Here is the full transcript of functional nutritionist and health coach Jolene Park’s TEDx Talk: Gray Area Drinking at TEDxCrestmoorParkWomen conference.
So I still remember the exact spot on the highway where I was driving. I think I remember it so vividly because I was having one of the most important conversations that I’ve ever had with myself.
In that moment in my car, I knew in my bones, I wouldn’t drink alcohol again. So you might be thinking what was the rock bottom that brought me to that point? And the answer is … there wasn’t one!
You see, I was a gray area drinker and I drank between two extremes. I wasn’t an end stage, lose everything kind of drinker, not by a long shot. If you would have asked my friends and family if they thought I had a drinking problem they would have said, “Of course not.”
But I also wasn’t an every now and again drinker who would have a glass of champagne for example at the wedding and then not drink again for weeks. I didn’t fall into either one of those drinking categories or drinking extremes. And maybe you can identify?
As a nutritionist who has worked in corporate wellness since 2004, I functioned really well. I knew how to eat well, I worked out on a regular basis and I loved to read and study everything health and wellness. But what people didn’t know was how much I loved the “off” switch that wine provided to my “on” and often anxious brain. I loved the immediate effect that red wine delivered.
And people also didn’t see how easy and frequent it was for one glass of wine to turn into one bottle of wine. There is a commune characteristic and pattern in gray area drinking that I experience and I’ve watched many others experience as well and that’s a stopping and restarting drinking.
One time I stopped for 7 months, another time I stopped for 30 days, and other short periods in between, and then I would think to myself: “Why am I being so restrictive? I can be a social drinker.”
So I’d return to drinking only to return to a level of drinking where I regret it. This back and forth drinking marry-go-around was the exact thing that I knew I wanted to exit off for good that day in my car on the highway. And maybe you actually don’t identify with gray area drinking because not everyone will.
But here is what I know with absolute certainty: there are people in your life right now, it could be family members, close friends, colleagues, and they are worrying and wondering as they’re rethinking their drinking because they are in the gray area, but more than likely they are not talking to you about it and they are not talking to others about it because they think they are the only ones and they think they are alone.
So how do I know this? I’ve lived this for many years. The more I’ve been speaking out professionally about my gray area drinking experience the more my email inbox gets flooded with emails from attorneys and therapists, senior level managers and nurses, stay in home moms, yoga instructors, and many many others. And the words are different, but the jest of what they write me is all the same and they say, “I identify with your drinking story. I don’t have a rock bottom either, I want to be able to drink socially, but I end up regretting how much I drink on a frequent basis.” This gray area drinking spectrum is real and it’s large.
And a lot of high achieving, high functioning people who silently live here every day. But beyond gray area drinking is even something bigger and that’s a collective story of anxiety. And this I believe is where we are collectively missing the mark.
We don’t need anymore cognitive hoops to jump through and we don’t need anymore ways to focus our will-power and contort our will-power in an attempt to “fix” ourselves, what we need is practical training in how to nourish our nervous system in a revolutionary and new way. So there is many components and pieces to this, but one component and one interesting place to start can be understanding your neurotransmitters.
So let’s start with GABA. So GABA is the natural anti-anxiety neurotransmitter. When GABA is low we can feel anxious and our mind can get stuck in a loop of worry, rumination or obsession about anything. Serotonin is the natural anti-depressant neurotransmitter. When serotonin is low we can feel more depressed, unhappy, and crave things like carbs and alcohol and have trouble sleeping.
Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that’s in charge of our focus and motivation. When dopamine’s low it can be hard to stay at a course and stay on track with your goals and your routines. So people with low GABA people will often say that they drink as a way to relax. That was me. People with low serotonin will say they drink as a way to have fun, and people with low dopamine will say they drink as a way to connect and engage with others.
But here’s the problem and here is what I want to you know and take from this talk — It can be relatively easy for most people on the gray area drinking spectrum to stop drinking, but it can be hard to stay stopped, especially if we are not replenishing our neurotransmitters and nourishing our nervous system in a comprehensive and consistent way.