Here is the full transcript of transformation and leadership consultant Lena Kay’s TEDx Talk: Three Steps to Transform Your Life at TEDxNishtiman conference. This event occurred on April 1, 2017.
Listen to the MP3 Audio: Three Steps to Transform Your Life by Lena Kay at TEDxNishtiman
What would it take to transform your life, to transform Kurdistan, to transform the world? I’m Lena Key. And I empower people to transform their lives and maximize their potential so that then they can achieve what they want.
Today, I’m going to share with you three steps that I use to transform any area of my life. It’s what my friends, my family, and clients use to transform their health, relationships, business, finance, and anything else. I’ll also share with you why it is relevant in Kurdistan today.
But first I want to tell you a story about a little Kurdish boy, who was a refugee. Bonen Arbil – the doctors told his mother that he had died in her belly and that he would be stillborn. His mother gave birth, the doctor announced him dead and walked out the room. A nurse came in, slapped him a few times and he started to cry. A few years later, when Saddam was bombing the Kurds with chemical warfare, the little boy’s family decided to flee to Europe. They went horse-back through mountains, they were smuggled into Iran, and eventually, ended up in London as refugees of war.
He went to school, college, university. And by that time his family were working class and weren’t the wealthiest, so he got a part-time job while he was in university, because London is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in. The company he was working for saw leadership skills in him. They offered him money to leave university. He did. He managed ten gambling establishments in London. And he’d done that for several years before he moved on to business banking. And again, they saw leadership skills, and they promoted him to be team leader. Everything looked good on the outside. but on the inside, there was a storm brewing.
Have you ever put a smile on your face when on the inside there is a storm? Turbulent relationships with his family led him to to be thrown out. And he found himself depressed, with a brain tumor, suffering from anxiety, living in a homeless hostel, and highly medicated by doctors. In his mid-20s, he had a breakdown. He went from corporate leadership to living on benefits. He hated his life, he hated his situation, he was in pain, and he wanted change so badly. But things seemed to go from bad to worse.
Every time he took a step forward, something happened that took him two steps back. He was spiraling into darkness and addiction. Then one day, he discovered a video on YouTube that changed his life forever. It was talking about the power of the mind and how you are not a victim of your circumstances; you are a creator of them. He thought, “How could this be? You mean I created my misery? I created my pain? I created my brain tumor?” He thought, “Surely someone would’ve told me this information.”
So he’d done some research into science, religion, spirituality. What he found difficult to find was any evidence against this. You see, physics says that reality is created from your perception. Neuroscience says your brain controls your biochemistry. Religion says you are created in the image and likeness of the creator. And spirituality says, that life doesn’t happen to you. It happens from you. He liked the idea. He thought, if I created my own hardship, maybe I can uncreate them.
Against the advice of the doctors, he decided to come off the medication and he started to self heal. What does this mean? It means he was able to create better results in his biochemistry, using his mind than the medicated drugs. He got better. He repaired the relationships with his family. He replaced his television with books and he improved his relationship with money.
See, no one told him the most powerful knowledge that helped him change his life. Not the education system, not religion, not the government and nobody around him. And now he discovered this powerful truth. He wanted to share it with everyone he could. He trained, he coached, and he helped other people to develop who they are, so they can achieve what they want. You see that little boy, was statistically destined to lose. Statistically as a refugee, statistically as someone who suffered from depression and countless other illnesses, statistically as someone on the benefits system. But he decided to change his life, and the only way he found out he could do that was by changing the way he thinks.
Now everything in that story is true, except for one factor. The little boy was actually a little girl. And that little girl was me. In the process of my own healing, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. In the last five years, he’s forgotten how to read, how to write how to clothe himself, feed himself, and he’s forgotten who his wife is, as well as his three children. I remember a friend told me years ago, people don’t really value their minds until they someone who has lost theirs.
Let me ask you, do you value your mind? Because it is the most powerful asset that you have. In my process of healing and transformation, I used the following three steps. And they worked for me, they worked for my clients. This is where you can get some substance from this talk, and you can relate it to your life. I could talk to you for the whole weekend just on step one. But we don’t have that luxury of time.
So, step one is focus and attention equals creation. Most people, they lose right here on step one. Step one is so important for you to focus on what you want, what is your dream, what’s your vision, what’s your goal and stick to it. This is not the time to get practical. People, they think oh I’d love to have this, I’d love to do that, but how am I gonna do it? Or they talk to someone. And someone talks them out of it. Don’t be practical in step 1, this is just about focusing, clarifying what you want. Make sure you write it down. Get very specific on what you want. Because the brain will give you what you want.
You see most people they focus on their problems and they get more problems. Why? Because what you focus on, you direct in your energy. So, focus on what you want.
The second step, OK, your ideas are very very powerful; please do cherish them. Because ideas change the world. Everything thing on this planet besides nature was once an idea in the mind of a human being. Okay. Step two is your self-mastery. What do you believe about the things that you want? Because you see life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you believe. If what you want is here and your belief is here, life will give you this every single time. So self-mastery is but knowing how do you feel, what do you believe, because you were designed. Okay. Your clicker guys. Okay, you’re designed to win but you’re programmed to lose. It is so important what you believe in and your self-mastery, only you can do that.
I worked with a woman, she had lot of pain in her knee. And doctors told us she has arthritis and that it will progressively get worse. I said don’t worry about what the doctors believe. What matters is what you believe. I said focus on the good leg. Give praise for the parts of your body that are working. Maybe exercise a little bit. We worked on her belief system. In three weeks, she told me her pain was hardly there anymore. In six months, what was amazing, was that her blood test showed her arthritis had reversed, and the doctors said her knee looks like she had an operation. What you believe is very very important.