Here is the full transcript of addictions counselor Steve Gill’s talk titled “Addiction – Don’t Let The Bear Catch You” at TEDxStanleyPark 2017 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Nature of Addiction
Addiction affects millions and exists globally in many forms, from mildly self-destructive to severely detrimental to oneself, your loved ones, and to society. There is a recognizable pattern to the spiral of addiction, and through simple yet powerful actions, we can end addiction. I recovered from addiction, and today I’m an addictions counselor. When I think of my own journey, and where I ended up, and where it all started, I remember being six years old, growing up in a small town outside of Vancouver.
I’m with my sister Nina, and we’re in our parents’ kitchen. I smell fresh-baked cookies. “Nina, go stand over there. If you see mom coming, sneeze, ‘ha-choo’.” With Nina in place, I’m climbing on top of the kitchen counter. I’m opening the cupboard. There it is, the cookie jar. I grab the cookies.
They smell so delicious. I’m thinking, “Yes, success. I got away with it.” That adrenaline rush is exactly what people feel as they’re moving into addiction.
The Early Stages of Addiction
Also, a couple other things to remember. You always have a choice. Nina and I, we stole those cookies together. However, she didn’t spiral to self-destruction like I did. I chose another path. A couple other things to know. The early stages of addiction can start off feeling completely harmless. Taking a few cookies seems harmless, right?
It can be the same for you. For you, maybe you can’t stop checking your phone to see who’s messaging you. A new update on Facebook. A new like on Instagram. Even as I’m actually saying this, some of you are checking your phones. I can see. Harmless until you can’t help yourself even when you’re driving. For you, maybe you’re shopping until your credit card is maxed out. You can’t focus at work because you’re looking for the next great online deal. Harmless until you’re drowning in debt.
My Personal Journey
That rush of stealing a few cookies escalated for me when I turned to alcohol. Growing up, I was often sick with asthma and allergies, and I spoke with this stutter. I always felt that I didn’t fit in or belong, that I was on the outside. And in grade nine, I started drinking alcohol. And alcohol became the solution, and finally, I felt like I was a part of something, that I belonged, and I would drink during lunchtime.
One particular lunchtime sticks out for me. I was buzzed walking into French class. But this time, it was different because I was full of courage. I felt like the man because I was going to speak to the prettiest girl in school. So I took a seat behind her, and as I sat down, the room started to spin. What happened next was not part of the plan. Projectile vomit all over her hair. Needless to say, we never ended up dating. And I can laugh at that now.
But looking back, it was my guilty secret. And my guilt turned to shame when the whole school found out. I didn’t realize or understand it then that that really was my downward spiral into addiction.
The Spiral of Shame
For you, you may feel guilty for a harmless little secret, and then it turns into shame when you begin to hurt others. You may feel guilty for looking at pornography, and then shame when your partner finds out and you lose trust and connection in your relationship. You may feel guilty for losing a hundred bucks playing blackjack or poker, and then shame when your family learns you gambled away the mortgage payment. The point is, if you don’t stop self-destructive behaviors, that shame leads to an identity shift. You become an addict.
My secret was out. I felt that shame. I didn’t stop. I brought my family into my pain. My shame led me to experiment with harder drugs, to lie, rob, steal, and cheat, even from my own loved ones. And over time, my consequences turned to losses, leading to low self-esteem and low self-worth. I believed I was a loser, a failure, that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. I believed I was an addict, and that was all I was ever going to be.
Those were my limiting beliefs. My addiction robbed me of having any purpose in life. That is the power of addiction. In a simple definition, addiction is a lack of meaning in one’s life, a distraction from your life’s purpose.
The Path to Recovery
And just like you have a choice to spiral downward, you can choose recovery. At 21, I was an addict. My parents gave me an ultimatum, treatment or move out. I chose treatment. I was ashamed, confused, and really scared. And that’s when I met this older Italian fella, and he had this well-groomed goatee, and he spoke with this heavy accent. And one morning, he came into the classroom, and he shared his own story, that in his own addiction, he hired someone to kill his brother. His words hit me, they moved me.
He was my first counselor, and he did two big things for me. He taught me daily practices to maintain my recovery, which I’ll share with you in a moment. And he also helped me connect to my life’s purpose. Years later, I went to school, and I earned my counseling diploma, and I took a course on addictions. And in that addictions course, I finished with 99.5%. And well, of course I did, right? I had some personal experience, like hands-on experience.
Challenges in Addiction Counseling
I started working at a treatment center, where I experienced many successes and failures as well. You see, I wasn’t quite satisfied, because the success rate for someone to achieve one year of recovery is less than 2%. And two years into my counseling career, I hit a dark period.