TRANSCRIPT: Stop Being Kind To Everyone – Billy Graham

There is a difference between loving people and allowing them to manipulate you.

When the enemy wants to destroy a person, he rarely does it through direct attack. He sends people who will take advantage of your kindness, who will drain you emotionally, spiritually, and even financially. He sends people who will play the role of a friend, but their only goal is to benefit from your generosity. This is why discernment is necessary. You are called to love, but you are not called to be blind. You are called to be compassionate, but you are not called to be a doormat. You are called to help others, but you are not called to enable irresponsibility.

Jesus told his disciples, “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” This means that while we should have pure hearts, we should also have sharp minds. We should be kind, but not gullible. We should be loving, but not foolish.

The Power of Saying No

There are times when saying no is the most loving thing you can do. There are times when walking away from a toxic relationship is the most godly decision you can make. There are times when withholding your kindness from someone who refuses to change is an act of wisdom, not cruelty. Some people do not want help. They want control. Some people do not seek friendship. They seek advantage. Some people do not appreciate your kindness. They expect it. And if you continue to give it without discernment, you will find yourself empty, drained, and distant from God’s purpose for your life.

Jesus did not heal everyone. He did not answer every question. He did not give everyone what they wanted. He gave what was needed, when it was needed, and to those whose hearts were open to receive. Look at your own life. Are there people who only call you when they need something? Are there relationships where you are always giving, always sacrificing, always pouring out, but receiving nothing in return? Are you constantly saying yes, even when your heart tells you to say no? This is not what God wants for you.

True kindness is rooted in wisdom. True love operates within boundaries. And true discernment allows you to see beyond words and into the intentions of the heart.

Fulfilling Your God-Given Calling

God has given you a calling. He has given you an assignment. But if you spend your time trying to please everyone, trying to be available to everyone, trying to meet every need that is placed before you, you will never fulfill what He has planned for your life. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is walk away. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is say no. Sometimes the most godly thing you can do is set a boundary and stand firm in it.

The world will tell you that love means never turning anyone away. But God’s word tells you to guard your heart. The world will tell you that kindness means giving to everyone who asks. But God’s word tells you to be a good steward of your time, your resources, and your energy. The world will tell you that being a good person means sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of others. But God’s word tells you that even Jesus withdrew from the crowds to pray, to rest, and to be alone with the Father.

If Jesus set boundaries, why shouldn’t you? If Jesus walked away from people who only wanted to use Him, why shouldn’t you? If Jesus knew when to speak and when to be silent, when to give and when to withhold, when to heal and when to let go, why shouldn’t you? Kindness is godly, but discernment is necessary.

Jesus: The Perfect Example of Love and Boundaries

Jesus walked this earth as the perfect example of love, grace, and kindness. He healed the sick, fed the hungry, and welcomed those whom society had rejected. His heart was filled with compassion for the lost and the broken, and He demonstrated love in a way that no one had ever seen before. But while Jesus was kind, He was not passive. While He was merciful, He was not weak. While He gave freely, He also set boundaries.

Many people think that kindness means always saying yes, always being available, and never turning anyone away. But Jesus did not live that way. He was fully committed to His mission, and He did not allow the demands of people to distract Him from the purpose His Father had given Him. There were times when He withdrew from the crowds, times when He refused to perform miracles on demand, and times when He confronted people with the truth, even when it offended them. His kindness was not driven by the approval of men, but by the will of God.

Setting Boundaries for Rest and Prayer

The Gospels tell us that large crowds followed Jesus wherever He went. They came to Him with their needs, their illnesses, their desires for miracles. But despite the pressing crowds, Jesus often stepped away. He withdrew to lonely places to pray. He took time to be alone with His Father. He did not allow the expectations of people to control His schedule. He knew that His strength came from communion with God, and He prioritized that above anything else. If Jesus, the Son of God, needed to set boundaries for rest and prayer, how much more do we?

There were also times when Jesus refused to engage with those who had hardened hearts. The Pharisees often tried to trap Him with their questions, twisting His words in an attempt to discredit Him. But Jesus did not entertain their deceit. He answered when He chose to, and remained silent when He knew their motives were impure. He did not waste time arguing with those who had no desire for the truth. His kindness did not mean He tolerated manipulation, or allowed others to dictate His mission.

