Reading Body Language: Janine Driver (Transcript)

It shows up completely different in all of us. And with that being said, I said I hope I am wrong in my following analysis. Because my analysis is screaming, this guy has done something really dangerous and really stupid.

I literally, I’m a prayer person. It was the first time in my life I prayed that a pregnant woman was a battered woman. And that maybe she was just a battered woman and she took off with the little ones and she’s somewhere safe in a battered woman’s shelter. If you had ever told me that I would pray that a pregnant woman would be a battered woman, I would say there is no situation on earth that I would ever pray for that.

But here I was on that day in August 2018 praying that that was the best case scenario. Because what I saw, through decoding the body language of murderers for over two decades, was not good. Was not good.

Suspicious Behavior

See, I posted pictures of the suspicious behavior. Right here you can see smiling. You know what was missing from this guy every interview he was doing? Two emotions were missing. Fear and sadness. Never once in any of the interviews did he do, did we see sadness or fear? Never. We saw anger, we saw disgust, and we saw happiness.

And I put these pictures on social media on this day in August and I highlight the different emotions that I’m seeing and I’m talking about what I’m not seeing, which is I’m not seeing fear and I’m not seeing sadness and I’m seeing all suspicious behavior of someone who is keeping a major secret from us.

Less than six hours later, Chris Watts confesses to police that he killed his wife and later confesses that he killed his two young daughters. I put on social media, I hope this is a time that my analysis is wrong and sadly it was not.

Discovering Secrets Through ESL

What are we missing with the people in our lives? The secrets that people are hiding from us and how can it help us have more wins in work and in life and in love? By understanding E-S-L, everyone’s second language. See, by understanding everyone’s second language, I believe and I know it’s a fact that you can have more wins in life. You can have more wins in life.

E-S-L, E, eye blocking. We’re going to talk about eye blocking when someone’s eyes close a little too long or they hide their eyes. What message is it sending? F, shoulder shrugging. What is a shoulder shrug? What are they saying when you see someone shrug? There’s a definitive answer of what they’re saying right now and it’s the number one best body language move that people are doing in our everyday lives, professionally and personally, that we miss. Over and over and over and you wake up and you say, “I’m blindsided. How did I not see this happen?”

You didn’t see it happen because no one trained you in E-S-L, everyone’s second language. How many of you would like to kiss those, “I never saw it happen,” those moments goodbye and say, “I saw it happening. I knew what to do in those moments.” Yes? Shoulder shrugging.

Lip Locking

Last but not least is our lip locking. Lip locking is when our lips disappear, they are sending you a signal and I’m going to talk to you today and teach you what is the signal that people are sending. See, just like my friend Andrea, that comedian gave me those glasses and I could see everything clearly, I brought the E-S-L glasses today to give each and every one of you.

How many want to walk out of here with the same lenses? I trained the CIA and the FBI and Scotland Yard Police and Procter & Gamble and Coca-Cola. You want the E-S-L glasses? Say, “I do.” Then stand up, you’ve got to take the oath.

Repeat after me, “I swear. To use the E-S-L glasses. For good, not for evil. And for those people who are not listening because they were afraid of the top title. Let’s give it to them anyway.” Everyone take a seat.

Eye Blocking

First, let’s explore eye blocking. Eye blocking is when our eyes close a little too long or when we’re talking to you, we suddenly disappear. If you pick your kid up off the bus, and every time you go to the bus stop, your kid’s bus driver always has a hat in front of his head, in front of his face, and he’s like, “Hey Mrs. Johnson, hey Mrs. Johnson,” and never looks at you, this is suspicious behavior.

This is not normal behavior. This is what’s called eye blocking. Eye blocking, we’re going to explore. You all do eye blocking. We all do it, and I’m going to talk about when do we do it.

Here’s eye blocking. I want you to think of your cell phone. When you put your cell phone down and you don’t use it for a while, often a screensaver will come up. And if you have it programmed correctly, a screensaver with a passcode will come up.

In order to open up your phone. Why do we have that screensaver with a passcode? To protect our private stuff on our phone. If someone happens to come by and grab it, a stranger, our friend, a significant other, an about-to-be ex-employee or ex-supervisor, someone that’s going to see your phone and you don’t want them to see your private information, even if you have nothing to hide, it’s no one’s business. This is what eye blocking is doing.

Eye blocking is saying, “I don’t want you to see what’s happening here. I don’t want you to see what’s happening in here.” And also eye blocking takes away the visuals.

