How To Get What You Want And Not Stick To What You Can: Pooja Jambotkar (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of Pooja Jambotkar’s talk titled “How To Get What You Want And Not Stick To What You Can” at TEDxYouth@LPHS conference.

SUMMARY: In this TEDx talk, Pooja Jambotkar begins with a personal journey from her introverted childhood to achieving her dream of becoming the popular girl in high school. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing one’s desires and strengths to transform wants into achievements.

Pooja introduces a six-step process that she has used throughout her life, proving its effectiveness by sharing her own experiences of constant want and achievement. She challenges the audience to differentiate between what they can do and what they truly want to do, highlighting the significance of commitment to one’s goals.

Through her narrative, Pooja inspires with the message that wants can change over time, and how adapting to these changes is crucial for personal growth. She underlines the talk with a poignant question about whether individuals are pursuing their wants or merely settling for their cans. Pooja’s talk is a powerful testament to the power of ambition, self-reflection, and relentless pursuit of personal goals.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

Thank you. Thank you for such a lovely introduction. Good morning. Yes, today, I’m going to talk about how to get what you want. So, you have to bear with me because the word “want” you’re going to hear a lot. Okay, the next 15 minutes.

My Journey

So, a little background about me. As a child, I was a very introverted child. Now, I don’t look like one. Yes. But, as a child, I was. I didn’t have friends. In terms of academics, also, I was very average. Extracurricular activities, I would do only dance and a little theater, but not great in other stuff.

But, I was not happy with my situation. This, I’m talking about when I was in school. I wanted to change that situation.

I wanted something. Okay, listen to the word: wanted. What I wanted… at that point in my life, I wanted to become that popular girl, you know. You must have seen these movies, “Mean Girls” and all those. You want to, like, I wanted to become that, that popular girl in this high school, or that couple of groups of that school. But, I wasn’t even close. Like, I was like that far from reaching them. But, I wanted that. So, I had to do certain things to get what I wanted.

The Process

So, how did I start? I first acknowledged that yes, I want this. So, that’s the first step is easy. That’s done. Next step, I identified my strength. What is it that can make me reach there? Okay, now I know this. A few of my friends, but they’re still not good enough to make me reach there. So, now what else do I need? I need to add more strengths. I need to learn and learn a lot of things, probably do some hard work in some other field. And, eventually, yes, I did reach that stage where I was the popular girl in the high school.

But, there were a lot of steps that went by till I reached them. Those steps are what I’m going to talk to you all about. Those steps I still use. I’m 38, and my wants throughout my life till now have kept changing. But, the steps have remained the same. I use the same steps. I just have to identify my want. Once my want is there, I just have to use those strengths or the steps, and I get what I want.

Okay, so the first question that I’m going to ask you guys, and at the end, I’m going to come back to that question. Okay. And, I hope you have those answers to this question. The question is, are you doing what you want? Or are you doing what you can? Okay. Did you hear this? The question is the same, only two words change: “want” and “can”. So, you need to ask yourself this question. And, in the end, I’m going to again, come back to this.

Understanding Want and Can

Okay. So, let’s first understand what do you mean by “want” and “can”. The two simple words that we learned from our school, right? Wanting and can do. So, I’m going to tell you the major difference and how you can utilize it in your life. So, let’s take an option of career choices.

Okay. So, for example, I can cook, right? Most of us can cook, so I can become a chef, right? But, is that what I want to do? Maybe not. I can drive; I can become a driver. I can paint; I can become an artist. I can sing; I can become a singer. I can act; I can become an actor. A lot of things.

On a lighter note, I can argue, so I can become a lawyer, and I did become. But, that’s not the case. But, yes, you can do multiple things. I’m sure each one of us can do multiple things. But, out of those “cans,” is any of that “can” is what you want? For example, you want to become, again going back to the career choices, you want to become a pilot, for example. All these things that you can sing, you can dance, you can act, you can cook, you can drive, will that help you become a pilot? No, it will not, right? Because to become a pilot, probably, you need to choose a stream of education, you need to join an academy. There are a lot of things, I’m sure, that goes into becoming a pilot.

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So, this may be the “can” right now that you have in your life will not be useful. You need to add more skills to it, more experiences to it. So, you need to first identify what you want in your life. Yes, and your wants will keep changing. Your want today might be just passing out with good grades. It can be settling, maybe outside India, or it can be a simple, simple want. But, your want throughout your life will keep changing.

Six Steps to Achieving Your Wants

Okay. So, I’m going to tell you six steps that I followed, and I hope those are useful for you also. So, in your mind now, start thinking, okay, what do you want to do? The first step is you have to choose your options. Okay. Because, I said, you have multiple “cans,” okay, but now you have to narrow down your wants. Your wants can also be two, three, or maybe ten also, depending on what you actually want. So, just choose your options.

Now, how do you choose your options? There’s a process. You can think of the likes, things that interest you, or it can be someone that you admire or get inspired by, and probably what they are doing in their life, you would want to do that same thing. Okay. So, it can be any of these things. So, think in your mind that, for example, I’ll give my example. I was completely inspired by my father. I’m still, I am, he’s no more, but he still inspires me. So, whatever he did in his life, whatever he wanted to do, I wanted to do. Whatever he became, I wanted to become.

