Here is the full transcript of positive psychology expert Clare Davenport’s talk titled “Rethink Retirement – Well-Being Beyond Your Bank Account” at TEDxBYU 2022 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Retirement Dream
Do you ever dream of retirement? What’s your retirement dream? Is it pure bliss and relaxation? Can you almost feel that warm wind, taste those fruity umbrella drinks?
Lounging by the pool, endless games of golf, walking on the beach? I’ve always loved vacations, haven’t you? So I think we’re really going to love this constant vacation space in retirement too, right? It actually reminds me of a couple I know.
Jeff and Jenny’s Story
Let’s call them, “Jeff and Jenny.” They’ve dreamt of retirement for years. Jeff had worked at the same company for over 30 years. He knew everybody.
He was the life of the place. And Jenny, she’d often worked two jobs so they’d have enough. They finally did. They moved to sunny Florida, of course.
But something strange started to happen. Jeff seemed lost, lonely. They started to nip at each other. They started to quarrel.
And Jenny, although she was beginning to make community, really didn’t like to golf. She’d never been that sporty. She missed her long-time book club. She missed her best friends, her kids, her soon-to-be grandchild.
The Reality of Retirement
What was going on? Had they not done everything right? They’d moved to sunny Florida. They’d worked with a smart financial advisor.
They’d saved enough. I ask you, if this is the dream vision for retirement – You see it in the adverts. Why is it that so many are dissatisfied at this age? Why is it that depression increases by 40%?
Why is it that substance abuse, divorce rates are climbing? Why is everyone lonely? And people’s self-worth is low?
Surely we can do better than this.
Transitions and Well-Being
Look, I’ve spent many years consulting and coaching and researching the ideas, tools, and frameworks that best support us during times of transition, like retirement. Look, I’m not here to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t retire, because maybe you should or maybe you shouldn’t. It is up to you to design and discover.
But I do want to share with you what I know about these life changes, these life quakes, these life disruptors so we don’t end up in a situation like Jeff and Jenny. Look, we know that transitions are a regular part of life. They can be trying and triumphant.
They can be predictable and unpredictable because life often doesn’t follow a straight line. But my research and others’ shows us that if we bring our intention and attention to them, we can improve our well-being. And we can improve our well-being in retirement too.
The ROI of Well-Being
I like to think of it as an ROI, a return on investment. But this time for our well-being. Think of it as the “ROI” beyond our bank account, an investment portfolio in human flourishing, your flourishing in retirement.
Where “R” is where we reframe our current definition of retirement. “O” is where we optimize the well-being in retirement. And “I” is where we ignite our way forward. So let’s “ROI,” Reframe, Optimize, and Ignite, your retirement.
Reframing Retirement
Let’s start with “R”: reframe. Let’s reframe your current definition of retirement. Look, even the word retirement sends shivers down my spine.
I really don’t like that word much. And when I look up the word “retire” in a thesaurus, I see the strangest words: retreat, remove, exit, my personal favorite, “go to bed.” And, although I get it – It is very, very tempting to go to bed sometimes, it does imply that we are fading from life when in fact these years can be some of our best years, some of our most flourishing years.
So then, how did it start? Well, historically, we never abruptly retired. We gently moved from one stage to another in life. And then rumor has it, this gentleman – I think he looks a bit scary, actually, German Chancellor, Otto Van Bismarck, in 1889, created this idea, this invention of retirement when he put in place disability insurance for those over 70.
This idea was radical. But other countries followed suit, making retirement age between 65 and 70. But what’s interesting about this time period of 1889 was the life expectancy was less than 44 years. A far cry from our 80′ish years today.
So to be clear, this definition or invention of retirement is over 100 years old and we have almost doubled our lifespan. So surely, can we not all agree that we need to reframe, rethink, redesign … our retirement definition?
Optimizing Well-Being
Next, let’s “O” of the ROI, let’s optimize. Let’s optimize our well-being in retirement. And it’s here we can learn from some great science and research.
Edward Jones asked over 9,000 retirees, “What gives you fulfillment in retirement?” Their answers: being authentic, spending time with those they care for, they love, doing interesting things, things that help them grow, and being generous, giving back. Interestingly, money was at the bottom of the list.
And, look, we know that money can bring us freedom and flexibility. But research consistently shows us that above a base level, money is not the secret ingredient to happiness in life or in retirement. It’s also interesting to examine the disconnect between what retirees are thinking about – connection, contribution, community, and pre-retirees are thinking about, which is pretty much their bank accounts and this vacation view of retirement.
And when we look at this vacation view of retirement, we find that over time it becomes the norm and starts to lack the joy it once did. It’s probably why Berkeley researchers found that we have a sugar rush of well-being when we first retire and then a year or two later a fairly sharp decline. Behavioral economists might call it hedonic adaptation, where one more umbrella drink, one more golf game just loses its sparkle.
The PERMAV Playbook
We can also look into the world of positive psychology as we continue to “O”, optimize. We can examine the science of what makes for a good life, a happy life, a life better than fine. And it goes by the acronym, PERMAV.
I like to think of it as my well-being playbook where “P” is positive emotion, feeling good, hopeful, inspired, loving. It’s like a micro moment of joy: a good laugh, a good meal. “E” is engagement.
Having interests in pursuits that fully captivate us and take us away: help us grow, our relationships, having loving and authentic relationships with another, with groups, with communities. “M” is meaning, that sense of purpose, something beyond ourselves. “A” is accomplishment, having positive progress in life.
And “V” is vitality, investing in our bodies, in our minds, because they both matter and they work together. Look, these elements collectively make up our well-being. They matter, they work together, and we have to bring our attention and intention to them because they can change.
Learning from the Blue Zones
So it’s super important in retirement to focus on these. We can also learn from the blue zones of the world, those zones where people fully embrace the PERMAV elements. They live flourishing lives and they live an extra 10 to 15 years than most of us.
The word retirement doesn’t even exist. Take Marie, for example. She’s amazing. She’s 101, has her own garden, walks over a mile a day, volunteers five days a week, and spends a lot of time with her great friends and her six great grandchildren.
She is thriving. She is optimizing her retirement years.
Igniting Your Path Forward
Next, “I” of the ROI. Let’s ignite our path forward. Let’s take action. Let’s explore ideas.
Let’s sneak up on the future. We know that life is not a fixed destination but rather a continual design project. There’s not one best option for us.
There’s many great options for us in retirement. We also know to break down our ideas and our actions. We break them down small, so we feel comfortable taking action.
We have a conversation, we explore an idea, we learn something new, but in a safe way. So we take some action. We adjust and edit and we take a little more action as we ignite our way forward.
Creating Your Retirement Canvas
So in closing, I invite you, all of you, to have a conversation about your retirement. But maybe a little differently this time. It is never too early and it’s never too late.
Let’s create a retirement canvas full of the colors and textures of well-being and ignited by our boundless designs and imaginations, like Jeff and Jenny did. They moved back from Florida. They still vacation there sometimes.
They bought a smaller condo, two doors down from their best friend. Jeff decided to go back to work part-time, and he’s taking improv classes twice a week. And Jenny, she’s enrolled in doing a Masters in English and still loving her long-time book club.
They are prioritizing their friends, their family, and their new grandchild. They are thriving. So … what about you? Let’s begin to ROI your retirement chapter.
Next Steps
Let’s start with “R”, refrain. What does retirement now mean to you? And what beliefs are no longer serving you?
“O”, optimize. Who and what will you prioritize and how will you use your many, many strengths and skills? And how does this compare with those you care for?
And “I”, ignite. What is one small step you could take today to better understand your “retirement act,” knowing the best can be yet to come. Thank you.