My Journey To A Grace-Filled Classroom: Laurie Roberts (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of Laurie Roberts’ talk titled “My Journey To A Grace-Filled Classroom” at TEDxWarm Springs Ave Youth conference.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

“I’m on your side.” It’s a scary thing to say to a room full of strangers. Say to a class of 17 and 18 year olds, and you may see a few rolled eyes, a few awkward glances. But each year on the first day of school, I begin with these words. “Good morning, I’m Miss Roberts, and I’m on your side.”

And without fail, mixed in with a few awkward glances, I see students leaning forward in their seats with looks of hope. “Maybe she really means it,” their faces seem to say.

The Foundation of Learning

We know from the work of Maslow that humans have basic survival needs: air, food, water, sleep. They need to be satisfied before our higher needs can flourish. Just above those survival needs on Maslow’s hierarchy comes the need for safety and belonging. And once those needs are satisfied, well, that’s where learning and creativity can happen.

Simply put, we don’t learn well if we don’t feel safe. And so, I’ve been on a mission to make my room a safe place for my students, to let them know every day, “I’m on your side.”

A Teacher’s Journey

I began my career as a high school English teacher in the fall of 1988, and like most teachers, I wanted to be good at my job. I wanted to know my content, and I wanted to improve my skills. That first year, one day, I had a conversation with a couple of ninth grade boys in the hallway, and a colleague was standing nearby. As the boys walked away, my colleague approached me and she said, “You’re good at that. You like them?” She hadn’t seen me teach them, just talk to them.

It struck me though, as she said it, I did like them, and that if she could tell, probably they could tell. And maybe liking them mattered. In fact, maybe liking my students is something that I could pursue, just like I was pursuing my content and my skills. I had not yet begun to say the words “I’m on your side,” but this was perhaps the birthplace of the idea.

Realizing the Impact

Fast forward two decades, and by the fall of 2008, I had begun to say the words “I’m on your side” on a regular basis in my classroom. That year, I had a student. I’ll call Sam. Sam was a good student, a strong writer, engaged in class and turning in all of her work until the day she didn’t. She showed up on the day that a big assignment was due and she was empty-handed, and she told me that she was prepared to take a zero.

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Later, when Sam and I talk privately, she told me her story. “Ms. Roberts,” she said, “my dad has cancer. And I make him breakfast every morning. I helped take care of him, and I spend every minute with him that I can. And as a result, I don’t get everything done. And I know you say you’re on her side, but I just wasn’t sure what that meant.” Some of the details of the rest of that conversation are admittedly fuzzy in my memory, but the impact of that conversation is crystal clear. It challenged me. It changed me.

Reflection and Realization

It made me ask myself this: are you really on their side? Or are those just words that you say? Are you prepared to hear the hard stuff? The death in the family, the substance abuse, the homelessness, the anxiety? Of course, those are just the exceptions to the rule, right?

Well, Sam reminded me that I need to treat each student like the exception because every student has a story. And so, every student needs an advocate. They need someone on their side. Sam needed to know that “I’m on your side” had actual concrete meaning, that I wouldn’t just listen to her story, but that I could provide strategies. Things like, “Let’s extend or negotiate some deadlines.”

Sam needed to know that “I’m on your side” is more than words. But “I’m on your side” is not just for times of crisis. More often than not, it’s about how I respond in ordinary situations.

Understanding Human Nature

Many years ago, I was sitting in a church service when someone made an announcement about a special event that was happening that evening. I turned to the person next to me and said, “What time is that thing tonight?” And it struck me. I was asking someone to repeat information I had just heard seconds before.

Suddenly, I could see me standing in my classroom when a student says, “Excuse me, Miss Roberts, when is this due again?” And the worst version of me shows up. “When is this due? I’m sorry, you didn’t hear it the first five times I said it today. Um, maybe you could look at the handout. It’s in bold. Or even worse. Someone want to tell Tommy when this is due? Because I’m not saying it again.” I mean, sure, I want to be on their side, but how dare they not hear and recall with perfect accuracy every word that I say.

