Mastering The Art of Everyday Diplomacy: Alisher Faizullaev (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of Professor Alisher Faizullaev’s talk titled “Mastering The Art of Everyday Diplomacy” at TEDxMustaqillikSquare 2017 conference.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

Introduction to Everyday Diplomacy

Can I please ask you a question? Would you please raise your hand if you feel yourself or consider yourself as a diplomat in your ordinary, in your everyday life? Would you please raise your hand? Oh, great. So many diplomats, wonderful.

One more question. Would you please raise your hand if you know someone, some individuals, who could be recognized as diplomat in their life? Anybody? Wonderful, even more, that’s great.

So let’s discuss everyday diplomacy. I spent myself part of my life in international diplomacy. Some years ago, I served as ambassador of my country to several other countries and a number of international organizations. So I have a firsthand experience in international diplomacy. But today, I would like to discuss not international diplomacy, but everyday diplomacy. Diplomacy which takes place in our everyday, ordinary life.

Comparing International and Everyday Diplomacy

Of course, when we say diplomacy, we mean, first of all, international diplomacy. State can establish diplomatic relations and use diplomacy for preventing or resolving conflict, for defending and promoting their interests. But we could also apply the concept of diplomacy to our everyday life.

And of course, there are many differences between international diplomacy and everyday diplomacy. International diplomacy is about diplomacy between nations. And everyday diplomacy is about diplomacy among individuals and small groups such as families and peer groups.

But at the same time, there are a lot of commonalities between international diplomacy and everyday diplomacy. I knew many very outstanding diplomats, dignitaries, politicians who were not just very good in international diplomacy, but very effective in everyday diplomacy, in everyday communication. They were very polite, very nice, and that quality very much helped in performing international diplomacy.

A Personal Encounter with President Clinton

Let me tell you a little story how I met President Clinton. In fact, I met him twice. First time, I was introduced to him during a big diplomatic reception. When I was introduced, you see this picture to him. He offered me a very warm greeting. He said, “Well, how are you, Mr. Faizullaev, Ambassador Faizullaev, how’s things in Uzbekistan?” To be honest, I was a little surprised. I didn’t expect such a great warm greeting.

And we spent a few seconds greeting each other, talking to each other. And after some time, a friend of mine said, “Well, do you know him? Did you know him?” I said, “No, I didn’t know.”

And in a few years, I met him once again. It was another big diplomatic gathering. I was standing in a corridor. And suddenly, President Clinton appeared somewhere next to me. And he made a couple of steps and greeted me with handshake. I was very much surprised. And of course, very much pleased.

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And I also made a few steps and we greeted each other with handshake. And I thought, well, I don’t believe that he remembers me. There were so many diplomats, so many ambassadors, head of state, and many other very, very prominent people. It’s just impossible to remember someone after a few years.

And sometime ago, I told this story to a person who worked for President Clinton several years. And he said to me, “Well, you know, he has an incredible memory. He remembers everybody who meet even a few years ago.” And I don’t know, to be honest, is it true or not, but such a quality, it’s a great quality to be both diplomat at everyday level and at international level. To be a good everyday diplomat and good international diplomat.

So we live in a social world. And social world is a world of difference, where so many differences around. Different people, different groups.

Coping with Differences

And we may have many, many differences in our interests, our positions, our attitudes, our beliefs, our behavior. And many, many differences. And it is very important to cope with these differences, to live peacefully with these differences.

And we may have a lot of discussions, debates, disagreements, confrontation, and conflicts that’s a part of our life, of social life. But it is, again, so important to cope with all these differences, different opinions, different colors, different religions, different people. And to cope with these differences, we need to have three very important things.

Number one, a mindset. It’s a spirit of everyday diplomacy. Number two, it’s a strategy, a way of interacting with others and certain skills which help us to be a diplomat, to implement this strategy in our everyday life.

The Mindset of Everyday Diplomacy

Let’s start from mindset. This mindset is peace of mind, our inner peace. It’s a spirit of peace, peacefulness. That’s very important, that’s our inner foundation of everyday diplomacy. That gives us some stability. That’s very important.

And our peace of mind is based on our ability to be tolerant, to have patience, and to recognize differences. There are many differences. That’s all right to have so many differences. Not just to recognize, but appreciate these differences. When we have this tolerance, patience, and recognition of differences, that provides us some basis to have peace of mind, everyday strategy.

