Here is the full transcript of Marielle Cornes’ talk titled “Overcoming Social Anxiety” at TEDxYouth@MBJH conference.
Marielle Cornes delivered an inspiring talk titled “Overcoming Social Anxiety,” where she shared her personal journey from struggling with severe social anxiety to finding ways to manage it effectively. She began by recounting her move from Baltimore to Alabama before 7th grade, which significantly exacerbated her social anxiety due to the challenge of making new friends in an unfamiliar environment.
Marielle detailed how her condition made even simple interactions, such as asking a waiter for a napkin, immensely daunting. Through her story, she emphasized the importance of seeking professional help, which was a turning point in her life. She credited therapy and the support of her family for her gradual improvement and ability to adopt strategies to overcome her anxiety.
Marielle also highlighted the broader issue of mental health among teenagers and advocated for greater understanding and support for those suffering from mental illnesses. Her talk concluded with a powerful message about the importance of kindness and support from the community to help individuals like her feel less alone and more capable of facing their challenges.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
I moved to Mountain Brook from Baltimore the summer before 7th grade. Before I moved, I went to a small private school with about 50 people in my grade. You would think that going to such a small school would make it easier to make friends, but this was not the case. In fact, it took me from kindergarten to 6th grade at my previous school to really get a close group of friends.
After 6 years, I finally got a group that I liked, and all was well, when the worst thing happened. My parents broke the news to me that we were moving to Alabama.
This crushed me. What if it took me another 6 years to make friends?
Now, I didn’t know it at the time, but there is a reason I struggled to make friends. I suffer from social anxiety. This means that for me, talking to people and making friends, while many times simple and easy, terrifies me. When I was younger, I couldn’t ask a waiter for a napkin.
The Challenge of Moving
See what I mean? When I thought about moving, I knew it would be hard. If I couldn’t talk to a waiter, a person I’ll probably never see again, how was I supposed to talk to the people I would be in school with until senior year? As I feared, when I moved, I was immediately affected by my social anxiety.
I was completely surrounded by new people and felt the voice sucked out of me. For the first year after I moved, I didn’t do anything outside of school because I struggled to make friends. I was all alone. I planned to go up and talk to people, but all I could see was the worst-case scenario.
I pictured them laughing at me or telling me to get lost. No matter how hard I tried to talk to people, I always ended up being scared away and would end up avoiding it altogether. At this time, all I had was debate. I was a member of the team and worked on school, and this didn’t make me happy.
Struggling for Balance
Every child needs a balance between school, extracurriculars, and social life, and my balance was thrown off. This took a toll on my mental health, and I ended up becoming depressed. There were times when I hated my life. I saw no point to it.
I felt like I was worthless. At this time, I would have done anything to get away from my life in Alabama. I would have given anything to move back to Baltimore and be with my friends. I felt like nothing would ever get better.
I could only picture myself suffering in Alabama. To this day, I still occasionally wish we had not moved. However, now I’m able to see all that I’ve gained. Because we didn’t know that there was a reason I struggled to make friends, many people didn’t understand why I couldn’t do things, such as speaking in front of a group of people on my own.
Seeking Help
It would try to force me into doing things that made me uncomfortable. It took me a very long time to try to get help. I’d gone to therapists back in Baltimore, and none of them had helped, so we weren’t hopeful. Finally, after two years of not getting better, I decided to see another therapist.
This is where I finally learned that I had social anxiety. Now, I finally knew that what I was struggling with was an actual issue. At first, this terrified me. I hated the idea that there was something wrong with me. Soon, however, this diagnosis grounded me, because I knew I’d finally be able to get help and get better.
There were actually people who understood what I was going through and were going to be able to help. After a few weeks of therapy, my family and I started to notice improvements. I was able to adopt strategies to overcome my anxiety, and I was getting better.
Overcoming Challenges
Eventually, I started to make friends. But even though things were improving, there were still dark spots. Even though I had a diagnosed anxiety disorder, people didn’t always accept it as fact. There were still things, both socially and publicly, that I was not comfortable with doing.
One time, someone was trying to pressure me into speaking in front of a group of people, which at the time I was not comfortable with. So I told this person no. They told me that this was ridiculous and to not make up excuses. It is moments like this that really shake me up.
People not understanding makes me feel like a freak, like I don’t deserve help, because what I’m suffering from is ridiculous. During the worst of my times, I felt completely alone. I, unfortunately, am not the only one who feels this way. There are many other people who are suffering from the exact same thing and feel like they have no one to turn to for help.
The Impact of Mental Illness
In fact, according to the National Alliance on Mental Health, one in every five high school students suffers from a mental illness. 50% of students with mental illnesses end up dropping out of school, and 70% of juvenile prisoners have a mental illness. These numbers show how big of an issue this actually is. This is not just something that we can ignore.
All of these people felt like they had no one they could turn to. For many of them, it’s scary to turn to a loved one out of fear of being misunderstood or worse, losing them. Many of you may wonder, why couldn’t they have just done something on their own? The answer is quite simply, they can’t.
I know from first-hand experience that no one can solve a mental illness on their own. They try to take steps forward, but they’re almost always followed by an immediate step backward. I was not able to see improvements until I reached out for help. My mother watched me struggle for two years, and she was the one who encouraged me to go into therapy, and I was lucky enough to have people who I felt could help, but many people are not so lucky.
The Importance of Support
Many people with mental illnesses feel like nobody cares about what they are suffering from, and as a result, some don’t even get confirmation that they have a mental illness. They just feel like what they are suffering from is normal. This isolation can actually lead to this problem getting worse. In fact, according to Frederick Newman, the director of the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center, one of the leading causes of suicide is loneliness, people.
People just like you and me have killed themselves because they felt alone. Mental illness may seem like a simple fix, but the repercussions of taking the easy path out are unfathomable. This is not something we should have to think about, but suicide is one of the top three leading causes of death among teenagers. When you look around you, it is very likely that someone you are close to is either suffering from or close to someone who is suffering from a mental illness.
Someone who you may view as strong or happy might be suffering, although it is very hard to distinguish someone who has a mental illness, so don’t try. If someone confides in you about having a mental illness, help them, but if you don’t know, don’t guess. I myself didn’t even know I had a mental illness until I got diagnosed. I just thought it was something I would grow out of.
So, my challenge to all of you is to just be nice to everyone, because you can never know who is suffering. Being nice to everyone doesn’t take going out of your way and doing giant tasks. Just talk to people. If you see someone standing alone, go up to them and start a conversation.
For someone with social anxiety, these conversation starters can mean everything because they can’t start a conversation on their own. For me, in 7th grade, someone saying hello to me made my day. Another idea I have to help people with mental illnesses is to make it mandatory for businesses and schools to provide support groups for those with mental illnesses. This would give them the opportunity to talk to people who are suffering from the exact same thing that they are.
As I mentioned before, loneliness is a big issue when it comes to mental illnesses, and this would remind them that they are not alone. I, too, have struggled. I know that what they are going through is hard, and I want to be someone that they can look to for strength. So, we as a community need to come together to help those around us.
I challenge all of you to reach out and help those around you. Be nice to them and treat them the way they deserve to be treated. We as humans have the power to make a difference, and we should be making a difference in the lives of those suffering from a mental illness. No matter who you are or where you come from, it is very likely that you are close to someone with a mental illness, and there is no excuse not to help them.
My mother was the one who did all this for me, and I am forever grateful. Ladies and gentlemen, we all need someone like this. Thank you.