How to Start a Conversation About Suicide: Jeremy Forbes (Transcript)

Following is the full transcript of HALT co-founder Jeremy Forbes’ TED Talk: How to Start a Conversation About Suicide. To learn more about the speaker, read the bio here.

 

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In 2013, I had a life-changing epiphany. I was a painter and decorator in Castlemaine, a small country town in central Victoria. I’d gone to see Pete, who was renowned for his workmanship with steel. I’d gone to his shed to get some steel edging for the garden. This day, with hindsight, which is a wonderful gift, Pete seemed happier than usual.

Two weeks later, I was painting a house down the end of Pete’s street when I heard the tragic news: Pete had suicided.

Pete, like myself, was a tradie, or a tradesman. We do like to shorten things in the Australian vernacular. A tradie. There was an expectation as a tradie. You’re expected to be stoic. You’re expected to be strong, robust, macho. You’re expected to be tough physically and silent in the face of adversity.

There is a pronounced ripple effect when someone suicides in your community. Pete’s funeral was in July. It was winter. The mood was bleak and somber in the packed community hall. It was a grieving community who had no answers to Pete’s suicide, no answers at all.

As I wandered around between the tradies and the community members, I started hearing some tones of another underlying tragic level. I heard people talking in that community hall about the struggles other people were going through. The essence of the conversations was contained in two words that I heard several times: Who’s next? Who’s next? That was the epiphany.

That was the moment where I was standing in a community hall in a place where this Castlemaine community had given me such support for 20 years, this community had backed my work, I’d played footy there, I’d done theater there, I was so grateful for what they’d given me. But I was standing there in that space, and I was looking around that hall as well, and I could tell people in that hall who were struggling with alcohol, drugs, finance, gambling, domestic abuse, bullying and harassment.

Yet because of my tradie culture and that ignorant attitude that we have in the tradie community, I didn’t feel confident at all. I didn’t have the tools; I lacked the experience. I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted to do something.

I left the wake. I hugged a few tradie mates and said, “Please come and see me if you need to.” But I didn’t know what to say to them or what to tell them. I had no idea.

I got a phone call two weeks later from Catherine Pilgrim, my cofounder, wanting to do something for the family. We talked for a while and I said, let’s do something for the tradie community. We love our town, we’re grateful, let’s do something for the tradie community. So we talked a bit more. What could we do? An awareness-raising event. Awesome.

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We’re talking about tradies. How do you get tradies somewhere? Can you get them to a hospital? No. To a community health center? No. There’s an ingrained culture of being a tradie. I thought, where is the perfect place we can get the tradies together where they feel socially included and they feel comfortable and they can share, they can open up and talk about mental health in the building industry? Where can we have an event? A hardware store. Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I thought it was very clever.

More precisely, the timber yard of a hardware store. So there we were. OK, we’ve got the venue. What else do we need? What else do tradies love? Food. I know, we all do, but tradies love food. Tradies especially, and I’m a tradie myself, we love egg and bacon rolls. So we thought we’d supply the tradies with egg and bacon rolls, and there was the slogan: save your bacon. It’s a bit corny, but it sort of works.

And we also came up with a logo “Hope Assistance Local Tradies.” Keep in mind, “HALT,” our charity, had no money to begin, nothing, not a single cent. We had conversations. This is a community issue. It starts in community.

So we went around to the butcher, we went around to the baker, there was no candlestick maker, there was an egg place and there was some chocolate, there was coffee, there was fruit, but we went around and said, “Hey, we’re doing this awareness-raising event. Do you want to contribute? Because we haven’t got any money.” Of course, nearly every person we initiated the conversation with knew someone that had anxiety, depression or thoughts of suicide or had suicided.

There was that unity, that whole of community approach. So we thought, that’s great, we’ve got some food. What else do we need? We need the support services there. A lot of tradies, and a lot of men in general, don’t necessarily know where to go and get help. I myself was one of them, and this is what I talk about at the HALT events, that four years ago when I founded HALT, I didn’t know I could go to the doctor about my mental health and get a mental health plan.

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