Mel Robbins Podcast: w/ Shark Tank star Barbara Corcoran (Transcript)

Because all my good stuff happened after a big failure. It almost seemed like for me, the bigger the failure I had, the bigger the upside. But I was dogged enough to just stay there and see there’s gotta be something here. There’s gotta be something.

And I think just waiting around for the something to find it and believing there’s something there, I don’t think you’re ever wrong. I think there’s always something there and you could get something started again.

Counting the Years You Have Left

MEL ROBBINS: You said something that really caught my attention, which is you do this thing where you count the years you have left.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes, I do.

MEL ROBBINS: So do you have a number in mind for how long you’re going to live?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, about 105.

MEL ROBBINS: Okay, 105. So let’s just take that away as something you can grab from Barbara. You’re going to live to 105. You’ve got that many years left, and I love what you said a lot. That’s a lot.

BARBARA CORCORAN: 35 years.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s a lot. How many me’s can I pack into?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Probably about another 2. But they’ve gotta be different. They’ve gotta suit who I am at that juncture in my life.

MEL ROBBINS: Ooh, I love that.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I could never build another real estate business with the energy it took, the people I had to hire, the financial stress I went through. I’m older now. I just can’t handle that. It’s gotta be appropriate to who you are and true to yourself at that point in time because your experience changes you. You’re still the same Barbara, but you’re slightly different. So it’s gotta fit you very well.

MEL ROBBINS: How do you know what fits you and what doesn’t?

BARBARA CORCORAN: It feels right. I don’t have a plan necessarily. I might have a vague plan, but I have confidence that I’ll find something and that it will feel right when I see it. Like I did this last go-around when I sold the Corcoran Group. I tried cooking lessons. I was going to be a chef. I tried artistic lessons. I was going to be an artist. I have all those capabilities, but nothing felt right. I started a PR company for about 3 months. Didn’t feel right. Threw that away. And the 4th one, I landed on. I became an expert in real estate on the Today Show, and all of a sudden I was getting work. And I said, hey, this feels right, let me do it. I’m good at talking on TV. And off I went.

MEL ROBBINS: And that right there is an example of exactly what you just told us to do. You have to try.

Growing Up in New Jersey: Crowded, Competitive, and Happy

MEL ROBBINS: You’re also known as one of the most accomplished investors and founders today, but what people don’t know is how the story begins. And so what I want to do is go all the way back to growing up in New Jersey and talk about what life really looked like. I got a little photo for you of you and your siblings.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Oh, sure. I love this photo. That was my sister Ellen’s idea. Thank God we posed for it.

MEL ROBBINS: Yeah.

BARBARA CORCORAN: You don’t get those opportunities easily enough.

MEL ROBBINS: Talk about what life really looked like when you were growing up in New Jersey.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, I actually had a very happy childhood. I was very poor, but I was happy. My mother had 10 kids. My father was her 11th child. I think he was the hardest to manage of all of us. But it was crowded, and it was competitive. I would say those two words come to mind always. Crowded. So you had to make do all the time and finesse all the time. And competitive. You had to compete for my mother and father’s attention. We each got very little attention. It was doled out in tiny little pieces. And I really believe that’s the reason I’ve needed a lot of attention my whole life, making up for that or something.

But it was chaotic. But my mother had a great ability for systems. She had a system for everything in the household. And with her systems, we were always well dressed. We always had good meals. We always celebrated holidays. And we felt like we were the rich kids in town, really. But we weren’t. But what a great upbringing I had, really.

MEL ROBBINS: So you grew up in a 2-bedroom flat with 10 siblings. How did that shape the way you approach life?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I was always competing for my mother’s attention, so I got good at talking. I got good at entertaining the kids, entertaining my parents, and I was always wanted in the group. When you have 10 kids, you play with whoever you want. I was always one of the kids they wanted to play with because I was fun, fun-loving. So I learned how to make fun, and I just carry that forth to my business. I think I was the most fun boss in the world, and that made a big difference. It made people love me.

Reading People: A Skill Learned at Home

MEL ROBBINS: Did having a ton of siblings and growing up in an environment that was crowded and competitive help you learn how to read people? Because I think one of the things that I’ve noticed about you, especially in your role as a judge on Shark Tank, is you seem to be an instant judge of good or bad character, or of a founder you want to invest in and somebody you don’t.

BARBARA CORCORAN: My mother was a great judge of people. She had a crazy thing she did when she brought the kid home from Holy Name Hospital. She’d unwrap and say, “Meet your brother Tommy. He’s going to be a magnificent dancer.” And she coined what everybody was going to be when they grew up. She was amazingly accurate. The reason she made that prediction about my brother was he had fat legs and he was kicking like hell. But he became a ballet dancer for Alvin Ailey Dance Theater.

MEL ROBBINS: He did? For Alvin Ailey?

BARBARA CORCORAN: For me, she said, when I came home crying out of school, that Sister Stella Marie had told me I was stupid again, she said to me, “Don’t worry about it. You have a wonderful imagination.” And she announced that when I was born. And she put me in that role all the time. And she said, “With it, you’ll fill in all the blanks.” So I grew up really thinking I had the best imagination in the world.

So judging people, I think we’re all in our family great judges of people because my mother was. My mother could judge anyone from a mile away and she was accurate. I remember when I was running my business, I hired bookkeepers to be salespeople, salespeople to be bookkeepers, switched things around because I just envisioned them in a different role. I saw that capacity and I had the empathy to walk in their shoes and understand them. And as a result of that, I really hired good people. I really think that was my secret, but I got it from my mother. I never had a mentor, but I had my mother.

Dyslexia: Being Underestimated as a Superpower

MEL ROBBINS: You know, you told the story about that awful nun who said you were stupid.

BARBARA CORCORAN: The nun from hell.

MEL ROBBINS: The nun from hell. And what you didn’t know at the time is that it wasn’t that you couldn’t read, it was that you had dyslexia. And like me—

BARBARA CORCORAN: They didn’t have a name for that, I don’t think then.

MEL ROBBINS: They definitely didn’t because they really weren’t talking about it much when I was in school, and I’m a couple decades younger than you. Just a couple.

BARBARA CORCORAN: They had a special class in that?

MEL ROBBINS: They did, down the hall. Yes. But I found out that I had dyslexia late in life, just like you did, because our sons were being diagnosed.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes, that’s usually when you find out.

MEL ROBBINS: So do you think being underestimated or having to figure out different ways to solve problems is part of what’s made you successful?

The Gift of Dyslexia

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think dyslexia made me successful. I don’t think I would have been successful without it. A lot comes with being dyslexic. You look at the world differently, you interpret it differently, you’re over-prepared constantly, or I am. I’ll prepare like 7 hours for a 1-hour speech. It’s ridiculous. Do I know this stuff? Of course I do, but I’m so insecure because I never want to be called on again and not know the answer.

Nothing’s worse than being a dyslexic child and being judged by how well you could read or write. The worst thing for me was being asked to read out loud in front of the other kids. You’re the, the, the. You were definitely looking stupid. But you know what it brings with you? A different way of thinking. I sat in that classroom 6 hours a day and just imagined things. I never paid attention. And it’s right that today I could think of an idea a minute. I could just think of solutions really fast. That’s a gift I got out of being dyslexic.

