Gratitude: The Foundation of Confidence - Tara Gooch (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of Tara Gooch’s talk titled “Gratitude: The Foundation of Confidence” at TEDxMaidMarianWay conference.

Tara Gooch’s talk, “Gratitude: The Foundation of Confidence,” eloquently explores the profound connection between gratitude and self-confidence. She begins by engaging the audience with relatable examples of common insecurities, effectively demonstrating that feelings of inadequacy are universal. Gooch argues that a solid foundation of gratitude is essential for building and sustaining confidence.

Through personal anecdotes, she reveals her own struggles with self-esteem and how gratitude played a pivotal role in overcoming these challenges. She breaks down her journey into three actionable steps, emphasizing the transformative power of gratitude in rewiring the brain and fostering a positive self-perception.

Gooch’s message is both inspiring and practical, offering a blueprint for anyone looking to enhance their confidence through the practice of gratitude. Her talk is a compelling reminder that recognizing and appreciating our past and present can unlock a more confident and fulfilling future.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

Let’s begin with a series of uncomfortable questions. Does that sound like a plan? So, I’m going to rattle off a list. And at the end, I want you to raise your hand if you have experienced any of these things: low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, or a general lack of self-confidence. Come on, don’t be shy. Keep your hands up for just a moment. I want you to look around the room. You’ll see that you’re not so alone after all. And that unconfidence could look like any of us.

The Foundation of Confidence

Now that you know you’re not alone, let’s explore an idea together. Is there a foundation for confidence? Now, everything requires a strong foundation to grow, become established, and develop in construction. A foundation provides stability and support for the entire structure. The foundation ensures that it can withstand external forces such as wind, weather, earthquakes, or settling. Even in personal development and professional fields, complex tasks or concepts have foundational elements from which they are built upon.

Clearly, it’s important to learn the basics before advancing to more complex tasks or concepts, and confidence is no different. But in order to build confidence, we need a strong and stable foundation. The problem is that confidence can be elusive for many people, according to a study done by Psychology Today. An astounding 85% of the world’s global population suffer from low self-esteem. And chances are, if you’ve experienced outside forces in your life such as failures, hardships, adversities, abuse, or even trauma — and who hasn’t? — the foundation for building your confidence could be impacted.

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And if we don’t have a strong foundation built, it can lead to a whole host of other problems, including a lack of success, or missed opportunities in life. Just as the foundation holds the building together, we as well need a strong foundation to gain and retain confidence. Now, if you’re like me and you’ve read any number of self-help or success books on the market, you will likely notice a common thread and theme between them. The word gratitude is often mentioned somewhere, if not in multiple chapters.

Role of Gratitude

I started realizing this correlation and began asking myself what role gratitude played in all of this, and why it was important in gaining confidence and eventually success. I needed to understand this information because for my entire life, for as long as I can remember, I have battled with a lack of self-confidence. I was desperate to solve my lifelong struggle that began in childhood. Growing up as the youngest child of five raised by a single mother in poverty was far from an easy start in life.

I haven’t seen my father since I was 14 years old. And I’ve gone my entire life without hearing the words “I love you” from him. When you grow up in fear, poverty, scarcity, or lack parental stability, it can work to change the actual physiology of a child’s developing brain. And here’s an important part. It reinforces a belief system that what you are experiencing, you are deserving of, feelings of shame, embarrassment, and isolation further work to undermine a child’s sense of self-assuredness, making it difficult for them to trust in their own abilities.

And I was no exception to this, and at times my shame ran so deep that it felt inescapable. As a child, speaking in front of the class would have been my biggest fear. And to be honest, I still get butterflies when I even think about speaking on stage, especially now. But if my teacher were to call on me during class, my face would get red, my voice would crack. It would actually close down and stop working completely. Don’t ask me how that’s possible, but it would happen. Tears would well up in my eyes, and I would run to the bathroom and cry. It was not a pretty sight.

