Parenting In The Modern World: Kyle Seaman (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of Kyle Seaman’s talk titled “Parenting In The Modern World” at TEDxMontreal conference.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

The Parenting Journey

So, like most of you here, I’ve been pretty excited about this technology and this data and everything that we can do these days to really make significant changes in people’s lives. And so, about a year ago, my co-founder and I decided that we could reverse engineer this very mysterious thing called parenting and see what we could do.

So today, I’d like to share just some of the things we’ve learned over the last year about this mystery of parenting and kind of the home environment. What’s important to remember is parenting is probably one of the most difficult tasks that most people will ever have to face and have in common.

And it’s hard. It’s about balancing the now with the future while teaching the right habits and hoping that your kids grow up to be great. So what’s amazing is as I began speaking with more and more parents, I realized most of them are making it up as they go. So, anyone out there who should feel normal, it’s, yes, there’s lots of resources, but it turns out most parents will say it’d be easy if I had a Ph.D. or if I had time.

Market Insights

The number one source of help for parents is this wonderful thing called Google. They go there, and it delivers them their answer. So, what I questioned was how can technology and data and all of these great things be repurposed to actually make a significant change in a significant amount of people’s lives? It turns out most people have parents.

It seems like a great market to go after.

So that’s what we did. As I began to look at the day of a family’s life, I realized that there’s this structure that exists and there’s these things I like to call pivot points. They’re points in the day where the routine takes a significant change, where the speed is different, something’s different, and it turns out kids don’t usually react well to these pivot points.

Understanding Family Dynamics

For example, mealtime, or brushing teeth, or bedtime. Ask any parent how much they look forward to these moments in the day, and if they don’t sort of cringe, they’re not being completely honest with you. And it was just a really interesting finding for us, so we started to dig in deeper into this. We started holding these day-long interview sessions with multiple parents, and this is one of the boards I created after talking to one family.

The red indicates any pain point that he feels in his day. What was the coolest part, though, is I forgot to take this down in between interviews, and when I came back into the room, there was a dad standing there, smiling ear to ear on the phone. I asked him, “What’s up?” He’s like, “We’re normal.” It turns out that most people assume that these tasks, that these pivot points should be simple, and that they’re not. They’re incredibly chaotic, and what’s neat is most people don’t really care why, they just want to know it’s normal.

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But what’s neat is when you do figure out the why, the why is, in most cases, it’s one of the only points in the day where kids have any say, where they can actually say no. Most of their day is about being ushered around, ushered along, saying yes all the time. So, these are points where they get to really show their empowerment. So what we found out is parents need this.

Rethinking Normalcy

But I thought we could do something a little bit more, a little bit more engaging, but how do we do it? How do we define normal? How do we make it so that a family’s life is easier? So first of all, I ask, why normal? Do we really just want to be normal? What does that mean?

It’s important to understand it’s not about being like everyone else, or even being average, but it’s important knowing that you’re not alone, that you’re doing this and you’re not screwing up. And that’s the point that people are really striving for. Take growth charts. They were one of the earliest measures of normal that doctors have been using for years, and it gave parents confidence that their kids should be growing.

And so we want to see, how can we take that and how can we take technology and continue to define normal for families? And that’s what we did. We have kids using our platform, logging in every day, checking off tasks, buying rewards, just having fun. And what’s cool is, it’s pumping data into our system.

Insights and Revelations

So, one, we can finally answer the age-old question that, yes, girls are better behaved than boys. And also, any parents with a nine-year-old at home, if they’re not behaving great, expect that. It turns out across our user base, nine-year-olds have this tremendous drop in behavior. They don’t want to do anything.

Maybe it’s the rebellious age, maybe it’s not. But what’s cool is we’re starting to surface these points, and we can deliver this back in a relevant, timely manner for parents, so they start to feel a little more normal. So we start to look. Top tasks. It turns out kids don’t really hate brushing teeth that much. Laundry’s okay, and homework’s fine.

Common Challenges in Parenting

But the other end of the spectrum, cleaning the bedroom, putting away toys, and washing dishes are hated amongst most kids. So again, if you’re a parent who finds yourself struggling at these points, you’re normal. And it’s so funny how much of an impact it has to be told that, yeah, you’re normal. So I’ve been speaking about this from the parent’s perspective.

The secret is, I’m doing this for the kids. I have been all along. And all too often, we forget how awesome it is to be a kid. I mean, it’s one of the coolest things that anyone will ever go through. Anything’s possible. You’re the coolest people around. So, I wanted to really harness this and make sure that a kid’s day was as awesome as it could be. And when I started thinking about these pivot points, it was, all right, so kids are clearly not happy either. How can we make it so that they’re happy? Because my assumption was, if they’re happy, parents will be happy.