I think also that with dyslexia, people underestimate you. So you don’t read at the board meeting and they write you off because you’re stumbling. But they don’t know your imagination, what you’re thinking about, and how you express yourself with your mouth as a result of not being able to write. I mean, I got very good with my mouth. I got very funny.

MEL ROBBINS: You and I are so similar. Really? Yes. And if you can’t do what’s being asked of you, you find other ways to matter. You find other ways to express yourself. I mean, it’s not— There’s no way.

BARBARA CORCORAN: You get bigger muscles somewhere else.

MEL ROBBINS: Yes. It’s interesting because I think a lot of people are afraid of being underestimated. But for you and me, talk to me about what it means to be underestimated.

The Power of Being Underestimated

BARBARA CORCORAN: When I was building my business, the Corcoran Group in New York City, you have to appreciate that all the businesses are owned by men. All the people who worked for the businesses were well connected. I hired everybody that nobody else wanted. People wrote me off. They weren’t watching me for like 10 years. None of the big boys watched me. I was a girl that wasn’t going to do anything really spectacular. And I creeped up on them. They weren’t watching. I bit their ass from behind. They never knew what was coming.

I was able to try marketing ideas that they never thought of. I did business a different way. I was able to hire gay men. No one was hiring gay men. But what dedication I had from my gay salespeople. I hired everybody who did want it. But what a team we felt. And everybody was getting even, proving that they could be a somebody. And I was there to tell them they were better than they ever were, and they were really going to be a somebody.

And guess what everybody did? Even a guy I hired as a concierge at the Pierre Hotel, became my secretary, and he later went on to run my arch rival and almost put me out of business. My God, I just had a gift for knowing what people would do well.

Working Hard and Learning From Early Jobs

MEL ROBBINS: One of the things that I also love about you is I think there’s very few people that could outwork me, but you might be one of them.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Oh, I could outwork you. No doubt. I’ve never met anyone who could work harder.

MEL ROBBINS: Yes, you work very, very hard. You worked 22 jobs before you started that real estate business, including being a receptionist, a waitress. Walk me through that chapter, and what did those early jobs teach you?

BARBARA CORCORAN: The early jobs are invaluable. Today, people think they should know what they want to be when they grow up, and they get right into that track. I think it’s such a terrible mistake. I spent those 22 jobs, most importantly, learning what I was good at and what I was bad at.

I was a great waitress. At times, I had 3 waitress jobs at once. But I could charm anybody. I could serve them faster than anybody. Get that coffee there. Call the guy handsome if I couldn’t remember his name from the day before. And it helped me tremendously. I was a nurse’s aide and I had to post temperature charts and I got the numbers mixed up. I knew I didn’t belong in a business with numbers at all. I learned that I could sell more hot dogs at a hot dog stand than the next kid because I had the gift of gab. I learned exactly what I should be at.

And I learned, most importantly, I was great at sales. And that’s what I wound up being. When I went into the real estate business, I knew nothing about real estate and never really learned anything about real estate, but I knew how to make people happy with their real estate and talk them into things they really loved and were afraid to make the choice about.

MEL ROBBINS: What do you think makes someone good at sales?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think it’s being genuine. I don’t think you can fake it. I think people know when you’re selling them something they don’t want to buy, talking them into it. I think you just have to make someone comfortable with what they’re going to choose anyway. Give them reasons why it’s a great choice. Make them feel justified in going up to a higher price, that they deserve that apartment at a higher price, or they deserve the better view or whatever. I think it’s making them feel comfortable with you. It’s really more what sales is about, comfort.

MEL ROBBINS: I agree. And I think that’s a lot of what comes through those early jobs. Is getting comfortable with yourself and comfortable with people of different moods as you’re serving them.

BARBARA CORCORAN: But thank God I had the chance to try out 22 jobs. When I went into Bloomingdale’s to buy my first coat, which was an extravagant coat, I bought a Navagin coat with my first commission check. I didn’t know what I’d look good in. I tried on a million coats. And it’s kind of the same way with jobs. I think you’ve got to just try on a million stuff to see what you’re good at. It just doesn’t come naturally.

The Coat That Changed Everything

MEL ROBBINS: I have a photo of you.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Where are you getting these photos?

MEL ROBBINS: I haven’t seen this in a while. When you’re 23 years old.

BARBARA CORCORAN: That’s the coat I was telling you about.

MEL ROBBINS: Are you kidding me?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, I swear to God.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s the first coat you bought at Bloomingdale’s with your—

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, it was $330, and I had a $340 commission check.

MEL ROBBINS: Okay, hold on a second. So you earned $340 on your first real estate transaction, and you spent $330 of it on a coat.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, I blew it.

MEL ROBBINS: And so what would you tell that version of you, the 23-year-old Barbara, about what’s possible?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I would have told myself, you’re dead on. You look and feel like a million bucks. You’re going to act like a million bucks. I wanted to be the queen of New York real estate on day one in the business. I saw it like I could taste it. Felt it, touched it, saw it in living color. But I had a ratty outfit on. So once I put that coat on, I wore it for the next 6 years up and down the streets of Manhattan. But I felt like a fancy lady. Everyone would’ve told me what a stupid thing to do when you only had $1,000 to stretch. It wasn’t a stupid thing. It was probably the best thing I ever bought.

MEL ROBBINS: How come?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Because it made me feel like who I wanted to be.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, there’s really important wisdom to pull out of this story that I want to make sure, as you’re listening or watching, that you don’t miss. So Barbara, even at the age of 23, you had this sense of clarity to be able to say to yourself, this is what I want. And without that sense of clarity and the permission that you give yourself to say, you know what, I want to be successful in real estate. I want to be the queen of real estate in New York City. Why the hell not? Declaring it is the first step. And then you started to think about what are some of the small things I need to do to feel like it. And the coat was the first one to embody it, to look like it, to feel like it before you were it.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes.

The Boyfriend Who Became a Business Partner

MEL ROBBINS: So let’s fast forward 7 years. You’re 30 years old. Your boyfriend, who also becomes your business partner— why the hell are you in business with your boyfriend, Barbara?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I was a diner waitress, and he came in one night, and he was charming. He had jet black hair, aviator shades on. He was sexy. I had never had a boyfriend, so at 23, I really wanted a boyfriend. And he later, 2 months later, once I was his girlfriend, gave me $1,000 to start my business. Where the heck would I get $1,000? That was a lucky break. And I started the company first with him. I needed him. I didn’t have the confidence at the time to think I could really do it. But he told me I could. And then I believed it. He told me he was successful in business. He was charming. And he said, “You’d be great at real estate sales.” So I said, “Okay, that’s good enough for me. Enough. I could always go back to the diner.” And that’s exactly what I did. I started the business.

MEL ROBBINS: So, he left you.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes.

MEL ROBBINS: Married?

BARBARA CORCORAN: My secretary, that bitch.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, now you want to thank her, probably.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, probably.