Jesus’ Interactions: Examples of Setting Boundaries

One of the most powerful examples of Jesus setting boundaries was in His interactions with those who followed Him. When a rich young ruler came to Jesus, eager to gain eternal life, Jesus told him to sell his possessions and follow Him. The young man walked away sorrowful because he was unwilling to let go of his wealth. Jesus did not chase after him. He did not lower the standard. He did not try to convince him to stay. Jesus extended the invitation, but when the man rejected it, He let him go.

Jesus also set boundaries with those closest to Him. When Peter, one of His own disciples, tried to rebuke Him and discourage Him from going to the cross, Jesus responded firmly, “Get behind me, Satan!” He recognized that even those who loved Him could sometimes be used to distract Him from His purpose. He did not allow emotional ties to pull Him away from His calling.

Another example is when Jesus visited His hometown of Nazareth. The people there were skeptical of Him. They had grown up with Him and could not accept that He was the Messiah. Because of their unbelief, Jesus did not perform many miracles there. He did not force Himself upon those who refused to believe. He moved on to other places where people’s hearts were open. His kindness did not mean staying where He was not welcome.

Even in His ultimate sacrifice, Jesus demonstrated boundaries. As He stood before Pilate, falsely accused and mocked, He did not defend Himself. He remained silent, choosing to submit to the will of His Father rather than the demands of the crowd. He knew His purpose, and He did not allow others to dictate how He should fulfill it. His kindness was never a weakness. It was power under control.

The Importance of Boundaries in Kindness

Too often, people mistake kindness for endless availability. They believe that to be a good person means never saying no, never turning anyone away, never walking away from unhealthy situations. But Jesus shows us a different example. He loved people, but He did not allow their expectations to control Him. He healed many, but He did not heal everyone. He spoke the truth, but He did not force anyone to accept it.

If Jesus set boundaries, why shouldn’t we? If He knew when to walk away, when to be silent, and when to say no, shouldn’t we follow His example? Kindness is the reflection of God’s love, but it must be guided by wisdom. Jesus was kind, but He set boundaries.

The Need for Discernment

Not everyone who smiles at you has your best interest at heart. Not everyone who offers a helping hand does so out of love. The world is filled with people whose intentions are not pure, whose words do not match their hearts, and whose actions are driven by selfish desires. This is why discernment is necessary. The Bible warns us time and time again to be vigilant, to be wise, to test the spirits, and to guard our hearts against deception.

Even Jesus, who was full of love and compassion, did not entrust Himself to everyone. The Gospel of John tells us that many people believed in Him because of the miracles He performed, but Jesus did not commit Himself to them because He knew what was in their hearts. He understood that some followed Him for the wrong reasons. Some wanted to use Him for their own gain. Some only sought His power, but had no desire for true transformation.

Recognizing Hidden Intentions

There were those who pretended to be with Him, but were actually against Him. Judas Iscariot walked with Jesus, listened to His teachings, and even sat at His table. Yet in the end, he betrayed Him for thirty pieces of silver. Judas looked like a disciple, acted like a disciple, but his heart was far from God. He followed Jesus, but his intentions were never pure. He sought personal gain rather than true devotion.

The Pharisees, the religious leaders of the time, spoke eloquent words about God, but their hearts were filled with pride and hypocrisy. They put on a display of righteousness, yet behind their religious appearance was a desire for control and power. They plotted against Jesus, not because He did wrong, but because He threatened their position. They pretended to seek truth, but in reality they were looking for ways to trap Him.

Throughout Scripture, we see examples of people whose intentions were not what they appeared to be. Delilah spoke words of love to Samson, but her heart was set on betraying him. She gained his trust only to deliver him into the hands of his enemies. Her kindness was a disguise, her affection a tool for manipulation.

Not everyone who speaks softly has a soft heart. Not everyone who draws near does so with good motives.

The Danger of Deception

Even among those who seem to be doing good, there can be deception. Jesus warned about wolves in sheep’s clothing, those who appear harmless, but are dangerous at their core. They come with flattering words. They make promises. They appear kind and helpful, but their true intentions are hidden. They seek to take advantage, to deceive, to control. And if we are not careful, if we do not seek wisdom, we may fall into their trap.