Here’s when we eye block. Have you ever been at an airport or a crowded space and you get a phone call? So everyone’s here, you’re all in this auditorium, you get a phone call. Do you take the phone call and look at everybody? What do you do? You go to a corner, right? Or you look down. You’re like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Some of you will get small. “Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

You’re in a private space, you go to a corner, you get small, you take away the visuals. If you continue to look at the people in front of you, what happens on the phone call? What does that person say? Know what they say to you?

“You’re not listening to me, are you? Hello, are you distracted? Are you listening to me?” Know why they’re saying that? Because they can tell you’re being distracted by all the visual data that’s coming at you.

So your response to them is delayed. See, when we’re lying, we have the truth to remember and the lie to remember. And what we want to do is remove some of the data coming at us so we can remain on the path of deception and keep our secret from you. Does this make sense?

Examples of Murderers’ Body Language

So you can see this in weird ways. I’m going to talk about Chris Watts here. Next to Chris Watts, this is the man in Colorado who murdered his pregnant wife, Shanann, and his two daughters, Celeste and Bella, this August 18, 2018.

Then we see Scott Peterson. Scott Peterson murdered his pregnant wife, Lacey Peterson. Then you’re going to see Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy murdered, we know he confessed to 30 people in several states, probably way more than that.

And then Susan Smith. Susan Smith, around her two kids, put them in a car seat. They died by drowning when she drove the car into a lake, but she told the media and the police what? A black man came and took the car, and her kids were in it.

No one was suspicious beyond this esoteric explanation. She said, “This black guy came and took the car, and I was worried that they would kill my kids.” Wait a minute, was it a black man or several people? It all of a sudden became a they? Many things were screaming, Susan Smith is lying, including her smiling when doing press conferences in the media.

Timing of Eye Blocking

So let’s look at how long do they do eye-blocking. Now, Chris Watts is only a second and a half, and it may not seem long, but I want everyone right now to look at me and close your eyes, and I’ll tell you when a second and a half is over. Ready? Close your eyes.

Open them. Now, I want you to imagine talking with that kind of second and a half, this little hiccup. See, what happens is a guy named Spencer Kelly at Colgate University, he wanted to find out if your body language sends a message to your brain.

So if I said to you, “I’ll have a peanut butter and jelly on my socks, please.”

The Power of Body Language

As you might imagine, your brain goes, “Peanut butter and jelly on my socks?” What? If you imagine your brain waves like a heart monitor, that creates what’s called, I call it a brain hiccup, but the professionals call it an N400. “Peanut butter and jelly in my socks?”

Spencer Kelly at Colgate University wanted to find out if my body language doesn’t match what I’m telling you, does that person who’s communicating with us pick up on it? And the answer is yes. But the difference is, you’re seeing that sign on the side of the highway, you just need some ESL glasses to decode what it is.

But your brain picks up on it and knows there’s an opportunity or a warning up ahead, you just don’t know the specifics. But you will after today. So look at this. Nine seconds we have with Ted Bundy.

Suspicious Behavior: Eye Blocking

Susan Smith spoke on national television and listened for 34 seconds with her eyes closed. 34 seconds with her eyes closed. Let’s do a little experiment. Let’s do nine seconds.

So I want you to look at the person next to you or behind you. One of you will talk and one of you will listen. Here’s how this is going to work. Decide who’s going to talk.

Whoever’s going to talk, I want you to say, “I’ll talk.” And I want you to talk about your favorite presentation today, your favorite TEDx talk for nine seconds. I’ll tell you when you can open your eyes. You’re going to talk for nine seconds with your eyes closed, telling this person, looking right at them, and the person looking at the person speaking, just look at them.

I want you to feel how weird it is for someone to talk to you for nine seconds with their eyes closed. Ready? Decide who’s going to talk. Raise your hand if you’re the talker so I can see where my talkers are. Look at your partner. Ready, set, go. Stop. Raise your hand if that felt weird.

Right? I want you to start noticing. The first step on ESL is noticing these eye blocking. Noticing this eye blocking.

I want to say to my baby that your mama loves you so much. The eye blocking is happening while she’s talking about how much she loves her kids. My sons, Angus, Charlie, and Jack. Off to the left here you see Jack. He’s my youngest. Then Charlie, then Angus. Little Charlie and Jack, when they were first little ones, Jack was a brand new baby and Charlie was one. Angus came home from a baseball game in D.C.

Understanding Emotions Through ESL

When Angus came home with my husband, I’m upstairs in the bedroom. It’s about 8:30 p.m. And I see Angus come up and I’m like, “Angus!” And he goes, “Uh.” And he eye blocks.