MEL ROBBINS: But he also told you that, “You’ll never succeed without me.”

“You’ll Never Succeed Without Me”

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, I don’t blame him, ’cause I was going out the door. I divided the business in half and left him on a Friday afternoon and took my half of my business out with me. And I think he was angry. I don’t really think, in hindsight, when I think about it, that he meant it. But thank God he said it. ‘Cause when he said, “You’ll never succeed without me,” I knew I’d rather die than not succeed.

And when I was in bad times and didn’t know how to keep the business through all the upheavals in New York City, going bankrupt, the stock market crash, 9/11, when I would always be out of cash, I would think of his words. It would just come back on me. And I would always think of some other angle to keep in business. So thank God he said it. He was wrong. I sold my business for $66 million about 20 years later, and he was out of business in 3 years. So go figure.

MEL ROBBINS: Go— you almost said, I heard.

BARBARA CORCORAN: So, yep, yep, yep.

Building Confidence When You’re Scared

MEL ROBBINS: So how do you build confidence when you’re scared or when you’re unsure?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I have all my confidence from one thing only, and I don’t think people appreciate it. They think if you’re successful at what you attempt, even in a particular chapter in your life or a day in your life, you grab from that your confidence and you have more confidence for the next time. It’s never worked for me that way. I’ve tried everything. I’ve failed most things, but most things in my real estate business were flops. But when I had a success, I found my confidence wasn’t built.

But what did build my confidence and made it rock solid is I knew I could outwork and outtry anyone. And I knew I’d be back. If I failed, I just knew in my heart I was going to stand right back up. And knowing you always stand back up and try again, you’re confident. You look confident because you are confident. You might not win again, you might fail again, but the next one will be a win. So I just keep trying, trying, trying, trying. I try so much today. Anything that’s new out in the social space, I try it. That’s where I get my confidence from.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s the best definition of confidence because I think most people say, “My confidence is in the thing I’m accomplishing.” And you just said, no, confidence, true confidence is knowing that you can count on yourself to keep going and to pick yourself back up and to keep working hard.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Nobody can take that away from you.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s right. Nobody can take that away from you. What is the biggest failure that you’ve had? You keep talking about failure. Like, what’s the one that was like, whoa, God?

Turning Failures Into Success

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, any of my failures, the biggest ones were always my biggest success. Probably the one I had — what, lost the most money on, would you say, was a failure?

MEL ROBBINS: Sure. What was that?

BARBARA CORCORAN: That was homes on tape. I announced to my salespeople, “We’re going to take all your apartments and put them on videotape.” This was before the advent of the internet.

MEL ROBBINS: That sounds brilliant.

BARBARA CORCORAN: It sounds brilliant. They cheered me on, and I felt like a goddamn genius. So I put everybody on videotape, including my salespeople, did their makeup, did their hair, made them look beautiful. And no one handed out the tape. I couldn’t believe that it would be— I spent $77,000, which was my first profit, on what I thought was a great idea. It failed miserably.

But I was with my husband that weekend right after the failure and feeling sorry for myself for about a minute. And he mentioned he was playing war games on this new government thing called the internet in real time. And I took my tapes and put them on the internet that Monday morning. And I registered all my competitors’ URLs so I own them. And we sold 2 apartments out of London in 1 week. Boom, boom, it just hit.

And that was the advent of the internet, which was going to change the real estate business more than any other thing has changed it. But I had almost 2 years to play around on the internet before my competitors woke up. And when they woke up, they always called me asking for the URLs back. That’s how I knew they were waking up.

But now look at that. That was the worst disaster money-wise because it was my whole profit. But in the long run, or even in the short run, it was my biggest success. The internet took me from trying, maybe 12th, 13th position, to maybe number 3. Boy, I was coming within shooting range after the internet. Because I was there early, and it was simply happenstance. I hung around. That’s all I did. I hung around and used it.

Advice for Those Just Starting Out

MEL ROBBINS: What’s your advice to somebody who’s listening right now, who’s just starting their career, who’s trying to figure out their future?

BARBARA CORCORAN: You’re not going to figure it out from afar. Just try a lot of stuff on. Forget about what Mom and Dad said or whatever. I think a good guide is to figure out what you’re good at and figure out what you’re not good at. And if you don’t know, get out and play in the traffic and find out. See if you’re good at this or that. And that makes for a happy and successful career.

If you could wrap a career choice around something you’re naturally good at, you have nothing to do but win. You really will win with it. Because that’s what I did. I only utilize in my business a few traits that I have, and that’s good enough.

MEL ROBBINS: What are the few traits?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Judging people, marketing, and salesmanship. That’s what I do well. When I sold the Corcoran Group, I sat down with a legal pad and wrote down everything I was good at and everything I was bad at to try to think of what I would do. And there were only 3 things I could do. One of them was TV, one of them was a PR agency, and one was an advertising agency — would utilize my traits of being good on camera, being a good salesman, writing, and liking public speaking. Those were the 3 that were on the list. And I went into the TV business, thank God. I could have done it in the PR and advertising space, I think, just as well.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, you said you tried it, but you didn’t like it. It didn’t feel right.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, I didn’t.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s why you’ve got to get in traffic and play around, because then you’re going to figure out what actually feels right and what doesn’t. There are a lot of people that are losing their jobs right now. And also, I read this stat that 69% of Americans would quit their job today if they could afford to. Is that true? Yep.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I didn’t know that.

MEL ROBBINS: Because they do not like what they do. What do you think the single most valuable skill right now is that someone should focus on learning?

The Most Valuable Skill and Finding the Right Boss

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, technology, of course. AI in particular. I can’t imagine running my business without it. I’ve just gotten on it 6 months ago or so. That’s important. But I think far more important for anyone thinking of how they should spend their time — I think when you pick a job, you shouldn’t be choosing what job you want, but you should be looking for a good person to work for.

When you’ve got a great boss, it’s far, far more important than a great job because the boss has got your back. He pushes you ahead, he believes in you, and you have a heck of a fun time working for him. But most people choose a position over the boss, or the chances of promotion over the boss. When you have a good boss, you’ve got the right thing in your own corner.

MEL ROBBINS: How do you know who is a good boss? Like, what would you look for if you were going out — well, obviously, you’re Barbara Corcoran, so you’re not going out looking for a job, but maybe. Who knows? But if you were looking and assessing, “Who do I want to work for?” What would you want that boss, him or her, to have in terms of making them a good boss?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I would say the most important trait is to have them speak about who works with them. “Who do you have working for you now? Who’s your favorite person? What do you do with them? How long have they been here?” You’re actually finding out if they’re working for the people versus the people working for them, which I think is really the key to being a good boss — is to work for your people.

You want someone who’s going to say he’s got this guy promoted, blah blah blah. If you just get a guy who wants you to do your job and that’s it, and you don’t prod them to tell you about the people, you really don’t learn about his attitude toward people, and you don’t know what you’re working for.

Boss vs. Leader: What’s the Difference?

