Eight Words To Change Your Life Forever: Monroe Mann (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of BreakDiving.io founder Monroe Mann’s talk titled “Eight Words To Change Your Life Forever” at TEDxNYU 2024 conference.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

The Secret Superpower of Programming

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I have a superpower. I have the ability to make computers do whatever I want them to do. Shazam!

Now, in the big scheme of things, being a computer programmer is not that big of a deal. But let me tell you, the feeling that I get when I can get a computer to do what it wants to do, after hours and hours of struggle, it’s absolutely amazing. But it’s really, really hard. And this is what I usually see. Red error screens.

And when I was first doing a trial program on this, one night, about 3 a.m. on a Tuesday, I was struggling, struggling so hard to get the Ruby on Rails server welcome screen to launch for the very first time. But it never happened.

The Thrill of Success

And it was horrible. But I decided to try one more time, wrote a little bit more code, pressed the enter button, fully expecting to see this exact same red error screen that I’ve been seeing for hours. But then suddenly, something interesting happened. There was no red error screen.

And the browser loading icon started spinning. And I stood up in my chair, my mouth goes again. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Wow. It launched. And the feeling that I had when this happened, it’s not like a, yeah, hey, that’s cool. You feel like a superhero. I am invincible. Nothing can get in my way. You feel victory. But this feeling of victory comes at a price.

The Price of Victory

And that price is a lot of struggle.

This photo shows how you feel as a coder when you have a bug and you can’t get anything to work. And it’s a terribly defeating feeling. The first time that I felt this way was when I first decided I wanted to start a tech company when I was in elementary school.

And I got a book on BASIC that was four years out of date. I had the first Apple IIe computer. And I got to work. And what did I find? Bug. Bug. Doesn’t work. Error screen. It was exhausting and made me feel horrible. The result? I gave up. So why did I give up?

Learned Helplessness

Well, coding is really hard. But secondly, it’s because of this. Something called learned helplessness. This is Dr. Martin Seligman. He’s known as the father of positive psychology. He came up with this theory in the 60s and 70s. And basically what it says is the more you try something and fail, then try again and fail, try again and fail, you just start to realize, I’m a failure. Nothing I do is going to work. So why should I even try?

And I felt this first in elementary school. Fast forward to 2006. I just got back from the war in Iraq. I was an intelligence officer.

Persistence Through Failure

I was really proud of myself and had a lot of adrenaline. And I thought, well, if I survive this war, I can learn how to code, right? Wrong. Got more and more error screen. The new books didn’t work. And it was horrible.

What did I do? I gave up. Okay. And this was going on constantly throughout me trying to learn how to code.

But there’s a pattern here that I would start it, fail, and then somehow years later I would give it another try and try something different. Sometimes it was ten years later. Case in point, ten years later from me getting back to Iraq, I enrolled in a Ruby on Rails boot camp, 2016. I’m going to give it one more try.

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The Ups and Downs of Coding

This is the 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night that I was talking about earlier. And this is the day when there was big server launching from Monroe Mann. And it felt wonderful.

But I’ve been told you, it comes with busts and booms. You don’t feel wonderful until you feel horrible. You have to go through all of that struggle. So three years later in 2019, my team and I were working for three years to try to launch this not-for-profit personal growth community. Very complicated code. A lot of work. And of course it was failure, failure, failure, failure, failure until 2019, a big boom. And it launched.

And when I saw people actually signing up for the very first time, it was mind-blowing. Such a wonderful feeling. How did I feel? Like a superhero.

The Psychology of Superheroes

So let me ask a question. Why do superheroes wear capes? It’s an interesting question, right? Why?

But before I answer that, it’s time for a little bit of backstory. In the early 2000s, I came up with this psychological framework that I felt would help me get through life. I was struggling as an actor in New York City and I needed something to keep going. Let’s call this my life mantra.

I applied it throughout my life and I’ve done some interesting things. I’m proud of them. I got my MBA. I became a lawyer.

Personal Achievements and Questions

I got my skydiving license. I made some movies. Published some books. All things that I’m proud of. I was constantly thinking, was it because of this life mantra? Or was it just luck? I was really curious. So I enrolled in graduate school. Postgraduate school with one main question. What’s the secret to success?

And I wanted to find out why so many people try to succeed in very risky and very difficult to succeed in ventures. And very few succeed. Most people fail and give up. What was the difference between these people? Was it luck? Was it connections?

The Secret to Success

Or did they have some secret superpower? Well, five years later, I defended and earned my PhD in psychology and I determined that the answer was yes. They do. And so now that my PhD research helped to prove this, but on an even higher authority, Superdog agrees as well.

Most scientists, when they’re doing research, they’re trying to prove whether a theory is true or not. Forty years ago, a new type of research was developed. They said, let’s step to the side. Let’s go back. And let’s look at the raw data and come up with a brand new theory in the first place. Just looking at the data. It’s called Grounded Theory by Glaser and Strauss. What this actually is, is a way to put all of your preconceived notions to the side.

Research Methodology

There’s a thing called confirmation bias, where you do research and you try to find reasons to prove that your theory is correct. And I didn’t want to do that with my life mantra. I wanted to just put it aside. Grounded Theory was presented like, wow, this is exactly what I need.

