Here is the full transcript of entrepreneur Jamie Kern Lima’s speech at 2024 Utah Valley University Commencement.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Jamie Kern Lima – Entrepreneur and Investor
Someone else’s doubt about you is no indication of your potential success. People might call you rejected, and then one day they just might end up calling you boss. No one, no one can tell you your dreams are too big. No one can tell you you are not the right fit.
And one of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture is the one no one talks about. It’s us canceling ourselves before we even try. See, there’s no one else quite like you in the entire universe. And what your soul knows is you’re not crazy, you are just first. I love you. Right back.
Thank you so much President Tuminez, Provost Vaught, UVU Board of Trustees, faculty, staff, alumni, and congratulations to the UVU Class of 2024! There are 10,197 of you making up the graduating class, including an unprecedented 3,406 of you, one-third of the entire class who, like me, are first-generation students.
That is amazing! Congratulations! The youngest graduate is 16, the oldest 71. Congratulations to each one of you, you have done it. Turn to the person sitting next to you and say, “You did it! You did it!” Today is the day. Today is the day.
Today is the very first day of this new next chapter of the rest of your life. And I’d like to celebrate and honor this day with you today by asking you three questions. These three questions helped me go from working as a struggling waitress with non-stop self-doubt to believing I was worthy of launching a company in my living room, overcoming hundreds of no’s and rejections for years, and eventually building that company to over 1,000 employees, selling it to L’Oreal in a billion-dollar deal, and becoming the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand in their more than 100-year history.
These three questions, these three questions, they helped me believe that where I came from, and even my past mistakes, didn’t have to determine where I was going.
These three questions helped me believe my dreams were possible, and along with my faith, gave me a north star to see a way, even on the days when it felt like nothing was going my way, or on the days when I was tempted to tell myself lies, like I don’t have what it takes, I’m not enough, and big dreams like this don’t happen to people like me.
These three questions ask you to imagine, and there are three questions that only you can decide the answers to. The first question, imagine what you would do if you had no fear of rejection or failure. Self-doubt and fear of rejection and failure kills more dreams than almost anything else, and when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life.
My Story
So I’m going to share a few real-life stories, and I’d love for you to put yourself in my shoes, as if you’re the one experiencing them, and think about what you would do, and how you would handle them in the situation. So when I took a huge risk, and my husband and I both quit our jobs, and we poured every penny of savings we had into launching a business called IT Cosmetics in our living room, I thought if we could just partner with the best chemists and make the most amazing product, it’ll just sell. It’ll surely just be successful.
I have a skin condition called rosacea. It gets red and bumpy, and I couldn’t find any products that worked for me, and I had this idea and mission to not only create great products, but also after a lifetime of seeing photoshopped images of models in magazines and in ads selling beauty products, images that so often tell us we’re not enough, I decided to launch a company and use real people as models. Every age, shape, size, skin tone, and skin challenge like me, and call them beautiful and mean it.
And I had this deep why, and really this god-sized dream to try and redefine what beauty meant in the entire beauty industry. For every little girl out there who is about to start seeing these ads and start doubting herself, and every grown woman who still does.
Now I had no idea that from the moment we launched the company, it would be more than three years before we could afford to pay ourselves a single penny, and that we would face hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of no’s and rejections from every retailer that I was hoping would give us a chance and carry our product. It’s easy to hear no once, or maybe hear five no’s, or 20 no’s, and decide to quit. But every time I’d cry myself to sleep after another no, when I’d get still and meditate or pray, I always got this feeling or this knowing that we were supposed to keep going. And I decided to trust that knowing on the inside over all the no’s on the outside.
See, I believe every single one of us has an intuition. Some of us can hear it by getting still, or meditating, or praying, and I believe your intuition is more powerful than anyone else’s advice. And learning to trust your knowing on the inside, even through seasons of no’s on the outside, is so important. During these tough years, I would envision over and over the way Olympic athletes do.
Rejection and Failure
I would envision over and over our products selling out in stores, even though we weren’t in any stores. I would envision them over and over, even live on the TV shopping channel QVC, although QVC said no over and over and over.
There were more times than I can count where I was tempted to give up. But when it comes to your goals and dreams, it is so important not to let anyone else’s doubt about you turn into doubt in your own head.
And one of the keys to doing this is to realize that all rejection or failure means is the meaning we choose to give it. And I’ve learned that when you change the meaning you assign to rejection or failure, it literally can change your entire life. When I was going through this season of years of rejection, I realized that every time another one happened, my default was to think to myself, “Yep, there’s proof I’m not enough.” Or “Wow, maybe my gut is wrong. Maybe I don’t have what it takes.”
