Read the full transcript of Star Hansen’s talk titled “Listen To The Monster In Your Closet” at TEDxTucson 2018 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Monster Hunter
Monsters are real. And the boogeyman? He’s in your closet. My job is to hunt them down and bring them into the light.
I spend my days crawling under beds and through forgotten attics on the hunt for the scariest monster in your home: your clutter. I’m a professional organizer. My job is to go into your home and get rid of clutter and chaos.
And I love what I do. I know it sounds a little crazy, but boxes and labels and categories make me way happier than they probably should. It feels amazing when you help someone transform their space to be beautiful and functional. But my work is actually really scary for people.
Because to do it, I have to go into the areas of your home that you don’t want anyone to go into. The junk drawer in the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, that’s not even bad yet. The garage that can’t be parked in. Anyone? We got two hands over there. The room of abyss. You know the one, the room at the back of the hallway that no one’s allowed to go into, like, ever? Yeah.
The Evolution of Clutter
But clutter’s even scarier now because it’s moved beyond the physical stuff. It’s not just piles of paper and kitchen gadgets. It’s also our never-ending list of to-dos, our jam-packed calendars. Even our Netflix queue is out to get us these days.
When I first started hunting the clutter monster, the job seemed pretty clear. Find the clutter and get rid of it. Easy, right? Not so easy. It kept coming back over and over again. Clearly, something wasn’t working.
So one day, I decided that I would take a different approach and actually get to know the clutter monster instead. To do this, I had to remove my judgment and see past its frightening facade. And it worked. The clutter monster now speaks to me in a way that he doesn’t talk to most people.
The Voice of Clutter
Clutter speaks, and you should listen to it. Now, when I tell people this, they usually think that their clutter is saying awful things about them, that they’re lazy or disorganized. That is never what it says. Never.
I want to help you learn to listen to your clutter because only when we truly understand something are we able to set it free. And your clutter has a lot to say. Every single thing in your home has a voice. But when we get too many of those together all at once, it’s like a thousand people screaming at us.
How your clutter speaks to you can feel overwhelming. But what your clutter has to say, it’s life-changing.
The Story of Tricia and Paul
I want to tell you about a client of mine. Tricia wanted help organizing her kitchen. She reminded me of a hummingbird. She was petite and slender, constantly racing around. She never sat down, and she hardly said a word. When I met her, she had been married for 20 years to Paul, a kind man with this larger-than-life personality who was never at a loss for things to say.
Their kitchen counters were flooded with piles of paper, kitchen gadgets, vitamins, dishes, condiments. Together, the three of us cleaned and organized every square inch of that kitchen. And at the end of our time together, it looked perfect. Almost perfect.
At the edge of the counter near the stove, there was this tiny, broken teacup. “Hey, Tricia, what’s going on with this cup? Is it meant to be kept or donated?” Tricia looked at Paul. Then she looked down. “Hey, Paul, what’s the story with this cup?”
“It’s all her fault. She broke it. That was my favorite cup. It’s there so she knows that I know that what she did is wrong.”
Whew! Tricia gasped. Do you remember the movie “The Exorcist” where the little girl’s possessed and her head spins around? That was Tricia. I saw something shift in her. It was like a light turned on.
“I did not break that cup. He did. I won’t take responsibility for it. I’m not touching it.”
“Wow. Good communication, you guys. Yeah. Finally talking. So how long has this cup been here for?” They both looked down and away.
“A week.”
Silence.
“A month.”
“One year.”
For one year, a silent feud raged between them, fueled every day by this tiny little cup. To live together, they had to cover that cup with as much clutter, ketchup, chaos, and vitamin D as that kitchen would hold because they were going to kill each other if they didn’t.
Clutter speaks. That cup was Tricia saying, “I want to be heard.” That cup tells the story of a woman who does not feel safe to be seen or heard in her own home. She could say with her stuff what she could not say with her voice.
The Truth About Organizing
I need to be honest with you. Organizing your clutter is not some silver bullet that’s going to solve all your problems. Sometimes it reveals your problems, like it did with Tricia. And in case you weren’t worried enough about your clutter, here’s another fun clutter fact for you.
Clutter tells your secrets. Now this is not going to win me any dinner party invites, so don’t worry. I’m not expecting anything. But I can walk into your house and with a single look know the state of your life. Who’s madly in love? Who’s in financial chaos? And who wears the pants in your family?
I can’t tell you how many times I was hired to organize a closet when what I was really there to do was help someone decide if they want to stay married, quit their job, or move to Maui.
Not because they told me so, but because their clutter did.
James and the Wall of Boxes
A former client of mine, James, had inherited a whole load of family clutter when his aunt passed away and he needed help going through it. James lived in L.A. and he was living the dream. He was handsome and successful. He gave me a tour of his house. It was beautiful. It looked like a magazine cover.
