Here is the full transcript of Pooja Chopra’s talk titled “Write Your Own Destiny : Journey of a Once Abandoned Girl Child” at TEDxKGInstitutions conference.
In this inspiring TEDx talk, Pooja Chopra shares her journey from being an abandoned infant to becoming Miss India. Her mother, faced with the ultimatum of choosing between her husband and her newborn daughter, chose Pooja, raising her and her sister single-handedly. Despite financial and societal challenges, Pooja’s mother and sister made significant sacrifices, fostering a resilient and ambitious spirit in her.
Pooja’s early life was marked by hardships, but she channelled these experiences to fuel her determination to succeed. Her breakthrough came when she was offered a chance to participate in Miss India East, leading to her winning Miss India. During the Miss World pageant, despite suffering a foot fracture, she showcased remarkable perseverance, winning the Beauty with a Purpose award. Pooja’s story is a testament to the power of determination, self-belief, and the pivotal role of a supportive family in overcoming adversity.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Early Life and Choices
I was just born, 20 days old, and she was asked to make a choice. It was either me or my father, because my father didn’t want another daughter. My mother chose me. With one infant in one hand, and a daughter who’s seven years old in another, she left her marital house.
I’m not really sure what she was thinking back then, but while leaving, she just said, “One day this girl will make me proud.” It’s been the three of us since. My mother had to start working immediately to put food in our stomach. I’m sure she had to put a stone on her heart to leave a month-old child and a seven-year-old baby all by themselves, alone in the house.
When I would cry, my neighbor came and breastfed me, or so I’m told. So I’m half Bihari in that sense. Well, very few childhood memories and instances that I vividly remember. One specifically being, when I was in my fourth grade, I discussed with my sister that once mom came back home, I’d ask her for a cycle, because all friends my age had a cycle.
Childhood Sacrifices and Inspirations
She explained to me that if I did that, my mother would not come home at night too, because then she would have to do a double duty to get me my cycle. I didn’t ask her for the cycle, or for anything for that matter of fact. My sister and me were both absolutely okay with using hand-me-down notebooks, bags, school books, shoes, practically everything that you could probably reuse. But trust me, we have nothing to complain about.
My mother made sure that she always overcompensated the absence of my father. In fact, when they’d probably distribute cakes and chicken sandwiches at her office, she wouldn’t eat. She would wrap it in tissue papers and get it back home to feed us. My sister did the same thing.
All the chocolates that were given to her in her class, at her tuitions, she came and shared it with me. I would see Didi waking up at 4 a.m. in the morning to go and distribute newspapers to a locality far from home, so that she could go unrecognized. And that money was then used towards my tuition fees.
Striving for Excellence
Well, Didi, she really pushed me to study really, really hard. She made sure that I stood a rank in my class. She pushed me in every possible extracurricular activity at school. And me, I was a really naughty kid.
Honestly, I was really naughty and very mischievous. In fact, the teachers would tell my mother during the PTA meetings and open houses that if this girl wasn’t as brilliant, she wouldn’t be in the school. In fact, my teachers thought that I’d grow up to be a doctor or an engineer, given my academic track record. But of course, destiny had something else in store for me.
And modeling really happened more by chance than by choice. I won Miss Mount Carmel while I was in school. Post that, my sister pushed me to participate in a lot of local beauty pageants in Pune. I won a couple of them.
Beginning of a Modeling Career
And offers started coming in for editorials, for print shoots, for fashion shows. And I took them up. I mean, it gave me extra pocket money. And of course, I was getting famous in college. I didn’t mind that. So that’s how it started.
But trust me, it was only in the year 2014, when Tanushree Dutta won Miss India, that it finally struck me that this is something I want to do, because we had worked in a few fashion shows and pageants together. I was 18. I marched up straight to my mother and told her, “Mama, I want to participate in the Miss India pageant.” Without much of a reaction, she said, “You can do whatever you want, but that’s only happening after your graduation.” All right. So now I had three years.
