How I Took Control of My Life With My Inner Voice: Brittany Krystantos (Transcript)

Read here the full transcript of mental health advocate Brittany Krystantos’ talk titled “How I Took Control of My Life With My Inner Voice” at TEDxTorontoMetU 2024 conference.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

I want all of you to think about this for a second. It would be amazing if we can speak to younger versions of ourselves with all the knowledge and experiences that we have now. Well, I thought so, and I decided to do exactly that. So I wrote a letter to myself, and I would love to share that letter with you.

Letter to My Younger Self

Dear me, Brittany, so you feel like the world doesn’t want to hear your words, your ideas, your dreams. You’re terrified. You’re silent. You’re frozen. And you’re voiceless. Countless days turn to months, then years, and now it’s seven years of silence from you. Why can’t you speak? It’s not about why can’t you speak. It’s about why don’t you speak, but really, why won’t you speak?

I know that right now, speaking seems impossible. The world feels so big, and your voice feels so small, and it’s scary. But right now, I want to talk to you, the little girl who is voiceless, the seven-year-old with so much to say, but no words to express it.

I really want you to know that you will speak. You will find your voice. And when you do, some of the most incredible things will happen, and some of your greatest dreams will be realized. I want to share a story with you. It’s one of transformation and resilience. It’s your story. It’s our story. Do you remember?

There was a time when you felt that silence was the only way. When there were days and nights you didn’t talk to anybody, you felt invisible.

You felt like there was something wrong with you. You felt like the world was too loud, and your voice was the only thing stopping you from being heard, so you stayed silent, all until you met somebody who you trust, Ryan in kindergarten, who became your voice, because you had no choice but to trust somebody.

Actually, ironically, my grade two teacher is in the audience today and is here, and she was there for me when I didn’t have a voice. If you wanted something, you had to speak up, even if it was your first whisper in someone else’s ear other than your mother. Right there, your life changed forever. During these times, you told yourself that today is going to be the day that you speak, but you didn’t. You’ve remained silent to so many others. Why, Brittany? Why didn’t you speak?

Understanding Selective Mutism

I’m here to tell you something that we both know now and we didn’t know then. It’s called selective mutism. How could you know what that is because you were only seven? You have something that is kind of like anxiety, but what you have is a little different than what others have. It’s 1% of people in the world have what we have. It’s a really rare anxiety condition that makes you afraid to speak, nervous, but you could.

Do you know why I’m telling you this? Because our voice really matters more than you could ever imagine, and I want to show you just how far it will take you. You will start speaking loudly with heart and passion, and not just for yourself, but for others too, and that I promise you.

Facing Depression

But I need to share something else with you, something that is really important, something you will constantly deal with as you get older. There will come times when you’ll face a dark, deep, unrelenting darkness, something that a lot of people refer to as depression. It’s going to be incredibly tough, more challenging, and harder than you could ever imagine. But as crazy as that is to say, it happened to you, but you will find the strength to not only live, but to make a huge difference to me, to us.

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Fast forward to a few years later, when you’re a young adult, you’ll stand with powerful figures and world leaders advocating for causes you’re so passionate about. But it doesn’t stop there. You’ll speak to youth all over the world. Your voice will hopefully resonate with them and inspire them to believe in their own powers and encouraging them about mental health.

Brittany, do you realize now that your voice, the voice that was once your most crippling weakness, is now your greatest strength? Your voice has become the most powerful tool that you have. And that was from me to me, my truth, from my heart, from a little older and a tiny bit wiser Brit.

Self-Reflection and Healing

You know, when I decided that my healing process would be through introspection and addressing a letter to myself, I thought, wow, no problem, this is going to be easy peasy. But as I started, I immediately realized this was the furthest thing from the truth. Everything was locked. It was like I needed to rediscover myself again. Who was I? Who am I? And who I’m working so hard to be?

As I’ve shattered out into the past and I’ve forgotten it. Because why would I want to relive and resurface all that pain, all that anxiety and helplessness and despair? It’s like if I brought back all those memories, I’d revert back to who I was, I would lose myself along the way. For the past decades, I’ve just been moving forward, working and grinding and not looking back.

I started thinking about truly me and the roads I traveled and where on my journey I’m on. And then it hit me right in my face that without my past, big or small, profound or even subtle, scary and anxious, have all made me and all of us here exactly who and what we are without them or forgetting them or not having them as a basis and concrete foundation of who we are and who we all are.

For this is my journey and my story and I must always remember who I am and the battle I came from. I’ll never run away from it, but the reverse instead, actually run towards it because this is how we heal this journey for ourselves, it’s continuous.

Mental Health Statistics

And that was a lot of self-reflection for a second, so I think it’s time we look outward to the bigger problem and let’s talk some stats. Did you know that one in five Canadians experience a mental illness? More than 75% of suicides involve men, but women attempt suicide three to four times more often. After accidents, suicide is the second leading cause of death for people age 15 to 24. And as of 2023, young people have connected with Kids Helpline more than 14 million times since the COVID-19 pandemic began. It’s heartbreaking, it’s horrible.

Average wait times for children and youth are 67 days for counselling and therapy and 92 days for intensive treatment. And to get worse, here are maybe the most significant numbers you should know. According to the Government of Canada website, as of today’s date, over 4,000 Canadians per year die by suicide, averaging about 12 suicides a day. And on top of that, more than 200 people are attempting suicide every 24 hours.