MEL ROBBINS: What do you think the difference is between somebody who’s a boss versus somebody being a good leader?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, a boss tells you what you ought to be doing, which is valuable. You want to know what your job is. But a leader inspires you and gets you to believe in their dream and see things the way they do, and makes you willing to climb up the mountain behind them. I think being a leader is not easy. It doesn’t come to everybody.

MEL ROBBINS: Yeah.

BARBARA CORCORAN: But I think it has to be 100% genuine. And you have to be on the employee’s side. If they feel that, they’ll follow you anywhere. They really will.

MEL ROBBINS: How can you be a good leader? For somebody who’s listening that wants to be better in a leadership role, or to just be a good leader, what are some of the things that you would tell them to think about and to practice?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think the most important thing is to speak genuinely. You know when you’re being conned, and bosses are great at conning you. But if you’re a great leader and you speak genuinely as to why what you want them to do is good for them, not for you, they’ll listen to you and they’ll follow you.

I think you have to put it in their terms why it’s good for them, because the good leader is always working for their employees if they have their head on straight. And that’s how you get it done.

When to Fire Someone

MEL ROBBINS: What are the characteristics that would make you fire somebody? Like, you’re out.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Only one thing. I don’t mind ineptitude. I don’t even mind people who aren’t putting in the effort. I can change that. I can inspire them and change it. But I can’t change a complainer. If you’re a complainer, I get rid of them. It’s like a cancer in a company. One complainer feeling sorry — “Oh, poor me,” meets “Oh, poor you.” And it’s contagious. It catches on and becomes incestuous in the company.

I don’t tolerate complainers. I got rid of them as fast as I could because they were dangerous and they were attacking my people. I felt the negative attitude was attacking my positive people, so I got rid of them.

Building Trust and Teamwork

MEL ROBBINS: Why does teamwork matter so much? You’ve talked so much about team. Why does teamwork matter, and how do you build trust with your team? Because especially, if you think back to building your real estate company, people go between real estate companies all the time. They get poached all the time, and it takes trust to stay somewhere.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, in the real estate business, there’s tremendous turnover, roughly 60% a year. I never had anyone leave unless I fired them. They never wanted to leave. They were having the most fun at my company. They liked me more than any other boss out there. And they most importantly liked each other. It was their family. So they stayed around.

And how do you inspire that? By letting them know at every turn along the way that you are for them. “I’m here to serve you. What do you need lately? How can I make your job easier? What would you like to be when you grow up? Where do you want to be promoted to? What do you want to do?” I just had their viewpoint in my head. It didn’t make a difference what I thought.

But what happened naturally was they became ferocious and on my side. And besides, you know why you basically need a team? Because you can’t build a business without it. I’ve never seen anything without people building. So you have to inspire your people.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, I think people forget that companies are actually people. It’s made up of the people that work there.

BARBARA CORCORAN: It’s easy to forget the higher you’re up.

How to Ask for a Raise

MEL ROBBINS: It’s very easy to forget. What is the most effective way, Barbara, to ask for a raise?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Tell the person what you were hired for with a list of what you did — what you were hired for, specific, as specific as you could be. If you have 30 items, put it on a list, walk in and show them that list compared to the list you’re actually doing. Because people are always hired for less work than they’re actually given. And you say, “I’m doing all these other duties now, 20%, I’d like a raise.” And you name the amount. Most girls don’t name the amount. Most girls don’t ask for raises. Men ask for raises, women don’t.

In running the Corcoran Group, we had 1,000 people — 1,025 or so working there. And I can tell you, twice did a woman ask me for a raise in the 15 years. Yet the men always asked for raises and told you how great they were. And I had women that were much better than the men.

You just have to get in there, make the appointment, show them what you’re doing, and ask for a specific amount. And you can’t fall for the typical thing that big companies say, which is “It’s not in the budget.” Someone’s getting a raise, but it’s not you — but someone’s getting a raise.

MEL ROBBINS: One of the things that I always think about a lot too — I think that’s excellent advice to document everything you’re doing, because your boss has no clue and you’re doing a lot more than anybody realizes.

BARBARA CORCORAN: And you’re not feeling sorry for yourself over it.

MEL ROBBINS: Yes. And if you don’t have a big list, you have no business going and asking for a raise.

BARBARA CORCORAN: No. I don’t want to pay you more for the same thing you did yesterday.

MEL ROBBINS: Yeah, or less than what I’m actually expecting you to do. But I also see people making the mistake of doing one of these Glassdoor searches and looking at comparable positions in a company and then coming in.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Do you say, “Brommer”?

MEL ROBBINS: Maybe. I want to see what you’re doing. I want to actually see what you’re doing because if you’ve got evidence of all the things that you’re doing, now I know what the value is. Not title to title.

BARBARA CORCORAN: You’re right. You don’t want to walk in and quote the average price that people are being paid for your position. That’s what you mean by that, right?

MEL ROBBINS: Yes. Yes. If you — I’m sure you must get asked this question a million times, which is, “I have no money, I have no connections, but I want to start a business.” Where do you start?

Every Human Being Is a Connection

BARBARA CORCORAN: Start online. You don’t even have to have a product. You could have a drawing of a product and sell it and make it once you get orders. I mean, the world is open to you. Everything is equal today. When I started, you needed to have the right competition, the right person supporting you, the right money, the right connections. Today, it’s really not worth anything.

I hear more people say, “How do I get the right connections?” I’m like, “The right connections is not such a thing.” Everybody you meet, for me, was a connection. I talked to everybody, but when I was talking to them, I really wasn’t talking to them. I was interviewing them. I wonder what they could do for me. I wonder what their talent is. How could I use them? And then I would take them into my firm and employ them in the best use of them.

MEL ROBBINS: I want to make sure that as you’re listening and watching, that you got that amazing piece of wisdom that Barbara just dropped. She basically said, “Stop obsessing about connections because every human being you’re talking to is a connection.” You’ve got the best one on the internet, a connection to the whole world. But what I love that you said is, when we were talking, I wasn’t talking. I was listening and I was interviewing them. I’m interviewing them from how could this person help me? Are they interesting? Are they not?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Are they wasting time? I’m interviewing you now, even though you think you’re interviewing me.

MEL ROBBINS: Ooh. What are you looking for?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I’m going to hire you as my assistant.

MEL ROBBINS: I don’t know if you can afford me. No, I’m just kidding.

BARBARA CORCORAN: No, I can’t.

MEL ROBBINS: Actually, you want to know something?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah?

MEL ROBBINS: I’d be a horrible assistant.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, you probably would.

MEL ROBBINS: No, I would be a horrible assistant.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Probably not your skill set at all.

MEL ROBBINS: Not my skill set. I’m terrible at managing time. Oh boy, can you talk. I can talk.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I would send you out to my sales force. You’d be number one.

MEL ROBBINS: Probably.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Without a doubt.

MEL ROBBINS: Yeah, I would, because I understand.

BARBARA CORCORAN: If you could take the heat. It’s a lot of heat in that business.

MEL ROBBINS: How so?

The Trait That Separates Top Performers

BARBARA CORCORAN: You get like 10 rejections for every 1 yes. And then the most important trait you have is not feeling sorry for yourself. Or at least if you feel sorry for yourself, give yourself an hour and get back up.