And he slams his bedroom door. Now I don’t know how you were raised, but in my family, if we slammed the door growing up, my mother and father had a policy called, “I’ll solve that problem policy.” Right? The door would be off the hinges by the next morning in dad’s workshop.

But my Angela would tell you, when you know better, you do better. And I know better because I know Angus is eye blocking. And I also know that anger is a secondary emotion to things like fear and sadness and anxiety.

So instead of me going and yelling to Angus’ perceived anger, because he looks angry, but I know there’s more to the story here because I speak ESL. Everyone’s second language. And I went in and I rubbed his back.

I go, “What’s going on, buddy?” And he goes, “Uh.” And I go, “Listen, are you sad, scared, or angry?” And he burst out crying. He burst out crying. He goes, “Mom, we were at the baseball game and I know you’ve been traveling all week and you were home just for one night and tomorrow you go on another trip. And Charlie and Jack go to bed at 8 o’clock and I just wanted to see my brothers. And dad said I was trying to trick him. And that if I left the game early, he would take my iPad because he thought I was tricking him and I just wanted to go home and play with my iPad.”

Now this is a big deal because Angus has learning differences and every day he takes an hour and 15 minute bus ride to school and to DC. So I looked at Angus and had you been there, you would have heard me. I said, “Listen, buddy, first thing, I’m the boss in this household, so don’t worry about the iPad. You can totally use the iPad. Second of all, I don’t mind waking up Charlie and Jack. I can put them back to sleep.”

The Importance of Understanding ESL

See, by me understanding ESL, everyone’s second language, I created an amazing relationship and a conversation with Angus that if I didn’t understand, I would have went in and said, “Hey, manners make the man. You don’t slam the door. When I say hello, you say hello back.”

I want you to imagine the outcome, how they’re completely different when you understand English, I mean everyone’s second language, ESL. Shoulder shrugging. Shoulder shrugging is uncertainty. Look at the person next to you and with a shrug saying, “So glad you sat next to me.”

So glad you sat next to me. Shoulder shrugging, it’s uncertainty. She got back from Arizona. Did you wake up and say, you know. No, I saw her when she got in, but it was really quick just because it was 2 a.m. in the morning, but I saw the kids in the monitor before I left. I saw my wife when she came in. I saw her when she came in.

It was really quick. This tiny little shoulder shrug. Let’s watch this guy, Drew Peterson. Were you surprised when the body was exhumed and they changed the determination of death?

Shoulder Shrugging and Uncertainty

Very much surprised, for sure, because for many years, you know, my children and I, we’ve been, you know, believing that, you know, she died in a household accident. The number one mistell in body language is a shoulder shrug. They’re indicating there’s something they’re uncertain about. There’s something they’re uncertain about.

Billy Zebe, one of my clients, came and took this training on reading and decoding and understanding the body language of murderers, and he went into a pitch meeting, flew from Las Vegas into Florida, had this big pitch he was going to do, and he sat down and he said to the person that he was pitching, “I’m curious. You’ve had the same vendor for 25 years. What is leading you to look for new pitch ideas and to partnering with a new vendor?”

The potential client began to speak. He goes, “Well, we’re just not happy with them anymore. We’re looking for a change,” and he began shoulder shrugging. Billy Zebe took him and his team and his presentation and walked out the door, said, “We’re not a fit for what you’re looking for. We wish you good luck.”

His team’s like, “What are you doing, dude? We’re totally prepared. You paid all this money to fly us in here?” He goes, “Oh, yeah, they’re just fishing for other people’s ideas.” They’re not going to go with another vendor. Did you see all that uncertainty? Other people’s ideas. Other people’s ideas.

Look at this guy. He’s going to shoulder shrug when he says, “I want to thank the sport and all my fans, and I want to thank my wife.” He shoulder shrugs when he says wife. Why do you think he shoulder shrugs with wife?

Oh, he’s going to show you. “Thank you very much for giving me this, and I appreciate my friends also. My wife and my girlfriend, I mean my wife, yeah, sorry to say. I’m so sorry, my wife.”

Lizzo, I love you so much. Thank you for giving me this, and I appreciate my friends also. My wife and my girlfriend, I mean my wife, yeah. Listen, I believe you can’t un-see something, un-hear something, or un-experience something.

You can’t un-hear it, un-see it, un-experience it. You yourself, when you shrug, your body is telling you, before your thought even kicks in, “Oh, I’m uncertain about something. What am I un-certain about?” “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

What’s going on? There’s something you’re uncertain about. There’s something you’re uncertain about. Last but not least, lip-locking.

Lip-Locking and Disapproval

When we don’t like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. Pull your lips in and say to the person next to you, “You smell amazing.” You smell amazing. You smell amazing.