Okay. So, he came to Mumbai at a very early age from his native place to become an actor. Yeah, but yeah, he didn’t succeed that much, but he tried his hand. Eventually, in some point in my life, I had a little interest in that. Even I tried acting. He started teaching to meet his, probably he wanted to pay his college fees. He was not doing great financially. So, he started teaching, he started taking tuition classes, which even I did, and my reasons were different. I wanted to do because I enjoy teaching. He became a lawyer, and that’s a very good reason why he became a lawyer.

He became a lawyer because he used to think that a client, okay, client tells his case, the client expresses his feeling, what he’s going through, and a lawyer is the one who absorbs it and presents it in front of the judge as if it’s him who’s going through that pain or the suffering. So, he felt that’s like the best acting job that he could do. So, he enjoyed being a lawyer, even I practiced law with him.

And then, in a lot of ways, he was an influencer in the true sense, influencing people around him, probably knowing unknowingly, and which I do currently on my Instagram page. I influence in the current way of saying influencing. But, for me, he was the inspiration. I wanted to do whatever he did, and I did that. So, my wants were connected to him.

The same way, you can identify your wants, okay. So, once your wants are identified, narrow down to one or two, or probably three, and then work on them. Okay. So, the first step is clear, you choose your wants. The second is, now that you know your wants, be committed to your wants. It can be one; it can be two, as I said, but be committed to whatever you’re doing. So, that will, commitment or dedication will help you reach what you want faster. And once you’ve achieved it, it will help you continue with it. Because once you achieve it, you can’t just relax and let go of it, right? You need to be committed further beyond that also, and continue your journey.

Commitment and Dedication

So, it’s important for you to be committed and dedicated to whatever you do. For example, putting up this TEDx today, okay, so much work went into it because you all have committed towards it. It can be your career, it can be your job, it can be your family, just be committed to whatever you’re wanting to do in your life. So, that’s the second step, being committed.

Coming back to me, giving an example of how commitment helped me. So, when I participated in Mrs. India, I wasn’t prepared in that sense, like I wasn’t a model before that, I’m a lawyer. So, there was a lot of preparation that went by, but I was committed. I had made sure that I want that crown on my head.

Now, how do I get it? I used the six steps. I, of course, worked a lot on myself in terms of my appearance, in terms of my speaking, in terms of my talent, a lot of things went by. But, I also manifested that I want that crown, and I won that. But, after winning that, I didn’t stop. I went for the next pageant. I was committed there, in my other career options, getting married, or motherhood, everywhere. I kept my commitment on. That has helped me reach where I have reached today. So, being committed to what you want is really important. It can be very, very simple wants, but put your commitment in everything you do. So, first two steps clear.

The Importance of Learning and Unlearning

The next step is, it’s very, very important that you never stop learning. Learn while you are on the journey, learn through experiences, and sometimes unlearn also, because you might feel that I know everything. But, that’s not the case. There are new trends coming, new practices coming, so you have to sometimes unlearn also. Be ready, don’t be rigid about it.

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Okay. So, in your life, you will meet a lot of people, you will encounter a lot of experiences. I’m not saying that all of those experiences, all the people are going to make you a better person. That’s not true. But, they will add some kind of value to you. Okay, so it’s important that you keep your mind open, keep the process of learning open, and just go on with your journey. So, that’s the next one, that you have to learn and unlearn.

Now, the fourth one, which is my favorite one, because while you’re choosing your options, while you’re being committed, dedicated, learning, or unlearning, don’t forget to have fun in the whole process. Enjoy the journey. Because, if you enjoy the journey, you will do good, you will excel in whatever you’re doing. So, it’s important that you enjoy the small joys, the small moments, the small victories, the small achievements that you have while you are experiencing your journey.

The Power of Positivity and Honesty

And, what will that help you? Because, of course, throughout your journey, everything is not going to be goody goody, everything is not going to be glorified. Of course, you will have downfalls, you will have hurdles, you will have disturbances, ups and downs. But, these small victories, small achievements, small joys will make everything worth it. You will remember those joys, you will remember those moments, and everything, you will feel it’s okay. If there are down days, if their days are not working, you will still go on with it.

So, a little example again, while I was practicing with my father, he was a public prosecutor in the criminal side, I was on the defense side. There were tough days for me, because, day in and out, I had to deal with criminals, cops, societal norms, a lot of things. And, all days were not great, of course.

But, the days wherein I could do a good argument in front of the judge, or I did win a case, or my client got justice, he was happy, those small victories made my day. Every time I got a small achievement, I patted my back and ate one red velvet cake, which was my favorite. This is just to remember that day, that I did something good. This was a good victory for me in my professional career.

And, when I look back at it, it was almost 10 years back, and as I practiced, when I look back, those 10 years back, I can only think of those moments, which were the happy, the victorious moments. I don’t remember the day I lost a case, the day which was bad, I couldn’t argue well. I only remember the good ones. So, always cherish those moments, enjoy those moments, and you will enjoy the journey , you will enjoy what you’re wanting. So, okay, the fourth and fifth one is, be positive and be honest.