I wondered, honestly, if I was there by mistake, because, I mean, where was the clutter? Until we turned down a hallway and approached a closed door. This confident man, this man who was confident, suddenly looked like a nervous child. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door to his bedroom.
There was the clutter. A giant wall of boxes stopped the door from fully opening and completely blocked one side of the bed. And that was when I saw something that stopped me in my tracks. One side of the bed looked fine. Someone had clearly been sleeping there. But the other side of the bed was completely covered with magazines, candy bar wrappers, paperwork, and laundry.
“Hey, James, can you tell me a little bit about this clutter, please?”
“Sure, it’s the stuff from my aunt. I didn’t have anywhere else to put it.”
“No, James, not the boxes. That’s more of a project. I’m talking about the bed. I find it interesting that the only clutter you have in the entire house is not only in your bedroom, but in the bed itself.”
No one is making friends with a question like that. Just saying. That man looked at me with daggers, like I was asking to see inside of his soul.
“James, the bedroom is the center for romance and intimacy. And I know it may seem like a bit of a jump, but is there any reason why you would be afraid to be in a romantic relationship?”
He turned away. I could tell he was thinking something through. And then he started to cry.
“James, are you okay?”
“The last woman I loved destroyed me. I cannot do that again.”
That is when clutter speaks. When the pain is too great and we just don’t have the words. The clutter on that bed was screaming, “Love is dangerous.” James’ clutter in that wall of boxes was protecting his heart, keeping him single and safe.
Facing Your Clutter Monster
Clutter does for us what we can’t do for ourselves. So what’s your clutter saying to you? Do this with me. I want you to go right now into your home in your mind’s eye and see your clutter. Something that feels chaotic and shameful. Do you have something? Didn’t take long, did it? When was the last time you really made contact with those items?
A year? Five years? 1982? Are you ready to have a conversation with that box you haven’t opened in ten years?
When I go into people’s homes, they are usually embarrassed, mortified by their clutter and what others might think about them. But the far greater fear is actually what their clutter means about them and how they feel about themselves. You see, they fear that they are their clutter. And in this way, our greatest fear is true.
We are the monster. We are our stuff. I am my stuff. You are your stuff. Your stuff is a mirror of you. It’s a collection of your hopes, dreams, and experiences. It’s also a demonstration of the unique way your mind works. That’s not something to fear. That’s an incredibly powerful force to harness and use in crafting your life.
Making peace with your clutter is making peace with yourself. I want to tell you a secret. I don’t care what your house looks like. I don’t care if you ever get organized or if your house looks picture perfect. And I don’t care about your stuff. I care about you.
I am a healer. I use clutter to help you heal your greatest wounds. For me, organizing is like an archaeological dig of your heart through your house. I’m here to help you remember your brilliance. Because that’s what I see. Not your chaos and clutter. I see you. And I love it. All of it.
The good and the bad. I love your humanity and, yeah, I love your clutter. Because clutter is an external demonstration of our internal storms. It represents and demonstrates unresolved lessons and feelings in our lives.
All of these exist, whether that clutter is there or not. And if we don’t handle these feelings and lessons, they will pop up somewhere else in our lives. That’s for sure. Not everyone faces their monster through clutter. Some use food or love or money or work. I don’t struggle with clutter. But believe me, I have my own issues. We all do.
Clutter, or whatever you struggle with, is an incredible teacher. Because if you listen, truly listen to what it’s saying, it will show you your own personal roadmap to healing and relief. Clutter brought James out of isolation. Two years after we tore down that wall of boxes, he met and married an amazing woman. They’ve been happily married for eight years now.
And clutter awakened Trisha’s voice. It showed her what she needed to do to thrive in her life and marriage. And the next year launched her into a career as a therapist where she now helps other women find their own powerful voice every single day. Thank you, teacup.
But transformations aren’t always so extreme. Sometimes you get closure or release or inner peace. Which is actually the most life-changing of all. Because who cares what the outside looks like? What matters is how you feel inside.
Conclusion
Clutter is an invitation to heal. There are valleys we have to walk through to heal fully and become our best selves. These are blessings, not curses. That is the gift that clutter gives you. The monsters in your closet, they’re real. Face your clutter monster head-on.
Have a conversation with yourself through your stuff. You’ll be surprised to find that what you thought was a monster under the bed is simply a dust bunny. Because your clutter looks scary, but when you listen to what it’s saying, you will find that it is actually a friend, a hero, a savior. It will liberate you, rock your world, and make your life better.
Clutter speaks. It’s talking to you. Be grateful. It has so much to say.