My best salespeople had just as many leads as the worst salesperson. And the worst salesperson always kept in the house for about a week feeling sorry for themselves when they lost a good customer. My best salespeople would lose customers all the time and dust off and stand up and get back in the game. And that wound up dividing the people making $3, $4 million a year from my average salesman at the time who was making $60,000, $62,000 a year.

MEL ROBBINS: Yeah, I think in life there’s kind of two different types of people. There’s the kind of person who gets, in sales, dealt a hand because here’s your leads, here’s your region, you’re this, you’re that. And so you get handed cards and there are people that either bitch about their cards and blame their lack of results on the cards that they’re holding.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Boss isn’t being fair.

MEL ROBBINS: Yes, boss isn’t fair, these are bad leads, blah blah blah. And then there are people that realize it’s how you play the game, and if the cards suck, you got to move through them fast so you can get another hand somewhere else.

BARBARA CORCORAN: But you’re in control. You’re in control versus the boss in control. That’s what fools people. People think when they’re working for someone, that is their definition of their opportunity. Their real opportunity is in their own chest. They could leave that day if they chose.

How to Generate Business Ideas

MEL ROBBINS: One other question I had, because I hear this a lot, especially with people who want to start a business or somebody that’s trying to reinvent themselves and they’re like, “I really want to do something, but I’m trying to come up with an idea. I’m trying to think of a problem. I’m trying to think of a product that’s not out there.” If you could give somebody advice about how to think about the idea itself, what is the way to generate ideas around a business to start?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think you could do anything you do in your day-to-day life. Stop, examine everything that’s happening, and think, is there a better way to do this? Not just by yourself, but what other people are doing. If you’re at a local store and it’s taking too long to check out on the cash register, or whatever you’re encountering in your daily life, just look at it and say, how could I do that better? And within that are great products.

All the great products at Shark Tank are better ways of doing the same old, same old. Even if it’s just making a pizza pie with a new pizza box. I mean, as ridiculous as it is, I invested in it because it was a better way of delivering pizza. That kid, that’s his only idea. And that’s what he ran on Shark Tank with. And that’s why he’s built a business just making pizza boxes. But he was trying to solve a problem better than the last guy. And that’s always where you find your solution to a new business.

The Best and Worst Business Advice

MEL ROBBINS: So, Barbara, what do you think the worst advice is that you could give somebody starting a business?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Oh, the worst advice — the same advice my mother gave me. And yet my mother usually gave me great advice. She told me when I was a waitress, when I announced I was starting my own business with Ray Simone, she said, “Why don’t you hold on to your job? You change so often. You need a resume. Build up your resume. And if you still feel that way in a year, go out into business, but you should have a good resume.” She was preparing me for a mundane job, actually. She didn’t know it, but that’s what she was aiming at.

I ignored her and started my business. It’s so sad. I meet so many entrepreneurs that plan and plan their business for months, and the best time to do it is the second you have the thought. And the minute you get out in the field, you find out what’s wrong with your plan and change everything. But you don’t have to get it right. You just have to get it going. And my mother did not understand that mantra. She thought I should wait a while. Boy, if I had waited a while, I would’ve thought of 5 reasons not to do it. But I didn’t wait. I jumped right off and did the business, and I was successful from the beginning.

MEL ROBBINS: And what would you say is the best advice you can give to somebody that is starting a business?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Get going. I give that advice all the time. Even with a half-baked plan, I say get going because I know when you’re in the field, you find out the real plan, what’s going to work and what’s wrong with your idea. And what’s wrong with you and everything else that comes out. Because it’s the real world. You can’t plan things. I think business plans are so overrated, my God. But to plan from afar and think I’ve got to get it right before I jump out, forget it. It just never happens. You think of reasons why not to do it and you’ve wasted all that valuable time.

You Don’t Even Have to Truly Start the Business

MEL ROBBINS: One of the things you said earlier is so true and it’s brilliant, which is with all the technology and the internet today, you don’t even have to truly, quote, start the business.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes.

MEL ROBBINS: You can create a prototype that’s even built by AI, you can create a waitlist.

BARBARA CORCORAN: You can.

MEL ROBBINS: And so somebody comes to you with an idea. They say, “We’ve got 100,000 people that have signed up for the waitlist to be notified when the product is about to drop.” That waitlist demonstrates that people are interested in the offering, whether it’s a service or it’s a product. And so that was not even possible a couple decades ago.

BARBARA CORCORAN: No, not at all. What really happens on Shark Tank is entrepreneurs will come in once in a while with nothing more than a prototype, and they’ll pitch how great it’s going to be. They have no proof of sales. They don’t know who they’re going to sell it to. They don’t know what they’re going to do with it, but they believe in it. And if I believe in the person, I’ll buy in.

Now, once they’re on Shark Tank, people call in to order. They go on the line and they order thousands of copies of whatever they said. They don’t even have it, but people will wait. They say, “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve had overwhelming response. We’ll have it ready in 3 months,” and that’s exactly when they’ll build the product. And their businesses started late, you might say, but they had the courage to get out there with the prototype or a drawing or something like that, and people believed in it. And that’s a great barometer that they’re going to be successful right from the get-go.

How Barbara Got on Shark Tank — After Being Fired

MEL ROBBINS: How did you become a judge on Shark Tank?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, I was hired and then fired before I had a chance.

MEL ROBBINS: Wait, what do you mean? Why did they fire you?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, they fired me because they landed on another woman. They said they preferred her after I signed the contract, which I reminded them, and they said, “Yes, but we didn’t sign.” I had already told all my friends I’m going to Hollywood. I was so embarrassed. I bought 2 new outfits, new luggage. There I was going to Hollywood, and it was canceled.

So I suggested to the producer that all my good luck came after rejection, and I considered his rejection a lucky charm. And I wrote a short, terse email to him and suggested he invite me out with her and compete for the seat. And that’s exactly what he did, thank God.

MEL ROBBINS: You’re kidding me. Really.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I turned my good fortune around by doing what I did best, what I always do best — getting back up, taking another swing. Just took another swing. Do you know what, the first day on Shark Tank, my producer said, “You know, we rejected 42 men that wanted the position in the other seats.” I said, “You’re kidding.” He said, “Not one wrote to me. Not one wrote to me objecting to the rejection.” These are successful millionaires, billionaires. That’s amazing that they didn’t.

Ask for What You Want

MEL ROBBINS: You know what I find interesting is so many people are not willing to ask for what they want. And that’s one thing about you. You do ask for what you want.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, I’ve learned. Not easily. Not easily. Women have a hard time asking for anything. You know what happens? I find you could want to climb a mountain with your team. When the men are halfway up, they’ll say, “I’m the king of the mountain,” and they’ll brag about it. Women will climb all the way up, set up the tent, make sure the kids are fed, everybody’s happy, and say, “I had all the help of my team to get here.”

Women don’t take credit. They don’t ask for help. They’re shy. What a waste. Open your mouth. My God, opening your mouth got me everything I got. Without opening my mouth, I would have nothing.

