carlin. He bought me Carlin Classic Gold on tape when I was nine. Nine, which had seven dirty words and all that. He bought me Dangerfield, buttoned down mine to Bob Newhart, Eddie Murphy. He showed me Delirious when I was eight. Wow, dude. I still laugh so hard because that, the whole bit he does about the hamburger was so relevant then. “I got McDonald’s at home.” And he’s like, “You can’t have none. You on the welfare.” And I knew what that meant then. And I was crying, laughing, because I loved Eddie Murphy.
So he introduced me to comedy. And the only thing I had any interest in was that. And one day Second City opened up in Detroit. And I was pissing this teacher off somewhat, and she stopped me after class and she goes, “Do you know what Second City is?” And I go, “Yeah, my dad’s told me about it. It’s where all these SNL people came from.” And she’s like, “Yeah, you’re actually really funny, but you’re a fucking pain in the ass in my class.” And I was like, “Okay.” That’s a cool teacher. It really was.
And she goes, “You should consider taking classes there.” And I said, “Wow, okay.” So after my fifth year, the first thing I did was I listened to her and my dad and I signed up for Second City. And dude, years later I’m doing improv on stage with this group, Motor City Improv. And it’s more bar prov. You’re just fucking around. But one of the guys in the group was, “Hey, my wife’s going to come too.” And it was my teacher and I got to do improv with her years later.
JOE ROGAN: Wow.
DAVE LANDAU: It was really cool, man, because she. It was the first time somebody didn’t scold me. They stopped me to go. You genuinely have something and you’re not just this waste.
JOE ROGAN: Right.
DAVE LANDAU: And no one had ever besides my parents, but nobody else had ever said that before.
The Importance of Recognition
JOE ROGAN: Well, that’s so cool that she was original in that world. So she understood.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah.
JOE ROGAN: Yeah. We were actually just having a conversation about that last night in the green room. Not last night, night before. And we were talking about times in your life that someone could have just told you “This is behavior like a stand up comedian.” That’s a real job. You know how, you know, you like fixing cars and you can be mechanic. You know, you like talking shit, you’re funny. Everybody laughs. This is a job, just. But everybody just tells you you’re a fucking loser and you’re never going to amount to anything and get out of my class.
DAVE LANDAU: And that’s. And I was very lucky. My parents. My dad had. Was just about to pass when I told him, “I think I’m going to do Second City and then take this film class up in Lansing, Michigan,” which is what I did. I did film and I did that. And I would go back and forth and he was like, “You should. That’s what you’ve always wanted to do.” I had a camera in my hand since I was a kid.
My parents never wanted me to have a backup plan. They were like, “Find something you love.” And we were really only torn apart as a family because of what we experienced from my dad just being screwed. Yeah. So we were. If I think if I had given a more direct line, I may have gotten there sooner, but I was angry and depressed and pissed off. Sure. My whole attitude was, “Fuck you, fuck the system.”
JOE ROGAN: Yeah.
DAVE LANDAU: So there. When I finally found that outlet, it was wonderful, dude. Especially when you’re writing sketches and watching them come to life and you’re ripping on the people that have fucked you over. And there’s such a good feeling about that. And a lot of people that I met have gone on to do great things. I was in a troupe with Sam Richardson, who went on to do Detroiters. And there’s Tim Robinson, who. I didn’t know him well or anything, but we did improv a couple times. And it’s cool to see him skyrocket with I Think You Should Leave and all these other stuff. And Keegan Michael Key was somebody that was out of the Detroit chapter. So there’s some really cool people that ended up coming out of there.
The Detroit Comedy Scene
JOE ROGAN: What was the standup scene? What was the big club?
DAVE LANDAU: The big club was Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle.
JOE ROGAN: Okay. I heard of that place.
DAVE LANDAU: Yeah. And I started.
JOE ROGAN: It’s supposed to be a great spot. Dude.
DAVE LANDAU: It’s unbelievable. And he was the guy who you wanted to do stand up in front of because he was there every night tearing tickets. He was a part of it from the late 70s until he had a heart attack maybe around 2010. His son, Ryan Ridley, was the head writer of Rick and Morty.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, wow.
DAVE LANDAU: So he. Dude, he’s a great dude. And you just had Mike Costa on. Yes, Mike was in my group when I started. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, he was one of the people that I started with, a guy named Matt McClory. He’s actually featuring for me this weekend who’s unbelievably funny dude at the Mother show. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, he’s got Asperger’s. Adam knows him. And dude, he’s funny. Yeah. Yeah. If then luck, you’ll think he’s a lady.
JOE ROGAN: He’s a werewolf.
DAVE LANDAU: But yeah, dude, he’s a beast. And we had a pretty cool group when we started where we weren’t kissing each other’s ass. We were all just trying to figure it out.
JOE ROGAN: Oh, that’s great.
The Detroit Comedy Scene
DAVE LANDAU: So we would criticize each other and we’ve all done pretty well considering where people have gone off to, at least in the sense of making money and making a living, making people laugh. That’s awesome. We were lucky.
There was 10 different clubs in Detroit where you could go. I’ll go do Ridley’s in the suburbs, but then I can go do a super urban room in the city and I can get used to that audience. Then I can go to Ann Arbor and I can be in front of liberals at the Showcase or at the Heidelberg Project, and then I can go. So you could go all over and you could experience every kind of audience you could ever be in front of at 10 different places in a week.
JOE ROGAN: That’s awesome.
DAVE LANDAU: It was really, really cool.
Wrapping Up
JOE ROGAN: That’s awesome. Listen, dude, this has been a lot of fun.
DAVE LANDAU: Thank you. I really like talking to you, man.
JOE ROGAN: I’m glad you’re alive.
DAVE LANDAU: Thank you for listening to your stories.
JOE ROGAN: It’s kind of a miracle that you made it this far, but you’re a good dude and it’s always fun to have you at the club. It’s been a lot of fun.
DAVE LANDAU: Thank you.
JOE ROGAN: And I’m excited to see you this weekend.
DAVE LANDAU: I appreciate it, Joe. Thank you very much.
JOE ROGAN: My pleasure, brother. Tell everybody how they can find you all your stuff online.
DAVE LANDAU: You can go to davelandow.com I have everything on there. You can check out tour dates and everything. And also, yeah, I guess I should write up my book, “Party of One, A Fuzzy Memoir.” It did really well on Amazon.
JOE ROGAN: Nice.
DAVE LANDAU: And yeah, a lot of people have enjoyed it. And a lot of the stories will be much funnier to you than they were for me to live. So I hope you enjoy it.
JOE ROGAN: Beautiful. All right. Thanks, brother.
DAVE LANDAU: Thank you.
JOE ROGAN: Bye, everybody.
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