Here is the transcript of Kalliope Barlis’ talk titled “Phobia Relief: From Fear to Freedom” at TEDxWilmingtonWomen conference.
Author Kalliope Barlis’ talk, “Phobia Relief: From Fear to Freedom,” delves into the profound impact that phobias have on individuals’ lives, emphasizing the natural human inclination towards fear and the potential for overcoming it. She explores the concept that while some fears protect us, others, deemed as phobias, unnecessarily hinder our life experiences.
Through engaging storytelling, Barlis shares personal anecdotes and examples to illustrate how irrational fears can be confronted and managed. She introduces practical techniques derived from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), showcasing how changing our perception of fear can lead to significant emotional and behavioral shifts. The talk is particularly memorable for its interactive segment where a volunteer from the audience confronts their fear of balloons, demonstrating Barlis’ methods in real-time.
This transformation, from fear to freedom, is portrayed not just as a possibility but as an attainable goal with the right approach. Barlis’ message is clear: by reprogramming how we think about our fears, we can change how we feel and act, opening up a path to a more liberated and fulfilling life.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
As you learn new things every day, can you think of some feeling most of us have at least one of, yet some of us rise above? I can hear the buzzing of your thoughts already. And the truth is, you’re right, no matter what you think the answer is, because so many of us have a natural need to believe, to be right about what we believe to be true, even if it’s not the truth. And for these next moments we have together, I’m going to be talking about those unreasonable, uncontrollable, obsessive fears called phobias.
And in just a few minutes, I’m going to ask for a volunteer on stage, because too often it’s those bad memories, those unreasonable fears that distract and deprive us from the life we deserve, while other fears are worth keeping because they maintain our safety.
Here’s an example. I was walking through a parking lot, saw a shortcut, and started walking through it. About halfway through, I saw a sketchy person duck behind a concrete wall. I didn’t hear a car engine start, and I certainly didn’t hear any urine hitting the concrete. During that massive silence, I froze, turned in the opposite direction, and started taking the long way home after all.
Now, whether or not that saves me from an unpleasant experience, I don’t know. But the truth is, I’m sure to talk to you about taking risks on this stage now.
Understanding Phobias
And then, what if one of those fears makes us run even when we’re safe? Think of all the memorable moments we miss because our representation of the world is distorted by unreasonable fear. What if going from fear to freedom was easy with the right person? I’m born, raised, and live in New York City, where the number one fear is of transportation. Subways, cars, and planes, bridges, tunnels, and trains, and especially elevators.
Imagine this: an elevator at the Empire State Building looking down on a person who’s gasping for air with tears rolling down their cheeks, dropping down to their feet with their legs trembling. I can just hear the elevator saying now, “Geez, look at that one. If they only knew how much I love to break down and break away from this routine of going up and down and up and down all day after day after day.”
You know, I’ve shared these thoughts with a person who had a fear of riding in elevators, and they couldn’t help but giggle at themselves hilariously to start paying attention to what’s really going on, like enjoying the view from the top, rising above with an empire state of mind. Now, I’m going to ask for a volunteer to come up on stage. Who here has a fear they think about and wish they didn’t? Any hands?
You. What’s it of? What’s the fear of? Balloons. Okay, good enough. Come on up. Give her a hand. All right.
All right. “If you would, please just go inside there to get Mike, and she’ll take care of you and she’ll be right out.” And while we’re all waiting, I’ll just throw in a few thoughts that they say that we’re only born with two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, which means the rest are learned, which also means they can be unlearned. Because the truth is, thought has structure.
And when our volunteer comes out, we’ll have a look at how this is. All right. Have a seat. All right. There you go. Get on the red carpet yourself. There you go. All right. Now, so you have a fear of balloons. Yeah. Right? Yeah.
Okay. So when you think about balloons, how do you feel? Yeah. Chills and shivers. Okay. Chills and shivers. Yeah. So when you think about this fear, is it life-size or bigger than life? Life-size. Life-size. Yeah.
Okay. So it’s just the, what size is the balloon? All right. Okay. So it’s a big balloon. That’s a big life-size balloon. Yeah. Okay. All right. So what I’m going to have you do in just a moment is take this big life-size balloon and put a thick border around it. What’s, what’s your favorite color? Turquoise.
Okay. So you’re going to put a thick turquoise border around it, and then I’m going to have you shrink it down really fast to the size of that, and start blinking it black and white really fast. Okay. So, you ready?
All right. Big picture, big balloon, turquoise border, shrink it down, and blink it black and white. All right. Until it goes totally white. Got it? Okay. All right. Now clear your mind for a moment. What happens when you think of the balloon now? How do you feel? White. White.
White. White. Okay. So, which is different from what you were feeling before. Okay. And all that happened was, because there’s never been a balloon here the whole time, right? So whatever was going on before is now different because of the way that you’re thinking. Which means that it was all up here, and all you did was change how you’re thinking to change how you feel.
All right. Thank you very much. All right. Okay. Dr. Richard Bandler, the co-creator of neuro-linguistic programming, once said to me, ‘Moments are the currency of life. And how you spend them is entirely up to you.’
Because none of us know just how many we get. And it is my life’s purpose to stop suffering in people with bad memories, with unreasonable fears and phobias, to start capturing the magical nuances of life. Because when you change how you think, it changes how you feel. And when you start capturing the magical nuances, be inspired to do the following.
Live your life with your purpose as unique to you as your fingerprint. When you change how you think and change how you feel, it changes what you do on purpose. Thank you very much. Thank you.