What Barbara Looks for in Every Shark Tank Pitch

MEL ROBBINS: How many seasons have you been on? Like, you’re one of the OGs.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Oh, God, a thousand. Like, 18-something, whatever. From the beginning.

MEL ROBBINS: So I would love to have you kind of put us right at the scene because every single pitch is a full — you’ve got a founder and an idea, and you’ve got a sales story or not.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes.

MEL ROBBINS: But when you’re sitting there as an investor and a judge, what are you evaluating?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I’m just evaluating the entrepreneur. I couldn’t give a damn about the picture of the business that they’re painting.

MEL ROBBINS: Really?

Reading People: The Art of Spotting a True Entrepreneur

BARBARA CORCORAN: Usually, very often, the numbers are exaggerated. Everything, you know, you’re getting a sales pitch. I’m looking at that entrepreneur and saying, “Do I believe them?” And in most instances, I’m not believing the sales pitch. But now I’m looking at the person and focusing on the person as to whether they’re a character capable entrepreneur.

What I look for is something they’ve done in their life that was hazardous, something they did in their life that they failed miserably. They have a father who is drinking, a mother who damned them to hell, something they have to prove. And if I find that fire in them, they might not have anything but that, but I buy in because they will always be successful. They want to get even. They haven’t had a chance. They want to get even. That burns so deeply. Deep that I believe in them.

And they’re great partners because when the business is sold, they’re so appreciative of their success, their dream come true. They’re so thankful. And it’s so satisfying for me to see that full circle of success.

MEL ROBBINS: When you are listening to a pitch, what is the difference between somebody that has that fire in their belly and they’re really confident versus somebody that is so overbearing?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, one is, do you want to spend any time with them? When someone’s overbearing, that’s the last thing I need in my life. They’re out right away. I won’t say I’m out right away. I have to stay in the show. But I have a simple test I do many times on Shark Tank. When I’m not sure about the person, I think, would I put my baby in their arms? And could I come back and find my baby in good shape? And that’s my test. I think, yeah, I would trust them. So they become my partner.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s actually an excellent way to judge anybody.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, it sizes everything up.

Are You Built to Be an Entrepreneur?

MEL ROBBINS: How do you know if you’re built to have your own business versus being somebody that should just work for somebody else and be great at building a career inside somebody else’s company?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think it’s a real dividing line. I think someone in their own business loves risk. They’re not afraid of the risk, whether it be money, people, what they do with their day, their ideas that they have. They’re not afraid of risk. It turns them on. It’s kind of like a trait in their personality.

And I think someone who’s good in business has a good time getting back up. It’s almost like a jack-in-the-box. If you’re the type that says, “Hit me again! I’m a jerk, hit me again!” Chances are you should be an entrepreneur. But if you’re not enjoying risk and you can’t take a hit, you’re better off working for somebody else. It’s hard to develop that skill in you if you don’t have it.

MEL ROBBINS: I think you either have it or not.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah, I do agree with you on that.

MEL ROBBINS: I do.

BARBARA CORCORAN: That’s what I’m trying to size up on Shark Tank all the time. Do people have those two skills?

MEL ROBBINS: How do you figure that out?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I ask them. We have an hour and a half on Shark Tank.

MEL ROBBINS: Really? That’s how long the pitch is?

BARBARA CORCORAN: It’s 8 minutes at home, but it’s an hour and a half on Shark Tank in real time.

MEL ROBBINS: Wow.

BARBARA CORCORAN: So we get a chance to ask them all kinds of questions that don’t make good TV, but are very good for us as investors. And I ask, “What did you do before? What did you think about that? Did that fail? Oh, how did you feel about that failure? What did you do after that?”

So I’m trying to find someone who’s strong, who’s capable of running a business, and someone who put all their bets on their business, and they lost? What do I care? That’s a good sign. They’re willing to put all their bet on one business and they lost. I love it. But a guy who’s telling me he’s going to go back to mom and pa and get family and friends financing again, and he’s going to change direction, means they’re going to lose you money again. I hate that kind of stuff.

I never invest in rich kids. I always invest in poor people on Shark Tank because they have a burn in their belly and something to prove, and they’re my kind of people. And I want to give them the opportunity that I was given. The one ticket that they missed — they might have their dream come true and I can make it happen — is much more exciting than putting myself in line with the rich parents who funded the first business. Forget it.

Favorite Investments: The Cousins Maine Lobster Story

MEL ROBBINS: What are some of your favorite things that you’ve invested in?

BARBARA CORCORAN: My favorite entrepreneurs, and it’s always about the entrepreneurs, not the businesses. I almost forget at times what business they’re in, even though I’m helping them all the time, is the Cousins Maine Lobster. I love those guys because the day they came on Shark Tank, they lied to me, and I love them for the lie.

MEL ROBBINS: What did they lie about?

BARBARA CORCORAN: They told me what the sales were per month, but they never told me they were only in business for a week. I thought I was buying into a big business. No, I was not. It was just one little lobster truck, and they had been only open one weekend. But they had taken all the questions from Shark Tank for 3 years and then practiced answering them, and they were slick. They could sell. I love them, and I had to buy them.

The 3-Month Rule

MEL ROBBINS: What is your 3-month rule?

BARBARA CORCORAN: After 3 months, when I close on a deal on Shark Tank, I invite the entrepreneur into my office, and we review where he’s going to go with the business. That’s always the time when something goes wrong. The prototype didn’t come in right, the order was promised that wasn’t delivered, something goes wrong. So I just sit there and ask, “What do you think about what went wrong?”

And the people who blame somebody else, I drop. They still have my money, but I take their picture off the wall, or I turn it upside down more often. But the people who take it in the chest and take the blame — that they should have thought of this, or they should have anticipated — I know they’re going to be successful because those are the people who are always successful. The people who are honest and say, “I’m in charge, I should have been in charge of this, and I’m taking the blame.”

The Power of Overpreparation

MEL ROBBINS: Let’s talk about preparation, because you and I are both people that will outwork anybody. Preparation, preparation, preparation. Why is that such an underrated habit and skill to understand that overpreparing is a key to being successful?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Do you know why? I think when you overprepare, you don’t realize it, but you’re building your confidence. And when you build your confidence, you come across more believably, and you usually get the order.

I’ve overprepared for everything in my life. I remember going and speaking with the Corcoran Group agents at junctures along the way where I had cold sores over both my lips because I was so nervous preparing for 2 weeks for a 1-hour presentation.

MEL ROBBINS: To people who work for you.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes, they did. They were going to accept whatever I said, but I wanted to impress them. I wanted them to be motivated. How will I do it? Will I say it this way, that way? I had to go on vacation right after as a saleswoman. I would’ve had a heart attack. But I overprepared so I could stand up there with confidence. And did I come across with confidence? You betcha. Did I cover all the millions of points I wanted to cover? No. Did I motivate everybody there? Yes, I did. Because I was confident, they wanted to be me.

MEL ROBBINS: And you were confident because you prepared. And I think it’s such an important story because here, these are people that work for you.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah.

MEL ROBBINS: And you’re not winging it. You’re preparing because it matters to you, and you want to do a good job.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, the more you know people, the more difficult it is to impress them because you take it more personally.