And one particular day, after continuing to send my product samples out to potential retailers over and over, I finally got word that the head of QVC Beauty, a guy named Allen Burke, wanted to have a call. I was like, because Allen’s a legend, he’s built this multi-billion dollar beauty division on QVC, and I thought, if he’s going to call me himself, there is no way it’s another no. The day he called, I was pacing around the office, which was our living room, and I was like power posing, like telling myself, like trying to pump myself up, telling myself things like, “They’ll be lucky to have us,” like trying to get in that peak state.
And when the phone rang, I answered and he said, “Hello Jamie, this is Allen Burke with QVC.” He continued to say, “Listen, we’ve received your samples, all of them, and have met with our entire buying team, and I wanted to tell you myself that it’s unanimous. It’s a no. You are not the right fit for QVC or for our customers.”
With tears streaming down my face, because I literally didn’t know how we were going to make it, I just immediately said, “Oh but Allen, I am the right fit,” and I continued to tell him all the reasons why, and he thanked me for loving QVC, but said it’s a no.
That day I remember crawling into my bed and literally crying under the covers, and instantly going to that default, those default thoughts of deciding this rejection must mean I’m not enough, and I don’t have what it takes, and what if we go bankrupt. I didn’t know how I was going to keep going, and literally how I was going to have the strength to keep going. And then that day I had what Oprah would call an “aha moment.”
That day I started googling every thought leader and world changer who I admired, those who have created incredible businesses, or helped move humanity forward, and I realized they’ve all had so many rejections, and setbacks, and failures too.
Redefining Rejection
They’re just the brave ones willing to keep going anyways. So that day I made this decision to assign a new meaning to rejection when it happened in my life. I decided to believe that rejection didn’t mean I’m not enough, or that my idea isn’t good, or that my dream isn’t going to happen. Rejection is actually a victory, because it means I’m one of the brave ones willing to go for it.
I’m not going to live my life on the sidelines and regret. Rejection’s a victory. Every time it happens, I’m just going to decide it’s a reminder: I’m one of the brave ones willing to go for it, and I believe that.
See, as human beings, we are wired to avoid pain at all costs. And so if we decide the meaning of rejection or failure means something negative, like we’re not enough, or we’re a loser, or we shouldn’t have even tried, then we’re going to avoid going for it at all costs, because we’re not going to want to feel those things. But that day, I decided to assign a new meaning to rejection, and then every time it happened, even when I was tempted to assign those old disempowering meanings, I would catch myself, and I would assign a new meaning to it.
And then I decided to start building a toolbox of new definitions I would assign to rejections when they happen, definitions that I believe to be true, like rejection is God’s protection. Rejection is redirection, or this no means I’m one step closer to that yes.
And while I am a work in progress in many areas of my life, I can tell you right now that I literally have learned to become fearless when it comes to rejection and failure. And I use this tool in all areas of life almost daily, and it’s so important, because not only can rejection and failures shake our self-confidence, if we’re not careful, we can start to believe not just that we were rejected or we failed, but that somehow we’re a reject, or we’re a failure, and that’s when it can take root at a self-worth level.
So even day-to-day, your toolbox of meanings you assign to rejection is so important. For example, if someone doesn’t invite you to the thing, or someone betrays your trust, or you applied for that job you wanted so badly and they just didn’t see your value, or the person you wanted the relationship to work out with broke your heart, or any number of examples, it’s so easy to assign negative meaning to the rejection that has us holding back and letting self-doubt take over.
And in case this is for you today, one of my favorite go-to definitions when any of these painful rejections happen is, I will literally imagine God saying to me, “Oh, you weren’t rejected. I hid your value from them, because they’re not assigned to your destiny.” And I will believe it. Intentionally believing these empowering definitions of rejection helped me keep going, despite all the setbacks.
A Potential Investor
A few years into our journey, a really well-known potential investor had gotten ahold of our product and he loved it and asked for a meeting. I was freaking out. I was so excited, because I thought, “Oh my gosh, if his firm invests in us, then we’re not going to go bankrupt and it could be our saving grace.” So after several meetings, we flew up for the final meeting to hopefully close the deal, and I presented our whole future product pipeline.