The world is full of people who pretend to be something they are not. Some will smile to your face, but speak against you behind your back. Some will offer friendship, not because they care for you, but because they can benefit from you. Some will claim to love you, but only as long as they can use you. And the greatest danger is that without discernment we may not see them for who they truly are until it is too late.

This is why Jesus told his followers to be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” He did not call us to be naive. He did not tell us to trust blindly. He called us to love, but he also called us to be watchful.

The Balance of Kindness and Discernment

He called us to be kind, but he also called us to be discerning. Love does not mean allowing ourselves to be deceived. Kindness does not mean tolerating manipulation. Many have been hurt, not because they lacked love, but because they lacked wisdom. They gave their trust too easily. They ignored the warnings. They assumed that everyone had the same heart as they did. But not everyone has good intentions. Some people enter your life only to take, to drain, to manipulate. And when they have gotten what they want, they leave. Some build relationships only for personal gain. Some speak of loyalty, but have no intention of staying when things become difficult.

Even in churches, even in families, even among those who claim to walk with God, there are people whose hearts are not right. Some preach not for the glory of God, but for the applause of men. Some give, not out of love, but to be seen. Some claim to follow Christ, but their actions reveal otherwise. God does not call us to live in fear, but he does call us to walk in wisdom. We must pray for discernment. We must ask for eyes to see beyond the surface. We must be led by the Spirit, so that we do not fall into the traps of those who do not have our best interests at heart.

Discerning True Intentions

Not everyone who comes into your life is sent by God. Some are sent as distractions. Some are sent as tests. Some are sent by the enemy himself to pull you away from your purpose. Jesus knew who was truly for him and who was against him. Even when they disguised themselves, he never allowed the deception of others to interfere with his mission. He did not give himself to those whose hearts were not right. He loved all, but he was not blind to the reality of human nature. If he, in his perfection, exercised such wisdom, how much more do we need to?

The Trap of People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is a trap that many fall into, often without realizing it. It starts with good intentions, a desire to be kind, to be helpful, to avoid conflict. But over time it becomes a burden that robs a person of peace, joy, and purpose. The need to be liked, to be accepted, and to keep everyone happy can slowly take control, leading to a life that is dictated by the opinions and expectations of others, rather than by the will of God. The Bible warns against the fear of man, saying that it is a snare.

When a person lives to please people, they become trapped in a cycle of approval-seeking. Every decision is weighed against how others will react. Every word is filtered through the fear of offending. Every action is shaped by a deep desire to be accepted. Instead of living freely, they become slaves to the expectations of those around them. Instead of following God wholeheartedly, they hesitate, worried about how others will perceive them.

Jesus’ Example of Truth Over Pleasing

Even Jesus, who was full of grace and truth, did not seek to please everyone. He spoke the truth boldly, even when it offended the religious leaders. He performed miracles, not to gain popularity, but to reveal the power of God. He did not change his message to make it more acceptable to the crowds. In fact, when many found his words too hard to accept and walked away, he did not run after them or try to soften his teaching. He remained faithful to his mission, regardless of who approved or disapproved.

People-pleasers, however, live in fear of rejection. They avoid saying no, because they don’t want to disappoint. They agree to things they don’t have time for, just to keep others happy. They stay silent when they should speak, fearing they might offend. They overextend themselves, constantly giving, constantly serving, constantly saying yes, even when they are exhausted and overwhelmed. And in doing so, they lose themselves. Their own needs, their own convictions, their own purposes become secondary to the demands of others.

The Dangers of Compromise

One of the greatest dangers of people-pleasing is that it leads to compromise. When a person is more concerned with making others happy than with obeying God, they begin to make small concessions. They allow things they once stood firmly against. They bend their values to fit in. They tolerate sin to avoid conflict. They water down the truth to avoid offending. Over time, they drift further and further from what is right, all because they are afraid of what others will think.

