Styling from Inside Out: Dawnn Karen (Transcript)

Dawnn Karen talks at TEDxFIT conference

Full text of fashion psychologist Dawnn Karen’s talk: Styling from Inside Out™ at TEDxFIT conference.

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Dawnn Karen – Fashion Psychologist

So in 2011, I arrived here as a bright-eyed girl all the way from Ohio. You see, I believe I was living my best life because I was engaged, I was attending Columbia University for Counseling Psychology, and I was pursuing a hobby which I loved a lot, modeling. I would enter the world of Freud during the day and enter the world of fashion at night.

Then came the day that would change my life in more ways than I could ever imagine. It started off as a normal weekend. My fiancé, he came up for a visit. And we were at dinner. I was being the typical bride-to-be, a chatty Cathy. And I would talk about the guests lists and the bridesmaids and the colors and all that fun stuff.

But I noticed that he wasn’t really engaging with me. Though, believe it or not, he was a bit more friskier than usual. So I kept chatting on and on and on and dinner finished. And we head home and I was wondering: was he okay? Was, was everything all right? What, what had happened?

And it turns out he wasn’t okay. And on that night, my fiancé sexually assaulted me. The man that I was willing to spend the rest of my life with raped me. I passed out. And when I came to, I was in utter disbelief. I could not believe that this had happened to me.

I was in so much shock that I ran out of my apartment and I called my parents and I told them what had happened. And they said, “Dawnn, what do you want to do? What do you want us to do?”

And although my parents knew that I loved him very much. They also knew the law. And so I didn’t want them to do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to continue on with my life. I just wanted to move on.

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And so I hung up the phone and I walked back to my apartment. And my fiancé, he began apologizing to me profusely over and over again. And I told him that the engagement was off and that I never wanted to see him again.

And so the next morning he boarded a bus back to Ohio. To my surprise, I heard a knock at the door and I was hoping that it was my fiancé begging me to come back to him and for me, to put back on the engagement.

But I opened the door and it was the police. You see, my parents had called the police all the way from Ohio. And so I was forced about a police report. And so the police asked “Dawnn, would you like to press charges?”

And how could I press charges against the man that I love?

And so again, I told them, “No, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to move on with my life.” And so they said, “Okay”. And they left.

And I went to my closet and I picked out one of the best outfits that I had ever owned. And the next morning I put that outfit on and I went to class as if nothing had happened. As if I had a normal weekend.

I pushed myself to forget and forget, and I did my best. And I thought I was doing a great job, but I noticed that I was a bit more withdrawn. And if I was noticing that I know my professors were noticing as well.

And so on separate occasions, they called me into their office one by one. And they told me, they said, “Dawnn Karen, you’re not really connecting with your clients.” They said in but so many words that I lacked the empathy to be a traditional therapist.

I felt like a failure. And later then they went on to give me a suggestion and said, “Perhaps you need to take a leave of absence to get yourself together”. Again, I felt like a failure.

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I could not return to Ohio. I had lost my fiancé. I lost everything. What was I supposed to do?

And so, you know what? I got a job as a nanny. Nanny, me a nanny! And so I began working with the most imaginative, kind, gentle soul, this seven year old boy. And he brought so much joy into my life at that time.

We would do a lot of pretend play. And on one particular day, he would say, “Miss Dawnn, Miss Dawnn I want to be a pilot when I grow up. Can I be a pilot?”

And I would say, ‘Yes, sweetie. Sure. You can be whatever you want to be.” 

And so we would get on the number one train, and we would pretend to be pilots, soaring high into the sky. And on the second day, he would say, “Miss Dawnn, Miss Dawnn, can I be an astronaut today?”

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