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Home » David Brooks’ Speech at UChicago’s Inaugural Class Day 2017 (Transcript)

David Brooks’ Speech at UChicago’s Inaugural Class Day 2017 (Transcript)

Here is the full transcript of David Brooks’ speech at the University of Chicago’s Inaugural Class Day ceremony on June 9, 2017.

Listen to the audio version here:

TRANSCRIPT:

I was so honored to be invited to the inaugural class day speaker, but obviously, since I’m a graduate of the University of Chicago, I couldn’t just accept the invitation. I had to overanalyze it. My first thought that Chicago really shouldn’t have a class day, it should be a class conflict day with Marx and Engels, or a race, class, and gender day with Betty Friedan t-shirts. Then, I began wondering why the University of Chicago class is asking me, of all people, to be a speaker at this big event.

I remember the major addresses of my own time here, and how intellectually rigorous they were. I remember that freshman year, a noted philosopher gave an uplifting aims of education address called “Death, Despair, Desolation, and the Futility of Human Existence.” Then senior year, at commencement, our speaker was a noted biologist. I found myself tremendously inspired by his uplifting talk, “The 16 Qualities of Nucleic Acid.”

Eventually, I realized that I’m being invited because Chicago is trying to be a normal school with a celebrity commencement speaker. But of course, they couldn’t go for a big-time celebrity right off the bat. Chicago is a place where you lose your virginity slowly. So, for the first class day speaker, they wanted someone on TV but only on PBS.

Then, after everybody is acclimated to the whole outside speaker thing, they could go invite somebody big. That’s when the truth came to me. I’m the University of Chicago’s gateway drug to Stephen Colbert. You, the class of 2017, will have to suffer through me so that future classes can enjoy Matt Damon.