Everything You Know About Composting is Wrong by Mike McGrath (Transcript)

Mike McGrath at TEDxPhoenixville

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Was it Chekhov [Anton Chekhov] who said that if you bring a leaf blower on stage in the first act you have to use it by the third act?

The timing for this event is so appropriate. We’re here in the fall, and I’m going to talk to you about composting.

A lot of people schedule composting talks in the spring. A lot of people start composting in the spring. They buy a compost bin, and along with the bin comes detailed instructions which are about the size of a index card, and it says on one side: “Things you can include: grass clippings, leaves, kitchen waste, old newspapers, your junk mail.”

On the other side, it’s things you should not include: “Dog and cat feces, old car batteries, people who need to go for a ride behind the Philadelphia Airport and get to know the fishes in the marshes better. Don’t compose them.”

And so well meaning people will get a compose bin in the spring, and will fill it with their kitchen garbage. It says, it’s right there, on front of the card. You can compost your kitchen garbage. So they fill the composter with kitchen garbage, and they’re very happy with themselves. Al Gore is somewhere giving them gold stars.

And they’re waiting, and they’re waiting, and at the end of the season they take the composter off, and they have a big pile of kitchen garbage. It has not improved in quality, in any way, over the summer, and that’s the big lie of composting. People come to composting to get karma points. They want to stop throwing away their kitchen garbage, and you can stop throwing away your kitchen garbage.

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But composting is an imitation of nature and nature does not make big piles of trash, and garbage out in the woods, and neither should you. So this is the perfect time of year to start composting.

Thanks to our trees. If anything will save us, it’s trees. Trees are the original solar panels. Every year, every season, the roots of trees reach down deeper into the ground than they went the year before, pulling up nutrients, pulling up trace minerals, which the roots couldn’t reach the year before. They send them up to the canopy, where the leaves that contain these nutrients are super charged by photosynthesis.

Doubling and tripling the nutritional content, and then, because nature realizes that we’re a little slow, at the end of the summer, drops the leaves down at our feet. “Hello, look at me, here I am. I am nutrient-dense.”

So, what does the average American man do? He blows all this nutrient dense material onto his neighbor’s driveway.

The neighbor comes out, and he blows the leaves back onto the other neighbor’s driveway.

Now this is not meaningless, this is not wasted time. Here we have two American men who are being occupied, who otherwise might get into real serious mischief.

But eventually, even an America man is going to realize, “Harry and I have been blowing these leaves around for three months and they’re still on the ground.”

So that’s when the American man digs out the rake and then he goes to the hardware store, or Home Depot, and buys SPBs, Stupid People Bags, which are brown paper bags, that tell your neighbors, “I’m too dumb to save my leaves. I’m paying extra to throw them out.”

So that’s the first lesson today. SPBs are like unattended pens, they’re yours. If there’s no one around to protect the pen, it belongs to you.

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