Home » We Grow Into The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Aaron Maniam (Transcript)

We Grow Into The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Aaron Maniam (Transcript)

Full text of poet Aaron Maniam’s talk: We grow into the stories we tell ourselves at TEDxSingapore conference.

Listen to the MP3 Audio here:


Aaron Maniam – Poet

What’s your earliest memory? Think about it. Don’t tell anyone. I know, usually we ask people to talk to their neighbor at this point but don’t do that this time; keep it to yourself. Hold it quiet and precious.

I’ll ask you again about it later. My earliest memories are of being read to by my parents, when I was very young, of going on long adventures with them; being told stories and being taken to places I hadn’t seen before.

Later on, I started creating stories of my own. Sometimes I drew them, not very well, but every now and then I would find words for them. And eventually I realized that creating stories was something that was going to string together every part of my life.

And initially, I thought that I was alone in this. Well, perhaps me and a small number of other eccentric Mavericks who dare to call themselves writers. But recently, I’ve realized that I’m not alone in it.

And the reason I’ve realized I’m not alone, it’s this young lady. Amelia is my niece. She’s going on two years old. And in the last few months, she’s got much more interested in active play. She’s been playing with blocks, trains, dolls; all manner of things.

And what I’ve noticed in the last few months is that she has started, as she plays, to say things. She puts the blocks together and says bird, cat, dog, purple, pink, Grover. And I didn’t think that she’s telling stories to herself.

Because at heart, all of us, from earliest memory onwards, are fundamentally narrative creatures. We are storied beings, and stories are what make us who we are.

That applies to countries as well, to societies, to groups of people. And I think, in discovering the new Singapore, right? That undiscovered places full of possibilities and promise, one of the first things we will need to do is ask ourselves, “What are the new stories of this place?”

But of course, before we talk about new stories, we have to figure out what the old stories are. Anyone who studied Singapore or looked at a map will know that we are small. Anyone who’s attended class in any of our schools would have gone through a process of learning that we have no natural resources, and our only natural resource is our people.

We also know that we are, as various speakers have alluded to in the last couple of days, a little red dot. But these aren’t the only stories that we can tell ourselves.

I’d like to suggest a set of new stories that I think we can consider. New ways of seeing the world, and new ways of defining who and what we are.

The first of these is what I like to think of, as having a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. And what that means is, we don’t have to accept that what we are today will continue and persist to define what we are tomorrow. We can grow. We can become something new. We can learn. We can refine ourselves. We can work on the things that we’re not good at; that is fundamentally what a growth mindset is.

But don’t take my word for it. I’m going to cite two authorities for you, about what growth mindsets can do.

The first is the wonderful American psychologist, Carol Dweck. Carol’s work focuses on how growth mindsets are strongly correlated with success and thriving lives. A growth mindset being the idea that we can constantly learn.

The second authority is someone many of you would have met yesterday. Dylan Soh told us that the little red dot isn’t actually that little; it’s actually quite big, and that we can grow into new perspectives of ourselves. And I think that’s a fundamentally important story for the undiscovered Singapore.

The second story that I think we all need to be much more aware of is a story that defines what kind of group we are. What are we as a collection of people? Are we a crowd of unconnected people, disparate entities, with no links or relationships to one another?

Or, are we a community; a community with connections and relationships and links that can come together to achieve big things?

A few years ago, we embarked on a process called ‘The Singapore conversation’– a process of communities coming together to define what our collective aspirations, visions, hopes and dreams were.

In 2009, the great political scientist, Elinor Ostrom won a Nobel Prize for researching ‘what the role of communities can be in managing common resources?’ And what she found was that communities, in certain circumstances, are actually able to achieve far better outcomes than markets or governments functioning in, what she called a process of central direction.

When we are a community, that story can propel us to achieving things that no crowd on a collection of people can do alone.

The third thing that I think is going to be really important for the kind of stories we tell, is about how we relate to the systems around us. We could think of the system as this rigid entity, and blame all of what happens to us on these external forces; cold and impersonal as they are, or we can believe that we influence that system.

The fundamental belief here is about where our locus of control lies. An internal locus of control says that the determinants of our destiny come from inside us; we are the ones who make choices which affect that future.

An external locus of control says that it’s everything outside of us that affects the future: the boss, the nasty person out there, the rules, the culture, the system; and we have a choice about which of those beliefs we subscribe to.

And I think it’s an important story to tell ourselves if we do want to move to be an undiscovered country or to become something bigger than we are now, that we can actually influence the system and that we have an internal locus of control. We need some amount of external locus to make sure we’re not reckless and arrogant. But fundamentally, I’d like to think that more of us need an internal locus.

There’s a fourth story as well, and that focuses on how we perceive the resources around us. We could look around us and see the gaps: the weaknesses, the deficits and all the things that are going wrong, or we could look around and notice the gifts and the assets that we have; the wealth and abundance of things that are at our disposal.

Much like Crystal Goh, who you also heard yesterday, who noticed, not just a condition or the things that she couldn’t do but the gifts and the abundant assets that she possessed, which allowed her to completely redefine a future; that’s a new story that I think we can tell.

Equally critical is how we perceive our life. Do we think of our life as a disconnected set of events? I was born in 1979; I went to school, in primary school in 1986; I started secondary school in 1992; graduated from University in 2002, and now I’m standing here in 2015, after a series of shenanigans and adventures.

That could be one way to look at a life, or I could think of it as a series of connected events; that my life is a campaign movement. And what I like about a story that involves campaigns and movements, not just disparate events, is that we start to be kinder to ourselves when we see the connections in everything that’s happened to us.

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