The religious leaders in Jesus’ time were more concerned about the opinions of men than about the truth. The Bible says that many of them believed in Jesus, but would not confess it openly, because they feared being put out of the synagogue. They valued the praise of people more than the approval of God. They knew the truth, but their need for acceptance kept them silent. This is what happens when people-pleasing takes control. It silences truth. It weakens conviction. It makes a person more concerned with their reputation than with their relationship with God.

The Path to Resentment

Another danger of people-pleasing is that it leads to resentment. A person who constantly tries to keep everyone happy will eventually realize that it is impossible. No matter how much they give, no matter how much they do, there will always be someone who is dissatisfied, and over time, bitterness begins to grow. They feel unappreciated, taken for granted, used. They become weary from carrying burdens they were never meant to carry. What started as kindness turns into exhaustion. What started as love turns into frustration.

The Call to Obedience, Not People-Pleasing

Jesus never called his followers to be people-pleasers. He called them to be obedient. He called them to take up their cross and follow him, even if it meant losing the approval of the world. He warned that following him would bring opposition, that some would reject them, that they would face criticism and persecution. But he also promised that those who seek first the kingdom of God will find true fulfillment, true joy, and true peace.

Living for the approval of people is a never-ending cycle. One day they applaud you, the next they criticize you. One moment they love you, the next they turn their backs on you. People’s opinions change, but God remains the same. When a person chooses to live for God instead of for others, they find freedom. They no longer feel the pressure to meet everyone’s expectations. They no longer carry the weight of trying to be everything to everyone. They can walk in peace, knowing that their worth is not found in what others think, but in what God says.

The danger of people-pleasing is that it pulls a person away from their true calling. It keeps them trapped in fear, distracted by the opinions of others, and exhausted from trying to meet impossible expectations. But God did not create his people to live for the approval of men. He created them to live for him.

Wisdom and Innocence: A Divine Balance

When Jesus sent his disciples out into the world, he gave them a warning and a command. “Behold, I send you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” These words were not spoken lightly. They were a call to both wisdom and purity, to both discernment and righteousness. Jesus knew that the world would not always be kind, that his followers would face deception, opposition, and even persecution. He did not tell them to be naive, nor did he tell them to be harsh. He called them to a balance, a life of spiritual sharpness and moral purity.

To be wise as serpents means to be discerning. A serpent does not move recklessly. It is careful, observant, and strategic. It does not waste energy on unnecessary fights, but knows when to strike and when to remain still. Jesus was calling his disciples to move through the world with that same level of awareness. He knew that there would be people who sought to deceive them, who would try to twist their words, who would pretend to be friends but were actually enemies. He was warning them not to trust blindly, not to walk into danger without thought, not to be easily manipulated.

Wisdom means understanding the reality of human nature. Not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone speaks the truth. There are those who disguise themselves as helpers, but have selfish motives. There are those who claim to seek righteousness, but are driven by pride and power. The Pharisees in Jesus’ time were an example of this. They wore the robes of religious leaders, they spoke the words of Scripture, but their hearts were full of hypocrisy. They sought to trap Jesus, to twist his words to find any reason to condemn him. Yet Jesus saw through them. He never fell into their traps, because he carried the wisdom of heaven.

The Importance of Discernment

The Bible is filled with warnings about deception. Proverbs tells us that fools believe everything they hear. But the wise examine things carefully. Paul warns in his letters that Satan disguises himself as an angel of light, meaning that not everything that appears good is from God. Many people have been led astray because they lack discernment. They followed charismatic leaders who spoke eloquently, but led them away from truth. They trusted those who seemed kind, but later revealed selfish, harmful intentions.

Jesus knew this would happen, which is why he commanded his disciples to be wise. But wisdom alone is not enough. That is why Jesus also said to be innocent as doves. A dove represents purity, sincerity, and a heart that remains undefiled. Some, when they learn of the evil in the world, respond with bitterness. They become hardened, suspicious of everyone, unwilling to trust or love. But Jesus did not call his followers to be cold or cynical. He did not tell them to respond to deception with deception, or to meet evil with more evil. He called them to remain pure, to walk in righteousness, to keep their hearts free from corruption.

