Full text of The Power of Seduction in Our Everyday Lives by Chen Lizra @ TEDxVancouver conference.
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Man: I’m just going to be in the green room in the back if you really want to talk about some, after you’re done.
Chen Lizra: Just give me the clicker.
Man: Okay. Got your clicker here. Thank you.
Chen Lizra – Business Consultant, Entrepreneur
I guess you don’t need coffee now, do you?
My name is Chen Lizra. I’m a dancer, author and an entrepreneur. I started my talk with a seductive dance because I want you to first feel the seduction, to get you — kind of — to gut level.
I’m fascinated with seduction, but not just with the dance and the movements, but also with how you can bring it in a practical way into day-to-day life.
Since 2005, I’ve been travelling back and forth to Cuba in order to train with the best professional dancers. This is when I first started seeing seduction as a valuable life skill.
I’m so fascinated with seduction, but mostly because it’s such a playful fun thing. I truly believe that everyone has the power to seduce in them, we just need to unleash it. And I also believe that we need to develop this skill from a very young age, so it can help us become a lot more successful in life.
So let’s examine seduction for a second, and let’s take a look at our perception of seduction, what it all means.
When we first hear the word seduction, we have a lot of misconceptions. The word has been sexualized so many times that we can’t even imagine it as a positive skill set. We typically associate seduction with something negative, because we consider it the less honest or acceptable form of influence.
People who are easily seduced to some degree feel manipulated into the situation. When we think of gender roles, it’s not even a question that men are permitted a lot more freedom than women to seduce. And when we think of work and seduction, we merely go to sleeping your way to the top and being unprofessional.
You know how people say, some people say that money’s bad, but the money itself is not bad, right? It comes down to money gives you power, and power can be used for good and for bad; it comes down to who you are inside.
Seduction is exactly the same, it comes down to your DNA and what you choose to do with it. I choose to make seduction classy, and to add to it my sense of loyalty and integrity.
Seduction is really about your untapped power that you’re not using, that you want to unleash. Would we tell superman not to stop a bullet? Or a doctor not to save a life? But, of course, not.
Seduction is about charm, connection, vulnerability, pride, self-confidence and appeal. I’m one of those lucky ones, that gets to go to Cuba all the time. And I’ve been observing this culture for a very long time, seeing how aware they seem to be of their seductive powers. You can say that in many ways, Cuba has been like a seduction laboratory for me, where I get to study seduction and understand how they use it better.
But it’s not like Cubans are the only people in the world that understand how to use seduction, right? You can experience it in other countries in the world: in Israel, in Brazil and the Dominicans and many other countries. And yet in Cuba I found a combination of things, a very unique combination of things, that I haven’t found it anywhere else in the world, and I’ll speak about some of them today.
And you’ll probably agree with me when I’ll say that the chances of finding this kind of seduction out in the open in North America is pretty close to slim, right? I truly believe that we can learn a valuable life lesson from Cubans about life and seduction.
And having said that, if we were to try and take seduction and break it into some kind of a formula, what would that look like?
One: Desire — start taking notes. Desire means knowing what you want and then having the willingness to go after it. In Cuba, rumba is the game of seduction between the man and the woman. The woman is the flirty hen and the guy is the seductive rooster. The woman uses her body to seduce the men to say, “Want it? Come and get it.”
The guy on the other hand will use his body to demonstrate his masculinity. He’ll try to decoy her. Boom! Launching an attack. He’s trying to pecker her and get her pregnant. She’ll notice the attack, she’ll block it, she’ll mock him for not succeeding, and she’ll go, “Didn’t make it. Try again.”
Cubans interact on the streets everyday, as if they’re playing the game of rumba. They keep a tension, a sexy tension, always alive. It’s like, you could almost have it, but not. But if you only tried, then maybe.
Keeping the “maybe” alive is the skill of presenting potential possibilities and then fuelling them with desire. It’s about learning where the emotional buttons are, and then triggering them. When there is real desire, even if it’s hidden, it’s possible to lure it out. But you really got to get what the other person is missing, and then give it to them. And when it’s done right, it’s virtually impossible to say “no” to.
Number two: Confidence.
Strong self-confidence is essential for seduction. Without it you can’t go after what you want. Our self-image is formed at a very young age and is deeply affected by our environment. Cubans praise their kids from a very young age to feel confident and stunning in their own bodies, because they recognize this is a very valuable life skill. You’ll see them at the pool, at the hotel, the music is like blasting, they’re grinding to the music, and the little ones are grinding right beside them, and they’ll turn to them and say, “Que lindo!” or “Que linda eres!” — “You’re so beautiful!”