And at the very end of the meeting, the head guy was there standing right here about three feet from me, and his whole team, who was really awesome, was right behind him. And he says to me, “Congratulations, you should be so proud. This is an excellent product. But it’s a no. We’re going to pass on investing in cosmetics.” And when I asked him why, he got super quiet. And then he said, “Do you want me to be really honest with you?” And I said, “Yes, please.”
And he’s literally three feet in front of me right here. And he says, “I just don’t think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight.” And that moment when he said those words, you know what’s wild is I never actually felt any anger toward him, but I felt this lifelong body doubt and self-doubt sort of fled my body all at once. It was almost like I was staring my own spear straight in the eye, and I didn’t hear from him again for another six years, which I’ll tell you about in a second.
Redefining Rejection
But in those six years, his painful rejection echoed in my mind often, and I had to intentionally reassign its meaning. I would tell myself over and over, “Rejection is God’s protection,” and “I can’t wait to see what amazing things are ahead that will be so much better than if that investor had said yes.” And after years and years of no’s, we actually finally got one big shot to present our products live on QVC. We got one shot and 10 minutes to either hit their sales goal or not come back.
Well, then I learned we’d have to sell over 6,000 units of our product in a 10-minute window on live TV to either hit sales goals, and if we didn’t, we’d actually have to take back all the inventory, and we wouldn’t be paid for it. Now at the time, we were selling just a few orders a day on our website.
Then I learned if you’re not hitting sales goals like a minute or two into the live presentation, they actually cut your time, and you’re done. So the pressure was so intense, and everything was on the line, and I took this huge risk. And I went with my gut, and I put real women on live TV of all ages, shapes, sizes, skin tones, skin challenges, even though for years everyone told me it wouldn’t work.
When the red on-air light went on and the 10-minute clock started ticking down, 9:59, 9:58, I was freaking out. Literally, I was like this. I was like shaking on live TV because everything was on the line. I remember the moment I showed my bright red sort of bare-faced rosacea on national TV, and several minutes in, I wasn’t sure how we were doing, but I knew I wasn’t cut yet, and then there was about a minute left, and the host said, “The deep shade is almost gone. The tan shade is almost sold out,” and at the 10-minute mark, the giant sold-out sign came up across the screen.
I literally started crying, started crying on national television. They cut from me and went to like Dyson vacuum or something. My husband came rushing through the double doors of the studio, and I just looked at him, and I was just sobbing, and I’m like, “Real women have spoken.”
Success and Vindication
I was like, “Ah.” I thought he was going to come give me a hug, and he just looked at me, and his fist went up in the air, and he’s like, “We’re not going bankrupt.” I was like, “Ah.” That one airing led to another and another, and eventually, we did more than 250 live shows a year on QVC, year after year after year.
We eventually built the biggest beauty brand in QVC’s history, and I only share that because for years, they said no, and even the legend Allen Burke on that call said, “You’re not the right fit.” Speaking of Allen, after we launched on QVC, Allen actually became a mentor and a really close friend, and he eventually retired from QVC after working there for decades. And when he did, we hired him in a paid position on our advisory board, so the guy that rejected me was now working for me, right? Like, someone else’s doubt about you is no indication of your potential success. It is not, and I really want these words to take root with you forever, and so we kept going, and we kept going, and eventually, we turned every no into a yes.
We built a company of over a thousand employees, and then in 2016, L’Oreal bought the company that started in my living room, and they paid $1.2 billion cash, and then they made me the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand in their hundred-plus-year history. So, and the day this happened, it was all over the press, and it was the first time I heard from that potential investor, the one who said, “Women won’t buy makeup from someone who looks like me with my body and my weight.” It was the first time I heard from him in over six years, and he said, “Congratulations on the L’Oreal deal. I was wrong.”
You Are the Right Fit
Here’s the thing. As you make the decision to believe you’re worthy of going after your dreams, of asking for the job, of asking for the promotion, of asking for the raise, of asking for a seat at the table, of being one of the brave ones willing to show up authentically in this world, here is what I know to be true. There might be people along the way who call you weak, but one day, they’ll call you strong.
They might doubt your worth and call you unqualified. Then one day, they call you for advice. People might tell you you’re not the right fit. You’re too young. You’re too old. You’re too tall. You’re too short. Your body’s not right. You don’t come from the right family. You don’t pray the right way. You don’t have what it takes. Then one day, they’re bragging to people how they met you. Like, people might not see your value and say, “Oh, she’s so sweet. She’s just a mom.” They call you meek. Then one day, they call you mogul. They might call you underestimated until they call you unstoppable.
