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Overcoming the Fear of Love: Trillion Small (Full Transcript)

Full text and summary of author Trillion Small’s talk titled “Overcoming the Fear of Love” at TEDxSMUWomen conference. In this TEDx talk, Trillion Small discusses the fear of love and shares personal stories to illustrate the impact of past experiences on our reactions to love. She explains how our brains are wired to protect us, leading to a fear response when love has caused pain in the past.

Listen to the audio version here:


I love movies, and recently I was watching a movie by Tyler Perry, and one of the main characters was a single mother of three children, and her love life was absolutely nothing to brag about, nothing to talk about. But in this movie, she meets this drop-dead gorgeous man. I mean, he is gorgeous. And he treats her amazing, and her three children. He loves them unconditionally.

But throughout the movie, she begins to push this amazing man away. And he was baffled by it. He said, like, what’s going on? Why are you pushing me away? And in one scene, she said, I just got so scared because I’m so used to being taken advantage of. And him confused, says, but why would I scare you? And she said, because you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.

Now, this is a movie, but I promise you, I can totally relate to this woman’s fear. A few years ago, I went to counseling, and I am a counselor, but I did want to go at first because I was like, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m good. But I’m telling my clients, yes, come to counseling. But I didn’t want to go.

But I ended up going because I kept having failed relationships. And I realized, maybe it’s not the guys. Maybe it’s something within me that I need to really work through. So I was willing to say, hey, put the mirror in front of my face. Let’s deal with this.

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