Shifting Perspectives

Well, that day in church, it brought me up short. It made me ask myself, what is my percent of recall? After the typical sermon, lecture, faculty meeting, it’s better, of course, if I’m not on my phone or talking to a friend, but I hadn’t been doing either of those things that day. I was just simply, momentarily distracted. I was just human.

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In his book “Brain Rules,” John Medina talks about human attention and how attention typically drops to zero after ten minutes unless a speaker can engage in emotion.

Medina goes on to say that memory is not fixed at the moment of hearing, but that repetition is the fixative. Repetition is the glue.

And yet somehow, I had spent 20 years responding with impatience and sarcasm when on occasion, a student needed me to repeat myself. Of course, I want students to pay attention. But repetition is not a penalty. I pay for my students’ failures. Repetition is how we learn. It’s how we all learn.

Embracing Generosity and Understanding

Repetition along with printed words, helpful visuals, saying information to each other, and then back to the instructor. This is not about managing student disrespect, it’s about managing the human mind. And it’s about an opportunity for me to show my students I’m on their side by showing them grace, even when I have to say something for the sixth time.

But wait, you might say, sometimes it is about disrespect. Sometimes they’re on their phones, sometimes they’re talking during my brilliant instruction. Sometimes they’re doing calculus in my English class, and sometimes they’re nodding off day after day. True. All true. In fact, true within the last month in my class.

But… sometimes she’s on her phone because she’s checking on her sick mother. Sometimes he’s talking to his friend because it’s the only safe face he’s seen today. Sometimes she’s doing her calculus because it’s the one class that could keep her from that scholarship. And sometimes he’s nodding off because he works 40 hours a week on top of going to school. Or maybe he’s been sleeping on his friend’s couch. Sometimes she’s willing to take a zero on a big assignment because her dad has cancer.

Conclusion: The True Meaning of Support

And here’s the thing: I can’t tell just by looking the difference between the disrespectful or apathetic student and the one who’s in a moment or a season of crisis. In fact, it’s possible every disrespectful, apathetic student is in a moment or a season of crisis. And so, as my good friend and mentor, Doctor Jeff Wilhelm likes to say, “It’s not my bad if I choose to respond with my most generous, least sarcastic, least impatient tone even when students don’t seem to deserve it.” And then perhaps they send that generosity back my way on those days when I don’t seem to deserve it.

“Please hear me when I say ‘I’m on your side’ is not just an extra bullet point on a teacher’s to-do list.” “I’m on your side” doesn’t mean I get it right every time. It doesn’t mean I never assign hard work or that I never address misbehavior. “I’m on your side” means that I enter with the intent and the attempt to work with them and not against them.

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In her book “The Art of Coaching,” Elena Aguilar tells us, “No one can learn from you if you think they suck.” And so, my words, my tone, and my intent, they matter not just because of the way it makes students feel, but because it helps them learn. I’ve held countless times in my life when people have been on my side, and I can’t think of a better example than the day I ran my first marathon. I was at mile 21, and I was a mess.

I was hurting, I was nauseated, and worst of all, I was walking. That’s when my brother Kevin rolled up on his bicycle. And I said, “Kevin, that’s it, I’m done. I want you to go get the car. Come pick me up. Let’s call it a day.” And he said, “Okay.” And he just kept pedaling beside me. “And after a minute, I said, ‘You’re not going to do it, are you?'” And he said, “No, because you don’t really want me to.” But I did. I did really, really, almost entirely want him to.

Still, Kevin and I made it through those next five painful miles together, him offering a little coaching along the way. “Try running for five minutes. You can walk for two.” I can’t think of a better picture of the way I try to be on my students’ sides. Notice Kevin didn’t scold or mock or blame. Best of all, he didn’t desert me. And as a result, I not only didn’t quit, I was able to run again.

I need to be on my students’ sides on the hardest days, during the most challenging assignments, and especially for those days when they really, really, almost entirely want to quit. And so, on the first day of school, and each day that follows, I set my intention. To be on their side, to work with them, to build a room that is safe and full of grace, where I can show them, and not just tell them, “I’m on your side.”