A dove does not seek revenge. It does not scheme or manipulate. It moves gently, bringing peace wherever it goes. Jesus was telling his followers that even as they walked in wisdom, they must never lose their innocence. They must never become so cautious that they lose their compassion. Never become so discerning that they stop loving. Never become so aware of evil that they allow it to take root in their own hearts.

Living in the Tension

To be wise as serpents and innocent as doves is to live in the tension between shrewdness and sincerity. It means knowing when to speak and when to stay silent. It means recognizing deception without becoming deceitful. It means standing firm in truth without becoming arrogant. Jesus lived this balance perfectly. He saw the schemes of his enemies, yet he did not respond with hatred. He knew the hearts of men, yet he still loved them. He faced betrayal, yet he did not allow bitterness to take hold.

The world is full of both wolves and lost sheep. There are those who will seek to harm and there are those who simply do not know the truth. Wisdom allows a believer to see the difference, to know when to engage and when to walk away. Innocence allows them to love, to serve, to extend grace even in a world that does not always return it. This is the calling of every believer, to walk in wisdom without losing purity, to see the world clearly without letting it corrupt the heart, to be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves.

The Cost of Truth

Truth has never been popular. From the beginning of time, men have rejected it, twisted it, and tried to silence those who speak it. The prophets of old were ridiculed, beaten, and even killed for declaring God’s word. Jesus himself, who was the very embodiment of truth, was mocked, despised, and crucified. The apostles faced imprisonment, rejection, and suffering, not because they did evil, but because they refused to compromise the message God had given them.

Standing for the truth has a cost, it always has. The world does not love truth because truth exposes sin. Truth shines a light on darkness and those who love darkness will fight to keep it hidden. When Jesus spoke, the crowds marveled at his wisdom, but many also grew angry. When he confronted the religious leaders, they plotted against him. When he declared that he was the only way to the Father, many walked away. He could have softened his message, changed his words to make them more acceptable, but he did not. He spoke the truth, even when it offended.

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The Unwavering Nature of Truth

Many today are afraid to stand firm in the truth because they fear rejection. They fear losing friendships, opportunities, status, or comfort. The pressure to conform is strong. The world demands that truth be reshaped, that it be softened to fit cultural trends, that it be adjusted so that no one feels uncomfortable. But truth does not change to accommodate feelings. Truth does not bend to fit the shifting morals of society. What was true in the days of Jesus is still true today, and it will be true for eternity.

The Bible warns that in the last days people will not endure sound doctrine. They will gather teachers who say what they want to hear, who tell them they can live however they please and still be right with God. They will reject correction, despise rebuke, and mock those who hold fast to righteousness.

But God has not called his people to be silent. He has not called them to blend in, to dilute his word, or to seek approval from the world. He has called them to stand firm.

Standing Firm in Truth

Standing firm means speaking truth, even when it is unpopular. It means refusing to compromise, even when it costs something. It means being more concerned with God’s approval than with the opinions of men. Jesus said that whoever is ashamed of him and his words, he will be ashamed when he returns in glory. Those who belong to him cannot afford to shrink back. They cannot afford to stay silent when the world distorts God’s word.

There will always be opposition to truth. Noah preached righteousness, but the world ignored him until it was too late. Jeremiah was thrown into a pit for warning Israel to repent. John the Baptist was beheaded for speaking against sin. Paul was imprisoned, beaten, and ultimately killed because he refused to stop preaching the gospel. None of them compromised. None of them changed their message to avoid offense. They spoke what God commanded, no matter the cost.

Jesus promised that his followers would face persecution for standing on the truth. He said they would be hated, ridiculed, and excluded. But he also promised that those who endure will be rewarded. The approval of men is fleeting. The praise of the world is empty. But the reward of standing firm in God’s truth lasts forever.

The Cost of Standing for Truth

Those who stand for truth must be prepared to be misunderstood. They will be called intolerant, unloving, or narrow-minded. The world will try to silence them, shame them, or pressure them into compromise. But their calling is not to please the world. It is to please God. They must not allow fear to keep them quiet. They must not allow opposition to shake them.

Truth is not determined by how many people accept it. It is not weakened by rejection. It remains unchanging, unwavering, eternal.

Compromise may bring temporary peace, but it leads to spiritual destruction. Silence may avoid conflict, but it allows darkness to spread unchecked. Those who love God must love truth, and those who love truth must be willing to stand for it, even when it offends.

