Read the full transcript of Sindhu Gangadharan’s talk titled “Don’t Be The “Good Girl” Everyone Wants To You To Be” at TEDxIIMAhmedabad 2023 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Long Road to Gender Parity
Reuters says it’s going to take 132 more years, or in other words, more than five generations for us to reach gender parity. Just 132 more years for women to be treated equally. More than five generations of young women who will come after me will continue to work and live in socio-economic conditions where gender will continue to crush the shoots of excellence. Just 132 more years until women are hopefully not being judged for their career choices.
When I started my journey as a young software developer back in the late ’90s in technology, many eyebrows were raised. Today, two decades down the line, as I lead a tech organization as the managing director, eyebrows continue to be raised. “You can’t do it,” they said. “Too tough a job for a lady,” they said. But today, it’s not just about women in technology. It’s about every single one of them who are pushing the boundaries, who’s pushing the envelope and leaving a mark at everything that they are doing – all at the risk of being judged too ambitious, too pushy, or too demanding.
Taking Action: What Can We Do?
So the question is, what is it that we can do about it? Well, today, I don’t have all the right answers. What I do want to talk about today is, what is it that we can do as individuals? What are the messages we need to be telling our own selves? What are the messages we need to be telling all the women out there, who work with us, who work for us?
What are the messages, most importantly, we need to be telling our daughters?
Rule #1: Keep Your Hand Up
Now, I know many times – maybe a quick show of hands – how many of you have experienced some or another form of unconscious bias, be it at work or be it at home? Okay, I can see many of you are raising your hands here. I can tell you that today, I’ve gotten used to being addressed as Mr. Gangadharan each time I check into a hotel or pick up the phone. I’m used to that.
Speaking of unconscious bias, I’m reminded of this video that I saw of this little four-year-old questioning the biases in her textbook: “Mama, why does it always say it’s all man-made? Aren’t women allowed to build stuff? Why does it say all men are created equal? Shouldn’t it read all people are created equal?”
What I’m trying to say is, there’s so much unconscious bias built into our systems. So it’s very, very important for women to keep their hands raised and go after those career-changing opportunities that come your way. The numbers say it: today, if you have a position open, a man would apply to that role even if he would meet 60% of the qualifications, whereas a woman would only apply to that role if she would meet 100% of the qualifications. This is also backed up by LinkedIn behavioral data, which clearly indicates that women tend to screen themselves out of jobs and end up applying to 20% fewer jobs as compared to men.
I’m not saying this based on data points alone. People who know me know I’ve built my career on a solid foundation of technology and product expertise. But despite that, did I in my wildest dreams think four years back that I would be leading the same organization where I started my journey as a young software developer? Not really.
So rule number one, keep your hands up and take on those roles, even if you don’t meet 100% of the requirements. And when you do land those roles, make sure you give it your 500% to be the best person for that job.
Rule #2: Choose the Right Life Partner
Rule number two: choosing the right life partner is going to be one of the most important career decisions you’ll ever make. I get this all the time, post-conferences, post-events. I have people who walk up to me – I’d say predominantly women – who ask me, “Sindhu, how do you do it all? How do you manage it all?” And honestly, there is no secret sauce to this whatsoever.
But if there’s one thing I can tell you, make sure that the partner you pick (that is, in case you decide to have a partner) is the right person, because that’s going to have such a huge impact on your career. That decision is going to have a profound impact on your career. And I tell my 17-year-old daughter, “It’s fine if you choose to lead your life on your own. But if you find a partner, make sure that person supports you in your journey.”
Because a spouse or a life partner can make or break a career. At this point, I do want to take the opportunity and thank my husband, my soulmate Brian, for being an equal partner in my career journey. I still remember when our older daughter Alicia was just four months old, he decided to switch from a full-time contract to a part-time contract. Why? Because exactly at that time, a leadership role had opened up for me which required me to be back at work. And I still remember asking him, “Are you sure about this? There’s a lot at stake here.” And he just said, “Anything that you’ve ever done, you’ve done it successfully. I’d invest time and again in you because of how hard you work.” And at that moment, I realized I’d made the best choice in choosing my life partner.
So rule number two, make sure you pick the right partner who can help you, who can support you in building those rewarding careers.
Rule #3: Negotiate for Yourself
Now talking about building rewarding careers, of all the things I would like for my daughters, I want them to not be afraid of being ambitious. I want them to not belittle their contributions to this world. I want them to really, really negotiate for what they truly deserve. Because it’s not that this world lacks enough ambitious women, but we all know women tend to face a lot more headwinds as compared to men.
This is also proven in the latest McKinsey report about women in the workplace, where it clearly indicates we are amidst the great breakup. It’s very clear that women today are demanding a lot more from their roles, and they’re willing to switch careers and jobs at unprecedented rates in order to get that. Today, we have a lot more women in senior leadership roles who are switching organizations as compared to men in senior leadership roles. And this is because women tend to face those microaggressions in the workplace, which undermine their authority and which also signal to them that it’s getting hard to advance.
So rule number three, ladies, don’t be that good girl that everybody expects you to be. Go out there and negotiate for yourself. Because there’s nothing wrong in being ambitious. You don’t need to be afraid of wanting more than you could ever imagine for yourself. Because in life, you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate for.