And I know this because I’ve lived it. People might call you rejected, and then one day, they just might end up calling you boss. No one, no one can tell you your dreams are too big. No one can tell you you are not the right fit. You, as you are, are the exact right fit for the calling of your life, exactly as your Creator made you.
And before I dive into the second question, I just want to take a moment. I want to do something together because when you are one of the brave ones willing to take a risk to put yourself out there, to face rejection, to launch the business, to share your art with the world, to show up authentically in this life, to go after your dreams, what I have learned is that you have got to get really good at cheering for yourself because most people, even loving, well-intended people, most people won’t cheer you on until after you make it. So I want to take a moment, and I want to get in really good practice right now.
And if you are able, I would like to ask you to stand right now, class of 2024. Stand right where you are if you are able, and I want you to get in really good practice, and I want you to cheer for yourself and your goals and your dreams. Let me hear it. Cheer for your fellow graduates here today. Cheer for your fellow graduates. Cheer for your hopes and dreams. That’s right.
You can have a seat, and I just want to encourage you to build your toolbox of empowering meaning that you believe to be true and commit to assigning them to rejections and failures in your life when they happen. It’s key to making sure you don’t get tempted to doubt yourself out of your own destiny. This second question might be my favorite because there is only one of you in the entire universe, and imagine if you decided to believe you’re not crazy, you’re just first because you are. You are the first only ever you that has ever been created. There’s no one else like you in the entire universe.
Literally no one who’s quite like you. There’s no one else with your unique fingerprints or your unique tongue print or the iris of your eyes. There’s no one else who has the thoughts and emotions that you do. No one else who has the past experiences you have. No one else who sees art or beauty the way that you do. You are the first ever only you, and if you are one of the brave ones willing to show up in this life fully authentically, then don’t be surprised if not everyone gets it. They’ve never seen another you before.
Growing up I always had these big bold and kind of wild ideas and my friends and family would often say things that they thought were lovingly teasing like, “Who do you think you are?” Or things like “That don’t happen to people like us.” Or “You’re crazy.” And one day it hit me, I’m not crazy, I’m just first. And so are you.
Embracing Authenticity
See, most people get tempted to shrink or change who they are to try and fit in to succeed. Most people are tempted to show up as their representative or who people expect them to be in order to be loved. But research shows when you do that, it actually creates a barrier of disconnection between you and others. And that it’s impossible to have a true connection with another human being or with your customers in business or with your community online unless you fully show up authentically.
Your authenticity is your superpower. And if you get tempted to think thoughts like, “Oh someone else has already done your idea better than you could do it.” Or “You have nothing special to offer.” That’s actually simply not true. I don’t care how many people have done your idea or written a book on the same topic or launched a business doing the same thing. If you are willing to be one of the brave ones and show up fully authentically in its pursuit, then by definition it is impossible for someone else to have done your idea. Because when you do anything authentically, by definition it’s never been done before. Because you are the only you in the entire universe. And if this doesn’t inspire you, nothing will.
Every day of your life you’re likely to face situations that tempt you to change who you are to fit in. Or doubt your own ideas. Or think you need to hide parts of you that are different or unique to fit in. But I believe the things that we are often taught are odd or strange or quirky or wrong with us are actually the things that are most right with us. It does not matter who doesn’t see your value or who doesn’t get you. Knowing you are worthy of being who you truly are is the only way to live the highest, truest expression of yourself. It’s the only way to live in alignment with your assignment in this life.
And it’s so important to do the work of knowing that you are worthy of being who you truly are. Embracing who you truly are is key to building self-worth. And this impacts everything in life. Because in life, we don’t become what we want. We become what we believe we’re worthy of. We don’t soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. And in your relationships, your friendships, your career ambitions, and in your hopes and dreams, you do not rise to what you believe is possible.
You fall to what you believe you’re worthy of. Our self-worth is our ceiling. And one of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture is the one no one talks about. It’s us canceling ourselves before we even try. And so often this happens because deep down inside, we don’t believe we’re worthy of being who we truly are. You are the first, only, ever you. And that is what’s right with you.
In my book called Worthy, there’s 20 tools in it to build self-worth. And there’s one poem. And in closing, I’d love to share just an excerpt of that poem with you today. It’s called “You’re Not Crazy, You’re Just First.” Who do you think you are, they say? Things like that aren’t for people like us. Why are you going around changing, planning to leave us in the dust? Are you forgetting where you come from? Are we not good enough anymore?
