Here is the full transcript of author Lynne Franklin’s talk: Reading Minds Through Body Language @ TEDxNaperville conference. This event happened on November 10, 2017.
Listen to the MP3 Audio: Reading minds through body language by Lynne Franklin @ TEDxNaperville
Lynne Franklin – Persuasive Communicator
Hi, I’m Lynne Franklin. I have one question for you. How would you like to be a mind reader?
Because part of me is thinking I bet your mind’s thinking that’s not going to happen.
Here’s the truth. People’s brains process information they think in three different ways. And their body language will tell you all day long what their primary style is. You just need to know what to look for and what to do when you see it.
And it’s not one of those where she’s leaning back, her arms across, she’s frowning so she must be unhappy. It’s actually understanding how their brains work and then presenting your information in a way that people can see it, hear it, and feel it, and increase the chances that they’ll say yes to whatever you’re proposing, and also decrease the chances that you’ll do something stupid. Like this!
Back in my 20s, before I knew any of this stuff, I had a client who was a corporate controller. And he would sit across from me in meetings and he was always looking down with the occasional glance up.
And I thought, “Okay. Well, he’s a numbers guy. He just feels comfortable looking at the numbers.”
And then as time went on, I thought, well, you know he’s just socially inept and he doesn’t know how to give me eye contact.
And finally because I was young and stupid, I thought every time he’s looking up, he’s looking at my chest and I’m offended. And there was one point I actually went to meeting and went, “Excuse me. I’m up here.”
Ooh! Yeah talk about judgmental.
Here’s the scoop. This guy’s brain worked in a way that he was never going to give me eye contact. And no matter how many times I modeled the behavior I wanted him to use, all that did was make both of us feel uncomfortable.
So how can you tell — how can you read people’s body language to read your minds?
We’re going to show you right now, and that means I’m going to bring out our first body language model: James. Thank you James.
James represents 75% of the world. You didn’t know this about James but James is a looker. What that means is that James’s brain thinks in pictures and images — in pictures and images.
And here’s how we can tell that James is a looker from his body language. First thing, he stands up tall. He has good posture.
Second, he’s dressed well because appearance is important to lookers.
The next thing you’ll notice about James is that he holds a little stress in his shoulders. Lift up your shoulders a little bit. Yeah, keeps all the stress there.
Next thing you’ll notice he has wrinkles in his forehead, because James looks up when he remembers something he has seen and he looks up more often than most of us do.
Next thing you notice about James is that he has thin lips, suck them in. And you know this is a chicken and egg thing. We’re not quite sure why lookers have thin lips but most of them do.
And the other thing about lookers is they give you lots of eye contact. Look at him, look at him, look at him. All of them. Look at all of them. Thanks James.
Okay now that you know that James is a looker, here are the two things you do to build rapport with him.
The first is that you give him lots of eye contact, because he literally believes if you do not look at him, you are not paying attention to him and you are ignoring him.
The second thing you do with lookers is you give them words that have a visual component to it. I see what you mean, or look at this. Or let’s picture working together this way.
So you use the type of language that is going on in James’s brain. Those are Lookers. 75% of people in the world.
Our next body language model is Marge. And Marge represents 20% of the people in the world. Marge is a listener. What this means is that Marge’s brain thinks in words and sounds, in words and sounds. And this is the body language that you will see in a listener.
First, Marge, not as well dressed as James, because appearance is not as important to her. Sorry Marge.
Next, Marge has a tendency to look down into the left because that’s where you look when you are remembering something you have heard.
Next thing, you notice about Marge is that a lot of times she’ll put her head in her hand. It’s called telephone posture.
Other things you’ll notice about Marge is that she has a tendency to mumble to herself. Go ahead mumble. And it’s not that she’s crazy; it’s that she thinks in words and sounds, so she’s literally talking to herself.