Read the full transcript of psychologist Lorry Leigh Belhumeur’s talk titled “Super Resilient Strategies For The Next Generation” at TEDxStGeorgeStudio 2024 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Myth of Childhood Resilience
You know how people say kids are resilient, they’re tough and they’ll bounce back from anything? In reality, most children who face adversity don’t just get over it. Resilience, the ability to adapt and recover in healthy ways, is not something we’re born with. It’s a skill we learn and can strengthen with specific strategies.
Today, I’ll share three strategies with you that you can use right away to cultivate resilience in the lives of the young people in your life. These strategies can be life-saving and life-enhancing. They’re the CPR of mental well-being. C stands for connection, P for possibilities, and R for reframe.
Personal Experience with Adversity
As a psychologist, educator, and CEO of a large non-profit children’s mental health services organization, I’ve taught these strategies to college and high school students, to teachers and counselors and parents and people of all walks of life. I’ve applied them to my own journey of building resilience and it fuels my passion for helping others, knowing the positive impact they make.
By the time I got to college, my mother had been married five times. I was sexually abused by my adoptive dad and a neighbor. And I went to school with bruises from my shoulders to my knees. And home was not a safe place. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my tough circumstances are called adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs.
Understanding Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
These are ten specific ACEs that children might face before turning the age of 18. Physical, sexual, emotional abuse. Physical, emotional neglect. Having household challenges like living with a parent with mental illness or a substance use disorder. A sudden loss of a relative due to divorce or being in jail or domestic violence in the home. The maximum ACE score a person can get is 10. One for each. I scored 8.
The foundational ACE study shows, among other scientific findings, a direct correlation between having adverse childhood experiences and poor health and mental health disorders. My childhood was not unique. ACEs are common. The original ACE study showed that over 60% of adults had at least one adverse childhood experience, or ACEs. 20% had three or more. Those that had four or more were over 400% more likely to experience depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder. And 1,200% more likely to attempt suicide.
The Youth Mental Health Crisis
I’m particularly interested in the link between the exposure to ACEs and the risk of developing depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal intent. The U.S. Surgeon General confirmed that we now face a youth mental health crisis in our nation. The CDC and other national surveys indicate that 30% of high school students and 50% of female students feel persistently sad and hopeless. And ACEs are a key contributing factor.
Without intervention, without resilient strategies, many young people are at risk for developing mental health conditions. We all want our kids to thrive. The good news is that we can do something about it. Imagine, what if we could help the young people in our lives become super resilient? Imagine, what if there was something we could do today, right now? Would you do it?
The Importance of Early Intervention
At our Children’s Mental Health Services Organization, we screen for ACEs. And the majority of kids that come through our doors have at least one, and 35% have four or more. And since they are exposed to ACEs, we know the risk. And we know that when we are preventive versus reactive, when we intervene early, kids can and do respond positively and learn new skills. And this shifts the trajectory of their lives. They can greatly increase self-esteem, confidence, and mental well-being.
Kids can set a path to healthy relationships, career success, good health, and a fulfilling life. So how can we create super resilience in our amazing young people? Remember the initial CPR?
Strategy 1: Connect
The first strategy is to connect. Having positive and trusting relationships is vital, especially for young people with challenging backgrounds. When I was in my senior year, while my friends were touring and applying to colleges, I wasn’t. I didn’t think college was possible for me with all the things that were going on. And my Spanish teacher, Mrs. Camp, we had a connection. And she believed in me, and she saw my strengths. And she took me aside one day, and she said, “Lori, you’re going to college.” And that simple sentence set me on a new path.
She helped me with my college applications, and I still credit her for being a part of my resilience journey. You can be like Mrs. Camp to the young people in your life. You can be the positive connection. And I bet you already are. And the next time you’re with a young person and connect, notice them. Really notice them. Be the caring, dependable adult who believes in them and sees their strengths. And even better, look for one supportive action that you can take to set them on a new path. Even one tangible step of assistance can change the rest of their lives.
Strategy 2: Possibilities
The second P, the second strategy, is possibilities. Being able to consider possibilities means imagining a future where success is the only option. And having something to look forward to gives young people direction and purpose. Recently, I asked a group of ninth graders my favorite question, “What makes your heart sing?” And I encouraged them to consider a future full of possibilities, set a goal doing what they love.
And Max, he wanted to be a champion on his wrestling team, and he mapped out specific steps to make it happen, and which one to take first, and he committed to moving forward toward that goal. Carla wanted to be a famous singer, but couldn’t imagine her best first step.