Repeat after me. When we don’t like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. Here we see Chris Watts. His lips are going to disappear. We see this non-stop with him. He’s doing a tongue protrusion here. This is another move we won’t be talking about today. But it is connected, without a doubt, to everyone’s second language, ESL.

We see this with Jodi Arias. We see this with different murderers that have been on television, and we’ve seen them. As I begin to say my goodbyes, I want to introduce you to my mother. My mother is my best friend on earth.

A Mother’s Battle with Cancer

See, when mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, she was a pretty good sport about it. She’s a happy person all the time. And I remember she called me one time, and she goes, “Hey, if this breast cancer kills me, and I die and come back to earth, I’m coming back to earth as a swearing person, like you and your father.” I go, “Mom, you have cancer now. You could totally start swearing.”

She goes, “It’s not who I am. It’s just not who I am.” The next day I called, my mother answered, “Kayleen,” because whoever answered said, “Hey, what’s going on, bitch?” I was like, “Kayleen?” She goes, “No, it’s mom. What’s going on, bitch?” I go, “What’s going on? What’s going on with you?”

She goes, “I’m trying out the swearing thing. How do I sound?” I go, “You sound fantastic. Think of all the years you’ve been missing out on.” Two days later, mom, who’s in such good spirits, comes to visit me in Alexandria, Virginia. I go, “How you doing?” And her lips begin to disappear. I go, “Mom, you and I both know there’s something you’re not telling me. What is it?”

Had you been there, you would have seen mom burst out crying. Burst out crying? She goes, “Listen, a year ago my dentist told me I had something in my throat and I had a PET scan done. And the doctor never called me after, so I thought it was good news. But now that I have breast cancer, I had to go get that record because I have cancerous cells. So I have cancer, I think, through my whole body. Not just my breast, but everywhere. I think I could fight breast cancer, but I can’t fight it if it’s everywhere.”

Fighting for Those Who Can’t Fight for Themselves

When you understand ESL, everyone’s second language, you can have amazing conversations with people and you can change their lives. See, mom said, “I don’t want you bringing it up. Don’t bring this up to the doctor. Do you understand me?”

But I know anger is a secondary emotion and sadness and anxiety. I go, “Okay, mom, I won’t say anything.” We went to the hospital to meet that surgeon. I pulled the surgeon aside. “Hey, my mother thinks she has throat cancer because of this report. Can you look into it?”

He said, “Yeah, I’ll look into it.” Sometimes we need to fight for people who can’t fight for themselves. Wouldn’t you agree? Listen, I would love to tell you what happened on the outcome of that report, but instead I thought I’d let my mom tell you.

Would you like to meet my mom? What I mean is, when I went to visit her just before, right after my diagnosis, I denied it to her that I was afraid that I had more than one cancer. I had gone for a chest scan, and when I came back, it said that I had throat cancer. And I had gone to the dentist, and the dentist said, “There’s something in my teeth that doesn’t look like something in my throat.”

So I went to the throat doctor and everything, and he said, “I don’t want to say anything,” but I never got the report just before I went into Mass General. So I get the report at 10 o’clock at night, and I’m reading it, and I see this, a mass in the neck area. And so I thought right away, “Now I have breast cancer, and it has metastasized throughout my whole body.”

So I broke down, I told Janine, “Do you have a way of getting that stuff out of you?” And I remember Janine, we went in to see the doctors, Janine got the doctor up on the side and asked the doctors to look at the scans, and lo and behold, they came back, and they told me that this breast cancer was originated in the breast. That was the greatest gift I ever had. I was carrying that with me.

Sorry. I was carrying that here with me for over a month. And thank you, Janine, for clarifying that. That was the biggest gift you could have for me that day, because I left here, I know I still have breast cancer, but I left here saying, “Okay, there’s one I’m fighting. It’s not all over my body.”

So thank you for that. You now have ESL, everybody’s second language. And I challenge you to use it.

Conclusion: The Challenge to Use ESL

Use it to detect deception and to find truth and to protect your ideas. And more importantly, use it to help somebody, to take a stand for someone who is full of fear, stress and anxiety, but they’re showing up as angry. Use it to find out and uncover the secret that they’re hiding.

Because here’s the deal. I believe when we take a stand for truth, all of us, we take a stand for truth, in love and in work. Maybe, just maybe, these people in our lives are waiting for us.

They’re depending on us to see and decode their body language so we can hear them, so we can hear their pain, we can hear their fear, and we can hear their heartbreak. My name is Janine Driver. I challenge you to use your ESL, everybody’s second language.

Thank you.

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