This is the full transcript of nurse practitioner and fitness enthusiast Stephanie Buxhoeveden’s TEDx Talk titled “Thriving in the Face of Adversity” at TEDxHerndon event.
Listen to the MP3 Audio here: Thriving in the Face of Adversity by Stephanie Buxhoeveden at TEDxHerndon
Life is going to challenge you at some point. It’s going to hand you something unfair. It’s going to take something from you. It’s going to interfere with your plans. When this happens, you have a few choices: deny, cope, or thrive.
I’m here today to tell you my story, or at least, my story so far. I was 25 years old, a neurosurgical intensive care nurse and enrolled in an extremely competitive graduate program where I was studying how to be a nurse anesthetist, that’s people who give anesthesia in the operating room.
The program accepts fewer than 25 people per year, and I had worked really hard in order to earn my spot. To top it all off, this is what I did in my downtime in order to relax.
One day while I was working out my right foot fell asleep, and it never woke back up. Then, over the next week, the numbness that started in my foot, began to spread up both of my legs. I brushed it off hoping that it was just a sports injury. Maybe I had pinched a nerve while weightlifting. And I knew that if it was anything more serious than that, I was not prepared to face it just yet.
The truth was that I saw the devastating effects of neurological disease every day at work, and I refused to see myself as anything but young and invincible. So I swept it under the rug, and I kept going at the breakneck pace that I was so accustomed to.
And then, before I knew it, the big day came. I was finally giving anesthesia for the first time as a student. I had spent months cooped up in a classroom and I could not wait to put my new skills to the test. I didn’t know it at the time, but everything would change that day.
In the locker room at the hospital I fumbled trying to get my completely numb legs into my surgical scrubs. And as I tightened the drawstring of my pants, I realized I had no feeling from the waist down, but still, I pressed on. The students were expected to arrive at the hospital early and prepare the equipment before the day officially began at 7 am. It was still hours before the sun would come up and patients would start to arrive. So I had the serene, sterile operating room all to myself, but inside, things were getting a lot worse for me: I lost the feeling in my right arm, the ability to move my right hand, my vision became nothing but a blur of bright fluorescent lights.
It’s then, at that point, unable to see straight, use my dominant hand or feel three quarters of my body that even I had to admit that something was very wrong. I somehow made my way back to the locker room, and I called my teacher. She told me to go to the emergency room immediately which was only a few floors below my feet, but I couldn’t even make it to the elevator. “Stay there” she told me, “I’m only a couple of minutes away, I’m coming to get you.”
So I sat, and I waited. And as I did, I looked down at my very first pair of surgical scrubs, which to me represented the first step towards a career I had worked so hard for. And I tried to convince myself that this is just me caving under the pressure of a really important day. But in my heart I knew. I knew there was something much, much more ominous than that.
I walked into the hospital that morning as a provider, but I didn’t walk back out for over a week. When I did, I left as a patient. My hospital admission was full of spinal taps, and MRI scans, IV infusions, and painful tests. When the results came back it was official: I was one of 2.3 million people worldwide living with multiple sclerosis. There’s no cure for MS. In fact, we don’t even really know what causes it.
There are treatments for some types of MS but they don’t reverse damage that has already been done, they’re not guaranteed to work. And they come along with some serious, sometimes even deadly, side-effects. It’s the most common neurological disease in young people, most often striking in one’s 20s or 30s when most of us are in the primes of our lives. Like a lot of 25 year olds, I was busy finishing school and starting my career, planning my wedding. MS was not part of my 5-year plan.