Isn’t that number so disturbing? And let me tell you something else, I was one of them. There’s a crisis happening, not just in our country, but worldwide. Did you know that in the United States of America, on average, there are about 132 suicides per day? In 2023, about 48,000 Americans died by suicide and 1 million suicide attempts. And this gets even worse. The World Health Organization reports that globally, nearly three quarters of a million people die each year. That’s one person every 40 seconds.

Are you hearing this number? That’s about 700,000 people who ended their life. We can break it down like this. In the time it’s taken me to do this talk, about, let’s say, 20 minutes, about 30 people around the world have committed suicide right now, waiting there for their families.

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It’s devastating. And there are countless more disturbing stats, unfortunately, I can go on forever. This crisis, it breaks my heart. This mental health epidemic is affecting people of all ages and backgrounds.

That is a significant loss of opportunity in life due to mental health. And some of you right here might know exactly what I’m talking about, because we all really don’t know. Someone you love could be on the verge or next. These individuals won’t have the opportunity to experience their futures and contribute their gifts to the world.

These lives are being tragically cut short, leaving their families with a suffering so unimaginable and a void so bottomless that it can never be filled. What will it take for all of us to take action to eliminate these needless and horrifying numbers? I realize now that the first step lies within each and every one of us. And secondly, the second step relies on how we treat others.

As you all know, karma goes a long way. And as Paul McCartney once said, “The love you take is equal to love you make.” How are you treating people? Is it with kindness, with acceptance? The people closest to you, do you check in on them? How are they? And the reason I’m so emotional is because this breaks my heart.

Personal Experience with Depression

But not only that, I want to address something really personal for a moment. I think that some of you might understand or you might know someone that has felt this before. You know, have you ever felt this void in your life, this sadness that weighs so heavy on your heart that no matter what, it never goes away? This sadness, the longing, the feeling of being completely drained, like hopeless.

For me, it was 2014 and I was 15 years old. It was my first year in high school. I was supposed to be your average teenager. I was supposed to go to school and be like everyone, be happy. But something was wrong with me. My only thing was, my hope was that I wanted to not live. My life felt pointless. I didn’t feel good enough. And the pain every day in my heart was something I couldn’t bear anymore.

So I did the unthinkable. I remember it like yesterday. I went into the bathtub and I filled that tub up and I said, this was going to be the end to my suffering. I can’t do this anymore. I was giving up. I was giving up hope. I was giving up everything in me. I remember sobbing and just being there and being like, I can’t do this anymore. There won’t be another tomorrow.

But then something hit me, a voice spoke to me and it told me to get out of that tub, to find a new way, a better path. So I did. I listened to my inner voice and I found my way. I rediscovered myself and I went on a quest for happiness. And that’s the thing there, is I found my way.

But there’s something that doesn’t sit well with me, is this. We can’t rely on every single person’s inner voice to get the help they need. We all need to prepare and educate ourselves and each other so nobody even thinks or ever feels so depressed, so defeated, so beaten to take their own life.

A Message of Hope

Today, I stand before you, this audience, this TED Talk, as a living proof that even in the darkest moments, there is hope. Allow me now to reintroduce myself. I am Brittany Crisantos. This is who I’ve become. This is who I am. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. I’m an author. I’m a mental health advocate. I’m a speaker. I’m a social media influencer. I’m an interviewer. But those are just things I’ve become. That’s not who I am. I am a continuing survivor of mental health and I’ve lived to tell my story for those and myself and for all those who couldn’t, for each of you in this audience.

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I want you to know that there is hope in using your voice. There is hope in finding acceptance. There is hope in choosing life. My mission is to serve as an example for hope for individuals grappling with their own mental health challenges and to help end the stigma.

My work in this field is far from over and my doors are always open for anyone in need. I want you to know that our stories, our words, our experiences, they all matter. They shape who we are and impact the others. Just as I once stood in silence, unsure of finding my voice and just as I thought about taking my own life, I found my way and you can too.

Together, we all hold so much power to touch lives, challenge norms, and create ripples of change that extends far beyond our current perception. There may be times when you feel broken or beaten down or devoid of strength, but let me tell you something. In moments when you think you can’t continue, remind yourself of the times you were knocked down and that will help you get through that.

And I know now crystal clear that all of our voices matter and it can be our most incredible instruments for change and can even become a revolution that changes the world and even history. You, your voice matters and your ideas matter and your dreams matter. Your life matters. You all matter.

Conclusion

So please, if you leave here remembering one thing, it’s this. It’s that every single person matters. And the thing I like to say is that every single puddle and stream and lake and even our greatest oceans, no matter how vast it is, all comes from one single droplet of water, meaning this. Change happens and change happens with one small step and if you do that one small step, you can change the world. You can make history. You can make lives better and you can be part of something greater than what you ever thought you could imagine.

So what I just said to you, they are my truth, they are my statement, they are what I believe and how I live my life, they are how I deal with my mental health, it’s how I deal with my life, it’s led me on this incredible yellow brick road that I never dreamed I could ever be on. At the end of the day, through this journey together, these are more important to me than anything ever. These are more important to me than letters. They’re everything that makes me, me, they’re my journey, they’re my work, they’re my fight, they’re my voice and they’re my life.

I discovered my inner voice and I chose to live my life. I made that decision. Can you listen to yours? Can you listen to your voice? Can you choose your life? Can you make it the best it can be? My hope is that all of you find your own truth and find your inner strength and fall in love with every beautiful thing that life has to offer.

Here’s to a future filled with laughter, warmth and moments that make your heart dance with joy. Here’s to a future where we all can be happy. So dear me, dear you. Thank you. Sincerely, Brittany. Thank you.