Read the full transcript of Chandni Kapadia’s talk titled “Self-Belief Can Change Your Life” at TEDxManSagarLake 2023 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Hello everyone, this is Dr. Chandni Kapadia, very happy to be here. Today I’m going to talk about how self-belief can change your life. My success story from this chubby, shy, introverted little girl to the woman that you see today has not been an easy one, and I would not have reached here had it not been for my passion.
Challenging Family Expectations
Well, how many of you have been the black sheep of your family? I was the black sheep of my family. My relatives told my parents, “You know, she’s going to bring shame to your name.” Why? Because I wanted to have a career at a time when my family wouldn’t even think about it. They wouldn’t even dream about it.
I came from this traditional Gujarati conservative background. For them, girls were educated only up to graduation, and then they were married and then they had to have a child or whatever they wanted to do. But they had to leave their parents’ house. And here I was, since the very beginning, I knew that I had to make a name for myself. I had to go where no girl child from my family had gone. I wanted to go to the U.S. and I wanted to study.
Pursuing Dreams in the Big Apple
After a lot of convincing and arguments with my parents, they finally relented, as they always do, all parents do. I was on my way at the age of 16 to the Big Apple to study at FIT. In the first couple of months, I picked up this part-time job at this huge fashion house because I was studying full-time.
Initially in my company, all I was doing was running errands and making tea or coffee for my seniors.
I tried my best to learn something, to learn merchandising. That was my subject. And I really tried hard to make my presence felt in front of my boss.
Seizing Opportunities
Oh boy, I finally succeeded. Because he gave me this opportunity to assist him in this humongous event that was a huge prestige thing for the company. I was given this opportunity, so I backed it with both my arms. Opportunities don’t come very often. And when they come, you should just grab them. That’s exactly what I did. I aced at what I was set to do. So much so that my boss called me in and he offered me a full-time position at JCPenney at the age of 17.
This was a huge milestone in my career. I was ecstatic. So now I was working full-time and I was studying part-time. Little did I know that my struggles had just begun.
Facing Financial Challenges
Because all of us know what an expensive city New York is. My parents were more than happy to support me, but I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to take their support because I wanted to make it on my own. Oh boy, and that decision of mine.
I lived extremely frugally. I would walk every day from work to school. Rain, snow, shine, and it was over 35 to 40 minutes walk. I would only eat a slice of pizza and Coke because that was the only thing that I could afford and it was the cheapest, 99 cents, 30 years ago.
Manifesting Dreams
But I struggled and I’m glad I did. You know, when I went for my interview before I went to the U.S., when I went to the interview at the U.S. consulate, I was asked this question: “So why do you want to go to the U.S.?” And I was like, “Because I wanted to work for Calvin Klein.” And voila, 10 years down the line, 11 years precisely, 11 years and 9 months, I went on to head Calvin Klein. So since then, I’ve believed in the manifestation of my dreams and my topic, what I’m saying, self-belief.
Career Progression
At the very early ages in life, I knew that I had to be the best version of myself. So I went ahead. I went back to England. I started pursuing my master’s and started working at Debenhams. Of course, I’d done a couple of jobs before I started working at Debenhams, but Debenhams was my big break.
After two years in Debenhams, Debenhams came to me. They said they were opening stores in India and they wanted me to head it for them. Why? Because I knew the brand. I was in a fairly senior position. So which better fit than me, right?
And I thought, well, exactly, I’ve proved my mettle in the U.S., I’ve proved my mettle in the U.K., and now India should be a piece of cake, right? Wrong. Boy, was I in for a rude shock when I came to India. I had to struggle. I had to struggle not only to make my respect from the teams that I was given, also my fellow associates thought I was this desi firang who knew nothing, who was here telling them what to do when she did not have the experience in the Indian scenario and when she was years younger to them.
I really, really struggled and I fought for my place. And I managed to win. I had to win because I had no other choice and I had to prove it to myself.
Learning from Failures
Along with my successes have come some failures too. And these failures have taught me how to come back as a better person. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve cried days in and days out. And with my struggles, there has only been one constant in my life and that is my father. They say behind every successful man there is a woman. I say behind every successful woman there is a man, in my case, my father.
Personal Growth and Achievements
My struggles carried on so much so that at a point I had to actually enroll myself for a law degree and I did and there I aced it too. I passed with flying colors with 11 gold medals in my state. But of course, all was not a bed of roses. I had a few setbacks in my personal life too.
Life Lessons
But whether it’s your personal or professional life, I think one thing that I’ve learned is always have empathy. Be good to people on your way up. Be nice to them. Because we are social beings, we need people in our life.
I’ve made some mistakes, like I said, but I don’t have any regrets. I’ve lived life on my own terms. I’ve had naysayers, people who have completely written me off and said, “Ah, what is she going to do?” But trust me, after my successes, these same people have come back to me.
Success and Humility
They want to be friends with me. They want to know me. They want to host me. My success has changed the people around me. I’m still the same person and of course, I’ve become more grounded. I had to be, right? I had to be for the people who stood by me through thick and thin. I had to be for the people who have been with me all throughout.
I had to be for the teams who have toiled with me, for my mentor, Sri Sudhir Nanavathisa. I had to be there for all of these people.
Journey and Future Aspirations
My journey from being a young fashion designer to a brand consultant to a management consultant and to a practicing lawyer and now to an educationalist has been a journey full of ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s been certainly been an exhilarating ride, a ride that I would like to carry on as I have many more milestones to cover, God willing, and many more miles to go.
Concluding Poem
I’ve summed this journey of mine in a short poem and here it goes:
“Na main abla, na main nadan, na main bechari hoon. Main ek kaviyatri hoon, ek lekhika hoon. Apne bhujbal se jeeti hoon, vyapari hoon, grehni hoon. Har roz ek nai ladai ladti, kabhi apne jaspaton se, kabhi atyacharon se. Par main haari nahi hoon, main thaki nahi hoon, main adhunik nari hoon. Is purush pradhan jagat mein maine, apna loha manwaya, Jo kaam mard karte the, wo kaam karke dikhlaya. Swabhimaan se jeeti hoon, rakhti andar khuddari hoon, Haan main adhunik nari hoon. Is yug mein dono jab nar nari kadam mila kar chalte hoonge, Us adhunik swarn yug ki asha ki ek chingari hoon. Haan, main adhunik nari hoon.”