The Journey to Confidence

It terrified me to be seen or heard, and I had close to zero confidence. And with each passing year, I faded into the background more and more. And this lack of confidence carried with me throughout my entire life, even into adulthood. My career suffered. I was unable to negotiate my salary, I couldn’t speak up during meetings, and I felt like I had to wear a mask everywhere I went. And let me ask, does that resonate with any of you? Despite being highly educated, I made less than my peers and after experiencing multiple toxic workplaces in a row.

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I finally broke. I thought my life had no meaning and I didn’t want to live unconfident anymore. It was such an exhausting existence, to question my worth in every possible scenario. But even though confidence seemed elusive to me at the time, I knew that in order to have a greater sense of happiness, fulfillment, and success, I needed confidence.

But how do you develop confidence when you don’t feel like you have any? And when it feels as if the very foundation for your confidence is sinking into the ground beneath you?

Self-Discovery and Gratitude

Well, at this lowest point, I went on a journey of self-discovery that changed the trajectory of my life completely and led me to this TEDx stage today, less than two years after hitting my version of rock bottom due to a lifelong battle of low self-confidence. And I’ve broken these into three steps that I will share with you today that will change the trajectory of your life forever.

Step number one: Confidence is built on a foundation of gratitude. And by having gratitude for your past and for the person that you were. Once I began to have gratitude for my past, I started to understand that all of my experiences were leading me to a deeper purpose and meaning. But I want to emphasize that it has been scientifically proven that gratitude increases the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin in our brains. You know, the feel-good chemicals, right?

But it also has the capability of rewiring our brains. And here’s the other really important part. If we can rewire our brains, we can form new beliefs. And if we can form new beliefs, we can begin to break cycles and become confident.

Breaking Generational Cycles

I began to realize that while poverty, alcoholism, addiction, or abuse could all be generational cycles, so could a lack of confidence. And as someone who is a mother of a young daughter, the last thing I wanted was for her to grow up not believing in herself. Not going after her dreams. Not asking for what she is worth and what she deserves. And not being confident. I knew I needed to make this change and break this cycle because I believed in her. But through gratitude, I finally began to believe in myself.

I began to learn the importance of looking back on the past with gratitude and for the lessons taught and how it shaped me and molded me into who I am today. And this leads us to step number two: Have gratitude for the person that you are.

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Now, the best determinator of future success is present action. We can’t act in the past, and the future is yet to be determined. But what we all have control of are our actions at this present moment. Gratitude helps propel you into action and make change possible.

Embracing Current Reality

I began to realize that while I had a difficult childhood, that was no longer my reality. My reality now was a strong woman who, despite all odds, obstacles, and adversities, was overcoming her challenges and facing her fears. And once I understood how far I had actually come in life, I started to understand how much further I could go and how much further we could all go, with the right mindset. But you need to focus and keep that confident version of yourself at the forefront of your mind.

As Marian Wright Edelman once said, “You can’t be what you can’t see,” so see the confident version of yourself that you want to become. Visualize that person in your mind. See them with your eyes and believe it in your heart. Have gratitude that the most confident version of yourself already exists within you. And through gratitude, that person will be revealed. And this leads us to step number three: Have gratitude for the person you are becoming.

Becoming Your Best Self

Write down and assign attributes of what your most confident version of yourself looks like, acts like, how they dress, how they hold their body posture, what activities do they do, and whom do they associate with? Write down and assign these attributes, and then take steps to become that person. Every day, wake up and imagine yourself becoming more confident and then put in the action to become that person. When we think creatively by pairing action with vision and gratitude, it works to build a foundation to support sustained confidence.

Remember that the foundation of success is confidence, but the foundation of confidence is gratitude. Through thought, the things we want are created. It is with action that we receive them. But it is only through gratitude that we keep them. Thank you.

Gratitude: The Foundation of Confidence – Tara Gooch (Transcript)