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The Power of Gamification

So, this is where I drew the link to gamification. Probably one of the ugliest words that you’ve heard today. But something with a pretty neat meaning. It means taking gaming loops and feedback loops and applying them in other places to make that activity more engaging. It can also be used in a second form of making data, which has been a big theme here today, making it accessible and usable to the average consumer, not someone who has studied data for years and years.

So, a great story around this that I have is, when I was 10, my brother was 6, and I feel so bad for him having been my younger brother, because when I was thirsty, I would propose the challenge, “Can you get me a drink of water in less than 25 seconds?” And it worked. Most of the time, I stopped counting.

I never counted. He always won. He always felt great, and I got my water. It worked. But he felt great. He was getting this feedback loop. It then translated, as I got a little older, I started my first business, which was lawn cutting. I had some massive lawns with a very small lawnmower.

Learning Through Feedback

So, I decided, I’ll time my laps. Let’s see how fast I can go. The reality was, I was cutting in, so every lap was default faster. But it was a hack that made me feel like I was making progress. It was a feedback loop. And this is what games give you, and that’s why kids are so addicted to them. Everyone after the ’90s knows how satisfying it is to be told instantly how great you are. Those bleeps, those blings, everything like that means a lot.

Even if it doesn’t mean anything outside of that context, it means something. So, that’s what we did to the home routine. We turned it from being, “Do this,” to “Here’s your challenges. Can you accomplish it?” And it turns out kids love it. We even have parents who are setting up this task, and the kids are pushing the parents to go through the day and really take it on. And kids feel great. They want to be empowered.

Empowering Children

We forget how important it is for kids to be empowered, especially when most of their day is being told what to do. So, the other version, and when it comes back to the parents, is this is data. This is a lot of data that we’ve seen earlier. It’s not useful to most people, but we’re seeing apps being repurposed around it, especially in the health care industry.

And this is what we’re looking to do in the parenting industry. Relevant data when you need it. So, you know what you need to know now, and you feel normal and great and confident. Because once we establish this confidence in parents and this fun with kids, the whole routine takes a whole new form, and cool things can start to happen.

The 90-9-1 Rule in Social Media and Home Life

In social media, there’s this general rule called the 90-9-1 rule, meaning, all the content is created by 1%. 9% contribute, comment, everything like that. But most of the internet is lurking, reading it, searching in Google, never actually contributing to this conversation. What was really interesting is the parallels of this to the home, to the family.

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I always say there’s that 1%, and everyone knows that one mom or that one dad who just has the best ideas all the time. Like, let’s turn grocery shopping into a game where you have to find all the purple vegetables. That’s great. And then they have their 9%, which is their social circle. They talk about it a little bit. But there’s no way for that to be spread out to the 90%. And that was sort of a question. Now that we’ve established normal, now that we have this great home routine, how can we take and expose this great content to the 90%?

Ice Cream for Breakfast: Breaking Assumptions

And what happens when you start doing this? So, my favorite story is in the framework, we surfaced this great reward called ice cream for breakfast. And what’s important to understand is it’s so awesome because you’re six years old, you’re at the breakfast table, and all your siblings are eating toast. It’s great. It’s this really empowering moment. So, it quickly rose through the top rewards through our system. And it’s really neat seeing the assumptions being broken over and over again by parents.

We have one family in Vancouver, and for months it was TV, dinnertime, TV. She assumed that kids wanted to watch TV. She set up High Score House, and she made TV a reward that they could buy, along with other things like craft night, baking. And eight weeks later, they haven’t watched a single episode of TV. She’s discovered her five-year-old loves baking, and that her eight-year-old is a really enthusiastic all-across-the-board-but-not-TV type of person.

Empowering Through Gaming Loops

And that’s really cool because all of a sudden now, that Friday night that was once spent in front of the TV is now a baking activity, and you have parents and kids coming together. And the cool part is we’re powering it through the kids. So, we’re using the kids to help the parents continue to feel normal, but pushing them to have deeper moments throughout the day. And it feels great because it’s a gaming feedback loop, everyone’s confident, everyone’s having fun.

And that’s what gets me really excited as we see more mobile and tablets and everything coming out. It’s easier to provide these feedback loops and these engagement cycles to really transform people’s lives. I’m most excited. I really wish I was a kid these days. Anyway. Yeah, so that’s what we’re working on. It’s really fun. If you have any… Thanks for coming out. It’s been a great day, everyone.