Balancing Success, Marriage, and Family

MEL ROBBINS: One of the things I’m curious about is, having such a big public career and being somebody who’s so competitive and entrepreneurial, how have you been able to have successful romantic relationships, marriage, when you’re out in the world? This is something that a lot of women navigate these days. How do you balance Barbara out there in the world versus Barbara the mom and Barbara the wife?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Honestly, it’s probably the largest challenge to a successful woman. Now, I married Bill in a second marriage, and he was the right husband. Bill is Bill. He’s not going to change whether he’s talking to a pauper or a pope. Bill is Bill. And when I got really heady at times, he would squeeze my head in and tell me to keep it in. Don’t get too confident. So I loved him for that.

But the thing that worked the best out of everything I tried was getting a separate bedroom, honestly, and getting a separate bed from Bill. Because I would invite him in, and it added the romance into the marriage. And that’s really the best advice I could give. It’s really hard to be powerful and have a man who’s not emasculated. You have to pick the right guy.

MEL ROBBINS: It’s so true.

BARBARA CORCORAN: My husband, Bill, would call me and pretend he was a New York Times reporter if he wanted to speak with me. I so expertly separated business from home, you wouldn’t dare call me when I’m working. And my kids didn’t dare call me unless they were dying, and then I would hear from them. I don’t think they ever died.

But likewise at home, people at work would never call me at home. It’s my family time. So separating the two pieces was the only way I survived. And I didn’t do a great job of it, but I did the best job I could.

Women, Success, and the Competitor Mindset

MEL ROBBINS: I’d love to talk a little bit more about your insights about women and success and being successful, because there is a lot of pressure. There is bias in the workplace, but you have always seemed to just pick yourself up, shake it off, and plow forward regardless of what was going on around you. You built one of the most successful real estate businesses in a male-dominated business. How do you want women to think about both the very real things that are against us in terms of the way that business is structured, but the opportunity that that creates and what kind of mindset you need to have?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, there’s always real things against you, but I did it a little differently than most. I never thought of myself as a woman. Not a single day did I think of myself as a woman. I thought of myself as a competitor, just like a man. I was a competitor, and I was going to put you under the table without a doubt by the time I finished. So not having that liability or thinking I was weak or at a disadvantage of some kind or another was an advantage to me.

MEL ROBBINS: When we started this podcast, I had my own goal. I’m like, okay, I want to be the number one ranked female podcast in the world. But what happened is a friend of mine said, “Well, why female? Why not just number one?” And then I was like, actually, yeah, why am I putting myself in a category? Why am I not just saying, no, I’m going to go out and be number one, which I’m proud to say we were for 81 days last year.

And I just — you limit yourself in that regard. And I see so many women doing it. I was doing it to myself. Like, I’m only just a mom, or I’m only going to be able to compete against women, or I’m only limited to this amount of success because I’m thinking about it in a certain way.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah.

MEL ROBBINS: How does thinking about just going out and competing—

BARBARA CORCORAN: It frees you up.

MEL ROBBINS: Me too.

The Courage to Compete and the Freedom to Try

BARBARA CORCORAN: Because when the boys would ignore me, I could have done two things. I could have said, “Oh, they’re not being respectful because I’m a female and there’s all men in this room.” That would only make me weak. I’d take my chips and go home.

But when I stood there and said, “You’ll be sorry. I’m going to outcompete you and I’m going to take your bacon,” that was a whole different— I conducted myself differently. I acted differently. Imagine how different it would have been if I said, “Treat me with disrespect because I’m a woman? That’s unfair. How am I going to change that?”

But I’m a competitor. I have the ability to get even. And I did get even. Not— I make it sound like a vicious thing. It’s just I didn’t want to be put down or curtailed against what I was capable of. So the minute they wrote me off, boy, that fired me up.

MEL ROBBINS: Is that what gave you the confidence to go, to keep going? Because you literally started with $1,000 and built a company that you sold for, what, $66 million?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s a lot of money. Cash.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I wanted the cash in my pocket.

MEL ROBBINS: That’s a lot of cash.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah. It stayed in the bank for 3 years. I didn’t spend a dime.

MEL ROBBINS: Not even on a coat?

BARBARA CORCORAN: No, I already had the coats by then. I was a good coat person.

MEL ROBBINS: So was it that “I’ll show you” that gave you the fire and the confidence? Because I think so many people don’t have the, ugh, to keep going.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, it egged me on because each look at me or each demeaning way they treated me was so insulting, I wanted to get even because I was vicious and competitive by nature.

But that didn’t give me the confidence to go on. The confidence that gave me was everything I tried — even if I tried 10 things, 5 would be incredible. And they had never thought of them. And they would look and say, “How silly,” until it was working. Then they all imitated me. And they were too late.

By the time they imitated my Corcoran Report, which I was publishing for 4 years and collecting press on it and becoming the sweetheart of the New York press, they started all publishing reports. What a joke! The space was taken not by a girl, but by a competitor, myself. And that’s just the way I saw myself. I chose not to see myself as a woman ever.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, as soon as I see people imitating me, that’s when I know it’s time to pivot.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yes, you’re absolutely right, which is going to happen soon, I think.

MEL ROBBINS: It’s already happening.

BARBARA CORCORAN: In fact, I’m going to start a podcast for women only.

Generosity, Confidence, and the Power of Giving It Away

MEL ROBBINS: Well, I’ll tell you what, I would love to have you be a competitor. And here’s the other thing. I will teach you everything that we do because I know that even if you have the formula, you still have to do it. And it’s very difficult. And nobody’s going to do it the same way you do, even if they have the formula.

And I find people to be very, very stingy with sharing information. And what I’ve learned about business is the more generous I am with what we’re doing, what’s working, the big mistakes that we’ve made, the bigger our businesses. It’s not in hiding things and being scarce about things. It’s almost like that philosophy that there’s blocks in New York City where there’s lots of restaurants, and they’re all successful because more restaurants bring more customers for everybody. Do you have a similar philosophy about—

BARBARA CORCORAN: Something happened to me as a young salesman that I never forgot. I wanted to start a marketing company, so I went in disguise with a wig on to a competitor’s office, which was owned by a woman. An onsite marketing company for the first time owned by a woman. And I got copies of all of her forms and I actually stole them. And I went back to my office and I was fully equipped to start and go in competition.

And she called me on the phone in the morning. I died. She said, “I understand you were in my office yesterday. Come over and make an appointment. I’ll show you everything I know.” She was so gracious. I was so ashamed of myself. And I realized what a mistake that was. Generous people who give it away have no threat. They know they’re the best. They’re always the people who give it away. So I’ve always been trying to be gracious, to imitate that one-time experience that I had.

MEL ROBBINS: I hadn’t thought about the fact that when you’re generous, it’s because you have confidence in what you’re doing, so you’re not threatened by what other people are doing.

For somebody that’s feeling like they’re too old — you know, your mom at 46, you found the most success in your career. Well, actually, in your 50s, 60s. You’re continuing, you’re not slowing down.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I hope not.