And just like that, the temptation to play life small feels more comfortable than before. If you’re doubting you’re enough, your thoughts, their words have got you down, it’s time for your soul to tell your mind there’s a new boss in town. See, there’s no one else quite like you in the entire universe. And what your soul knows is you’re not crazy, you are just first. The first to have your hopes and dreams. The first you there’s ever been. So don’t be surprised if they don’t get you or try to shame you to fit in. They call you odd, strange, different for having dreams bigger than they can see.
Because those dreams weren’t given to them, they see them through fear and anxiety. And even the well-intentioned people who love you to the bone can see you pursuing your dreams as a reminder of them not fulfilling their own. If people like people who are like them, hiding your true self, the comfort zone. But a calling unexpressed inside you leaves you feeling anguish and alone, even inside of your own home. They call you words like crazy and say, “We stick together for better or for worse.” But what your knowing knows is you’re not crazy. You’re just first. The first to launch the business, to dust your dreams off of the shelf. The first to believe you’re worthy of betting on yourself. The first to beat addiction, to live life sober and awake. The first to end the generational cycle that you know you’re born to break. The first to start healing.
Embrace Your Uniqueness
The first to forgive so you’ll be free. The first to love others for who they are, not for who you wish they’d be. The first to be a visionary, to dream up the screenplay that you’ll write. The first to recognize your gifts and stop hiding in plain sight.
The first man in your family to say, “I deal with self-doubt too.” The first mom to say, “No, I’m not okay. And I don’t know what to do.” The first in generations to love your body and celebrate it joyfully, to prove it, to know that it’s a miracle in motion and what a gift it is to move it.
Speak Your Truth
The first to risk rejection, to speak your truth with vigor, knowing the opposition might be big, but your Creator is bigger. The first to cheer yourself on and truly believe it, not just fake it, knowing most people won’t cheer for you until after you make it. In class, they used to pick you last and now they’re at a loss because instead of calling you employee, they now call you boss. The first to stand up for the outcast and say, “Stop teasing.”
I just won’t. You might be tempted to underestimate me, but let me save you some time. Don’t. The first to say, “You broke my heart.” You gave up on me for something else. And it took me a while to know I’m worthy of believing in myself. And what I know is, yeah, you hurt me, but I’m not rejected. See, God just hid my value from you because you’re not assigned to my destiny.
Be True to Yourself
The first to recognize your circle looks a lot more like a cage. The first to say, “Dad, will you love me for me? And Grandma, I was born this way.” The first to believe in your dreams, even when others might not get you. And then one day, love them anyways, when they’re bragging to people how they met you. The first to unlearn the lie, “You’re not enough unless you keep striving and achieving.” That’s a lie that leads to nowhere. And one, it’s time to stop believing.
The truth is accomplishments are great, but to know you’re worthy, you don’t need them. And when we know something is true, it feels like joy and tastes like freedom. You are not your successes. You’re not how many times you fail or fall.
Love is Your Superpower
You are how big you love. And love is free for all. See, when we fear we’re not enough and we fear even more we won’t be loved, it’s so tempting to shrink in size and trade in our purpose for their hugs. But when you’re feeling like you don’t fit in or that you never quite belong, your uniqueness is your superpower.
Your truth is never wrong. And when they criticize to hold you back because your dreams aren’t what they’re used to, and they’re afraid that you’ll outgrow them, leave them behind and that they’ll lose you, stop asking for their advice if they’ve never been there themselves. Because when you people please for others, you end up betraying yourself. And when doubt tempts you to dim your light, always remember this verse.
You’re Made for Greatness
Your soul knows you’re made for more. With so much purpose, it could burst. You’re born with greatness inside you. And whether it’s a blessing or a curse, the world won’t be better until your greatness is dispersed.
See, there’s only one of you in the entire universe. And your knowing knows deep down, you’re not crazy. You’re just first. You’re just first.
Believe in Yourself
Class of 2024, what would you do if you decided to fully believe you’re worthy of your goals and dreams? Because what I know for sure is that you are. And what would you do if you had no fear of rejection or failure? Because rejections and failures carry no meaning other than the meaning you decide to give them. And how amazing is it that there is only one of you in the entire universe? And you’re not crazy. You’re just first. The first and only ever you.
So today, I leave you with the third and perhaps most important question of all. As you begin this first day of the rest of your life, what will you do with the power that is you? I cannot wait to cheer you on as you bravely, boldly live your answer. Thank you.