Journey Towards Miss India
I knew that building castles in the air is great, as long as you can put pillars below them. I knew Miss India is not going to be easy. So without wasting another day, the next day itself, I ran to this video library very close to home and struck a deal with the guy. I said, “Every day, the Miss India episodes that are aired on television, I want you to record each and every episode for me.”
I started reading voraciously. I kept this 200-page notebook, which I would consider my Bible. I would take down difficult words, meanings, idioms, phrases, everything, because I knew how important it is at Miss India to have a smashing answer in order to win. I joined a gym, which is really close to home.
I did everything in my living capacity that I could possibly do.
I’m sure a lot of you will be able to relate to this, that when you have a dream so far above your reach, that other people actually find it funny. Well, my friends laughed at me. They said, “Listen, these local beauty pageants and all of that is fine, but Miss India, really?”
Persistence and Manifestation
I mean, I don’t blame them. They just didn’t see something that I did. And there was no way I was giving up. I was manifesting, attracting, eating, breathing, sleeping, everything Miss India. It felt like Miss India was like blood inside my veins. Every artery, every tendon, every blood vessel, every bone, every atom in my body was just waiting and wanting one thing, Miss India. For me, it was all about Miss India. As destiny had it, things just magically started to fall in place.
My trainer waived off the gym fee. He waived off his personal training fee. There was a designer in Pune who readily agreed to sponsor all my clothes for the pageant. And a local training coach in Pune, she slashed down her fee only for me.
Overcoming Challenges
I mean, financially, it was a huge burden lifted off my chest. And personally, I’m extremely grateful for them because they believed in me. Well, now I was doing all of this while I was attending regular college. So three years were over.
And but I still felt that I needed some more training and grooming and Bombay was the place to go. So as Mama promised, I could pack my bags and I could leave for Bombay. With the help of a friend, I got a PG accommodation, which was like one room. And I paid 2000 for it.
And very close to the house was a Sai Baba Mandir. And every day in the evening at 8 p.m., they would have the aarti. And after the aarti, the prasad was two rotis with black boiled chana, which was the prasad and my dinner every day. I mean, it’s okay.
Spiritual Connection and Determination
I mean, for a struggling model to fill her stomach with, it’s okay. I knew I could save up all the money because I’ll need it in the process. I didn’t really share any of these things with mummy ever. I think that’s when I kind of developed this relationship with God.
I mean, you always need someone you can share your feelings with, tell people what you exactly feel. I would just look out of the window or go to my terrace and have a conversation. Went out, tell Him what I want, what I desire, everything that I’m going through. I would feel, and I still do till date, that there is someone out there who listens to me, who hears me out, who always has my back.
And I mean, to an extent that on the Miss India stage, final moment, when the hosts were just about to announce the main final winners, five of us holding on to each other. The other four girls are looking at the hosts because they’re just going to announce the winners. And then there is me. I’m holding on to the girls and looking up in the sky and I’m murmuring to myself, “God, please, God, please, God, please, God, please.”
The Miss India Dream
It’s evident in all the videos that are online. So yeah. Anyway, I sent my entry for the Miss India pageant. I was shortlisted. I was called in for an interview. During the interview, they asked me, “Hmm, so you want to participate in the Miss India pageant?” I replied, “No, I want to win the Miss India pageant.” Trust me, I have no clue where it came from.
Definitely not even an ounce of overconfidence, no. Was it the belief, the faith or all the preparations and hard work that I had put into? I don’t know. Well, then, of course, there was a volley of questions.
Embracing Opportunities
They were all thrown at me. And I put everything that I had in that book to proper use, utmost use. And to say the least, of course, they were pretty impressed. Well, I got a confirmation call that I had made it, also with an offer that because I was born in Calcutta, I could participate in Miss India East.
And the winner at Miss India East would get a direct entry into the top 10 of Miss India finals. Wow, that was an opportunity I just grabbed. And I said, “OK, great, I’m going to do this.” I clearly remember that it was on the day of Miss India East finals when I was on stage and I saw my mother in the crowd.