MEL ROBBINS: No. What gave you the courage? And how can somebody else find the courage if they’re at a point in their life where they’re hearing you? Because I know a lot of daughters and sons are going to be listening to this, sending this to mom, saying, “Hey Mom, 50 or 60 years old, you’re not old. Get going. Listen to Barbara.” Like, how do you muster up the permission or the courage to go for something when you’ve always pushed yourself into a certain role?

It’s Not About Failing — It’s About Getting Out There

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think the times when I was stopped or hesitated about trying something new, it was because I was afraid of failing. And I was afraid of, as life went on, more of a public failure. I didn’t want to get out there and let everybody see me fail. And you can’t help when you’re scared to think you’re going to fail. It might not be real, but you think you’re going to fail.

What I learned as a young woman, when nobody was watching and nobody gave a damn, they admired me for trying. So all you want to do is get the brownie points for trying, getting out there and getting going. Your kids aren’t going to love you less. Your friends aren’t going to say, “Oh, poor her.” They’re going to admire you for it, even if you fall flat on your face.

But I think you really just have to get out there. So many people just don’t get out there when they have a dream and what they want to do. Just get out there and you’ll find all the answers usually. But even if you fail, what’s so bad about that? I remember I used to ask myself constantly, “What happens if I fail?”

MEL ROBBINS: I fail?

BARBARA CORCORAN: And I would say, “Well, I could always get the job as a waitress at the Fort Lee Diner again. I was happy then.” That got me to do a lot of stuff in the early years because I knew I could be a waitress again. I was a great waitress. I could go back there.

So I don’t really think there’s much to be afraid of. The worst that happens is you go home. Big deal. You’re back where you were. You lost nothing really. And if you think you lose face, you don’t. People admire you for trying things. They just do. They don’t hold the failure against you. You hold it against yourself, though.

MEL ROBBINS: It’s so true.

BARBARA CORCORAN: What a waste of time.

MEL ROBBINS: What a waste of a life.

BARBARA CORCORAN: What a waste of a life. Isn’t that true?

Something Good Is Always Around the Corner

MEL ROBBINS: Yes. What are you most excited about right now?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Going forward? What I’ll do for my next business. I feel like there’s a next business in the offing, and I could feel it in my bones. And as usual, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s going to show me the face. So I’m looking around every corner, and I feel something good every day. But you know that “Maria” song on West Side Story? That’s how I feel, like something’s coming. Something good, but what it is, I don’t know.

MEL ROBBINS: Oh, I love that as just an attitude about life.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Well, it is what life is about. There’s always something around a corner if you’re curious enough to take a peek. Always something around the corner.

MEL ROBBINS: You are so cool.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Sometimes. Talk to my husband, Bill. He wouldn’t always agree with you.

MEL ROBBINS: Well, neither would my husband, Chris.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Oh, good.

The Most Important Takeaway

MEL ROBBINS: If you had to distill down everything that you have shared with us today, and there is like one takeaway that you think is the most important thing for the person who’s been with us listening to just take away from this, what would it be?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Always the same. You’re much more capable than you think you are. I don’t care who you are, who’s listening. You’re more capable than you think you are. You just have to think that way and find out what it is, really. I hate people wasting their life on what they’re not really liking.

MEL ROBBINS: It makes you cry. It’s why I do this. It’s really why I do this, because I feel like the biggest thing that I’m trying to change is the discouragement that people feel that makes them never do or try anything that makes their life better. Yes, I agree with you.

BARBARA CORCORAN: That’s kind of like what I’m doing on Shark Tank. Yes. Same kind of thing.

MEL ROBBINS: Barbara Corcoran, what are your parting words?

BARBARA CORCORAN: I think to waste a life is such a shame. To have a dream about what you may have been, what you could be, what you didn’t grab a hold of, and what you regret is such a waste of time. It’s just the now. And just think about how many years you have left to be the new you.

The new you might say, “I could never do that.” Well, you’re mistaken. You can do it. If I, from New Jersey, a poor kid, could become the queen of real estate, that’s perfect proof that you can really become anything you want to be. Anything. There’s no barrier. Nobody’s in control of you but you. That’s all. That sounds hokey though when you say that, right?

MEL ROBBINS: I don’t think it does.

BARBARA CORCORAN: No? Okay, good. Because I do feel that way, but it sounds like—

MEL ROBBINS: Why do you feel it sounds hokey?

BARBARA CORCORAN: Because I feel I’ve heard it all before and it sounds like rah-rah. I’m not doing a rah-rah. I’m doing a reality check on what really is possible and what’s not. And because I see it as real, it hurts me so much when people don’t really accomplish it for themselves when they desire it.

It just seems wrong. It just seems wrong that they should have a life that’s fulfilling and have a life that’s exactly the way they want it to be. And I really do believe people could just make their life what they want.

MEL ROBBINS: I do too. And I don’t think it’s hokey at all. I think it’s the most important thing you could say. And the reason why is you and I have done it.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah. So we have the right to say it, I guess.

MEL ROBBINS: And we also know how it’s a matter of stepping through something that you’ve erected in front of your ability to just start trying and to have the clarity to say, “You know what, I’m tired of the way my life feels. I want it to be like this, and I’m going to just wake up every day and do something to walk toward that until I fricking get there.”

BARBARA CORCORAN: And you’re right about doing something to walk toward it. Most people find it insurmountable. Like, “How could I ever get to be—” It’s not— it’s the first baby step that is everything that counts. And then the next baby step, and the next baby step. It’s believing a step at a time. It just never comes overnight.

MEL ROBBINS: It never does. And what I also love that you said over and over is you can always go back to where you are.

BARBARA CORCORAN: You could always go back. What’s the worst that could happen? If you could do that, you can do it.

MEL ROBBINS: Absolutely. The worst that could happen is that you never tried.

BARBARA CORCORAN: Yeah.

MEL ROBBINS: Barbara Corcoran, thank you so much. I love you. You’re the best.

BARBARA CORCORAN: I love you back.

Closing Thoughts from Mel

MEL ROBBINS: And I love you. I love you for making the time to listen to something that can help you see a bigger possibility for your life and help you achieve the dreams that you have. I hope you really took to heart what Barbara said. What a waste of a life if you just sit back and think about what you want. Take everything that you learned and get out there. Follow the rules that Barbara taught you and do it.

And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And it would be a waste if you didn’t get out there and try to create a better life. I really hope you do.

Alrighty, I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I’m going to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I’ll see you there.

Alrighty, thank you for watching all the way to the end here on YouTube. I really love being here with you. Thank you for sharing this episode with everybody in your life who needs a little Barbara Corcoran.

And one more thing, if that subscription light is lit up, it means you’re not a subscriber. So here’s my ask of you. Please hit subscribe. It’s free and it is the best way to tell me and the team here at the Mel Robbins Podcast and Barbara Corcoran that you love what we’re doing here. And it helps me achieve my goal that 50% of you who watch the Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube are subscribers. And that way you don’t miss a thing. So thank you for doing that for me. I really appreciate it.

All right, the next video you’re going to want to watch is this one, and I’ll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

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