Embracing Change and Belief in Oneself

Okay, I’m going to separate these two. What do you mean by be positive? It means, of course, everything and every day is not going to be like everything is good, everything is positive. There will be days when you don’t feel good about yourself, you don’t feel good about things happening around you, that’s okay. But, the key to it is that you go on, you don’t stop, you keep moving. So, that’s very important.

So, there will be bad days, but think of the good days and keep going. So, be positive. That’s the approach that you need to have. Now, when I say be honest, I mean be honest to yourself, to your feelings, because there might be something that you’re doing, you’re doing a lot of hard work towards it, you have tried so many times, but it’s not just happening. So, what do you do? You derail yourself sometimes. It’s okay. You probably have to change your perspective, you probably have to change your want completely, but it is completely fine.

You have to be honest to yourself. Is this not working for me? It’s okay to go back and change the whole route. So, being honest is very important. Again, giving a small example, while I was practicing and teaching and everything, when I got married, I conceived. The day I conceived, I decided that once I have my child, I want to do something career-wise wherein my child can be part of my life. Now, my want changed.

What is my want? Now, I want to become a mother and spend time with my child. That’s my want currently, five years back. So, that’s okay. Wants can keep changing, as I said. So, for that, now I need to de-route. I can’t be teaching, I can’t be acting, I can’t be going back to the legal field. So, how do I do that? So, after my child was born, I started blogging about my parenting journey. I started fitness classes for me and mothers like me to lose weight. So, that’s what I did along with my child.

So, your wants can keep changing, and if you want to derail or take another path or probably change your course of action or your perspective, and that is what you need at that point, it’s okay to do that. Okay, so, be honest to yourself in what you’re doing. And, last but most important, never, never, never stop believing in yourself. Okay, because when you believe in yourself, there will be a point when people around you will also believe in you and what you want. So, it’s important that never stop believing in yourself. Keep at it. Keep doing.

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And, of course, people will tell you, probably this is not working, but you need to listen to yourself. You are the best judge for yourself. You need to understand, no, I need to do this for myself. I can do this. Okay, so you need to go ahead with what you believe in. And, again, if it’s not working, it’s up to you to decide, and it’s not to anyone else to tell you that you need to change your route.

Okay, so only you can decide that. So, these are the six steps that I follow when I decide my want. So, I hope you have an answer for yourself also, like in your mind, you’re already thinking, okay, I want to become an air hostess and an actress, or I want to become an engineer or a doctor, or whatever. Or, I want to get married, have kids, I want to travel outside India. It can be anything. Your wants can be anything. Just make sure that once your wants are narrowed down, you make sure that you reach to your wants.

Okay, now, I want to take a small opportunity to share a story which my father used to tell me, which is a very true story, and I love whenever I get a platform, I love to share that story.

The Story of Opportunity

As I mentioned, he was also a lawyer. He used to practice in High Court. So, right opposite High Court, there is Jahangir Art Gallery. You must have seen that. Only people who love art actually visit, like I have, like very rarely gone there. Same for my father, but one day, a friend suggested, let’s go visit the art gallery, and he went. And, again, not that very into about art, he was just passing by, strolling through the painting, but one painting caught his attention, and he stood there, and kept staring, and staring, and staring.

After a point, a person came and asked him, “What is it that you’re staring? Like, are you interested, or you didn’t like it, or what is it?” And, because it was almost 10 minutes, my father was standing there. So, my father said, “I don’t understand the painting and the title of the painting.”

The guy said, “Okay, what do you mean by that?” So, the painting, my father described the painting, what he visualized of the painting. Okay, he said, “This is a black lady. Okay, this black lady is wearing a big black gown. She is wearing shoes which are black, so nothing can be seen on her feet. She is wearing gloves, so nothing can be seen on her hand. Her face is also not seen because her long black hair are on her face. They are covering her face also. So, nothing can be seen. On top of that, she has black wings. Only what you could see is like a small portion of her eyes. Okay, that’s it. And the name of the painting was ‘Opportunity.’ How on earth is this black lady an opportunity?”

So, the guy who was standing, who had asked him this question, introduced himself, that, “I am the artist who made this painting, and yes, opportunities are like this. They are black. That’s a black lady. She has wings. You can’t see an opportunity right in front of you. They are everyday, right? In our everyday life, we get opportunities. We don’t see them. What we see is a little tinge in the eye of the opportunity lady. Unless you catch that tinge in the eye, she has wings, she’ll fly away.”

So, it’s very important that, as soon as you see that tinge, or the ray of opportunity in your life, in every day, okay, it can be for me, today is an opportunity to speak to you guys. It’s an opportunity for you all to listen to all the speakers, right? So, you have to just see that ray of hope, or that ray of light, and catch it, and make sure that you hold on to that black lady. She’s going to fly away. So, make the most of all the opportunities that you get in your life.

And, I hope you have, you are, like, kind of okay, and kind of processing what you want in your life. And, I just want to say, thank you to all the audience for being such a fabulous audience, and listening to me, and thanks to TEDx and the whole team. Thank you. Thank you so much.