It suddenly struck me that it was because of me that my mother left Calcutta. And 22 years later, she’s in Calcutta because of me. It just fired me up. Something happened.
The Triumph in Calcutta
It just fired me up. And as fate would have it, I won. In Calcutta, exactly the same place where she was asked to leave for having me, I won. She was happy. I was happy. But I knew that the main Miss India pageant is still a long way to go. And this one’s not going to be easy to crack. They’re going to be 24 girls, handpicked and chosen from all across the country.
They’re going to be stunning, gorgeous, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I mean, it would bother me. I tried my best. I would train really hard.
Of course, there were times when I saw somebody else performing better than me. I would go in the bathroom and I would cry. But I would brush everything out. I would pick myself back again and I would make sure that I stand out.
I didn’t have any other option. I think I did pretty well for myself. I won three subtitles. But the irony of the situation was the final question and answer round.
The Final Question
So in the final question and answer round, there are five finalists and they are asked a common question. We were asked, “If you met God, what is the one question you would ask Him and why?” Well, I’m sure if any of you had to meet God, there’d be a gazillion different questions that one would possibly want to ask. Rightly so.
My other fellow contestants spoke about humanity, human brain, war, peace. Me, I just had one thing inside of me and the same thing in front of me, mom. I answered, “They say that God cannot be everywhere. And that’s why he’s given everybody a mother.”
“So why is it, God, that not everybody has a mother? Shouldn’t everybody have a mother?” There was a round of applause. There was a thumbs up from the judges and the Miss India crown was on my head.
Trust me, I couldn’t believe it. In fact, till date, it’s all a blur. I mean, everything, the winning moment, the crowning moment, everything is a blur. I really don’t remember because it was something that I wanted so bad that when I finally got it, it didn’t sink in for the longest time that I have won.
It didn’t. But the one image, one image of my mother in the audience, her face beaming with joy. She had tears flowing down her face and she had a twinkle in her eyes. Maybe God was trying to tell her something.
A Victory Beyond Titles
Her little girl had made her proud. That was my real win. Well, after that, the media, the press, the journalists, everybody had a field day of covering the story of how once an abandoned girl child was now a Miss India. Mom was being admired, idolized, probably worshipped.
She was called at talk shows, giving interviews. This was my real win. I had won. She had won. We had won. But it wasn’t over yet because now I had Miss World to go for. Like these are going to be 120 girls from all across the world. I would lose my mind, but I narrowed my focus and I gave it more than I got.
I put in every bit that I could possibly. I did my best. Everything was great. And I was already in the top 16 of 120 because I won myself a subtitle until I was running down a fleet of stairs five days before the pageant and I fractured my foot.
Overcoming Adversity
I don’t think I can put in words how I felt because in front of me was a foot in a cast and my dreams lay there shattered completely. I was given two options by the Miss World organization. Either you pack your bags and leave or you sit in the audience and cheer for other contestants. I wasn’t okay with either.
I decided I’ll take a few steps on the stage, even if it’s with a plaster, even if I’m in pain, and I’ll accept my award. I did that. Well, I got a standing ovation for my spirit that I consider as my personal win at Miss World and I’m the first Indian to win Beauty with a Purpose award and get it to India.
Lessons and Legacy
In life, I have learned, adapt, whatever the situation, however painful it is, to never wait for someone to come and fix things for you because that is never, not ever going to happen. To believe in yourself because if you don’t, no one else will. And most importantly, to have something, a goal, an ambition, something that fires the flames of your soul, something that you work hard at, dedicatedly, devotedly, single-mindedly and achieve it.
Well, yes, and with the US$10,000 that I won at the Miss World for my Beauty with a Purpose, I donated it to a charitable organization which works closely for welfare of the female girl child.
Well, who knows, I mean, there could be another Pooja Chopra, abandoned Pooja Chopra somewhere out there, waiting to spread her wings and fly. Pooja Chopra.