And so, just look at the data. Analyze it all. Come up with a new theory. And that’s what I did. Interviewed multiple successful entertainers who made all their money from the arts. And I interviewed them from the beginning, their struggle, all the way through their trials and tribulations, until finally their success. And, this is the result of my research. It’s a bad slide ahead, so get ready.

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The Secret Revealed

Boom. I’ll give you a second to look at that. If you can read that, that’s the secret to success. You’re welcome. But it’s not helping you, is it? Let me explain to you what this is. Successful people have an increasingly mature commitment to success. They show this commitment to success over three phases.

Phase one, they found a vocational calling that they loved. Two, they developed skills and attitudes for approaching success. And number three, they developed skills and attitudes for achieving and maintaining that success. That sounds great and logical, but that still doesn’t help you.

Simplifying the Complex

What does that mean? So, at the end of my dissertation, I put together a very clear slide to help make it easy for you to understand. Does this help any of you to understand? No.

It’s just as complicated. So, there’s a problem here. How can we share this more simply? The answer is this new philosophy called breakdiving. What is that? Don’t wait for opportunities to float to the surface. Breakdivers dive in and make their own breaks and opportunities. They dive into the cold, icy, shark-infested waters of resistance and make it happen.

The Origin of Breakdiving

The short etymology of this. I got a lot of this inspiration for me as an actor back in the early 2000s. Every actor in New York, you’re looking for your big break that’s going to launch you from server to stardom. Everyone thinks it just happens by chance.

You just got to hang in there long enough and you’re magically going to get discovered. That’s not how it works. The big break happens because you work super hard to get it. I’m going to give you some superpowers that are going to help you to make that big break.

I asked before, why do superheroes wear capes? The answer is, let me backtrack. Does Clark Kent even need his cape? He doesn’t.

The Psychology of Superhero Costumes

He still has his superpowers as Clark Kent. Does Spider-Man need his suit in order to sling his web? No, he has his spider sense even as Peter Parker. Why do they wear that?

The answer is, this is what makes them superheroes. But let’s go even further. It’s a psychological tool. The cape is Clark Kent’s reminder that he is Superman. What are my superpowers? Maybe you have kind of an idea of what they may be. It’s not coding. I’m proud of that.

Personal Superpowers

It’s this. Ambition, resilience, patience, determination. Those are my superpowers. Where’s my cape? I have it right here. Do you see it? It’s in plain sight. It’s a tattoo on my arm. It says, “Wu Zhong Shu, Mei Jie Kou, Wu Hou Hui.” That’s Chinese for “no rules, no excuses, no regrets.” When I was living in Shanghai, I do actually have one huge life regret. They got it wrong.

And it says, “No shirt, no shoes, no problem.” No, it does. It says, “No rules, no excuses, no regrets.” I’m just kidding.

The Break Diver’s Creed

And I call this the Break Diver’s Creed. And what does this creed do? The “no rules” part allows you to combat every psychological block in the present. “No excuses” combats every psychological block in the future. And “no regrets” combats every psychological block in the past.

You see this convoluted mess up here once again. Took me five years to create that for you. And there’s the title of Increasing Mature Commitment to Success. But it doesn’t help anybody. On the right side, you have Break Diving, no rules, no excuses, no regrets. What you need to understand is the left side equals the right side. Forget all that convoluted stuff and think of this.

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Simplifying Success

Look how it all matches together. And leads to this very simple philosophy called Break Diving. Don’t wait for opportunities. Dive in and make them yourself. And it’s a comforting creed. No rules, no excuses, no regrets.

I talked about learned helplessness before. The great contribution, albeit grim and depressing, from Dr. Martin Seligman. But he left us with something very positive as well. Something called Learned Optimism. Just as you can learn to be helpless based on the way you look at attempt and failure, you can also start to train yourself to be optimistic and a go-getter similarly by the way that you look at success and failure.

Applying the Break Diver’s Creed

Or an attempt and failure. How do you do it? You know. No Break Diving, no rules, no excuses, no regrets.

Now you might be thinking, well, this can’t be a cure-all. No, it’s not. There are certain immutable characteristics like age that we cannot fight with. And maybe some structural barriers in society and business. If you can’t change them, get rid of them. Stop focusing on them. What do you need to focus on? You need to focus on the things that you can change.

A Three-Step Process for Success

How do you focus on those things that you can change? Break Diving, no rules, no excuses, no regrets. I’m going to leave you with a three-step process that you can apply to your life. First thing, recognize your Break Diving superpowers.

What are they? Ambition, patience, resilience, and determination. Number two, reimagine your dreams. Pull them out of the depths of your soul and realize, you know what? I can do it. And number three, this is the most important. Do everything in your power to make it come true. Okay, but how?

Embracing Your Inner Break Diver

You guys know the answer. Break Diving, no rules, no excuses, no regrets. So I want you to think about your wildest dreams. I encourage you to close your eyes if you’d like to or you can keep them open.

But think of your wildest dreams, think of the things that already come true. Think about where you are. Where are you living? How much money do you have in your bank account? Who are you with? How is your health? It feels good when you think about this. Step further, keep your eyes closed.

Overcoming Obstacles

Think of every obstacle you had to climb over to get there. Think of every obstacle you still need to climb over to get there. Now think of every obstacle that would make a normal person quit. Open your eyes.

You are not a normal human. You are a Break Diver. And you will find a way. Go make it happen.