The Balance of Compassion and Wisdom

Compassion is a gift from God, a reflection of his own heart. He is full of mercy, slow to anger, and rich in love. He calls his people to care for the broken, to help the hurting, to love the unlovable. But just as God is compassionate, he is also wise, and he calls his people to be the same.

Compassion that is not directed by God can lead to exhaustion, manipulation, and even enabling sin. True compassion is not just about feeling deeply. It is about being led by the Spirit in how and when to act.

Jesus was moved with compassion many times. He saw the sick and healed them. He saw the hungry and fed them. He saw the lost and called them to repentance. But he did not heal every sick person in Israel. He did not respond to every request in the way people expected. When the rich young ruler came to him, Jesus loved him, but he did not chase after him when he walked away. When the crowd sought him after he fed them, hoping for more bread, he did not perform another miracle to satisfy them. He pointed them to the truth.

Jesus’ compassion was always directed by the will of the Father.

The Danger of Misguided Compassion

There is a danger in allowing human emotion alone to guide acts of compassion. Feelings are powerful, but they are not always wise. It is possible to give so much that one becomes drained and has nothing left to give. It is possible to try to help someone only to find that they take advantage of kindness without ever changing. It is possible to carry burdens that God never intended for one to carry.

This is why compassion must be directed by God, because only he sees the full picture. There are times when God calls his people to step in, to give, to serve, to sacrifice. But there are also times when he calls them to step back, to say no, to allow consequences to take their course.

The prodigal son’s father loved him deeply, but he did not chase after him when he left. He did not try to stop him from experiencing the hardship of his choices. He waited. He trusted that God would work in his son’s heart, and when the son finally came to his senses, he returned home truly changed.

The Importance of Self-Care in Compassion

Some people are drawn to helping others to the point that they neglect their own well-being. They feel guilty for saying no. They pour themselves out until they are empty, thinking that this is what love requires. But even Jesus took time to rest. Even he withdrew from the crowds to pray and be refreshed. He was not driven by the demands of people. He was led by the Father. He knew when to give and when to step away.

There is also a difference between helping and enabling. Some people do not want a change. They seek help, but not responsibility. They want rescue, but not repentance. They take and take, but never grow. When compassion is not directed by God, it can turn into enabling behavior, prolonging someone’s struggle instead of allowing them to face the reality that will bring true transformation.

Jesus helped those who were willing to receive truth, but he did not force change upon those who rejected it. God calls his people to be generous, but he also calls them to be wise stewards. He calls them to love, but also to discern.

The Power of God-Directed Compassion

Compassion is powerful when it is aligned with his will. It brings healing, restoration, and true help. But misplaced compassion can drain, deceive, and distract from the true work God wants to do. The greatest act of compassion was Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But even in that, he did not force salvation upon anyone. He offered it freely, and those who chose to receive it were changed forever.

In the same way, believers must let God direct their compassion, giving where he leads, stepping back when he says to, and trusting that his wisdom is greater than human understanding.

Conclusion: Compassion Guided by Divine Wisdom

God calls his people to be compassionate, but he also calls them to be wise. True compassion is not just an emotional response, it is a divine calling, directed by his wisdom and led by his Spirit. Jesus demonstrated perfect compassion, showing mercy to the broken while never compromising truth. He knew when to give, when to heal, when to step in, and when to step back. He did not allow the demands of people to dictate his actions. He allowed the will of the Father to guide him.

When compassion is directed by God, it leads to true restoration and healing. It strengthens rather than drains, uplifts rather than enables and reflects the heart of Christ. But when compassion is driven only by human emotion, it can lead to exhaustion, manipulation, and misplaced priorities.

There is a time to help and a time to let go. There is a time to give and a time to wait. There is a time to speak and a time to be silent. God does not call his people to carry burdens he never placed on them. He calls them to trust him, to seek his wisdom, and to allow him to direct their love and care for others.

When compassion is aligned with God’s will, it is powerful. It brings real change, lasting impact, and eternal significance.

His people are called to love as he loves, to serve as he serves, and to trust that his ways are higher than their own.

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