The Strategy of Balance

This strategy is a strategy of balance. We may have a lot of our own interests, of course, and values, and rights. It’s great to have all this and defend them. But it’s also important to recognize and to see that others also have interests, values, and rights. It’s very important to have some balance between these.

War is an act of extreme unbalance, but diplomacy is constructing a balance, a balanced relationship. Our inner balance, which provides us some inner integrity and balance with others. And there is a very nice symbol of balance, which is a symbol of Taiji, which is ancient Chinese Taoist symbol of yin and yang. Yin comprises some yang, and yang comprises some yin.

These are opposites, but they also complement each other. They need each other. They balance each other. That’s very important for them to exist and to fulfill.

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And the strategy of balance, the balance strategy, has three pillars. One is rooting, which is rooting in some values, in some principles, in peacefulness of our mind. In love, we need to have some rooting to be stable, to have a balanced relationship with others.

Resilience, which is so important in our turbulent world, when we have so many challenges, so many changes. And moderateness, which is very, very important to have a balanced relationship with others and with ourselves.

Skills for Everyday Diplomacy

We need some skills to implement this strategy in our life. There are two very important sets of skills. Number one is social interaction skills, interaction with others.

Number two, self-regulation skills. This is interaction skills. Let’s start from social interaction skills. There are a few very important things which help us to have these social interaction skills.

First, understanding. It’s just impossible to deal, to cope with others diplomatically, to be a diplomat and understand and cope with others without understanding. Tactfulness, which is a very important characteristic of diplomacy, is very important. And negotiation is very important. All these things are very important.

Understanding is based on our mindfulness, our ability to see, to feel, to be here and now, to pay attention to details. We need to be receptive to differences, not to reject, but to be receptive. And listening. Listening is active, both emotional and cognitive process.

Tactfulness is one of the very key characteristics of being a diplomat, diplomacy. It’s based on our sensitivity to sense, even some tiny things, body language, meaning, some details, civility, which shows us as a part of civilization. We need to be part of civilization. And respect, which preserves the dignity of others. When we respect others, we may expect some respect from others. This is also very important. And negotiation.

The Importance of Negotiation

Of course, negotiation is very, very crucial. It’s central for any diplomacy, both international diplomacy and everyday diplomacy. Every diplomat is a man of negotiation. He or she negotiates with neighbors, with relatives, with bosses, with subordinates, with everyone. Negotiation is not just a skill, it’s a value, it’s a social good, because it provides us opportunity to agree, to get some agreement, to have some balanced relationship.

That’s all right to have discussions. I may have my own opinion, you may have your own opinion. Let’s discuss. That’s a way of negotiation. It’s important to find something common, common ground. That’s a way of negotiation. And coming to an agreement, which is a way of negotiation and a way of diplomacy.

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Self-Regulation Skills

As far as our self-regulation skill, the central here is our ability to be calm. It’s very important, even in discussion, in disagreements, in tough situations with difficult people. But it’s not just an idea. We need to have some skills to regulate ourselves, for example, to relax our muscles, to breathe naturally, to be non-resistant. When we resist to some differences, we increase our tension, we become more unbalanced.

And culture is very important, because every culture has its own codes, cultural codes, some traditions, some norms. For example, in our culture, in Uzbekistan, we have so-called odob, muamala, muloqat. Here we expect, it’s expected that we show respect to elderly people.

If you are in public transportation, it’s expected that you offer your seat to the elderly people. And something which is very diplomatic in one culture could be not so diplomatic in other culture. So it’s important to feel, to use, and to understand cultural codes.

And inner strength is very important, because diplomacy, practicing diplomacy is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. You need inner strength, which provides you honesty, which ability to be honest. When you lie, you lose your credibility. You need to practice truthfulness with inner strength and with tact.

Practicing Everyday Diplomacy

There are so many opportunities to practice everyday diplomacy in restaurant, in social gathering, in nature, in class, among friends. These are wonderful opportunities to develop ourselves, to develop our peace of mind. We have a very special gift, which is smile. That’s very important. That brings us a lot of good feeling, peace. And everyday diplomats practice smile.

Allow me to offer you a small exercise or practice of everyday diplomacy. Please turn to your neighbor from left side or from right side. Can you find a partner from left side or right side? Please look at your partner carefully, attentively, with mindfulness, and see some difference. See the beauty of his or her differences. And say something nice to this person.

And appreciate this difference. This person is different from everything, the rest of the world. And say thank you. That’s a way of practicing of everyday diplomacy. And finally, please raise your hand, who feel yourself as an everyday diplomat? Many more. Thank you very much.